GOT A PROBLEM??

GOT A PROBLEM??

Do you have an addiction problem?
You’re reading this because you are looking for information about “addictions”. I address this to two groups of people in particular.
* The person who thinks s/he has a problem.
* The person trying to drink/drug/behave in moderation.
Many are here because deep down they think they might have a problem. Guess what? If you think you might have a problem with drugs or alcohol, chances are very high that you do.

Some of you may be looking at how to do certain things in moderation. For you, my personal 25 years of research proved to me there are certain things I could not do in moderation.
So, to these two groups of people: there are certain activities you are involved in that try as you might, you just can’t stop doing them. They are at a point where they’re having a negative impact on you and likely those around you. You’ve tried cold turkey, read and done many other things to no avail. You just can’t stop.
So why?
What prevents you to stop smoking, drinking or taking drugs?
Well, I’ll share from personal experience… and my experience has been validated by hundred’s of others I’ve worked with. In every case, it’s not exactly the same, but you will be able to relate.
1. Denial fuels addiction
At first I couldn’t stop because I was in denial that my addiction was a problem let alone an addiction. I’m a strong person and do not consider myself to be of weak character and lacking in will power. If I had a problem, then I was sure I could fix it myself. Remember the Bible, as I recall, says something about “physician heal thy self”.
Over time, signs within me and feedback from others were persistent enough that I started to really wonder if there was a problem. This was the first step of over coming denial and accepting my addictions may be real. Continued research taught me that not only could I not carry out my addictions in moderation, but I was not able to “fix them myself”.
2. Reliance on self keeps you in the problem
Another old saying, anyone who has themselves for their lawyer has a fool for a client”, and for a period I was the fool. Simply put, I learned that I had a problem and could not fix it myself and if it were going to be fixed, I had to swallow my pride and ask for help.
As addiction treatment evolves, the role of “support” comes more and more to the forefront as a key ingredient to successful recovery. If you read the mission statement of Addiction Blog, you’ll learn that there is no one way to address your addictions, and there are options as to the help available. Read the contributions that have been made on this site and learn of the options and know that “addiction treatment” is very slowly changing. Know also that a vast majority of family physicians know very little about treatment and addiction. They do see the physical results. Get help that works for you from a source that knows the issue intimately.
How to get out of the addiction trap
I believe that “specialized support” is a key ingredient for all who want contented freedom from their addictions. “Support” is one of the reasons that coaching is being used more and more by the addicted- either as their primary help point in addressing addiction, as a supplement to other recovery options (12 step groups, counselling) or as the primary support following residential treatment. It is a viable option and I am pleased that the success rate of my carefully chosen clients is very high.
So you can’t stop?…reach out for help
I hope you have a better appreciation of why you can’t and what you have to process to begin real recovery. Action and asking for help are the keys.
I encourage your comments and the suggestions you may have as to topics you’d like addressed from a coaches perspective. Until next week. Live today! Keith (contact www.hopeserenity.ca)
Photo credit: Shifteye

