BEING ASSERTIVE-Daily Practice
I had to use a daily check list for about 10 years to help bring "balance" into my life. Balanced living did not come easy to me. I offer the checklist as a free download on my web site (www.hopeserenity.ca) and invite anyone who has a problem understanding and executing "daily balanced living" to download a copy.
One of the things I had to learn was to be assertive each day. As a "people pleaser", this wasn't something I did regularly and with low self-esteem and poor self-confidence I would either roll over or fight like crazy exposing my own insecurities.
Assertiveness does not mean aggressive or offensive. I offer this article to you as something to consider in your daily living. I hope it is of help and provides a tool to some of you who read it.
How to Be Assertive
Without Being Rude
or Controlling
How to Be Assertive Without Being Rude or Controlling
Assertiveness is an important skill that can make your life more enjoyable, but,
unfortunately, it's also vastly misconstrued. Sometimes it's difficult to be assertive, or make
your beliefs known, while still maintaining peace and understanding.
Assertive people often come off as rude or controlling. This is because generally people
don't like to be told what to do or how to do it. The trick is in learning how to stand
up for yourself without making others feel imposed upon. This is a skill you can
develop with a little know-how and practice.
Try using the following tips in order to properly assert yourself:
1. Choose your words carefully. This is especially important if you're going to assert
yourself in situations where you were previously passive. Think about the different
ways that your words can be interpreted. Write them down and read them back
to yourself if that helps.
• Remember that there's a fine line between being assertive and being aggressive.
2. Develop good listening skills. Being assertive takes some great communication
skills. Remember that communication has two sides - speaking and listening. Truly
listening will help you clearly understand the situation at hand. When you follow up
with thoughtful and assertive speech, others are more likely to value your opinion.
3. Avoid taking things personally. Since being assertive can be touchy, sometimes
you'll do everything right and still end up rubbing someone the wrong way.
Learn how to brush off comments that don't matter.
1
4. Be humble. You can combat resistance to your assertiveness by being humble. Avoid
bragging about yourself, even if it's in a joking manner.
5. Show confidence. People enjoy being led by people who ooze confidence. If you're
going to be assertive and take charge, show the confidence to back it up. People will
sense your lack of confidence if it isn't truly there, so give yourself permission to feel
good about yourself and your accomplishments.
6. Handle negative issues quickly. If problems arise, jump on them immediately. It's a
part of being assertive. Handle issues with kindness and respect and people will
remember you for it. If you let problems linger or treat them in a negative manner,
people will remember that too.
7. Deal with feelings of superiority. You're only human, so perhaps you do feel
superior in a situation where you're being assertive. If so, be careful to avoid acting
rudely.
8. Apologize for mistakes. When you're being assertive, you're no doubt in the
spotlight. When you make a mistake in the spotlight, everyone knows about it. Act
appropriately and apologize, and people will respect you for owning up to it.
Remember that the skill of assertiveness is something that develops over time. It
may be overwhelming to try to make drastic changes overnight. Ease yourself into it and test
the waters. It's always best to think with clarity and make your changes slowly.
With a gradual change, others will be more likely to accept your new assertiveness. Before
you know it, you'll have their respect for the new, improved you!
Friday, February 12, 2010
Thursday, February 11, 2010
DO YOU KNOW YOU?
DO YOU KNOW YOU?
Once we understand ourselves, the rest of living falls in line.
What a great line, and makes me ask the question- Do you know you?
At first, the initial answer is likely “yes, of course I do”. Funny, way back when, I would have and did react the same way.
The biggest turning point in my life occurred when I finally realized I did not know myself very well. I knew things about me of course, but really couldn’t define who I was as a person. It was a sad state of affairs for a 46 year old, and in working with others as much as I have, I know a great many do not know who they really are. Could you be one of them?
At my turning point I had “issues”, fairly serious ones. My second marriage was ending, relationships with my kids were strained, I had pushed many who cared about me away, I was increasingly using mood altering substances and actions to escape and the people I was spending a lot of my time with had very little in common with me. We shared bad habits and a sense of loneliness. There were others.
