LOOKING FOR A MIRACLE? (Fears)
LOOKING FOR A MIRACLE?
EXPLORE YOUR FEARS
While we may not call it a miracle, many of us are looking for major changes in our lives; looking for good things to happen.
To me, the text book simple person’s definition of insanity is to repeat behaviour and expect different results. Funny, this seldom happens.
One of the major road blocks to change is fear. Many of us live in fear, consciously or unconsciously, on an ongoing basis.
Want the miracle to happen? My coaching mentor, Dr. Randin Brons, in his idea Engineer, suggests you “Explore Your Fears”. Want to explore, get in touch with me. I can lead you to discovery.
Explore your fears
"Fear is a question: What are you afraid of, and why? Just as the seed of health is in illness, because illness contains information, our fears are a treasure house of self-knowledge if we explore them." -- Marilyn Ferguson
In our world of duality, fear and love sit at opposite ends of the continuum. Fear belongs only to the personality because it believes in separation and impermanence. The soul never knows fear because it understands the unity of all.
When fear arises, we can invite our soul to sit with our frightened personality. What soul energies are waiting to be acknowledged? When we bring higher energies into the presence of lower energies, the lower energies are transformed.
"What is needed, rather than running away or controlling or suppressing or any other resistance, is understanding fear; that means, watch it, learn about it, come directly into contact with it. We are to learn about fear, not how to escape from it." -- Jiddu Krishnamurti
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Listening To Your Body ~ Addiction Help
Listening To Your Body ~ Addiction Help
Listening To Your Body
This weeks Idea Engineer from my coaching mentor Dr. Randin Brons served as a good reminder.
One of the things that have dramatically improved in my life through the process of life recovery is listening skills. Yes, I listen to others better with my ears, but every bit as importantly, I listen to me, including my body, far better and this is a key to keeping life in balance. Randin’s Idea Engineer:What is your body saying?"Many people treat their bodies as if they were rented from Hertz -- something they are using to get around in but nothing they genuinely care about understanding." -- Chungliang Al Huang
"As we explore the extraordinary interplay of energies between the many aspects of our personality -- our needs, unconscious reactions, repressed emotions, aspirations and fears -- with the functioning of our physical system and its capacity to maintain itself, we soon realize how very wise the body is. With its intricately detailed systems and operations it portrays infinite intelligence and compassion, constantly giving us the means to understand ourselves further, to confront issues we are not looking at, and to go beyond that which is holding us back." -- Deb Shapiro, Your Body Speaks Your Mind
Please leave your thoughts on this here or at www.hopeserenity.ca. I will answer any questions.
Scan your body with your awareness. Are you experiencing any aches and pains? Any stiffness?
What might your body be trying to tell you about how you are living your life?
"Your body is the ground and metaphor of your life, the expression of your existence. It is your Bible, your encyclopedia, your life story. Everything that happens to you is stored and reflected in your body. In the marriage of flesh and spirit divorce is impossible." -- Gabrielle Roth
"What is always speaking silently is the body." -- Norman Brown
Interesting way to look at things, and how very true. There was a time I treated my body as something rented from Hertz, and failed to hear the messages that were there. I paid a price and in some ways, still am. Today I try to treat flesh and spirit as one. I have only one body and in it is stored my history, and if I look in the right places, the keys to the life I want. The body speaks silently (as does that voice inside), it is my job to listen quietly to the message and act appropriately.Most of us are trying to recover a better way of living. Listening to your body is a learned skill. Are you paying attention?Keith Bray BA,CALC
Listening To Your Body
This weeks Idea Engineer from my coaching mentor Dr. Randin Brons served as a good reminder.
One of the things that have dramatically improved in my life through the process of life recovery is listening skills. Yes, I listen to others better with my ears, but every bit as importantly, I listen to me, including my body, far better and this is a key to keeping life in balance. Randin’s Idea Engineer:What is your body saying?"Many people treat their bodies as if they were rented from Hertz -- something they are using to get around in but nothing they genuinely care about understanding." -- Chungliang Al Huang
"As we explore the extraordinary interplay of energies between the many aspects of our personality -- our needs, unconscious reactions, repressed emotions, aspirations and fears -- with the functioning of our physical system and its capacity to maintain itself, we soon realize how very wise the body is. With its intricately detailed systems and operations it portrays infinite intelligence and compassion, constantly giving us the means to understand ourselves further, to confront issues we are not looking at, and to go beyond that which is holding us back." -- Deb Shapiro, Your Body Speaks Your Mind
Please leave your thoughts on this here or at www.hopeserenity.ca. I will answer any questions.
Scan your body with your awareness. Are you experiencing any aches and pains? Any stiffness?
What might your body be trying to tell you about how you are living your life?