ROCKETED INTO A 4TH DIMENSION

ROCKETED INTO A 4TH DIMENSION
ROCKETED INTO a 4TH DIMENSION of EXISTENCE
Over the past weekend, I had the privilege of attending a “spiritual retreat” at a wonderful place of peace called Manresa .
What is a spiritual retreat? Sounds out there!
For me it is like taking a time out from life and listening to a leader lead discussions on things of the inner spirit (not necessarily religious) in a setting that is removed from a lot of life’s daily distractions; and after listening, to be able to ponder and meditate on things that were at one time baffling or just didn’t matter.
There are a number of books that have had a huge impact on the human race. One of them is the book “Alcoholics Anonymous” (known as “The Big Book”), who’s twelve steps and principles formed the foundation of AA, a movement that was the first of hundreds of 12 step help groups.
On page 25 of the Big Book, the author states” we were approached by those in whom the problem had been solved; there was nothing left for us but to pick up the simple spiritual tool kit left at our feet. We have found much of heaven and we have been rocketed into a fourth dimension of existence of which we had not even dreamed.
Because of my own journey of recovery, I had read these words dozens if not hundreds of times. On the weekend, they took on new meaning (and thanks Mildred Franks for the focus).
What does this mean to me?
I was aware of the importance of spirituality in the transformation of my life.
We are "rocketed" into this fourth dimension of existence, the spiritual, when the dimensions of our physical, mental, and emotional states are in harmony and balance, each with the others, occasioned in the moment by our total surrender with complete abandon to our Higher Power. (The 3 dimensions, in which we, as humans, live, experience and struggle with).
My physical, mental and emotional states came into harmony; I was at a good level of peace. I did consciously surrender to the belief that “my Higher Power is everything”, because if that weren’t so then it was nothing; it had no meaning or purpose in my life. I became “awake” to the fact that a quantum shift had occurred within myself and as I now understand, in that moment, I was rocketed into a fourth (spiritual) dimension which I never considered, but now, through maintaining daily conscious contact with a power greater than myself (and I consciously work at making that contact); I continue to live in.
This, for me, was a huge transformation.
Today I can live in a place where I know I am not the center, and can reach within for a source of power and peace that I always had, but had denied and suppressed and intellectually fought against for many years. From this source, particularly where I make a conscious effort, I receive the ability to live in peace and harmony within me, knowing that I have the ability to live with both the good times and bad times that life continuously throws my way. I can make good choices.
As crazy as it seems, I now can appreciate that when three dimensions, through hard work and the help of my higher power, came into harmony, I was able to surrender my need for control to my higher power and was rocketed into a 4th dimension of existence. I exist today in a place where my spiritual well being and conscious contact must come first; and a wonderful place it is. Want to explore this 4th dimension or share a personal spiritual awakening experience, then you know what to do.
(Posted at www.coached-to-success.com or www.hopeserenity.ca)

ROCKETED INTO A 4th DIMENSION

ROCKETED INTO a 4TH DIMENSION of EXISTENCE
Over the past weekend, I had the privilege of attending a “spiritual retreat” at a wonderful place of peace called Manresa .
What is a spiritual retreat? Sounds out there!
For me it is like taking a time out from life and listening to a leader lead discussions on things of the inner spirit (not necessarily religious) in a setting that is removed from a lot of life’s daily distractions; and after listening, to be able to ponder and meditate on things that were at one time baffling or just didn’t matter.
There are a number of books that have had a huge impact on the human race. One of them is the book “Alcoholics Anonymous” (known as “The Big Book”), who’s twelve steps and principles formed the foundation of AA, a movement that was the first of hundreds of 12 step help groups.
On page 25 of the Big Book, the author states” we were approached by those in whom the problem had been solved; there was nothing left for us but to pick up the simple spiritual tool kit left at our feet. We have found much of heaven and we have been rocketed into a fourth dimension of existence of which we had not even dreamed.
Because of my own journey of recovery, I had read these words dozens if not hundreds of times. On the weekend, they took on new meaning (and thanks Mildred Franks for the focus).
What does this mean to me?
I was aware of the importance of spirituality in the transformation of my life.
We are "rocketed" into this fourth dimension of existence, the spiritual, when the dimensions of our physical, mental, and emotional states are in harmony and balance, each with the others, occasioned in the moment by our total surrender with complete abandon to our Higher Power. (The 3 dimensions, in which we, as humans, live, experience and struggle with).
My physical, mental and emotional states came into harmony; I was at a good level of peace. I did consciously surrender to the belief that “my Higher Power is everything”, because if that weren’t so then it was nothing; it had no meaning or purpose in my life. I became “awake” to the fact that a quantum shift had occurred within myself and as I now understand, in that moment, I was rocketed into a fourth (spiritual) dimension which I never considered, but now, through maintaining daily conscious contact with a power greater than myself (and I consciously work at making that contact); I continue to live in.
This, for me, was a huge transformation.
Today I can live in a place where I know I am not the center, and can reach within for a source of power and peace that I always had, but had denied and suppressed and intellectually fought against for many years. From this source, particularly where I make a conscious effort, I receive the ability to live in peace and harmony within me, knowing that I have the ability to live with both the good times and bad times that life continuously throws my way. I can make good choices.
As crazy as it seems, I now can appreciate that when three dimensions, through hard work and the help of my higher power, came into harmony, I was able to surrender my need for control to my higher power and was rocketed into a 4th dimension of existence. I exist today in a place where my spiritual well being and conscious contact must come first; and a wonderful place it is. Want to explore this 4th dimension or share a personal spiritual awakening experience, then you know what to do.
(Posted at www.coached-to-success.com or www.hopeserenity.ca)