From a material standpoint, I had not lost everything……yet!
I certainly didn’t understand myself and life was heading a direction my insides told me was all wrong.
The turning point was working with a pro who took me through a very tough exercise that resulted in me knowing me and understanding how life got so far off track. And the derailment had a start point over 40 years prior. What a wonderful feeling, knowing and understanding myself for the first time in my adult life!!
It would be easy to say that from that point forward life fell in line, but it wasn’t that easy. Based on what I had learned, and with guidance, I began hard work to address issues that were destroying me. Without the understanding I had gained, it would have been impossible for the positive actions to begin. It was a real life positive watershed for me.
I can honestly say I have not looked back.
Through a daily maintenance program I have stayed in touch with my self. I need to know who I am and understand that continuously and to do so has been learned behavior made much easier with practice over time. To live a life that gives me a measure of self-respect, hope, serenity and inner peace requires a focus on whom and what I am.
Can you relate to where I’ve been? I’d welcome your comments and invite you to get in touch directly if this has sparked some discomfort in you, and you want new hope in your life!
Once we understand ourselves, the rest of living falls in line.
What a great line, and makes me ask the question- Do you know you?
At first, the initial answer is likely “yes, of course I do”. Funny, way back when, I would have and did react the same way.
The biggest turning point in my life occurred when I finally realized I did not know myself very well. I knew things about me of course, but really couldn’t define who I was as a person. It was a sad state of affairs for a 46 year old, and in working with others as much as I have, I know a great many do not know who they really are. Could you be one of them?
At my turning point I had “issues”, fairly serious ones. My second marriage was ending, relationships with my kids were strained, I had pushed many who cared about me away, I was increasingly using mood altering substances and actions to escape and the people I was spending a lot of my time with had very little in common with me. We shared bad habits and a sense of loneliness. There were others.
From a material standpoint, I had not lost everything……yet!
I certainly didn’t understand myself and life was heading a direction my insides told me was all wrong.
The turning point was working with a pro who took me through a very tough exercise that resulted in me knowing me and understanding how life got so far off track. And the derailment had a start point over 40 years prior. What a wonderful feeling, knowing and understanding myself for the first time in my adult life!!
It would be easy to say that from that point forward life fell in line, but it wasn’t that easy. Based on what I had learned, and with guidance, I began hard work to address issues that were destroying me. Without the understanding I had gained, it would have been impossible for the positive actions to begin. It was a real life positive watershed for me.
I can honestly say I have not looked back.
Through a daily maintenance program I have stayed in touch with my self. I need to know who I am and understand that continuously and to do so has been learned behavior made much easier with practice over time. To live a life that gives me a measure of self-respect, hope, serenity and inner peace requires a focus on whom and what I am.
Can you relate to where I’ve been? I’d welcome your comments and invite you to get in touch directly if this has sparked some discomfort in you, and you want new hope in your life!
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
THOUGHT ABOUT SELF-HATE?
THOUGHT ABOUT SELF-HATE?
I love to research and explore points of view outside of my own thinking. I was exposed to a Dr. Allen Berger who is a psychotherapist and a person in life long recovery. A very interesting combination. If you want to learn and read more, Dr. Berger’s web site is www.abphd.com.
I listened to him on the topic of self-hate (amongst other things) and quite honestly had never thought about this “specific” topic. I certainly understand a loss of self-respect and self-love from first hand experience. I had never considered hate in the equation.
My take from this exercise.
Self-hate is a strong feeling you have and probably won’t recognize the intensity when you look at yourself. I certainly didn’t. It manifests with thoughts like If I am who I really am, you won’t like me and I know I’m not really who you think I should be.
Hate comes from not being able to live up to false ideals. It comes from a failure to be perfect. It makes you feel unworthy of love and success.
Man could I relate, can you?