"Your body is the ground and metaphor of your life, the expression of your existence. It is your Bible, your encyclopedia, your life story. Everything that happens to you is stored and reflected in your body. In the marriage of flesh and spirit divorce is impossible." -- Gabrielle Roth
"What is always speaking silently is the body." -- Norman Brown
Interesting way to look at things, and how very true. There was a time I treated my body as something rented from Hertz, and failed to hear the messages that were there. I paid a price and in some ways, still am. Today I try to treat flesh and spirit as one. I have only one body and in it is stored my history, and if I look in the right places, the keys to the life I want. The body speaks silently (as does that voice inside), it is my job to listen quietly to the message and act appropriately.Most of us are trying to recover a better way of living. Listening to your body is a learned skill. Are you paying attention?Keith Bray BA,CALC
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Give YOURSELF A Treat?
Give YOURSELF A Treat?
Give YOURSELF A Treat?
Man, how often do you beat yourself up? If you’re like many, in one way, shape or form, many people do this quite often.
How often do you give that person you should love the most a little gift or treat? Not for any reason but just because you love them.
''One of the secrets of a happy life is continuous small treats.”— Iris Murdoch
I was taught long ago that to live a happy and balanced life, I should give myself a healthy reward on just about a daily basis and I try to do this. Whether it is just some quiet time, a "munchies" treat, an extra 5 minutes sleep, a few extra moments in the tub or a tangible gift, I try to reward myself for the progress I'm making. In working with others, I encourage them, as part of recovering the life they want, to do the same thing. It is part of the daily balance check list I use with clients, and this is a free download at www.hopeserenity.ca.
It's easier to remember to give those you care about a treat or gift now and again. What stops you from doing the same for yourself?
A simple thought (and I hope it jumps out the next time you are negative to you); give the negative up and add happiness to your life by giving yourself a small treat; a simple pleasure. Do it routinely and your happiness quotient will increase! I guarantee it.
Give YOURSELF A Treat?
Man, how often do you beat yourself up? If you’re like many, in one way, shape or form, many people do this quite often.
How often do you give that person you should love the most a little gift or treat? Not for any reason but just because you love them.
''One of the secrets of a happy life is continuous small treats.”— Iris Murdoch
I was taught long ago that to live a happy and balanced life, I should give myself a healthy reward on just about a daily basis and I try to do this. Whether it is just some quiet time, a "munchies" treat, an extra 5 minutes sleep, a few extra moments in the tub or a tangible gift, I try to reward myself for the progress I'm making. In working with others, I encourage them, as part of recovering the life they want, to do the same thing. It is part of the daily balance check list I use with clients, and this is a free download at www.hopeserenity.ca.
It's easier to remember to give those you care about a treat or gift now and again. What stops you from doing the same for yourself?
A simple thought (and I hope it jumps out the next time you are negative to you); give the negative up and add happiness to your life by giving yourself a small treat; a simple pleasure. Do it routinely and your happiness quotient will increase! I guarantee it.
Friday, May 7, 2010
DO YOU LIMIT YOU?
DO YOU LIMIT YOU?
DO YOU LIMIT YOU?
For many years, I know now, in my case the simple answer to the above question was yes.
In a more detailed thought process tells me that there were areas and occasions where I didn’t limit my own progress, but these were a minority. And when it came to limitations caused by a lack of self-esteem and self-love, but the time I was in my thirties, I placed huge limitations on my self.
Quite straight forward, you can’t give freely to others what you haven’t got for yourself, and I am shocked at how my lack of self-esteem and self-love negatively impacted my joy of life and cheated me out of relationships that could have been much richer and meaningful. Are you cheating yourself?
To a large extent, the way we think determines who we are and what happens to us.
We cannot harbour poisonous thoughts without their effects visibly showing in our lives. If we dwell on our inadequacy and ineffectiveness, for example, circumstances will prove us correct because we will invite self-defeating events to us.
On the other hand, replacing destructive thoughts with hope-filled, optimistic ones brings peaceful and confidence-producing circumstances to us. We will radiate competence and joy.
Over the past 16 years I have been on a journey to appreciate myself and be a positive influence to those I touch. I restate this is a journey and has no destination; it is a process of life recovery co-created by a power greater than myself and with the human help of many. It is a journey that has led to my not being my greatest limiting factor, but becoming a person who sees the possibilities. It is a spiritual wakening; a radical change in my attitude and for that I am grateful.
If you can relate to where I was and want to take the journey, please feel free to contact me through this posting or at www.hopeserenity.ca.
DO YOU LIMIT YOU?
For many years, I know now, in my case the simple answer to the above question was yes.
In a more detailed thought process tells me that there were areas and occasions where I didn’t limit my own progress, but these were a minority. And when it came to limitations caused by a lack of self-esteem and self-love, but the time I was in my thirties, I placed huge limitations on my self.
Quite straight forward, you can’t give freely to others what you haven’t got for yourself, and I am shocked at how my lack of self-esteem and self-love negatively impacted my joy of life and cheated me out of relationships that could have been much richer and meaningful. Are you cheating yourself?
To a large extent, the way we think determines who we are and what happens to us.
We cannot harbour poisonous thoughts without their effects visibly showing in our lives. If we dwell on our inadequacy and ineffectiveness, for example, circumstances will prove us correct because we will invite self-defeating events to us.
On the other hand, replacing destructive thoughts with hope-filled, optimistic ones brings peaceful and confidence-producing circumstances to us. We will radiate competence and joy.
