Walk.Don't Run

Walk.Don't Run
WALK. DON'T RUN
Another reading reminded me of the title of one of those great old songs from my past- "Walk. Don’t Run". Who did that one? The Ventures
I certainly remember when I finally accepted that my life needed major change, and found the courage to go out and get the help I needed to identify the path to change. I remember hearing from a respected Doctor Psychologist friend that the 12 steps were a great model for good mental hygiene.
I was, and I guess instinctively still am, a person who when he wants it, he wants it now. I approached life recovery with a vengeance; if we're going to do it, let's get it done. Easy to say patience was not one of my virtues. I learned the hard way, I had to trudge the road of recovery and be thorough in what I was doing. Change required big change on my part and it had taken me 46 years of living to get into the bad place I was in. This quote from "Experience, Strength and Hope" rings very true to me.
"Impatience
We must learn to walk before we can run. That's why we have these slogans.
I use that "Easy Does It" every day, to slow me down a little. . .
Before I step out and do anything, I stop and check it over first,
and then let my conscience be my guide."
As hard as it is, because it is against the way I am wired, I must sit back and remember to walk, not run. Just ask me about the story about the old bull and young bull high on a hill overlooking a herd of cows. A true "walk don't run" story. But through slowing down and doing things thoroughly, my patience has increase a thousand fold, but it took hard work. Today, patience is a virtue that I understand and quite often, can put into practice.
Looking to improve patience as you address things that need change in your life? It is a learned skill! (www.hopeserenity.ca)

DO YOU ENGAGE IN VIOLENCE?

Do you engage in violence?
Time once again to give thought to points raised by my coaching mentor, Dr. Randin Brons, in his Idea Engineer.
At first blush, this headline evoked an immediate “NO”. Violence is not something I’ve ever really engaged in. Then I reread the articles and quotes, and began to think about what violence really includes.
"It is our basic right to be a happy person, happy family, and eventually a happy world. That should be our goal." -- Dalai Lama
"There are three kinds of violence: one, through our deeds; two, through our words; and three, through our thoughts. ... The root of all violence is in the world of thoughts, and that is why training the mind is so important." -- Eknath Easwaran
“Little adjustments to our attitude and approach each day can create a major difference in our appreciation of life. On the surface, nothing changes. At the same time, absolutely everything does.
Use your awareness or your imagination to bring happiness to this moment. Find something to appreciate. Do this as often as you remember to do so and your world will transform?
" ... we can no longer afford to throw away even one 'unimportant' day by not noticing the wonder of it all. We have to be willing to discover and then appreciate the authentic moments of happiness available to all of us every day." -- Sarah Ban Breathnach
While there's plenty of violence in the world, not many of us engage in violent actions. But are we violent at times with the words we speak? How often do we think vicious thoughts?
We may assume our thinking is an internal matter that has no bearing on the quality of life in the world. Perhaps we need to think again.”
"The ancestor of every destructive action, every destructive decision, is a negative thought." -- Eknath Easwaran
"We are what our thoughts have made us; so take care about what you think. Words are secondary. Thoughts live; they travel far." -- Swami Vivekananda
I am sure there have been times when I was violent with the spoken word. I can think of times recently where my thoughts have been violent. Through the process of creative life recovery and applying the principles learned on a daily basis, my mind has been trained to be far less violent on an ascending basis; but this is behavior learned from coaches and put into practice! (www.hope-serenity.com)