DOES IT STILL PLAY FORWARD?

DOES IT STILL PLAY FORWARD?
DOES IT STILL PLAY FORWARD?
The biggest limiting factor in many lives today is the past, plain and simple.
In the “co-creative process of life recovery” that I deeply believe in, a huge part of the coached journey is taking a very hard and detailed look at the past and fully getting things that are buried within externalized.
In my journey, I found for me, the biggest limitations that were preventing me from having the abundant life I deserved were limitations that were ingrained in me when I was young.
Another good idea from my mentor Dr. Randin Brons in his “Idea Engineer” this week on this subject. Please read and reflect.
The past in the present
"If you accept a limiting belief, then it will become a truth for you." -- Louise Hay

Pick one aspect of your life, e.g. your health, your competence, your prosperity or relationships, and think back to when you were a child. What messages about this subject did you hear from adults at that time that are still playing on your subconscious tape recorder? Messages like: "Men can't be trusted." "Money doesn't grow on trees." "You're not smart enough to succeed in business."

How is your world reflecting your beliefs back to you, today?

"There are no limitations to the self except those you believe in." -- Seth

THE COURAGE to CHANGE

THE COURAGE to CHANGE
THE COURAGE TO CHANGE
Courage: The power to let go of the familiar.
--Raymond Lindquist
Letting go of the familiar really does require courage.
Why?
Very simply, the thought of change evokes fear. Fear of what? Only YOU can answer for you.
Let me pose three very simple questions to you. If they really get you thinking, let’s talk about them.
What self esteem issues or addiction related issues are your biggest challenges?
What will happen to you and what will it cost you if you don’t deal with them?
What do you want instead?
These questions are change related, and many who read this and honestly think about these three simple questions will have some very interesting answers, and possibly some questions.
If you want change and can overcome your fear, let’s talk today. Don’t procrastinate or change will never happen. Respond now for a free consultation only if you have the courage to change. You’ll be glad you took this step. ( khbray@coached-to-success.com or khbray@hopeserenity.ca )

A DUCK. WHO ME?

A DUCK? WHO ME?
One of the joys of living in the times we do is the internet. It gives us a huge access to information and people. Through the site www.myrecoveryspace.com, I have had the good fortune of befriending Dennis S. in the California desert.
Dennis writes a lot of things I can relate to and learn from. But it is the way he “paints a picture” that I really love. Today, I’ll see if I’ve learned anything from Dennis.
Today I see a picture done in bright pastels on a very white background. The sky is blue with fluffy clouds, there are green hills and wild flowers surrounding a calm lake, and alone on the lake is a duck swimming in what appears to be a very relaxed manner but moving with no apparent destination.
Funny, I often see this picture when talking with others, particularly those who I know have trouble but want the world to see a person just swimming along. A person in denial.
Words from the well known Richard Cardinal Cushing frame my picture. “When I see a bird that walks like a duck and swims like a duck, and quacks like a duck, I call that bird a duck”.
I know that Cushing would see me as a duck, and for many years, I was the duck that appears in my mental picture. A duck just swimming along in an idyllic setting just constantly moving aimlessly forward.
What you don’t see in my picture, nor did you see in my life, was what was going on beneath the surface and in the head.
To move forward, I was thrashing my legs as hard as I could. It was exhausting and quite out of control, but it was the only way I thought I could make progress, and I didn’t want those looking on to know how hard I was working and to realize how out of control things were. All this thrashing under the surface and no real idea of where I was going.
And the head- wow- what a theatre was going on in there.
I saw eagles, but try as I might I couldn’t soar with them. I just wasn’t equipped. There was no clear vision of where I was going and certainly no acceptance of what I was.
Pictures can be deceiving.
Today I appreciate being a duck, but a duck with purpose and I’m fine with it. I am loved and there are truly perils if I act like an eagle.
When I run into other ducks, I can tell very quickly what they are. I know rapidly how much thrashing is going on under the surface because I can feel the vibrations. I get a very good sense of what’s going on in the head because I understand quacking.
The picture to the outside world may look lovely. If the duck you see is at peace, then it is lovely. If the duck you see is struggling and is denying it’s a duck, it will be swallowed up.
Take a little time to see yourself in the picture. Are you a duck and what is going on beneath the surface and in the head where those looking from the shore can’t see?
If you can relate and want to talk with a duck who loves life as a duck, then give me a shout. Possibly from one duck to another I can help you find a smoother, less exhausting life. (Keith, www.coached-to-success.com or www.hopeserenity.ca).