Over the past 16 years I have been on a journey to appreciate myself and be a positive influence to those I touch. I restate this is a journey and has no destination; it is a process of life recovery co-created by a power greater than myself and with the human help of many. It is a journey that has led to my not being my greatest limiting factor, but becoming a person who sees the possibilities. It is a spiritual wakening; a radical change in my attitude and for that I am grateful.
If you can relate to where I was and want to take the journey, please feel free to contact me through this posting or at www.hopeserenity.ca.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
SEEKING PEACE WITHIN?
SEEKING PEACE WITHIN?
SEEKING PEACE WITHIN?
For years, the inside of me knew very little peace. I found fleeting moments of serenity when I was in warm sunshine coupled with “greener pastures” or the waves and smell of the ocean. But just fleeting. When I left these places, turmoil resumed and serenity was something I wanted all too much.
I tried to escape the world and unrest through various methods, numbing myself with chemicals or electing, often under the influence, to use other people to give me pleasure and satisfaction. Can you relate?
Unfortunately, when the influence of substance or human incident was over, my inner turmoil was still there. My life did not offer a lot of hope.
Today, I have peace within a vast majority of time. I’m filled with hope each day and thoroughly enjoy serenity. What a magnificent change.
Taking an honest look at ourselves is necessary if we want peace.
Scary stuff, this taking an HONEST look at ourselves.
The process I used, and the process I coach clients through is based on the principles found in the 12 steps. They are a model for good mental hygiene. Personally, I needed help from experts to get me through the process, particularly as it related to taking an honest look at me.
In the 12 steps, Step Four asks us to admit our character defects. That's not an easy assignment. How "defective" could we be? In truth, we do have many assets, and it will help us to admit our defects if we also own our assets.
I am constantly amazed by the great psychological principles the 12 steps embrace. In the life of my past, it was almost an impossible task for me to step outside of myself and take an objective and honest look at myself. Until I did, it was impossible to make the changes I needed to make. My own experience substantiated by working with others, verifies those who do this work thoroughly get a new insight and understanding of who they are, and in doing the work prior to this step coupled with the insight the step provides, gain the courage to make major change in their life.
So back to the original question-are you seeking peace within?
If your answer is yes, and you know that inner peace will allow you to make major positive changes in your life, there is help available based on 12 steps that can make it happen. All you have to do is honestly reach out! (www.hopeserenity.ca)
SEEKING PEACE WITHIN?
For years, the inside of me knew very little peace. I found fleeting moments of serenity when I was in warm sunshine coupled with “greener pastures” or the waves and smell of the ocean. But just fleeting. When I left these places, turmoil resumed and serenity was something I wanted all too much.
I tried to escape the world and unrest through various methods, numbing myself with chemicals or electing, often under the influence, to use other people to give me pleasure and satisfaction. Can you relate?
Unfortunately, when the influence of substance or human incident was over, my inner turmoil was still there. My life did not offer a lot of hope.
Today, I have peace within a vast majority of time. I’m filled with hope each day and thoroughly enjoy serenity. What a magnificent change.
Taking an honest look at ourselves is necessary if we want peace.
Scary stuff, this taking an HONEST look at ourselves.
The process I used, and the process I coach clients through is based on the principles found in the 12 steps. They are a model for good mental hygiene. Personally, I needed help from experts to get me through the process, particularly as it related to taking an honest look at me.
In the 12 steps, Step Four asks us to admit our character defects. That's not an easy assignment. How "defective" could we be? In truth, we do have many assets, and it will help us to admit our defects if we also own our assets.
I am constantly amazed by the great psychological principles the 12 steps embrace. In the life of my past, it was almost an impossible task for me to step outside of myself and take an objective and honest look at myself. Until I did, it was impossible to make the changes I needed to make. My own experience substantiated by working with others, verifies those who do this work thoroughly get a new insight and understanding of who they are, and in doing the work prior to this step coupled with the insight the step provides, gain the courage to make major change in their life.
So back to the original question-are you seeking peace within?
If your answer is yes, and you know that inner peace will allow you to make major positive changes in your life, there is help available based on 12 steps that can make it happen. All you have to do is honestly reach out! (www.hopeserenity.ca)
Thursday, April 29, 2010
FEELINGS-OMG I Have Them?
FEELINGS-OMG I Have Them?
FEELINGS-OMG I Have Them?
Feelings and emotions, amongst the toughest things I had to deal with as I carved out a new and “recovered” life. Things I wanted to deny and stuff and certainly escape.
Thanks Randin Brons for another thought provoking Idea Engineer.
Feel your emotions
"The key is to not resist or rebel against emotions or to try to get around them by devising all sorts of tricks; but to accept them directly, as they are." -- Takahisa Kora
Emotions are energy in motion. They bring us information if we are willing to experience them. Unfortunately, many of us are afraid of the energy of emotions and so we automatically resist them. And when we refuse to experience our emotions, we block them up. They become trapped and that entrapment drains our energy and brings continuing discomfort.