Life recovery is a journey to be human, not perfect. It is a journey of learning to truly care for our self and recognize our individual strengths and cherish the authentic person you really are. We can be in a recovery mode from things like addictions (ie-abstinance from certain behaviours or actions) for extended time frames without ever doing the work needed to address self-hate.
Funny, as I started the process of life recovery, I instinctively recognized this, and got the trained help I needed to address the issue. It wasn’t a part of the other traditional things I was doing.
Upon reflection, I see truth in points Berger makes.
Self hate is likely a major cause of behavioural relapse, even in those who have been in recovery for long periods of time.
Ever wonder why that 10 year plus person went back out, abandoned a positive progression? I think for many, untreated self-hate finally convinces them they are not worthy!
So something to think about. Do you harbour feelings of self-hate? Are you prepared to address them? Self-hate, if present, will undermine your recovery and have you in negative head space- a constant cynic! Not a place I want to be.
Thanks Dr. Berger for sharing thought provoking wisdom.
I love to research and explore points of view outside of my own thinking. I was exposed to a Dr. Allen Berger who is a psychotherapist and a person in life long recovery. A very interesting combination. If you want to learn and read more, Dr. Berger’s web site is www.abphd.com.
I listened to him on the topic of self-hate (amongst other things) and quite honestly had never thought about this “specific” topic. I certainly understand a loss of self-respect and self-love from first hand experience. I had never considered hate in the equation.
My take from this exercise.
Self-hate is a strong feeling you have and probably won’t recognize the intensity when you look at yourself. I certainly didn’t. It manifests with thoughts like If I am who I really am, you won’t like me and I know I’m not really who you think I should be.
Hate comes from not being able to live up to false ideals. It comes from a failure to be perfect. It makes you feel unworthy of love and success.
Man could I relate, can you?
Life recovery is a journey to be human, not perfect. It is a journey of learning to truly care for our self and recognize our individual strengths and cherish the authentic person you really are. We can be in a recovery mode from things like addictions (ie-abstinance from certain behaviours or actions) for extended time frames without ever doing the work needed to address self-hate.
Funny, as I started the process of life recovery, I instinctively recognized this, and got the trained help I needed to address the issue. It wasn’t a part of the other traditional things I was doing.
Upon reflection, I see truth in points Berger makes.
Self hate is likely a major cause of behavioural relapse, even in those who have been in recovery for long periods of time.
Ever wonder why that 10 year plus person went back out, abandoned a positive progression? I think for many, untreated self-hate finally convinces them they are not worthy!
So something to think about. Do you harbour feelings of self-hate? Are you prepared to address them? Self-hate, if present, will undermine your recovery and have you in negative head space- a constant cynic! Not a place I want to be.
Thanks Dr. Berger for sharing thought provoking wisdom.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
WHAT DO YOU FEED?
WHAT DO YOU FEED?
I am truly blessed. I have had the privilege of meeting and learning from so many wise and interesting people. Those I am meeting in this phase of my life continue to enrich me.
It is safe to say that these people (and I invite you to be one of them) keep me in a mode of growth, thinking and progress. Hard to get complacent when you are challenged!
Today I got something from a fellow coach in Australia, Phil Evans. It is much in keeping with a book written by a very close friend of mine, Paul McCabe called “Feed the Good Dog”. With prejudice, a read I recommend to anyone who wants to move forward with their life.
I have known for a long time that there is two of me at work at all times. I call this duality. I catch this being personally acknowledged when I do something off base and say “I’m mad at myself” for doing that or “What made me do that?” I acknowledge things at play internally.
So here’s Phil’s quote:
“Two Wolves
One evening an old Cherokee leader felt compelled to tell his grandson about a battle that goes on inside many people, most of the time. He went about it in an extremely profound way.
"My boy, there is a battle going on between two wolves inside us all."
"One is Evil: It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego. This one is our internal saboteur, which causes us much grief and pain; and it also causes us to inflict grief and pain onto others."
"The other is Good: It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith. This one serves us well; and it also helps us to serve others well too."