SELF ESTEEM CONTINUED

SELF ESTEEM CONTINUED
Self Esteem Continued
To me, self esteem is the most important possession a human being can have. We were born innocent, and the lowering of self esteem occurred through life experiences and over time.
They key point, we were born with self esteem and it still exists within all of us, but with many, it is driven deep into the subconscious and must be “relocated”.
Please read a quote from an “Idea Engineer” piece written by my friend and mentor Dr. Randin Brons:
“The basis for having a strong sense of self-esteem is to replace our unconscious idea of basic unworthiness with a conscious knowing of our fundamental inherent goodness. As Matthew Fox argues in Original Blessing, the notion of 'original sin' must be replaced with the truth of 'original blessing.'

Being in touch with our essential goodness, we can see the essential goodness in others as well.”
"Beliefs separate. Loving thoughts unite." -- Paul Ferrini
Why do people seek coaches or other methods of self improvement? Above is the true answer.
I have not worked with a person in my coaching practise or in “service” work that has started the process with even reasonable self esteem on a conscious level. A goal with just about everyone I work with to re-establish a loving relationship with self. From there, anything is possible. Without healthy self esteem the future has major limitations.
Look in that mirror and see if you consciously love the person you see. If work is needed, take action, don’t wait; it does not get better on its own! (www.coached-to-success.com). (khbray@coached-to-success.com)

THE FACE in the MIRROR

THE FACE in the MIRROR
THE FACE in the MIRROR
On of the greatest compliments I have ever had from a client is that in our relationship, I was a great mirror for him.
The mirror is an inexpensive tool all those seeking improved self esteem have at their disposal. It is a tool I often make a primary one in working with others.
Why?
Read on from a great article just published in his “Idea Engineer” by my mentor and friend, Dr. Randin Brons.
The face in the mirror
"Our inability to see beauty doesn't suggest in the slightest that beauty is not there. Rather, it suggests that we are not looking carefully enough or with broad enough perspective to see the beauty." -- Rabbi Harold Kushner

Who are you? You can gaze at your reflection in a mirror but you're not likely to see your true likeness. You are beautiful, unique, perfect. Do you see that?

The world needs you to see how whole and complete you are -- now. Can you begin to own your divinity? The world needs you to know who you really are so you can be the mirror for others.

"I do only want to advise you to keep growing quietly and seriously throughout your whole development; you cannot disturb it more rudely than by looking outward and expecting from outside replies to questions that only your inmost feeling in your most hushed hour can perhaps answer." -- Rainer Maria Rilke

"The sun shines not on us but in us. The rivers flow not past, but through us, thrilling, tingling, vibrating every fiber and cell of the substance of our bodies, making them glide and sing." -- John Muir
Need some help to gain the perspective to see the beauty in you? That’s what coaching is about. Learn how to see through the mirror to that divine you. Let the sun shine brilliantly “In” you. (www.coached-to-success.com and www.hopeserenity.ca).