THE SECRET ABOUT SECRETS

THE SECRET ABOUT SECRETS
THE SECRET ABOUT SECRETS

"Nothing makes us so lonely as our secrets. ~ Paul Tournier ~
Paul Tournier is arguably the world’s most spiritual physician. A Swiss doctor, his practise has impacted people world wide.
If a renowned person like Dr. Tournier appreciates the power of secrets; the huge negative impact they have on out life, why do we so often insist on keeping secrets.
The secret about secrets is that they can destroy your happiness and peace of mind. An amusing thing about secrets; often all around you know what you think is the best kept secret in town. The only one who thinks it is a secret is you!
Case in point.
A person I have worked with for a long time is a well known Doctor who had a thriving speciality practise in a close knit, but sizable community. His secret- he drank to excess. When he approached me for help with his secret drinking life, he swore me to secrecy.
We’re out for lunch one day and another Doctor I knew happened to be there. The two docs did not know each other. Doctor number two comes up, says Hi and asks if he can speak to me privately. We do that. Doc2 asks me if I know I’m having lunch with the biggest drunk in town. I smile and do not confirm but return to lunch with Doc1. I tell him what has just transpired and he is floored! He came to learn that his secret was the worst kept secret in town.
I must admit, pre life recovery I had a few of those secrets, and while I knew a ton of people, I was constantly lonely.
I have come to learn over the past decade and a half that keeping MY secrets was really about keeping them from me. No surprise, there were some realities of life I was in denial about and in trying to be secretive, I helped create a self -fulfilling prophecy- I was as sick as my secrets and as Tournier points out- my secrets kept me lonely.
Part of getting my life back was getting my secrets outside of me including on paper. Next was accepting them as truth. Then came finding someone I trusted and sharing those secrets. As was the case of my Doc1 friend, as the secrets came out into the open, I found out several were only a secret to me. Getting them out in the open allowed me to move forward towards the life I was meant to live.
So there you have it. The secret about secrets.
Got some that are driving a wedge into your life? Go get the help you need to unburden yourself and get ready to make a positive move forward!

ACCEPTING ME? WHY?

ACCEPTING ME? WHY?
ACCEPTING ME? WHY?
In my life and in the work I do, I have met so many great people. Why is it that so many of us can't accept the great person we are and go through life feeling less than, not worthy and have a low opinion of ourselves?
Often I ask clients if they will loan me a sum of money well beyond there means. There is usually a pause, and then the clients say no. Why, I ask. Normally the response is that they haven't got it.
So how can I give to others what I haven't got for myself? How can I give you (or anyone) real love when I don't know what it is because I don't have it for me? This should get you thinking! How can I accept you for who you really are when I don't accept me? While I will focus on "self acceptance", it applies to so many areas of our lives.
I was shocked those years ago when it became apparent that I didn't accept the good in me and the truly good person I was. (I had no love for myself and did not truly know what "intimacy" was except that it was a word).
Today I accept myself so that I may accept others.
I seek to be in unity with the world around me. I desire to live in harmony with the people in my life.
The process of peace begins inside me.
When I am unhappy with myself, I am unable to accept others. Like a dark cloud, rejection blocks me from seeing others with objectivity. I accept myself so that I may accept others.
I have come to terms with my imperfections. I may not be perfect, but have the will power necessary to improve the things that need improving and to forgive myself for the things I cannot change.
When I am gracious and forgiving of myself, I am able to do it for others. Instead of being my own worst critic, picking apart everything about myself, I am my biggest cheerleader. I love the person I see in the mirror!
Perfection is not a necessity of life; happiness is. I choose to be happy with who I am rather than reject myself over things that have no value. Happiness releases me from the pursuit of perfection.
Accepting myself prevents me from placing my own flaws on others. Self-acceptance is like a ray of sunshine that evaporates the fog that prohibits me from seeing the good in others.
Loving myself allows me to cleanse the lens through which I view the world.
I am able to seek the positive in every situation because I am confident in myself. Negativity and criticism have evaporated with the fog and are no longer a part of me.
Today, I choose to shine my light and dissipate the clouds of negativity. By celebrating who I am, I empower myself to love others.
Self-Reflection Questions:
1. Why is it important for me to be my biggest cheerleader?
2. How does self-acceptance empower me?
3. How can I cleanse the lens through which I view others?
Find these questions a little challenging or intimidating, contact me trough this site or www.coached-to-success.com.