The young boy thought about all of this new information for a minute or two, and then asked the wise old man: "Which wolf usually wins Grandfather?"
The old Cherokee calmly replied, "The answer is simple; whichever one you feed."
I know; you’ve heard this before. But have you really thought about it?
Look back to the tale at the qualities of the evil one. Do they play a large role in your life? Too large a role for you? I fed the “bad” dog for many years and over time it continued to grow at the expense of the “good” dog.
So what do you feed today? Think deeply and be honest with yourself.
Would you like to learn how to “Feed the Good Dog”? I look forward to your comments and if you have questions that this article provokes, let me know and let me know how to get in touch.
I am truly blessed. I have had the privilege of meeting and learning from so many wise and interesting people. Those I am meeting in this phase of my life continue to enrich me.
It is safe to say that these people (and I invite you to be one of them) keep me in a mode of growth, thinking and progress. Hard to get complacent when you are challenged!
Today I got something from a fellow coach in Australia, Phil Evans. It is much in keeping with a book written by a very close friend of mine, Paul McCabe called “Feed the Good Dog”. With prejudice, a read I recommend to anyone who wants to move forward with their life.
I have known for a long time that there is two of me at work at all times. I call this duality. I catch this being personally acknowledged when I do something off base and say “I’m mad at myself” for doing that or “What made me do that?” I acknowledge things at play internally.
So here’s Phil’s quote:
“Two Wolves
One evening an old Cherokee leader felt compelled to tell his grandson about a battle that goes on inside many people, most of the time. He went about it in an extremely profound way.
"My boy, there is a battle going on between two wolves inside us all."
"One is Evil: It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego. This one is our internal saboteur, which causes us much grief and pain; and it also causes us to inflict grief and pain onto others."
"The other is Good: It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith. This one serves us well; and it also helps us to serve others well too."
The young boy thought about all of this new information for a minute or two, and then asked the wise old man: "Which wolf usually wins Grandfather?"
The old Cherokee calmly replied, "The answer is simple; whichever one you feed."
I know; you’ve heard this before. But have you really thought about it?
Look back to the tale at the qualities of the evil one. Do they play a large role in your life? Too large a role for you? I fed the “bad” dog for many years and over time it continued to grow at the expense of the “good” dog.
So what do you feed today? Think deeply and be honest with yourself.
Would you like to learn how to “Feed the Good Dog”? I look forward to your comments and if you have questions that this article provokes, let me know and let me know how to get in touch.
Monday, February 8, 2010
"I HAVE A DREAM"-Don't you?
"I HAVE A DREAM"-Don't you?
I HAVE A DREAM-DON’T YOU?
Thanks Martin Luther King for these words.
Amazing how life goes along and stuff happens in your life- some good and some not as hoped.
Most of us have a dream and/or expectations. To some, it is just that, a big dream never fulfilled. I was there for a good period of life. While much good did happen, the dream was not fulfilled.
Today, I am for the most part living the dream- not necessarily in a material way, but in a spiritual way that fills me with optimism, hope, peace and serenity- and has resulted in healthy self-esteem and self-love.
I love to work with others. It is what I see as my mission in life today. I do it in a somewhat unique way. I apply my professional training along with my experience to help others with a dream realise it. Notice I say help. I can help others articulate and define their dream, I can guide them to a place inside themselves where they can find answers, but I can’t do it for them.
The path I took, which DID involve much “outside” professional help, has allowed me to be in a place in my head where good things can happen- and I expect them to- but when they don’t, I keep moving forward.
To realize my dream, several things had to happen.
First I had to clarify what it was I was really looking for (Beatles-Money Can’t Buy You Love). Then, I needed to have a plan to achieve my dream, an achievable plan with measurements. Then, the real crunch, I had to commit to and TAKE ACTION. Nothing would happen without my action and my “team” pushed me to realization.
I’m working with someone I care about. He has spiralled to a dark place, and has a realistic dream, one that if achieved will give him a platform to move forward from in several key areas of his life. At this point he cannot act, fear of the unknown and negative attitudes block him from even simple action.
