HOLISTIC LIVING-SPIRITUAL AWAKENING
Holistic Living-Spiritual Awakening
For something to have an “AWAKENING”, it must have been asleep. Now isn’t that the most brilliant thing you’ve ever read.
For me, I made the changes in my life for one big reason, to live abundantly with peace with in. I was an unhappy person and knew that there was a positive option. I had no real idea on how to realize the option. After trying to figure it out and fix it on my own without real success, I sought and got help.
Change was hard but I did the work, was active with my teachers and did the work assigned and got results. I was put on a path and have stayed on it.
While I did have issues like addiction, promiscuity and dishonesty at play in my life, they were not the problem; they were contributing factors.
For me, I have found a holistic approach to change worked. Mental, physical and spiritual; each area interdependent on the other.
Spiritual scares the heck out of many. SPIIRITUAL IS NOT RELIGIOUS, although many I know have had a spiritual awakening and found a religion of choice. That has not been my personal experience-YET. I try to seldom say never.
I have had a SPIRITUAL AWAKENING.
I respect anyone who has spiritual beliefs and puts then INTO PRACTICE. It could be as simple as practicing the golden rule through behaviour.
I believe we are all born with a “spiritual” component inside. Look at history, from earliest history of man there has been an acknowledgement of and a search for some type of higher power and at certain times, following multiple higher powers. It is with us all.
Simply put, for a long time, I, by choice, allowed my spirituality to go to sleep. I intentionally ignore it. I did not feed or nurture it. Funny, I always at one level or another knew it was there.
I did have a spiritual awakening and for me it was a direct result of something said by a coach, then followed up on through a face to face meeting. Something came back to life. For many years now I have cherished it, kept in touch with it and nurtured it. It continues to grow. Ironically as the more interaction I have with it, the better my life gets.
I would not have the abundant life I have today without having had a spiritual awakening and making the “spiritual” an integral part of my daily balanced living.
So you want happiness, abundance, serenity and all those good things in your life that you have not got enough of today. Try a balanced, holistic approach to living, get help, do the work and bask in the results. If you’re spiritually asleep today, be sure to make an “awakening” an important part of your journey. It is a big key! (www.coached-to-success.com or www.hopeserenity.ca)
Monday, February 28, 2011
Friday, February 25, 2011
SELF-RESPECT = SELF-ESTEEM
SELF-RESPECT = SELF-ESTEEM
Self respect = Self esteem
Last week I had the opportunity to talk with you a little bit about the meaning of RESPECT.
Ultimately, in the addiction world, we have to add SELF into the equation. How important is self respect/self esteem and have I got it?I have had the opportunity to interface with multiple thousands of people who have addiction issues or have been directly impacted by addiction. I have worked individually with hundreds. Let me make a bold statement: “I have never met an active addicted person who has good self esteem (or self respect)”.
Chew on that one.
self esteem exercise
Go to the mirror, look the person you see straight in the eye, and see what your immediate reaction is.
If it’s less than very positive, you have a self esteem issue – no “ifs”, “ands” or “buts” about it. What you chose to do about it is strictly up to you; but this person says you’d better get help and not self help. If you could fix things yourself, you would have already done it! Don’t kid yourself.
Mental and emotional damage of the inner child
A quote from Gertrude Stein, “We are always the same age inside”.
Most people were born mentally healthy and then they began to experience life. At an early age, we either felt good about who or what we are, or, through our environment and experiences, began to get mentally and emotionally damaged.
I don’t like to talk to those of you who might be macho about “the Inner Child”, but if you have low self esteem today, when did the seeds get planted? Again, if you are honest with yourself, things probably started as a child and you have never felt 100% about you; this has caused emotional pain. What temporarily gets rid of emotional pain better than finding escape- booze, drugs, sex shopping, eating, gambling – the list goes on?
Emotional healing after addiction
As Stein says, we are always the same age inside. I’ll take it one step farther, while we always have that child inside, IF WE take action the inner child can heal.
The road to healing begins with getting honest with our self and accepting our low self image as a start point, then having the courage to take action to change and heal. Recovery from addiction begins with making our inner child a happy center that is alive, free and full of joy.
It can be called, “finding respect for self” and “esteem for self”. They go hand in hand. If I love and respect me, would I do the abusive things to myself that I did in active addiction? Would I do the things I put myself through to people I care about? Would I wish my self abuse on anyone?
So what is today’s message?
From this person’s perspective, if you want to be free of addictions or other self-destructive behavior, the place you have to start at is taking the hard actions needed to create a YOU who You respect and hold in reasonable esteem.
Wonder how? Fire some questions; let us know you’re alive!
Photo credit: Nicolai Kjærgaard
Self respect = Self esteem
Last week I had the opportunity to talk with you a little bit about the meaning of RESPECT.
Ultimately, in the addiction world, we have to add SELF into the equation. How important is self respect/self esteem and have I got it?I have had the opportunity to interface with multiple thousands of people who have addiction issues or have been directly impacted by addiction. I have worked individually with hundreds. Let me make a bold statement: “I have never met an active addicted person who has good self esteem (or self respect)”.
Chew on that one.
self esteem exercise
Go to the mirror, look the person you see straight in the eye, and see what your immediate reaction is.
If it’s less than very positive, you have a self esteem issue – no “ifs”, “ands” or “buts” about it. What you chose to do about it is strictly up to you; but this person says you’d better get help and not self help. If you could fix things yourself, you would have already done it! Don’t kid yourself.
Mental and emotional damage of the inner child
A quote from Gertrude Stein, “We are always the same age inside”.
Most people were born mentally healthy and then they began to experience life. At an early age, we either felt good about who or what we are, or, through our environment and experiences, began to get mentally and emotionally damaged.
I don’t like to talk to those of you who might be macho about “the Inner Child”, but if you have low self esteem today, when did the seeds get planted? Again, if you are honest with yourself, things probably started as a child and you have never felt 100% about you; this has caused emotional pain. What temporarily gets rid of emotional pain better than finding escape- booze, drugs, sex shopping, eating, gambling – the list goes on?
Emotional healing after addiction
As Stein says, we are always the same age inside. I’ll take it one step farther, while we always have that child inside, IF WE take action the inner child can heal.