Don't let emotions push you into action or reaction. Just STOP and PAY ATTENTION. Allow them to be and to speak to you. Once they are acknowledged, their energy is released.
"Instead of resisting any emotion, the best way to dispel it is to enter it fully, embrace it and see through your resistance." -- Deepak Chopra
"We have to become more conscious of our feeling-world. By learning to identify the 'emotional baggage' and manage our feeling-world reactions, we can view life based on current information instead of being held captive by our past." -- Doc Childre
"Our feelings are our most genuine paths to knowledge." -- Audre Lord
Ready to learn how to recognize, understand and harness feelings and emotions? We’re here to deeply listen. Does anyone hear you?
FEELINGS-OMG I Have Them?
Feelings and emotions, amongst the toughest things I had to deal with as I carved out a new and “recovered” life. Things I wanted to deny and stuff and certainly escape.
Thanks Randin Brons for another thought provoking Idea Engineer.
Feel your emotions
"The key is to not resist or rebel against emotions or to try to get around them by devising all sorts of tricks; but to accept them directly, as they are." -- Takahisa Kora
Emotions are energy in motion. They bring us information if we are willing to experience them. Unfortunately, many of us are afraid of the energy of emotions and so we automatically resist them. And when we refuse to experience our emotions, we block them up. They become trapped and that entrapment drains our energy and brings continuing discomfort.
Don't let emotions push you into action or reaction. Just STOP and PAY ATTENTION. Allow them to be and to speak to you. Once they are acknowledged, their energy is released.
"Instead of resisting any emotion, the best way to dispel it is to enter it fully, embrace it and see through your resistance." -- Deepak Chopra
"We have to become more conscious of our feeling-world. By learning to identify the 'emotional baggage' and manage our feeling-world reactions, we can view life based on current information instead of being held captive by our past." -- Doc Childre
"Our feelings are our most genuine paths to knowledge." -- Audre Lord
Ready to learn how to recognize, understand and harness feelings and emotions? We’re here to deeply listen. Does anyone hear you?
Monday, April 26, 2010
LESSONS FROM POPEYE
LESSONS FROM POPEYE
I’ve spent many years loving Popeye the Sailor and the lessons he has taught me! One, of course, is to eat your spinach; but that is not the great one. Popeye is my favourite philosopher. It took me many years to learn his simple philosophy, “I is what I is and that’s all that I is”. Think on that one a while as your saying “This guy is nuts!” By the way, I am that too.
I spent too many years trying to be what other people thought I should be and not being who I really was. This “actor on a stage” life led me to a lot of places I didn’t want to go. It led me to trying to escape the false person who I had become. It took me to a very low spot in life, a spot I now call bottom. It helped make me sick and tired of being sick and tired. I lived irritable, restless and discontent. I wanted pleasure and I wanted it now.
Today, I know that that is not who I am and not who I was meant to be. I became what others wanted and acted how they expected. I played a role I was never comfortable in and when you’re not comfortable in your own skin, life is not a joy! Can you relate?
Today, I have accepted Popeye’s philosophy. To accept that I am what I am and that is just perfect for me has been a journey. Along the journey, I’ve had a lot of help and support. I have found and worked with people who have actually LISTENED to what I was saying and feeling, and have conscious contact on a daily basis as a result of this help with a power far greater than me. I’m thankful daily that I found this power within me and around me. From Hazelden:
”I Am Who I Am
Sometimes we want to be someone else – anyone but who we are. We want to be someone who feels more free and at peace. We want to be someone who doesn't have to take medications day after day. We want to be free of the pain and loneliness our illness has brought us.
Thought for the Day
When I look within, I will discover that accepting myself and being myself are far more fulfilling that expected.”
There is hope that the same changes can happen within any person who really wants to be their authentic self and is prepared to be honest, seek help and take action. Today’s life is far more than I ever expected and being just me is all that I need to be. It is nice to be true to myself and that small quiet voice within that I now listen to a follow as best I can. Popeye, you are simple but brilliant.
I would love you to share your thoughts on that, and if I can help you be your own Popeye, just ask.
I’ve spent many years loving Popeye the Sailor and the lessons he has taught me! One, of course, is to eat your spinach; but that is not the great one. Popeye is my favourite philosopher. It took me many years to learn his simple philosophy, “I is what I is and that’s all that I is”. Think on that one a while as your saying “This guy is nuts!” By the way, I am that too.
I spent too many years trying to be what other people thought I should be and not being who I really was. This “actor on a stage” life led me to a lot of places I didn’t want to go. It led me to trying to escape the false person who I had become. It took me to a very low spot in life, a spot I now call bottom. It helped make me sick and tired of being sick and tired. I lived irritable, restless and discontent. I wanted pleasure and I wanted it now.
Today, I know that that is not who I am and not who I was meant to be. I became what others wanted and acted how they expected. I played a role I was never comfortable in and when you’re not comfortable in your own skin, life is not a joy! Can you relate?