I know from my own experience, once he moves into action-even baby steps- with a listening ear and support and encouragement he will reach his dream.
I was 46 before I took the positive action I needed to take to realize my dream. Many do it younger or have had the right elements or “wiring” growing up to never feel unfulfilled. Many hit the crossroads even later in life.
Have you got a dream and are at a point that you want to realize? Are you feeling unfilled enough with low self-love and feeling restless, irritable and discontent? If you want to change it, take action. Help is available.
I HAVE A DREAM-DON’T YOU?
Thanks Martin Luther King for these words.
Amazing how life goes along and stuff happens in your life- some good and some not as hoped.
Most of us have a dream and/or expectations. To some, it is just that, a big dream never fulfilled. I was there for a good period of life. While much good did happen, the dream was not fulfilled.
Today, I am for the most part living the dream- not necessarily in a material way, but in a spiritual way that fills me with optimism, hope, peace and serenity- and has resulted in healthy self-esteem and self-love.
I love to work with others. It is what I see as my mission in life today. I do it in a somewhat unique way. I apply my professional training along with my experience to help others with a dream realise it. Notice I say help. I can help others articulate and define their dream, I can guide them to a place inside themselves where they can find answers, but I can’t do it for them.
The path I took, which DID involve much “outside” professional help, has allowed me to be in a place in my head where good things can happen- and I expect them to- but when they don’t, I keep moving forward.
To realize my dream, several things had to happen.
First I had to clarify what it was I was really looking for (Beatles-Money Can’t Buy You Love). Then, I needed to have a plan to achieve my dream, an achievable plan with measurements. Then, the real crunch, I had to commit to and TAKE ACTION. Nothing would happen without my action and my “team” pushed me to realization.
I’m working with someone I care about. He has spiralled to a dark place, and has a realistic dream, one that if achieved will give him a platform to move forward from in several key areas of his life. At this point he cannot act, fear of the unknown and negative attitudes block him from even simple action.
I know from my own experience, once he moves into action-even baby steps- with a listening ear and support and encouragement he will reach his dream.
I was 46 before I took the positive action I needed to take to realize my dream. Many do it younger or have had the right elements or “wiring” growing up to never feel unfulfilled. Many hit the crossroads even later in life.
Have you got a dream and are at a point that you want to realize? Are you feeling unfilled enough with low self-love and feeling restless, irritable and discontent? If you want to change it, take action. Help is available.
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Political Correctness
POLITICAL CORRECTNESS
What a great term “political correctness” is. It is something that I know a lot of people try to exhibit in their lives, and in the business world I think it fits right in there with another great way of doing things referred to as “optics”.
There actually is a contest to define a meaning of political correctness and I share with you this years winning definition: "Political correctness is a doctrine, fostered by a delusional, illogical minority, and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end."
While in my hay day I’m not sure I would have ever won awards for being politically correct, I think my actions might have been “delusional, illogical and in a minority”, particularly as they related to my addictions.
Delusional in the sense that I thought no one else really knew and if they had my life, they would act like I acted.
Illogical for many reasons. Reasons like why would a depressed person consume depressants to make things better; maybe this time it will be different; I’m only hurting myself and that prize one, I can take care of it myself.
In a minority. Yup, But a large portion of the crowd I “hung” with acted like or similar to me. Little did I know that a majority of people did not act like me.
I really thought a life like mine could be picked up by “the clean end” and was OK.
Ok that is, until my acting in what I thought was a correct way brought me to a point where I did not want to slide any lower and where I made a decision to not be politically correct, deal with reality and take positive action that would honestly allow me to have a life where the object being picked up was clean!
There may be some people who read this that might see some familiarity to their current life to what was mine. Their seemingly politically correct life.
If your one who might have an interest in how I transformed my life, leave a comment or get in touch trough khbray@hopeserenity.ca and let’s talk freely!