The road to healing begins with getting honest with our self and accepting our low self image as a start point, then having the courage to take action to change and heal. Recovery from addiction begins with making our inner child a happy center that is alive, free and full of joy.
It can be called, “finding respect for self” and “esteem for self”. They go hand in hand. If I love and respect me, would I do the abusive things to myself that I did in active addiction? Would I do the things I put myself through to people I care about? Would I wish my self abuse on anyone?
So what is today’s message?
From this person’s perspective, if you want to be free of addictions or other self-destructive behavior, the place you have to start at is taking the hard actions needed to create a YOU who You respect and hold in reasonable esteem.
Wonder how? Fire some questions; let us know you’re alive!
Photo credit: Nicolai Kjærgaard
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
IS ADDICTION A DISEASE
IS ADDICTION A DISEASE
IS ADDICTION A DISEASE?
I certainly have my own thoughts on this question. Understanding the “disease” nature of addiction, because it gave me peace of mind, saved my life. Trust me; I’m not trying to be dramatic.
From being free of active addiction for over 16 years, I know that the disease can be kept in remission. It took action on my part to get to the place where things are in remission.
I belong to several professional “discussion groups” and offer you the following from one of them:
“Addiction is best conceptualized as a chronic brain disorder. As such, it cannot be cured but it can be managed. Comparing addiction to other chronic conditions such as diabetes, hypertension or asthma, McLellan (2002) noted the many similarities in the etiology, course, treatment and treatment outcomes across chronic conditions. However, more than (or perhaps unlike) any other chronic condition, active addiction has deleterious consequences on almost all areas of functioning (physical and mental health, family and social functioning, employment and education, housing, legal status, and overall well-being). Abstinence from drugs and alcohol is likely a prerequisite to improvement in other life domains, but it rarely brings instant relief (Vaillant, 1995). Addicted individuals who address abstinence alone are unlikely to maintain that abstinence for a prolonged period. Individuals need to address “recovery” in the multiple life domains affected by active addiction. Note: For many, the term ‘recovery’ used to denote regaining something that was lost, is a misnomer as relates to ‘externals’ (materials possessions or status). Rather, a recurring theme among persons in recovery is that what is regained is an identity (a self) and a potential that were lost to addiction (Laudet, 2007).
Unlike other chronic conditions, focusing only on the pathology of addiction (symptoms) leads to stigma that translates into discriminatory policies against those who have overcome the disease and represents many obstacles to rebuilding lives— such as in housing, education, labor markets, etc. Many individuals emerge from active addiction with co-occurring mental or physical health conditions that also carry stigma (most notably mental health issues and HIV/AIDS). Many individuals who have overcome active addiction experience enduring shame and guilt about the impact their past substance use had on loved ones and on society. This may result in “spiritual malaise,” depression, and related negative emotions that can hinder recovery. These secondary symptoms of active addiction must be addressed as part of the recovery process. Would a diabetic experience relief from his/her condition by undertaking a “searching fearless moral inventory” (4th step)? Would a hypertensive consider the need to make amends (9th step) for actions taken when s/he was symptomatic? Yet, many individuals in recovery from addiction worldwide do so in the context of working the 12-step recovery program. Thus, while addiction shares many characteristics with other chronic conditions, it also has a number of unique features that require attention when seeking to elucidate and promote stable remission (recovery).” -
from RESEARCH BRIEF • JANUARY 2009 Compiled by: Alexandre Laudet, PhD, National Development and Research Institutes, Inc. Edited by : Michael T. Flaherty,
PhD, Institute for Research, Education and Training in Addictions and Debra Langer, MSc, MPA, Institute for Research, Education and Training in Addictions
This article may give hope to many. I know it to be true in my own life. If you’d like to discuss, please contact me through info@coached-to-success.com or khbray@hopeserenity.ca. We coach holistic life recovery. To see if you suffer from the disease of addiction, see the questionaire bottom left of our www.hopeserenity.ca home page.
IS ADDICTION A DISEASE?
I certainly have my own thoughts on this question. Understanding the “disease” nature of addiction, because it gave me peace of mind, saved my life. Trust me; I’m not trying to be dramatic.
From being free of active addiction for over 16 years, I know that the disease can be kept in remission. It took action on my part to get to the place where things are in remission.
I belong to several professional “discussion groups” and offer you the following from one of them:
“Addiction is best conceptualized as a chronic brain disorder. As such, it cannot be cured but it can be managed. Comparing addiction to other chronic conditions such as diabetes, hypertension or asthma, McLellan (2002) noted the many similarities in the etiology, course, treatment and treatment outcomes across chronic conditions. However, more than (or perhaps unlike) any other chronic condition, active addiction has deleterious consequences on almost all areas of functioning (physical and mental health, family and social functioning, employment and education, housing, legal status, and overall well-being). Abstinence from drugs and alcohol is likely a prerequisite to improvement in other life domains, but it rarely brings instant relief (Vaillant, 1995). Addicted individuals who address abstinence alone are unlikely to maintain that abstinence for a prolonged period. Individuals need to address “recovery” in the multiple life domains affected by active addiction. Note: For many, the term ‘recovery’ used to denote regaining something that was lost, is a misnomer as relates to ‘externals’ (materials possessions or status). Rather, a recurring theme among persons in recovery is that what is regained is an identity (a self) and a potential that were lost to addiction (Laudet, 2007).