GETTING HELP-THE BARGAIN OF A LIFETIME

GETTING HELP-THE BARGAIN OF A LIFETIME
GETTING HELP-THE BARGAIN OF A LIFETIME
My buddy Patrick Meninga writes some very thought provoking articles on his site, www.spiritualriver.com. While his focus is on addictions, anyone suffering from living issues, depression, general unhappiness, constant restlessness and frequent feelings of discontent should be able to relate to where Patrick is coming from, and for that matter, where I am coming from. Patrick and I have exchanged frequent ideas and at one time partnered, and we believe very similar principals as to the holistic approach one should consider when creatively recovering a great life YOU were meant to lead.
This article from Patrick on the bargains of treatment is extremely long. I am printing but a small portion. If it gets your attention, I invite you to go to my web site, www.hope-serenity.com, where it is published in full.
Looking for bargains and living a troubled life, then look no farther!
10 Reasons Why Addiction Treatment is the Bargain of a Lifetime
Posted: 16 Mar 2010 09:47 AM PDT
Some people believe that addiction treatment is rather expensive. They might even be outraged that addiction treatment services could possibly cost so much money, and not understand why the success rates are not higher than what they are.
But quality treatment is actually the deal of a lifetime. Here’s why:
1. Continuing to use drugs and alcohol is a huge financial drain to the individual.
2. Good treatment for addiction can yield tremendous spiritual growth.
3. Relationships are eventually restored following successful treatment.
4. Life experience is enriched as recovery puts the focus back on learning.
5. There is a focus in recovery on personal growth and continuous self improvement.
6. Those who succeed in recovery learn to do more with less, enjoying the benefits and spiritual gains from humility, simplicity, and a new sense of gratitude.
7. People in recovery have a renewed sense of energy for life, and can thus tackle new growth experiences that were previously closed to them.
8. When treatment is successful, it multiplies our success in other areas of our lives.
9. Healthy people in addiction recovery will naturally embrace holistic health, learning to treat their mind, body and soul with great care.
10. The successfully recovering addict or alcohol can now, in turn, help others to recover.
2. Continuing to use drugs and alcohol is a huge financial drain to the individual

The cost of drug addiction and alcoholism is absolutely staggering. Most drug rehabs do an exercise whereby they have everybody take out pencil and paper and attempt to calculate everything they have spent on drugs and alcohol. But actually they have them go a step further and have them total up all of the money that was spent due to their addiction in general. This includes incidental costs such as legal fees, wrecked cars, lost homes, and so on.
The outcome of such an exercise is always shocking. Every single person underestimates what their addiction has cost them. It is only through carefully adding up the full, true impact that their disease has had on them that they can really see what it has cost them. Most people who have been using drugs and alcohol for several years have spent at least a quarter of a million dollars on their disease. Some people who have been using for decades have spent over a million dollars.
To see the balance of the article, please go to www.hopeserenity.ca.

WANT PEACE OF MIND?

WANT PEACE OF MIND?
WANT PEACE OF MIND?
About 16 years ago; regular peace of mind was not something I was blessed with, and I missed it. The term "sleep like a baby was" was not one I could relate to although I could remember doing so in my distant past. My mind was constantly at work and jumped from idea to idea non-stop and at night, some common themes kept racing. Most of the thoughts were negative and those that were not were grandiose. Constant mind chatter and clutter. I was creating a dark "Disneyworld" and beginning to live there, and was turning more and more to destructive habits and actions to allow me to escape the bad neighborhood that was inside my head. Trouble was, when I sobered up or quit acting out, the things I was escaping were still there, and often had become even worse through the escape actions I had taken. Can you relate, or see this happening on an increasing basis in your life? Are you experiencing depression because of stress and/or the things you do to escape it? Have you lost a large amount of respect for yourself and are you starting to feel "less than" or like a doormat? If you can relate, you are not alone! BUT THERE IS HOPE!!!! Thought to Ponder . . .I never imagined that the greatest achievement of my life would be peace of mind. I had never considered that my greatest achievement of my life would be peace of mind; enjoying that wonderful feeling I know as serenity today. To get there took hard work and the guidance of some experts. I was ready for change, I got the support needed to reinforce my personal courage, and embarked on a journey to get a me back complete with a life I love; a life with daily serenity where peace of mind is of prime importance. Interested in having the same type of experience? It is there for all who REALLY want it and are courageous enough to get the guidance they need and do the work required. No gain without some pain and nothing changes unless YOU change, but for me, getting peace of mind was worth it. It would be my pleasure to freely share my own experience with you; the journey I took to regain that great gift, serenity and peace of mind. The journey continues for me through this day, and life, even with the curve balls that come along, keeps getting better! The actions I have taken are not unique, they are tried and true. Asking for and taking help require courage and commitment to change!