What a great term “political correctness” is. It is something that I know a lot of people try to exhibit in their lives, and in the business world I think it fits right in there with another great way of doing things referred to as “optics”.
There actually is a contest to define a meaning of political correctness and I share with you this years winning definition: "Political correctness is a doctrine, fostered by a delusional, illogical minority, and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end."
While in my hay day I’m not sure I would have ever won awards for being politically correct, I think my actions might have been “delusional, illogical and in a minority”, particularly as they related to my addictions.
Delusional in the sense that I thought no one else really knew and if they had my life, they would act like I acted.
Illogical for many reasons. Reasons like why would a depressed person consume depressants to make things better; maybe this time it will be different; I’m only hurting myself and that prize one, I can take care of it myself.
In a minority. Yup, But a large portion of the crowd I “hung” with acted like or similar to me. Little did I know that a majority of people did not act like me.
I really thought a life like mine could be picked up by “the clean end” and was OK.
Ok that is, until my acting in what I thought was a correct way brought me to a point where I did not want to slide any lower and where I made a decision to not be politically correct, deal with reality and take positive action that would honestly allow me to have a life where the object being picked up was clean!
There may be some people who read this that might see some familiarity to their current life to what was mine. Their seemingly politically correct life.
If your one who might have an interest in how I transformed my life, leave a comment or get in touch trough khbray@hopeserenity.ca and let’s talk freely!
Thursday, February 4, 2010
GENEROSITY and RECEIVING
GENEROSITY and RECEIVING
This is not a topic I’ve thought about for along time.
In working with others today (and I remember when I was the same), I often ask them at how they are when they receive a compliment.
Many handle compliments very poorly. They don’t know how to say a gracious and humble plain “Thank You”, but babble and spot about how it was nothing, feel uncomfortable inside and some even wonder what the other person wants. If these situations fit you today, we should talk. There is an issue.
Many we know give generously and freely, but cannot accept gifts in return. My reading said:
To practice five things under all circumstances constitutes perfect virtue; these five are gravity, generosity of soul, sincerity, earnestness, and kindness.
--Confucius
”Some of us were raised to decline generosity - to argue over who pays the restaurant bill, not to accept money for helping someone out, not to accept food or drink at someone's home. Some of these beliefs have strong cultural ties. Others are just a fear of imposing. We don't want to be a bother.
Generosity is a two-way street. It's just as important for someone to be generous as it is to accept the offerings. Most of us like to be generous. When we're being genuine, from the heart, with no strings attached, being generous makes us feel good – it makes us feel great. We have no reason to deny others that feeling (unless, of course, these are strings attached). In fact, our own generosity is probably just coming back to us.”
Good points made. I love the “when we are being genuine” qualifier. Many of us give to please others to fill a gap in us, and I question whether this is genuine.
If there are things that jump out at you in reading this, and you get that funny feeling inside, respond to this blog. I’d love to see responses and even better, talk to a few who squirm a bit when they read this.
This is not a topic I’ve thought about for along time.
In working with others today (and I remember when I was the same), I often ask them at how they are when they receive a compliment.
Many handle compliments very poorly. They don’t know how to say a gracious and humble plain “Thank You”, but babble and spot about how it was nothing, feel uncomfortable inside and some even wonder what the other person wants. If these situations fit you today, we should talk. There is an issue.
Many we know give generously and freely, but cannot accept gifts in return. My reading said:
To practice five things under all circumstances constitutes perfect virtue; these five are gravity, generosity of soul, sincerity, earnestness, and kindness.
--Confucius
”Some of us were raised to decline generosity - to argue over who pays the restaurant bill, not to accept money for helping someone out, not to accept food or drink at someone's home. Some of these beliefs have strong cultural ties. Others are just a fear of imposing. We don't want to be a bother.
Generosity is a two-way street. It's just as important for someone to be generous as it is to accept the offerings. Most of us like to be generous. When we're being genuine, from the heart, with no strings attached, being generous makes us feel good – it makes us feel great. We have no reason to deny others that feeling (unless, of course, these are strings attached). In fact, our own generosity is probably just coming back to us.”