Today, I have accepted Popeye’s philosophy. To accept that I am what I am and that is just perfect for me has been a journey. Along the journey, I’ve had a lot of help and support. I have found and worked with people who have actually LISTENED to what I was saying and feeling, and have conscious contact on a daily basis as a result of this help with a power far greater than me. I’m thankful daily that I found this power within me and around me. From Hazelden:
”I Am Who I Am
Sometimes we want to be someone else – anyone but who we are. We want to be someone who feels more free and at peace. We want to be someone who doesn't have to take medications day after day. We want to be free of the pain and loneliness our illness has brought us.
Thought for the Day
When I look within, I will discover that accepting myself and being myself are far more fulfilling that expected.”
There is hope that the same changes can happen within any person who really wants to be their authentic self and is prepared to be honest, seek help and take action. Today’s life is far more than I ever expected and being just me is all that I need to be. It is nice to be true to myself and that small quiet voice within that I now listen to a follow as best I can. Popeye, you are simple but brilliant.
I would love you to share your thoughts on that, and if I can help you be your own Popeye, just ask.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
DETACHING FROM CRAP
DETACHING FROM CRAP
DETACHING FROM CRAP
That word that sent fear into my heart-detachment. For years I did not understand how healthy detachment can be,
Another thought provoking article from my coaching mentor Dr. Randin Brons in his Idea Engineer. One I really needed.
As I dealt with my alcohol addiction and learned about an organization called Al—anon (for those affected by alcoholics), I certainly became familiar with the term loving detachment. I began to understand this in the context Al-Anon uses it; but I have come to learn that detachment is a skill many of us, including myself, need to work on for healthy mental hygiene. From Randin
Practice detachment
"Getting in touch with your true self must be your first priority." -- Tom Hopkins
”As our consciousness rises, our perspective becomes more and more impersonal. What does this mean?
It means we are increasingly able to view our lives and the rest of the world with detachment. This does not mean we are cold and uncaring. Rather, we are self-contained. We have well-defined boundaries and we are able to think and act objectively, clearly and responsibly.
When we have learned detachment, we do not get hooked into the thoughts and feelings of others. We are not easily upset or manipulated. We may feel compassion for others but this does not cloud our ability to choose how we think, feel and behave. We also do not need others to behave in any particular way.”
"Until we take how we see ourselves (and how we see others) into account, we will be unable to understand how others see and feel about themselves and their world. Unaware, we will project our intentions on their behavior and call ourselves objective." -- Stephen Covey
So how do we get our consciousness to rise to the point where we can detach? Let me assure you (and I am reasonably good at it), it requires outside help, hard work and practice. It is worth it! Want to really see yourself? Comment here on this blog.
DETACHING FROM CRAP
That word that sent fear into my heart-detachment. For years I did not understand how healthy detachment can be,
Another thought provoking article from my coaching mentor Dr. Randin Brons in his Idea Engineer. One I really needed.
As I dealt with my alcohol addiction and learned about an organization called Al—anon (for those affected by alcoholics), I certainly became familiar with the term loving detachment. I began to understand this in the context Al-Anon uses it; but I have come to learn that detachment is a skill many of us, including myself, need to work on for healthy mental hygiene. From Randin
Practice detachment
"Getting in touch with your true self must be your first priority." -- Tom Hopkins
”As our consciousness rises, our perspective becomes more and more impersonal. What does this mean?
It means we are increasingly able to view our lives and the rest of the world with detachment. This does not mean we are cold and uncaring. Rather, we are self-contained. We have well-defined boundaries and we are able to think and act objectively, clearly and responsibly.
When we have learned detachment, we do not get hooked into the thoughts and feelings of others. We are not easily upset or manipulated. We may feel compassion for others but this does not cloud our ability to choose how we think, feel and behave. We also do not need others to behave in any particular way.”
"Until we take how we see ourselves (and how we see others) into account, we will be unable to understand how others see and feel about themselves and their world. Unaware, we will project our intentions on their behavior and call ourselves objective." -- Stephen Covey
So how do we get our consciousness to rise to the point where we can detach? Let me assure you (and I am reasonably good at it), it requires outside help, hard work and practice. It is worth it! Want to really see yourself? Comment here on this blog.
Monday, April 19, 2010
TALK DOESN'T COOK RICE
Talk doesn't cook rice.
--Chinese proverb
I've seen many so called Chinese proverbs and never leave a Chinese restaurant without checking inside the fortune cookie.
I have never seen a truer statement than the title of this blog. Talk doesn't do a lot of things, including making major changes in life. I know I tried to talk my way through change; I didn't want personal help and direction, let alone do hard work on myself!
Some of us are crazy about self-help books, inspirational tapes, and personal improvement seminars. We'll buy or sign up for anything, whatever the price, if it promises revolutionary insights or a foolproof new system. We want relief in a day and deliverance in a weekend. And we want the expert of the hour to do it for us. I couldn't tell you how many I've met and worked with; several who had the best "self-help" book and tape libraries in the world. Funny how similar the messages are (there's not much new or revolutionary) yet how without hard work, often assisted by a "coachly" push, all the information in the world changes nothing.
I've got to admit, I loved the Olympics. There were some incredible performances and so many personal bests. Ever wonder how many of these were achieved by just talking or reading a book (CD, tape)? Did they just "wish" themselves to great results?