Unlike other chronic conditions, focusing only on the pathology of addiction (symptoms) leads to stigma that translates into discriminatory policies against those who have overcome the disease and represents many obstacles to rebuilding lives— such as in housing, education, labor markets, etc. Many individuals emerge from active addiction with co-occurring mental or physical health conditions that also carry stigma (most notably mental health issues and HIV/AIDS). Many individuals who have overcome active addiction experience enduring shame and guilt about the impact their past substance use had on loved ones and on society. This may result in “spiritual malaise,” depression, and related negative emotions that can hinder recovery. These secondary symptoms of active addiction must be addressed as part of the recovery process. Would a diabetic experience relief from his/her condition by undertaking a “searching fearless moral inventory” (4th step)? Would a hypertensive consider the need to make amends (9th step) for actions taken when s/he was symptomatic? Yet, many individuals in recovery from addiction worldwide do so in the context of working the 12-step recovery program. Thus, while addiction shares many characteristics with other chronic conditions, it also has a number of unique features that require attention when seeking to elucidate and promote stable remission (recovery).” -
from RESEARCH BRIEF • JANUARY 2009 Compiled by: Alexandre Laudet, PhD, National Development and Research Institutes, Inc. Edited by : Michael T. Flaherty,
PhD, Institute for Research, Education and Training in Addictions and Debra Langer, MSc, MPA, Institute for Research, Education and Training in Addictions
This article may give hope to many. I know it to be true in my own life. If you’d like to discuss, please contact me through info@coached-to-success.com or khbray@hopeserenity.ca. We coach holistic life recovery. To see if you suffer from the disease of addiction, see the questionaire bottom left of our www.hopeserenity.ca home page.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
A Dilemma-"Want"vs. "NEED"
A Dilemma-"Want"vs. "NEED"
A Dilemma-“WANT” vs. “NEED”
Things are said and life issues sometimes converge, and really cause the mind to ponder.
I have just gone through a situation like that, and it relates to work life/career equally to life recovery, life transformation and getting addiction help.
There is a huge difference between want and need. Please read on and I think you’ll understand. It may well help you to better understand the results you get and actions you take.
I will try to keep this concise.
I have found at this current time of my life I can get bored. I love my coaching practise, but to be honest, I am not getting enough work to keep me fully engaged mentally. Financially I don’t have to work, mentally I need to be challenged and feeling productive.
Summers are good; I love golf. Winters in Canada are long and cold. The golf ball doesn’t roll far in the snow!
I look into and trained for a commission job interfacing with people. I tried it, liked the people I met, but quickly realized I would not make any net money; that, and my personality was not a fit for their system. I could not colour within their lines and their lines had no flex.
Over this period, I took an older “recovery” friend to the doctor. She had successfully worked commission jobs all her life and I shared my dilemma with her.
She quickly told me my problem was want versus need- and boy did that make me think and then understand how right she was.
In the work situation, I genuinely wanted to do the job and do it well. When it became apparent that the job wasn’t quite as I had understood it to be, I wasn’t prepared to do the proverbial “go to any lengths” to make lousy money. While I wanted to work, my financial situation dictated, I didn’t have to run all over the country doing appointments that weren’t reasonably qualified. Because of a lack of “need” for money, I have given up the job. If I were in a position that I needed the job to eat, I would have continued in it, and eventually eked out my commission.
With some other issues that I am involved in, I certainly see a parallel.
I run into many people who want to change their lives and for all the right reasons. I don’t run into that many who see the need to change their lives. It becomes a “nice to do” as opposed to a “need to do”.
Guess what, most of those that just “want”, and are not prepared to do the hard work to make change fail. As an example, the success rate of people who sample traditional addiction recovery methods fail about 90% of the time. The same is true of people who longingly want to gain self-esteem.
Why is it that the success rate of people who put skin in the game is so much higher? Does the extra commitment increase need? In my work life I guarantee results with a few qualifiers, (client honesty, client does assigned work, keeps appointments). To date, I’ve never been asked for a refund.
I get a lot of flack from people who tell me I charge for what is given away. Obviously, with a success rate much higher than those who get it for free, including from myself, my clients have a “need”, not just a “want”.
I don’t care how people succeed, for those who want a better life I honestly hope they find it; I love those who need; they succeed if they go to any lengths.
I thank my friend for her patient explanation of “need” versus “want” to me. The work example I’ve paraphrased shows how it has impacted me.
How is “need versus “want” impacting your success and progress today?
www.coached-to-success.com or www.hopeserenity.ca)
A Dilemma-“WANT” vs. “NEED”
Things are said and life issues sometimes converge, and really cause the mind to ponder.
I have just gone through a situation like that, and it relates to work life/career equally to life recovery, life transformation and getting addiction help.
There is a huge difference between want and need. Please read on and I think you’ll understand. It may well help you to better understand the results you get and actions you take.
I will try to keep this concise.
I have found at this current time of my life I can get bored. I love my coaching practise, but to be honest, I am not getting enough work to keep me fully engaged mentally. Financially I don’t have to work, mentally I need to be challenged and feeling productive.
Summers are good; I love golf. Winters in Canada are long and cold. The golf ball doesn’t roll far in the snow!
I look into and trained for a commission job interfacing with people. I tried it, liked the people I met, but quickly realized I would not make any net money; that, and my personality was not a fit for their system. I could not colour within their lines and their lines had no flex.
Over this period, I took an older “recovery” friend to the doctor. She had successfully worked commission jobs all her life and I shared my dilemma with her.
She quickly told me my problem was want versus need- and boy did that make me think and then understand how right she was.
In the work situation, I genuinely wanted to do the job and do it well. When it became apparent that the job wasn’t quite as I had understood it to be, I wasn’t prepared to do the proverbial “go to any lengths” to make lousy money. While I wanted to work, my financial situation dictated, I didn’t have to run all over the country doing appointments that weren’t reasonably qualified. Because of a lack of “need” for money, I have given up the job. If I were in a position that I needed the job to eat, I would have continued in it, and eventually eked out my commission.
With some other issues that I am involved in, I certainly see a parallel.
I run into many people who want to change their lives and for all the right reasons. I don’t run into that many who see the need to change their lives. It becomes a “nice to do” as opposed to a “need to do”.
Guess what, most of those that just “want”, and are not prepared to do the hard work to make change fail. As an example, the success rate of people who sample traditional addiction recovery methods fail about 90% of the time. The same is true of people who longingly want to gain self-esteem.
Why is it that the success rate of people who put skin in the game is so much higher? Does the extra commitment increase need? In my work life I guarantee results with a few qualifiers, (client honesty, client does assigned work, keeps appointments). To date, I’ve never been asked for a refund.
I get a lot of flack from people who tell me I charge for what is given away. Obviously, with a success rate much higher than those who get it for free, including from myself, my clients have a “need”, not just a “want”.