AN APPROACH TO TODAY

AN APPROACH TO TODAY
Once again, along comes my coaching mentor Dr. Randin Brons with another Idea Engineer. Thought provoking.
Couple this approach with the question you should ask each day about actions you are contemplating –“How important is it?”- and your days may become a pleasant dance with more balance than you thought possible!
A reminder, if you want to improve your daily balance I offer a free checklist for balance at www.hopeserenity.ca.
Dance through your day
"Mix a little foolishness with your serious plans: it's lovely to be silly at the right moment." -- Horace
Today, we invite you to do the Take-Your-Time Tango. In his book 'Games for the Soul,' Drew Leder challenges us to dance through our days with the graceful, slow elegance of a tango dancer.
Slow down a notch," Leder counsels. "Do whatever you do in a calm and leisurely fashion. ... As much as possible, don't be driven by inner fear, external deadlines, or rushed companions to stumble through a speeded-up dance. Act as if you have all the time in the world. Come to think of it, you do: No one else has any more hours."
So stand (or sit) tall. Raise your chin as you gather your full concentration, dignity and self confidence to glide smoothly and beautifully through the day.
"We look at the dance to impart the sensation of living in an affirmation of life, to energize the spectator into keener awareness of the vigour, the mystery, the humour, the variety, and the wonder of life." -- Martha Graham
I love to “dance through my days” and sometimes it is a tango. One of the joys of my life is working with others in what I guess could be considered a life dance lesson. I’m grateful for the teachers I had! Life is for living and laughing!!

AN APPROACH TO TODAY

AN APPROACH TO TODAY
AN APPROACH TO TODAY
Once again, along comes my coaching mentor Dr. Randin Brons with another Idea Engineer. Thought provoking.
Couple this approach with the question you should ask each day about actions you are contemplating –“How important is it?”- and your days may become a pleasant dance with more balance than you thought possible!
A reminder, if you want to improve your daily balance I offer a free checklist for balance at www.hopeserenity.ca.
Dance through your day
"Mix a little foolishness with your serious plans: it's lovely to be silly at the right moment." -- Horace
Today, we invite you to do the Take-Your-Time Tango. In his book 'Games for the Soul,' Drew Leder challenges us to dance through our days with the graceful, slow elegance of a tango dancer.
Slow down a notch," Leder counsels. "Do whatever you do in a calm and leisurely fashion. ... As much as possible, don't be driven by inner fear, external deadlines, or rushed companions to stumble through a speeded-up dance. Act as if you have all the time in the world. Come to think of it, you do: No one else has any more hours."
So stand (or sit) tall. Raise your chin as you gather your full concentration, dignity and self confidence to glide smoothly and beautifully through the day.
"We look at the dance to impart the sensation of living in an affirmation of life, to energize the spectator into keener awareness of the vigour, the mystery, the humour, the variety, and the wonder of life." -- Martha Graham
I love to “dance through my days” and sometimes it is a tango. One of the joys of my life is working with others in what I guess could be considered a life dance lesson. I’m grateful for the teachers I had! Life is for living and laughing!!