There's nothing wrong with wishing, of course. But there's a lot wrong with kidding ourselves as a way of life. Think about it: If progress could be bought, we wouldn't need to be meditating. If personal transformation resulted from collecting new ideas, we'd have been transformed long ago. Exploring is great. And looking for all the inspiration and wisdom we can find is necessary for growth. But changing is doing. All the plans and schemes for improvement put together won't change a thing if we don't put the principles into daily practice. Even catchy words are just words. There is no substitution for action.
Need a prod and some push? Get a coach. Everyone needs help, needs to be heard, and helped to set and reach goals. Everyone needs ACTION.
--Chinese proverb
I've seen many so called Chinese proverbs and never leave a Chinese restaurant without checking inside the fortune cookie.
I have never seen a truer statement than the title of this blog. Talk doesn't do a lot of things, including making major changes in life. I know I tried to talk my way through change; I didn't want personal help and direction, let alone do hard work on myself!
Some of us are crazy about self-help books, inspirational tapes, and personal improvement seminars. We'll buy or sign up for anything, whatever the price, if it promises revolutionary insights or a foolproof new system. We want relief in a day and deliverance in a weekend. And we want the expert of the hour to do it for us. I couldn't tell you how many I've met and worked with; several who had the best "self-help" book and tape libraries in the world. Funny how similar the messages are (there's not much new or revolutionary) yet how without hard work, often assisted by a "coachly" push, all the information in the world changes nothing.
I've got to admit, I loved the Olympics. There were some incredible performances and so many personal bests. Ever wonder how many of these were achieved by just talking or reading a book (CD, tape)? Did they just "wish" themselves to great results?
There's nothing wrong with wishing, of course. But there's a lot wrong with kidding ourselves as a way of life. Think about it: If progress could be bought, we wouldn't need to be meditating. If personal transformation resulted from collecting new ideas, we'd have been transformed long ago. Exploring is great. And looking for all the inspiration and wisdom we can find is necessary for growth. But changing is doing. All the plans and schemes for improvement put together won't change a thing if we don't put the principles into daily practice. Even catchy words are just words. There is no substitution for action.
Need a prod and some push? Get a coach. Everyone needs help, needs to be heard, and helped to set and reach goals. Everyone needs ACTION.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
THINK YOUR TOUGH? (Can You Feel?)
THINK YOUR TOUGH? (Can You Feel?)
THINK YOUR TOUGH?
Real Tough People Show Feelings
Alex Karras was a hard nosed football player. In his day, if you looked up “tough” in a dictionary you might have found his picture. Alex on “tough”:
It takes more courage to reveal insecurities than to hide them, more strength to relate to people than to dominate them, more "manhood" to abide by thought-out principles rather than blind reflex. Toughness is in the soul and spirit, not in muscles and an immature mind.
--Alex Karras
In our culture, being a man often means being tough and not showing feelings. We were taught that “big boys don’t cry, and I’ve learned many women live by the same code. I think I grew up with a song whose key line was “laughing on the outside, crying on the inside”. (Funny Little Clown).
We realize in the process of life recovery that those are silly and immature myths, even though we see them repeatedly on TV, on billboards, and in newspapers.
When we are told these things repeatedly, it makes an impact on us. We need to learn from others other that this is not the way we wish to live. We don't admire these attitudes, and we don't believe the stories. Truly courageous men (and women) know themselves. They have been around enough to have depth to their souls, to let themselves love, and to feel the pain of life. They know how to truly feel and externalize feelings.
I don’t know how many people who have told me how tough they are and stuff their feelings inside or even more sadly, can’t even identify feelings, crack big time. Is that being tough? Are they tough or “sick”? Toughness, as Karras states, is soul and spirit and a mature mind.
As a former jock and “tough” guy who always kept the stiff upper lip, I’m glad this recovery thing has taught me about feelings and has given me tools to deal with them in a healthy way. My wife tells me I now show a “feminine” side and times. Please don’t ever tell her, but I like it!
Want to talk about this or other issues. I’m here!
THINK YOUR TOUGH?
Real Tough People Show Feelings
Alex Karras was a hard nosed football player. In his day, if you looked up “tough” in a dictionary you might have found his picture. Alex on “tough”:
It takes more courage to reveal insecurities than to hide them, more strength to relate to people than to dominate them, more "manhood" to abide by thought-out principles rather than blind reflex. Toughness is in the soul and spirit, not in muscles and an immature mind.
--Alex Karras
In our culture, being a man often means being tough and not showing feelings. We were taught that “big boys don’t cry, and I’ve learned many women live by the same code. I think I grew up with a song whose key line was “laughing on the outside, crying on the inside”. (Funny Little Clown).
We realize in the process of life recovery that those are silly and immature myths, even though we see them repeatedly on TV, on billboards, and in newspapers.
When we are told these things repeatedly, it makes an impact on us. We need to learn from others other that this is not the way we wish to live. We don't admire these attitudes, and we don't believe the stories. Truly courageous men (and women) know themselves. They have been around enough to have depth to their souls, to let themselves love, and to feel the pain of life. They know how to truly feel and externalize feelings.