I don’t care how people succeed, for those who want a better life I honestly hope they find it; I love those who need; they succeed if they go to any lengths.
I thank my friend for her patient explanation of “need” versus “want” to me. The work example I’ve paraphrased shows how it has impacted me.
How is “need versus “want” impacting your success and progress today?
www.coached-to-success.com or www.hopeserenity.ca)
Thursday, February 17, 2011
"RESPECT" in Recovery
"RESPECT" in Recovery
THE IMPORTANCE OF RESPECT in RECOVERY
Quotes about respect
When I was asked to do an article on respect, my thoughts immediately flashed to Aretha Franklin’s 1967 theme for the feminist movement- “R.E.S.P.E.C.T”.- which upon examination of the lyrics, tells us that she will do anything in return for respect. Respect is very important to each of us! (I was surprised to learn the song was written and first recorded by a man-Brook Benton in 1965.) That the song was recognized as the “anthem” for major social change emphasizes how important respect is to living an abundant life.
Again in my research, I looked for famous quotes that relate to respect. The one most often cited is by Stacey Charter who is known for being quotable:
“Don’t rely on someone else for your happiness and self worth. Only you can be responsible for that. If you can’t love and respect yourself – no one else will be able to make that happen. Accept who you are – completely; the good and the bad – and make changes as YOU see fit – not because you think someone else wants you to be different.”
Respect impacts every addict
In working with the varied client base I do, there is a word that has to be addressed with each and every person no matter what their issue. The word is RESPECT and it impacts relationship with others, but most importantly, it impacts your relationship with that most important person, YOU. How can you give to others what you haven’t got for yourself? If you believe that you should do on to others as you would have them do on to you, why do you do the things you do to yourself?
How to define respect?
When talking about a word, I like to make sure we’re all on the same page. I turn to Webster’s for clarity. Webster’s defines respect as “the special esteem or consideration in which one holds another person or thing”. Good enough?
Now let’s add respect for self, or self-respect, into the hopper.
Have you got it?
Apply respect of self to your life
You are here to focus on addiction. That you’re here is a statement in itself. I would strongly suggest you may want to give some serious thought to respect – the respect you have for yourself and others. If you “over indulge” in behaviour that might be considered by some as addictive, what are you saying about your own level of self respect? And if you can’t respect you, truly, how can you respect others? As Stacey says, “make the changes that you see fit” and do it for you.
Please go back and look at the Webster’s definition and then apply it to your own life. Is there something lacking?
In working with others, I coach a holistic approach focused on balanced living, the practise of good mental, physical and spiritual hygiene. The start point is learning respect for self, and it is an absolute necessity for anyone who truly wants a life filled with peace and serenity, a life with hope. Without respect for self, how can you expect the respect of others, something we all aspire to?
When it comes to addiction and recovery, I do not think there is a one size fits all solution. I do believe addiction must be “holistic” but to be blunt, I don’t think recovery is the exclusive property of 12 step groups. That I am a member of a 12 step group tells you something, but I have worked with 100’s who have recovered without going in a meeting room. I coach people to success and work with them for the recovery that they can get.
Next week, join me and let’s continue on with this topic. If you think that “respect” might be an issue in your life, and you want to take some action, I’ll share some simple things you might try. Share your comments and I’ll read them all and try to address your issues from my perspective next week. (www.hopeserenity.ca or www.coched-to-success.com)
This article was written by Keith for www.addictionblog.org
THE IMPORTANCE OF RESPECT in RECOVERY
Quotes about respect
When I was asked to do an article on respect, my thoughts immediately flashed to Aretha Franklin’s 1967 theme for the feminist movement- “R.E.S.P.E.C.T”.- which upon examination of the lyrics, tells us that she will do anything in return for respect. Respect is very important to each of us! (I was surprised to learn the song was written and first recorded by a man-Brook Benton in 1965.) That the song was recognized as the “anthem” for major social change emphasizes how important respect is to living an abundant life.
Again in my research, I looked for famous quotes that relate to respect. The one most often cited is by Stacey Charter who is known for being quotable:
“Don’t rely on someone else for your happiness and self worth. Only you can be responsible for that. If you can’t love and respect yourself – no one else will be able to make that happen. Accept who you are – completely; the good and the bad – and make changes as YOU see fit – not because you think someone else wants you to be different.”
Respect impacts every addict
In working with the varied client base I do, there is a word that has to be addressed with each and every person no matter what their issue. The word is RESPECT and it impacts relationship with others, but most importantly, it impacts your relationship with that most important person, YOU. How can you give to others what you haven’t got for yourself? If you believe that you should do on to others as you would have them do on to you, why do you do the things you do to yourself?
How to define respect?
When talking about a word, I like to make sure we’re all on the same page. I turn to Webster’s for clarity. Webster’s defines respect as “the special esteem or consideration in which one holds another person or thing”. Good enough?
Now let’s add respect for self, or self-respect, into the hopper.
Have you got it?
Apply respect of self to your life
You are here to focus on addiction. That you’re here is a statement in itself. I would strongly suggest you may want to give some serious thought to respect – the respect you have for yourself and others. If you “over indulge” in behaviour that might be considered by some as addictive, what are you saying about your own level of self respect? And if you can’t respect you, truly, how can you respect others? As Stacey says, “make the changes that you see fit” and do it for you.
Please go back and look at the Webster’s definition and then apply it to your own life. Is there something lacking?
In working with others, I coach a holistic approach focused on balanced living, the practise of good mental, physical and spiritual hygiene. The start point is learning respect for self, and it is an absolute necessity for anyone who truly wants a life filled with peace and serenity, a life with hope. Without respect for self, how can you expect the respect of others, something we all aspire to?
When it comes to addiction and recovery, I do not think there is a one size fits all solution. I do believe addiction must be “holistic” but to be blunt, I don’t think recovery is the exclusive property of 12 step groups. That I am a member of a 12 step group tells you something, but I have worked with 100’s who have recovered without going in a meeting room. I coach people to success and work with them for the recovery that they can get.