Good points made. I love the “when we are being genuine” qualifier. Many of us give to please others to fill a gap in us, and I question whether this is genuine.
If there are things that jump out at you in reading this, and you get that funny feeling inside, respond to this blog. I’d love to see responses and even better, talk to a few who squirm a bit when they read this.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
UNDERSTAND HUMILITY
UNDERSTAND HUMILITY
When I first started out on this journey of life recovery, I kept hearing that I needed to be humble. My clouded thinking somehow confused or intertwined humble and humility with humiliation. I can tell you, I was tired of humiliation!! Are you there yet?
Today Hazelden put out a very good read that I want to share. It gives a very good perspective!
Humility is our acceptance of ourselves.
--Anonymous
It is strange how we can go to school and learn a lot of facts, but never learn much along the way about ourselves. We can take up nursing, teaching, counseling, and giving ourselves to the needs of others, while never having our own needs met.
Why does it seem as if it is easier to solve the problems of the world than to solve our own problems? We simply don't know ourselves very well. When we look into a mirror and attempt to understand ourselves, our conclusions about what we see are usually very different from what a friend sees. When we finally take the time and make ourselves a priority, we make a startling discovery. There exists within us at all times a Higher Power that is the builder of all successes and our comforter during times of trial.
I understand myself only in relation to my Higher Power. The image I see and the identity I have is then one of humility before that Power. Humility is my acceptance of myself.
This really hit home for me. I was great at addressing the issues of my world. Simply put, when I did that I did not have to address my own issues. Easier to look at you than at me.
I have been taught that to stay humble and serve others properly, I have to look after me to be able to help you and remember where my strength is and be grateful.
I am interested in perspectives and would love to read YOUR comment!
When I first started out on this journey of life recovery, I kept hearing that I needed to be humble. My clouded thinking somehow confused or intertwined humble and humility with humiliation. I can tell you, I was tired of humiliation!! Are you there yet?
Today Hazelden put out a very good read that I want to share. It gives a very good perspective!
Humility is our acceptance of ourselves.
--Anonymous
It is strange how we can go to school and learn a lot of facts, but never learn much along the way about ourselves. We can take up nursing, teaching, counseling, and giving ourselves to the needs of others, while never having our own needs met.
Why does it seem as if it is easier to solve the problems of the world than to solve our own problems? We simply don't know ourselves very well. When we look into a mirror and attempt to understand ourselves, our conclusions about what we see are usually very different from what a friend sees. When we finally take the time and make ourselves a priority, we make a startling discovery. There exists within us at all times a Higher Power that is the builder of all successes and our comforter during times of trial.
I understand myself only in relation to my Higher Power. The image I see and the identity I have is then one of humility before that Power. Humility is my acceptance of myself.
This really hit home for me. I was great at addressing the issues of my world. Simply put, when I did that I did not have to address my own issues. Easier to look at you than at me.
I have been taught that to stay humble and serve others properly, I have to look after me to be able to help you and remember where my strength is and be grateful.
I am interested in perspectives and would love to read YOUR comment!
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
I LOVE UNCERTAINTY
I LOVE UNCERTAINTY
The quest for certainty blocks the search for meaning. Uncertainty is the very condition to impel man to unfold his powers.
~ Erich Fromm ~
There was a day I sought out certainty. It well could have been certainty that helped address my deep seated insecurities. Certainty in employment, certainty in relationships, certainty in investments and so on.
Can you relate?
As Fromm so aptly points out, in always seeking certainty, I closed my mind to possibilities, and overlooked some great possibilities because they were not a sure thing. A closed mind limited my personal power because it kept me from looking for true meaning in my life. Some of the certainties I used were just for escaping realities and feelings.
Today, having a measure of uncertainty in love is the door to the future, it is a power that allows me to continue to grow and I embrace it!
The quest for certainty blocks the search for meaning. Uncertainty is the very condition to impel man to unfold his powers.