I don’t know how many people who have told me how tough they are and stuff their feelings inside or even more sadly, can’t even identify feelings, crack big time. Is that being tough? Are they tough or “sick”? Toughness, as Karras states, is soul and spirit and a mature mind.
As a former jock and “tough” guy who always kept the stiff upper lip, I’m glad this recovery thing has taught me about feelings and has given me tools to deal with them in a healthy way. My wife tells me I now show a “feminine” side and times. Please don’t ever tell her, but I like it!
Want to talk about this or other issues. I’m here!
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
WHO AM I MEANT TO BE?
WHO AM I MEANT TO BE?
WHO AM I MEANT TO BE?
This is a question many ask themselves, particularly at cross roads periods of their life.
It is something that gets answered in the coaching process and coaching takes it one step further- and how do I get there.
Many of us love quizzes, particularly those that give us instant results. Many have a great data base behind them that make the results have a fair degree of accuracy.
Below is a link to a quiz Oprah recently broadcast and for those wondering "Who Am I Meant To Be?’ you'll find it interesting and the results somewhat insightful.
Enjoy!
http://www.oprah.com/spirit/Who-Am-I-Meant-to-Be
WHO AM I MEANT TO BE?
This is a question many ask themselves, particularly at cross roads periods of their life.
It is something that gets answered in the coaching process and coaching takes it one step further- and how do I get there.
Many of us love quizzes, particularly those that give us instant results. Many have a great data base behind them that make the results have a fair degree of accuracy.
Below is a link to a quiz Oprah recently broadcast and for those wondering "Who Am I Meant To Be?’ you'll find it interesting and the results somewhat insightful.
Enjoy!
http://www.oprah.com/spirit/Who-Am-I-Meant-to-Be
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
ARE YOU SELF-AWARE?
ARE YOU SELF-AWARE?
ARE YOU SELF-AWARE?
Here we are on a Monday and another great question from my coaching mentor Dr. Randin Brons and his Idea Engineer.
If your not aware of it, coaching is all about the coach asking great questions and “leading”, not telling, the client the answers. Deep inside, most of us have answers to the tough questions, we just don’t know how and where to look.
Are you self-aware? If not, how do you know where you’re at and where you’re going? From Randin:
Step into self-awareness
"Getting in touch with your true self must be your first priority." -- Tom Hopkins
Here are some different aspects of self-awareness:
- Know yourself - Explore who you are: your defenses, your blocks, your talents, your aspirations, etc.
- Accept yourself - We are at war with ourselves when we resist or deny certain aspects of who we are. Acknowledge the truth of who you are right now - the positives and the negatives. Only when we own our present reality can we change.
- Control yourself - Set clear, conscious intentions and discipline yourself to meet them.
- Express yourself - Go to your heart to identify what has meaning and purpose for you. Live your truth. Identify ways you can give back to life and be in service.
We work on each of these aspects all the time. But as our lives go through cycles, we predominantly work on one of them more than the others. Which aspect are you more conscious of lately?
Our lives improve only when we take chances ... and the first and most difficult risk we can take is to be honest with ourselves." -- Walter Anderson.
"Adventure can be an end in itself. Self-discovery is the secret ingredient that fuels daring." -- Grace Lichtenstein
Ready to find out whom you really are? Get ready to self-discover; get ready to dare!
ARE YOU SELF-AWARE?
Here we are on a Monday and another great question from my coaching mentor Dr. Randin Brons and his Idea Engineer.
If your not aware of it, coaching is all about the coach asking great questions and “leading”, not telling, the client the answers. Deep inside, most of us have answers to the tough questions, we just don’t know how and where to look.
Are you self-aware? If not, how do you know where you’re at and where you’re going? From Randin:
Step into self-awareness
"Getting in touch with your true self must be your first priority." -- Tom Hopkins
Here are some different aspects of self-awareness:
- Know yourself - Explore who you are: your defenses, your blocks, your talents, your aspirations, etc.
- Accept yourself - We are at war with ourselves when we resist or deny certain aspects of who we are. Acknowledge the truth of who you are right now - the positives and the negatives. Only when we own our present reality can we change.
- Control yourself - Set clear, conscious intentions and discipline yourself to meet them.
- Express yourself - Go to your heart to identify what has meaning and purpose for you. Live your truth. Identify ways you can give back to life and be in service.
We work on each of these aspects all the time. But as our lives go through cycles, we predominantly work on one of them more than the others. Which aspect are you more conscious of lately?
Our lives improve only when we take chances ... and the first and most difficult risk we can take is to be honest with ourselves." -- Walter Anderson.
"Adventure can be an end in itself. Self-discovery is the secret ingredient that fuels daring." -- Grace Lichtenstein
Ready to find out whom you really are? Get ready to self-discover; get ready to dare!
Monday, April 12, 2010
DO YOU TRUST YOU?
DO YOU TRUST YOU?
I’m late this week with the thoughts provoked by my Mentor Dr. Randin Bron’s Idea Engineer. Thoughts I share from Randin have been well received and well read, and I hope you enjoy this one!