Next week, join me and let’s continue on with this topic. If you think that “respect” might be an issue in your life, and you want to take some action, I’ll share some simple things you might try. Share your comments and I’ll read them all and try to address your issues from my perspective next week. (www.hopeserenity.ca or www.coched-to-success.com)
This article was written by Keith for www.addictionblog.org
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
A Dilemma-"WANT" vesus "NEED"
A Dilemma-"WANT" vesus "NEED"
A Dilemma-“WANT” vs. “NEED”
Things are said and life issues sometimes converge, and really cause the mind to ponder.
I have just gone through a situation like that, and it relates to work life/career equally to life recovery, life transformation and getting addiction help.
There is a huge difference between want and need. Please read on and I think you’ll understand. It may well help you to better understand the results you get and actions you take.
I will try to keep this concise.
I have found at this current time of my life I can get bored. I love my coaching practise, but to be honest, I am not getting enough work to keep me fully engaged mentally. Financially I don’t have to work, mentally I need to be challenged and feeling productive.
Summers are good; I love golf. Winters in Canada are long and cold. The golf ball doesn’t roll far in the snow!
I look into and trained for a commission job interfacing with people. I tried it, liked the people I met, but quickly realized I would not make any net money; that, and my personality was not a fit for their system. I could not colour within their lines and their lines had no flex.
Over this period, I took an older “recovery” friend to the doctor. She had successfully worked commission jobs all her life and I shared my dilemma with her.
She quickly told me my problem was want versus need- and boy did that make me think and then understand how right she was.
In the work situation, I genuinely wanted to do the job and do it well. When it became apparent that the job wasn’t quite as I had understood it to be, I wasn’t prepared to do the proverbial “go to any lengths” to make lousy money. While I wanted to work, my financial situation dictated, I didn’t have to run all over the country doing appointments that weren’t reasonably qualified. Because of a lack of “need” for money, I have given up the job. If I were in a position that I needed the job to eat, I would have continued in it, and eventually eked out my commission.
With some other issues that I am involved in, I certainly see a parallel.
I run into many people who want to change their lives and for all the right reasons. I don’t run into that many who see the need to change their lives. It becomes a “nice to do” as opposed to a “need to do”.
Guess what, most of those that just “want”, and are not prepared to do the hard work to make change fail. As an example, the success rate of people who sample traditional addiction recovery methods fail about 90% of the time. The same is true of people who longingly want to gain self-esteem.
Why is it that the success rate of people who put skin in the game is so much higher? Does the extra commitment increase need? In my work life I guarantee results with a few qualifiers, (client honesty, client does assigned work, keeps appointments). To date, I’ve never been asked for a refund.
I get a lot of flack from people who tell me I charge for what is given away. Obviously, with a success rate much higher than those who get it for free, including from myself, my clients have a “need”, not just a “want”.
I don’t care how people succeed, for those who want a better life I honestly hope they find it; I love those who need; they succeed if they go to any lengths.
I thank my friend for her patient explanation of “need” versus “want” to me. The work example I’ve paraphrased shows how it has impacted me.
How is “need versus “want” impacting your success and progress today?
www.coached-to-success.com or www.hopeserenity.ca)
A Dilemma-“WANT” vs. “NEED”
Things are said and life issues sometimes converge, and really cause the mind to ponder.
I have just gone through a situation like that, and it relates to work life/career equally to life recovery, life transformation and getting addiction help.
There is a huge difference between want and need. Please read on and I think you’ll understand. It may well help you to better understand the results you get and actions you take.
I will try to keep this concise.
I have found at this current time of my life I can get bored. I love my coaching practise, but to be honest, I am not getting enough work to keep me fully engaged mentally. Financially I don’t have to work, mentally I need to be challenged and feeling productive.
Summers are good; I love golf. Winters in Canada are long and cold. The golf ball doesn’t roll far in the snow!
I look into and trained for a commission job interfacing with people. I tried it, liked the people I met, but quickly realized I would not make any net money; that, and my personality was not a fit for their system. I could not colour within their lines and their lines had no flex.
Over this period, I took an older “recovery” friend to the doctor. She had successfully worked commission jobs all her life and I shared my dilemma with her.
She quickly told me my problem was want versus need- and boy did that make me think and then understand how right she was.
In the work situation, I genuinely wanted to do the job and do it well. When it became apparent that the job wasn’t quite as I had understood it to be, I wasn’t prepared to do the proverbial “go to any lengths” to make lousy money. While I wanted to work, my financial situation dictated, I didn’t have to run all over the country doing appointments that weren’t reasonably qualified. Because of a lack of “need” for money, I have given up the job. If I were in a position that I needed the job to eat, I would have continued in it, and eventually eked out my commission.
With some other issues that I am involved in, I certainly see a parallel.
I run into many people who want to change their lives and for all the right reasons. I don’t run into that many who see the need to change their lives. It becomes a “nice to do” as opposed to a “need to do”.
Guess what, most of those that just “want”, and are not prepared to do the hard work to make change fail. As an example, the success rate of people who sample traditional addiction recovery methods fail about 90% of the time. The same is true of people who longingly want to gain self-esteem.
Why is it that the success rate of people who put skin in the game is so much higher? Does the extra commitment increase need? In my work life I guarantee results with a few qualifiers, (client honesty, client does assigned work, keeps appointments). To date, I’ve never been asked for a refund.
I get a lot of flack from people who tell me I charge for what is given away. Obviously, with a success rate much higher than those who get it for free, including from myself, my clients have a “need”, not just a “want”.
I don’t care how people succeed, for those who want a better life I honestly hope they find it; I love those who need; they succeed if they go to any lengths.
I thank my friend for her patient explanation of “need” versus “want” to me. The work example I’ve paraphrased shows how it has impacted me.
How is “need versus “want” impacting your success and progress today?
www.coached-to-success.com or www.hopeserenity.ca)
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Life Out of Whack? H.A.L.T.
Life Out of Whack? H.A.L.T.
Today is February 9, 2011 and it is mental health awareness day in Canada. A reminder to all, 20% of the total population suffers from a “mental health” issue in their life. Be aware of it, and if you are in that 20%, have the courage to seek help. There are no negatives attached to issues IF you deal with them!
"This is my depressed stance. When you're depressed, it makes a lot of difference how you stand. The worst thing you can do is straighten up and hold your head high because then you'll start to feel better. If you're going to get any joy out of being depressed, you've got to stand like this."