~ Erich Fromm ~
There was a day I sought out certainty. It well could have been certainty that helped address my deep seated insecurities. Certainty in employment, certainty in relationships, certainty in investments and so on.
Can you relate?
As Fromm so aptly points out, in always seeking certainty, I closed my mind to possibilities, and overlooked some great possibilities because they were not a sure thing. A closed mind limited my personal power because it kept me from looking for true meaning in my life. Some of the certainties I used were just for escaping realities and feelings.
Today, having a measure of uncertainty in love is the door to the future, it is a power that allows me to continue to grow and I embrace it!
Monday, February 1, 2010
CREATE CONCIOUSLY
Create consciously
Good to have the computer functioning somewhat normally again. To get it back, my hard drive had to be scrubbed and in reloading, inadvertently I lost some things.
Nice to get my weekly “Idea Engineer” from my coaching Guru Dr. Randin Brons. As always, he has provided something that does engineer an idea. This week’s article:
"No man has a chance to enjoy permanent success until he begins to look in a mirror for the real cause of all his mistakes." -- Napoleon Hill
The law of karma is the law of cause and effect. It works unavoidably when there is no consciousness -- when we are not present in the moment. When there is no consciousness, the past creates the future.
The law of Love supersedes the law of karma. It intervenes in the process by focusing in the present. In fact, one could say that Love is being fully present. When anything is initiated in Love in the present, the future of that reality will be purposeful, meaningful, loving and powerful.
"He who is false to present duty breaks a thread in the loom, and will find the flaw when he may have forgotten its cause." --Henry Ward Beecher
"In my beginning is my end." -- T.S. Eliot”
The lesson once again, be conscious, learn how to live in the moment!
As a golf nut who watches the professional, I often hear them talk about this very thing. Block all out, focus on the shot at hand. Many talk it, few can do it. Those that can really do it are generally those who have worked with a specialized coach on the mental part of life. A lesson more should learn.
Hill’s quote above is a great reminder of something that struck me while feeling very alone in a treatment centre many years ago. When I looked in the mirror, like an ahaa moment, I saw my enemy and my enemy was me. Not revolutionary but a start of truth that allowed a process of life recovery to begin!
Let’s practice the law of Love towards ourselves, be conscious and live in the moment. And remember, as Beecher points out, it is something we learn!
Good to have the computer functioning somewhat normally again. To get it back, my hard drive had to be scrubbed and in reloading, inadvertently I lost some things.
Nice to get my weekly “Idea Engineer” from my coaching Guru Dr. Randin Brons. As always, he has provided something that does engineer an idea. This week’s article:
"No man has a chance to enjoy permanent success until he begins to look in a mirror for the real cause of all his mistakes." -- Napoleon Hill
The law of karma is the law of cause and effect. It works unavoidably when there is no consciousness -- when we are not present in the moment. When there is no consciousness, the past creates the future.
The law of Love supersedes the law of karma. It intervenes in the process by focusing in the present. In fact, one could say that Love is being fully present. When anything is initiated in Love in the present, the future of that reality will be purposeful, meaningful, loving and powerful.
"He who is false to present duty breaks a thread in the loom, and will find the flaw when he may have forgotten its cause." --Henry Ward Beecher
"In my beginning is my end." -- T.S. Eliot”
The lesson once again, be conscious, learn how to live in the moment!
As a golf nut who watches the professional, I often hear them talk about this very thing. Block all out, focus on the shot at hand. Many talk it, few can do it. Those that can really do it are generally those who have worked with a specialized coach on the mental part of life. A lesson more should learn.
Hill’s quote above is a great reminder of something that struck me while feeling very alone in a treatment centre many years ago. When I looked in the mirror, like an ahaa moment, I saw my enemy and my enemy was me. Not revolutionary but a start of truth that allowed a process of life recovery to begin!
Let’s practice the law of Love towards ourselves, be conscious and live in the moment. And remember, as Beecher points out, it is something we learn!
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