SLIP SLIDING AWAY

SLIP SLIDING AWAY
I remember this song so well, and it had a whole new meaning to me.
I have seen too many lives just "slip sliding away.
Although the context I will reference has to do with addictions, it relates as appropriately to any major life change a person makes. As an example, I have seen people who have spent a lot of time and money on weight loss just let their progress slip slide away.
"Slips", in my opinion, are a planned action. They don't just happen. If you’re not in tune with your internal thought process, they can, to your conscious mind, just happen but in the subconscious the slip is premeditated.
There are many ways to safe guard against going dramatically backwards and it is something I address in depth with those I work with. This like getting over any denial and 100% acceptance, living a holistically balance life, enjoying reasonable self-esteem- all these things and more insure regression doesn't take place.
While you may not specifically have an addiction problem, you will likely relate to this passage as easily as the addicted:
Slipping
A common rationalization about not making the program goes like this: "Harry over there slipped ten times before he made it. So what if I slip a few times?"
What is overlooked is that the last time Jack slipped, he slipped into a coffin; the last time Bob slipped, his baby son burned to death in a crib because of Bob's negligence, the last time Ann slipped, she got strychnine poisoning and became blind; and the last time Jim slipped, he tried to kill his wife and nearly did.
We're not playing games here. This is a matter of life and death.
Have I stopped slipping?
Higher Power, let me know that it is not only my life but the lives of others that I endanger by playing loaded games.
Day by Day - Second Edition by Anonymous
Would you point a revolver with one bullet in it at your head and pull the trigger?
I certainly don't mean to be dramatic, but achieving the place you want to be in your life is a serious business, and not being serious about change can be fatal. I've been to the funerals (and not just of addicted people) to know it to be true.
I hope this gives a few people who read this something to think about. Don't let your life go "Slip Sliding Away". If you’re interested in this subject and discussion, let's talk!

REMEMBER YOUR SPIRITUAL SIDE

REMEMBER YOUR SPIRITUAL SIDE
Remember your spiritual side
Just back from a great vacation in Dothan, Alabama. If you are a golfer and looking for great value, I'd highly recommend the Dothan National.
Every time I travel, I am reminded how important a spiritual life is to my enjoyment of life. While I personally don't darken the doors of too many churches, I've enjoyed a week or so away where concious contact with a Higher Power I have come to know was at a very high level. Today in going through my email, I was pleased to get the following from my coaching mentor, Dr. Randin Brons.
I hope it gives you something to ponder!
"The function of prayer is not to influence God, but rather to change the nature of the one who prays." -- Soren Kierkegaard

Reminding ourselves often of our spiritual natures truly changes the quality of our lives. It helps us relax, slow down, lighten up, and generally find more space and joy in life.

When we get down on ourselves or life, we can pull back and ask, "How might my soul regard this situation? What am I being invited to experience?"

This shift in perspective helps us let go of the resistance that always comes with negativity. As energy once again begins to flow, our outlook brightens.
"Spirituality is the sacred center out of which all life comes, including Mondays and Tuesdays and rainy Saturday afternoons in all their mundane and glorious detail. ... The spiritual journey is the soul's life commingling with ordinary life." -- Christina Baldwin

"It is not my business to think about myself. My business is to think about God. It is for God to think about me." -- Simone Weil

REMEMBER YOUR SPIRITUAL SIDE

Remember your spiritual side
Just back from a great vacation in Dothan, Alabama. If you are a golfer and looking for great value, I'd highly recommend the Dothan National.
Every time I travel, I am reminded how important a spiritual life is to my enjoyment of life. While I personally don't darken the doors of too many churches, I've enjoyed a week or so away where concious contact with a Higher Power I have come to know was at a very high level. Today in going through my email, I was pleased to get the following from my coaching mentor, Dr. Randin Brons.
I hope it gives you something to ponder!
"The function of prayer is not to influence God, but rather to change the nature of the one who prays." -- Soren Kierkegaard

Reminding ourselves often of our spiritual natures truly changes the quality of our lives. It helps us relax, slow down, lighten up, and generally find more space and joy in life.

When we get down on ourselves or life, we can pull back and ask, "How might my soul regard this situation? What am I being invited to experience?"

This shift in perspective helps us let go of the resistance that always comes with negativity. As energy once again begins to flow, our outlook brightens.
"Spirituality is the sacred center out of which all life comes, including Mondays and Tuesdays and rainy Saturday afternoons in all their mundane and glorious detail. ... The spiritual journey is the soul's life commingling with ordinary life." -- Christina Baldwin

"It is not my business to think about myself. My business is to think about God. It is for God to think about me." -- Simone Weil