~ Charlie Brown
Been feeling a little out of balance lately, just not yourself and a little “down”?
A simple check list. If you can relate, check your H.A.L.T. behaviours.
H…ungry. Watch your eating. Skipping meals throws the body chemistry out of whack, can make us cranky and depressed. Clinicians tell us eating small quantities 6 times a day is ideal.
A…ngry. None of us can afford to carry anger with us. Internalizes it causes all kinds of negative things including stress and harmed relationship. Learning to deal in a healthy way with anger is a learned skill. Step 1, don’t stuff it inside of you; find a safe place to share.
L…onley. It is said “no man/woman is an island”, and it is all true! We’re human, we require contact with other humans. If you find your self isolating, or really wanting to isolate at all, you have a warning sign; reach out and get help.
T…red. How often do you let yourself get too tired and pay the price? It might just manifest itself in feeling sorry for ourselves. We ALL require 6-8 hours of sleep daily and there is nothing wrong with “power naps”; in fact quite the opposite. If you can’t sleep properly, go get the help you need starting with your MD.
To many, these things are common sense. But how are you in practise? Want some help with your “life balance", email me at info@coached-to-success.com or khbray@hopeserenity.ca and by return email I’ll send you a “daily” check list for balanced living. You will not be “pitched” or put on an email list, this I promise. The list combats H.A.L.T. and for me, balanced living did not come easy.
And remember, mental illness affects 20% of the population. Learn and practise good mental hygiene and don’t be embarrassed!
Today is February 9, 2011 and it is mental health awareness day in Canada. A reminder to all, 20% of the total population suffers from a “mental health” issue in their life. Be aware of it, and if you are in that 20%, have the courage to seek help. There are no negatives attached to issues IF you deal with them!
"This is my depressed stance. When you're depressed, it makes a lot of difference how you stand. The worst thing you can do is straighten up and hold your head high because then you'll start to feel better. If you're going to get any joy out of being depressed, you've got to stand like this."
~ Charlie Brown
Been feeling a little out of balance lately, just not yourself and a little “down”?
A simple check list. If you can relate, check your H.A.L.T. behaviours.
H…ungry. Watch your eating. Skipping meals throws the body chemistry out of whack, can make us cranky and depressed. Clinicians tell us eating small quantities 6 times a day is ideal.
A…ngry. None of us can afford to carry anger with us. Internalizes it causes all kinds of negative things including stress and harmed relationship. Learning to deal in a healthy way with anger is a learned skill. Step 1, don’t stuff it inside of you; find a safe place to share.
L…onley. It is said “no man/woman is an island”, and it is all true! We’re human, we require contact with other humans. If you find your self isolating, or really wanting to isolate at all, you have a warning sign; reach out and get help.
T…red. How often do you let yourself get too tired and pay the price? It might just manifest itself in feeling sorry for ourselves. We ALL require 6-8 hours of sleep daily and there is nothing wrong with “power naps”; in fact quite the opposite. If you can’t sleep properly, go get the help you need starting with your MD.
To many, these things are common sense. But how are you in practise? Want some help with your “life balance", email me at info@coached-to-success.com or khbray@hopeserenity.ca and by return email I’ll send you a “daily” check list for balanced living. You will not be “pitched” or put on an email list, this I promise. The list combats H.A.L.T. and for me, balanced living did not come easy.
And remember, mental illness affects 20% of the population. Learn and practise good mental hygiene and don’t be embarrassed!
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
KNOW YOUR DREAMS
KNOW YOUR DREAM
You've got to create a dream. You've got to uphold the dream.
If you can't, go back to the factory or go back to the desk.
--Eric Burdon
Way back when, back when I made a decision to go into the “people helping” business as a profession, I had a dream. I formulated the dream through guided study and guided reflection.
The first ad I put together for my new business revolved around the “Create a dream” theory and then making it happen.
I believe as much today as I did back then; as Burdon states, create and uphold (make it happen) the dream or go back to the factory or something mundane and get to work on creating!
We develop goals, priorities, and action steps. We feel energized and ready to move full speed ahead. But midway, as our momentum picks up, new thoughts enter our mind. Do I really want this? What if it creates new problems for me? If I reach this goal, I'll have nothing to look forward to. Do you recognize these thoughts?
Not “going for it” is crippling. These thoughts are the ego's way of looking for obstacles. We acknowledge the doubts and then quickly cast them aside and move forward with complete conviction, like a warrior. If the goal still feels right, we keep moving ahead. We know in our hearts that doing what we believe in keeps us on the right path.
Many need a place to be heard; a place where someone who is non-judgemental will listen to our dreams and probe. If the dream is still alive, we need a plan and most important, we need to be encouraged as we hit walls and need to be held accountable for our progress. I can tell you, I needed these things.
So when are you going to crystallize your dream, externalize and vent it then move into action? Want an hour of “sounding board” at no risk or cost? We’re here. (www.hopeserenity.ca or www.coached-to-success.com)
You've got to create a dream. You've got to uphold the dream.
If you can't, go back to the factory or go back to the desk.
--Eric Burdon
Way back when, back when I made a decision to go into the “people helping” business as a profession, I had a dream. I formulated the dream through guided study and guided reflection.
The first ad I put together for my new business revolved around the “Create a dream” theory and then making it happen.
I believe as much today as I did back then; as Burdon states, create and uphold (make it happen) the dream or go back to the factory or something mundane and get to work on creating!
We develop goals, priorities, and action steps. We feel energized and ready to move full speed ahead. But midway, as our momentum picks up, new thoughts enter our mind. Do I really want this? What if it creates new problems for me? If I reach this goal, I'll have nothing to look forward to. Do you recognize these thoughts?
Not “going for it” is crippling. These thoughts are the ego's way of looking for obstacles. We acknowledge the doubts and then quickly cast them aside and move forward with complete conviction, like a warrior. If the goal still feels right, we keep moving ahead. We know in our hearts that doing what we believe in keeps us on the right path.
Many need a place to be heard; a place where someone who is non-judgemental will listen to our dreams and probe. If the dream is still alive, we need a plan and most important, we need to be encouraged as we hit walls and need to be held accountable for our progress. I can tell you, I needed these things.
So when are you going to crystallize your dream, externalize and vent it then move into action? Want an hour of “sounding board” at no risk or cost? We’re here. (www.hopeserenity.ca or www.coached-to-success.com)
Friday, February 4, 2011
FREE GIFT-LIFE CHANGING-NO STRINGS
WANT A SHOT OF HOPE?
(How’s Your Spiritual Life?)
Someone sees that word “spiritual” and the mind says “oh no, more religious crap”. That someone, back then, was me.
For those who are familiar with my blogs, you’ll know I like simplicity and often turn to the good book written by Mr. Webster to get definitions I can understand. It puts us all on a level playing field.
Today’s word is HOPE. I talk to so many people who tell me their life is lacking in “HOPE” and they want more.
So my Webster’s tells me hope means “a confident expectation that a desire will be fulfilled”; “something one longs to see realized”. Good enough for me.
I believe that we all should have hope in our lives and hope should be for positives. Funny, I have an aged mother who hopes to die soon; I don’t think this is what those I generally talk to mean. While death for her would be, in her mind, better than where she is at, most hope for things to get better in more traditional ways!
So you are down on your “hope” and would like a shot of it?
Let me give you a place to look.
Ever question your sanity? Maybe we all should. If you really try, you can look at where you’re at and find something positive. It might be something as simple as the ability to draw breath. Those lacking hope are generally stuck in a dark place and have lost self-respect, self-confidence and regrettably self-love. Is this a sane place to be at? Why dwell in a negative place without hope?
Listen deeply to what goes on inside of you. What makes you seek this elusive thing called hope? A tough question, but guess what? There is definitely something that tells you things can get better. If you connect with it, they will get better.
So here we sit without enough hope, maybe even feeling despair, and we have this voice inside saying I want more hope. Please listen to it and nurture it. It is there to be heard and acted upon. This my friend is spirituality at its simplest, and if listened to and acted upon, you will be filled with new hope. We were all meant to live that way; with hope. With hope you get its partner, some well deserved peace.
So I started this random thinking with a question- “Do you want a shot of hope?” I’ve suggested to you a place to look to get that shot, and in holistic terms, it is building a small portion of “spirituality” into your life to help you increase personal sanity.
“Hope” is a free gift for those who truly seek it! Why not have a shot on the house? (www.coached-to-success.com or www.hopeserenity.ca)
(How’s Your Spiritual Life?)
Someone sees that word “spiritual” and the mind says “oh no, more religious crap”. That someone, back then, was me.
For those who are familiar with my blogs, you’ll know I like simplicity and often turn to the good book written by Mr. Webster to get definitions I can understand. It puts us all on a level playing field.
Today’s word is HOPE. I talk to so many people who tell me their life is lacking in “HOPE” and they want more.
So my Webster’s tells me hope means “a confident expectation that a desire will be fulfilled”; “something one longs to see realized”. Good enough for me.
I believe that we all should have hope in our lives and hope should be for positives. Funny, I have an aged mother who hopes to die soon; I don’t think this is what those I generally talk to mean. While death for her would be, in her mind, better than where she is at, most hope for things to get better in more traditional ways!
So you are down on your “hope” and would like a shot of it?
Let me give you a place to look.
Ever question your sanity? Maybe we all should. If you really try, you can look at where you’re at and find something positive. It might be something as simple as the ability to draw breath. Those lacking hope are generally stuck in a dark place and have lost self-respect, self-confidence and regrettably self-love. Is this a sane place to be at? Why dwell in a negative place without hope?
Listen deeply to what goes on inside of you. What makes you seek this elusive thing called hope? A tough question, but guess what? There is definitely something that tells you things can get better. If you connect with it, they will get better.
So here we sit without enough hope, maybe even feeling despair, and we have this voice inside saying I want more hope. Please listen to it and nurture it. It is there to be heard and acted upon. This my friend is spirituality at its simplest, and if listened to and acted upon, you will be filled with new hope. We were all meant to live that way; with hope. With hope you get its partner, some well deserved peace.
So I started this random thinking with a question- “Do you want a shot of hope?” I’ve suggested to you a place to look to get that shot, and in holistic terms, it is building a small portion of “spirituality” into your life to help you increase personal sanity.
“Hope” is a free gift for those who truly seek it! Why not have a shot on the house? (www.coached-to-success.com or www.hopeserenity.ca)
WANT A FREE SHOT OF HOPE?
WANT A FREE SHOT OF HOPE?
A Weekend Gift
WANT A SHOT OF HOPE?
(How’s Your Spiritual Life?)
Someone sees that word “spiritual” and the mind says “oh no, more religious crap”. That someone, back then, was me.
For those who are familiar with my blogs, you’ll know I like simplicity and often turn to the good book written by Mr. Webster to get definitions I can understand. It puts us all on a level playing field.
Today’s word is HOPE. I talk to so many people who tell me their life is lacking in “HOPE” and they want more.
So my Webster’s tells me hope means “a confident expectation that a desire will be fulfilled”; “something one longs to see realized”. Good enough for me.
I believe that we all should have hope in our lives and hope should be for positives. Funny, I have an aged mother who hopes to die soon; I don’t think this is what those I generally talk to mean. While death for her would be, in her mind, better than where she is at, most hope for things to get better in more traditional ways!
So you are down on your “hope” and would like a shot of it?
Let me give you a place to look.
Ever question your sanity? Maybe we all should. If you really try, you can look at where you’re at and find something positive. It might be something as simple as the ability to draw breath. Those lacking hope are generally stuck in a dark place and have lost self-respect, self-confidence and regrettably self-love. Is this a sane place to be at? Why dwell in a negative place without hope?
Listen deeply to what goes on inside of you. What makes you seek this elusive thing called hope? A tough question, but guess what? There is definitely something that tells you things can get better. If you connect with it, they will get better.
So here we sit without enough hope, maybe even feeling despair, and we have this voice inside saying I want more hope. Please listen to it and nurture it. It is there to be heard and acted upon. This my friend is spirituality at its simplest, and if listened to and acted upon, you will be filled with new hope. We were all meant to live that way; with hope. With hope you get its partner, some well deserved peace.
So I started this random thinking with a question- “Do you want a shot of hope?” I’ve suggested to you a place to look to get that shot, and in holistic terms, it is building a small portion of “spirituality” into your life to help you increase personal sanity.
“Hope” is a free gift for those who truly seek it! Why not have a shot on the house? (www.coached-to-success.com or www.hopeserenity.ca)
A Weekend Gift
WANT A SHOT OF HOPE?
(How’s Your Spiritual Life?)
Someone sees that word “spiritual” and the mind says “oh no, more religious crap”. That someone, back then, was me.
For those who are familiar with my blogs, you’ll know I like simplicity and often turn to the good book written by Mr. Webster to get definitions I can understand. It puts us all on a level playing field.
Today’s word is HOPE. I talk to so many people who tell me their life is lacking in “HOPE” and they want more.
So my Webster’s tells me hope means “a confident expectation that a desire will be fulfilled”; “something one longs to see realized”. Good enough for me.
I believe that we all should have hope in our lives and hope should be for positives. Funny, I have an aged mother who hopes to die soon; I don’t think this is what those I generally talk to mean. While death for her would be, in her mind, better than where she is at, most hope for things to get better in more traditional ways!
So you are down on your “hope” and would like a shot of it?
Let me give you a place to look.
Ever question your sanity? Maybe we all should. If you really try, you can look at where you’re at and find something positive. It might be something as simple as the ability to draw breath. Those lacking hope are generally stuck in a dark place and have lost self-respect, self-confidence and regrettably self-love. Is this a sane place to be at? Why dwell in a negative place without hope?
Listen deeply to what goes on inside of you. What makes you seek this elusive thing called hope? A tough question, but guess what? There is definitely something that tells you things can get better. If you connect with it, they will get better.
So here we sit without enough hope, maybe even feeling despair, and we have this voice inside saying I want more hope. Please listen to it and nurture it. It is there to be heard and acted upon. This my friend is spirituality at its simplest, and if listened to and acted upon, you will be filled with new hope. We were all meant to live that way; with hope. With hope you get its partner, some well deserved peace.
So I started this random thinking with a question- “Do you want a shot of hope?” I’ve suggested to you a place to look to get that shot, and in holistic terms, it is building a small portion of “spirituality” into your life to help you increase personal sanity.
“Hope” is a free gift for those who truly seek it! Why not have a shot on the house? (www.coached-to-success.com or www.hopeserenity.ca)
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
YOU WANT CHANGE. WHY?
YOU WANT CHANGE. WHY?
YOU WANT CHANGE. WHY?
Another great question prompted from my coaching mentor, Dr. Randin Brons “Idea Engineer”.
I work with intelligent people who are prepared to invest time, and in the case of my clients, money, to get a better life than current. To get what they want, they must be prepared to make change. Why do they want change? What prompts them? It is likely the same thing that prompted me to transform my life.
What within a person calls out for change?
A while ago, I had the opportunity to study Eckhart Tolle’s best seller, “A New Earth”. One of the biggest learning’s I took away from this book is a better understanding of what I call duality, the two different people alive within each of us. My personal experience tells me it is true and we are all somewhat aware of it.
I still marvel when I hear someone say “I am mad at myself”. What “I” is mad at whom? Think about it.
Here is Randin’s article:
What wants to change?
"The problem is not that there are problems. The problem is expecting otherwise and thinking that having problems is a problem." -- Theodore Rubin
Our lives really begin to change when we learn to shift our perspective on 'problems.'
From the spiritual perspective, problems offer our best path to growth. Like it or not, pain gets our attention. Pain also challenges the ego's perception that it is in complete control of life. This opens the door for soul's guidance.
If we want to be rid of the pain, we must do the work that leads us to greater consciousness. Paradoxically, we can only get rid of the pain by moving through it.
The next time you feel "poor me," stop and ask, "What needs to change? What does my soul want me to learn?"
"No one can go back and make a brand new start. Anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending." -- Source Unknown
To make change, I felt “pain” internally. Strong emotional pain. Through the help and support of trained people, I was lead on a journey of discovery and discovered what needed to change. I also “found” the courage needed to face and execute the change process and was guided or coached through the start of this life long process.
So what inside of you is calling for change, and when and how are you going to respond? (info@coached-to-success.com and www.hopeserenity.ca)
YOU WANT CHANGE. WHY?
Another great question prompted from my coaching mentor, Dr. Randin Brons “Idea Engineer”.
I work with intelligent people who are prepared to invest time, and in the case of my clients, money, to get a better life than current. To get what they want, they must be prepared to make change. Why do they want change? What prompts them? It is likely the same thing that prompted me to transform my life.
What within a person calls out for change?
A while ago, I had the opportunity to study Eckhart Tolle’s best seller, “A New Earth”. One of the biggest learning’s I took away from this book is a better understanding of what I call duality, the two different people alive within each of us. My personal experience tells me it is true and we are all somewhat aware of it.
I still marvel when I hear someone say “I am mad at myself”. What “I” is mad at whom? Think about it.
Here is Randin’s article:
What wants to change?
"The problem is not that there are problems. The problem is expecting otherwise and thinking that having problems is a problem." -- Theodore Rubin
Our lives really begin to change when we learn to shift our perspective on 'problems.'
From the spiritual perspective, problems offer our best path to growth. Like it or not, pain gets our attention. Pain also challenges the ego's perception that it is in complete control of life. This opens the door for soul's guidance.
If we want to be rid of the pain, we must do the work that leads us to greater consciousness. Paradoxically, we can only get rid of the pain by moving through it.
The next time you feel "poor me," stop and ask, "What needs to change? What does my soul want me to learn?"
"No one can go back and make a brand new start. Anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending." -- Source Unknown
To make change, I felt “pain” internally. Strong emotional pain. Through the help and support of trained people, I was lead on a journey of discovery and discovered what needed to change. I also “found” the courage needed to face and execute the change process and was guided or coached through the start of this life long process.
So what inside of you is calling for change, and when and how are you going to respond? (info@coached-to-success.com and www.hopeserenity.ca)
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