Trusting myself was a huge issue for me when I was in active addiction and involved in other unhealthy, mood altering behaviours. How could I trust someone who did such selfish and destructive things?
Through the co-creative process of life recovery, which did incorporate both the 12 steps and personal life coaching, I did regain trust in myself and I am grateful. It came with hard and directed work!
Trust yourself
"It is our basic right to be a happy person, happy family, and eventually a happy world. That should be our goal." -- Dalai Lama
”I never know what the next lesson is going to be, because we're not supposed to know; we're supposed to trust ourselves to discover it." -- Melody Beattie
How deeply do you trust your own guidance?
Always trust that you know what's best for you. To move forward in your life, gather information from the 'experts,' consider how their advice relates to your situation and then act only on what feels right for you. What does your whole being (mind, body and soul) say 'Yes!' to?
You are the only expert for your own life.”
"I trust so much in the power of the heart and the soul; I know that the answer to what we need to do next is in our own hearts. All we have to do is listen, then take that one step further and trust what we hear. We will be taught what we need to learn." -- Melody Beattie
"Ultimately, we must learn to trust ourselves. When we do this intimately and intelligently, the world opens full of meaning before us. We find that we ourselves are the doorway to a fathomless understanding of the source of life itself. We need only to learn to walk through it." -- James Thornton
What have you got to do to honestly trust yourself?
I’m late this week with the thoughts provoked by my Mentor Dr. Randin Bron’s Idea Engineer. Thoughts I share from Randin have been well received and well read, and I hope you enjoy this one!
Trusting myself was a huge issue for me when I was in active addiction and involved in other unhealthy, mood altering behaviours. How could I trust someone who did such selfish and destructive things?
Through the co-creative process of life recovery, which did incorporate both the 12 steps and personal life coaching, I did regain trust in myself and I am grateful. It came with hard and directed work!
Trust yourself
"It is our basic right to be a happy person, happy family, and eventually a happy world. That should be our goal." -- Dalai Lama
”I never know what the next lesson is going to be, because we're not supposed to know; we're supposed to trust ourselves to discover it." -- Melody Beattie
How deeply do you trust your own guidance?
Always trust that you know what's best for you. To move forward in your life, gather information from the 'experts,' consider how their advice relates to your situation and then act only on what feels right for you. What does your whole being (mind, body and soul) say 'Yes!' to?
You are the only expert for your own life.”
"I trust so much in the power of the heart and the soul; I know that the answer to what we need to do next is in our own hearts. All we have to do is listen, then take that one step further and trust what we hear. We will be taught what we need to learn." -- Melody Beattie
"Ultimately, we must learn to trust ourselves. When we do this intimately and intelligently, the world opens full of meaning before us. We find that we ourselves are the doorway to a fathomless understanding of the source of life itself. We need only to learn to walk through it." -- James Thornton
What have you got to do to honestly trust yourself?
Friday, April 9, 2010
A "TIGER" CAN CHANGE STRIPES
A "TIGER" CAN CHANGE STRIPES
A “TIGER” CAN CHANGE STRIPES!
Well folks, haven’t we had our fill of it-the ongoing saga of Tiger Woods. How many really care but the media bombards us and the cutting jokes keep coming. Stop already, actions speak louder than words.
I am a golf nut and admire how Tiger Woods plays golf. I’ve never much cared how he lived or what he endorsed. I’ve felt for him because he is knocked for all the media attention he gets, when he plays, television treats him like he’s the only one in the event. More than ever, knowing what we now know about his life off the golf course (more than I ever needed to know), I believe all that attention Tiger gets is not what he wanted….. A majority of the public at large wanted, no demanded it, as shown by TV ratings and the people who buy the gossip rags and create the jokes. Why knock Tiger?
It is scary. I have never been world famous, except maybe in my own mind, but have done some reasonably high profile things in my life and with humility; I know I did them reasonably well. Well enough to keep me at the “job” top of my little world for an extended period of time. It makes it easy to relate to Tiger.
I am a member of an “Addictions Professional Group”, and am amazed by the amount of group chat that has gone on about Tiger. Is he an addict or just a scumbag and the like? Does it really matter? He is a human who has problems. Can anyone relate to that? I certainly can.
From personal experience I can relate to exactly what Tiger did, and I had a variety of selfish ways to help me escape reality, give me immediate pleasure and make me feel good. Damn those around me, what they didn’t know didn’t hurt them (my sick mind told me).
Only I know what I was addicted to and what things I did just for selfish pleasure and to escape the boredom of real life. The only person who should worry about whether Mr. Woods is an addict or not is Tiger himself. It is obvious he has some living problems and I’m glad to see he is getting group and individual help.
I love to learn and be reminded of things, and this has happened in some of the things Tiger has revealed. There is a lesson for all of us.
Of great importance, Tiger got away from his spiritual centre and his spiritual belief system. He got away from meditation, which for me would be a cessation of listening to my higher power.
He began living the life of a double agent. The life we saw in public, the life his wife and those close to him were allowed to see, and the life the enablers in his life saw and abetted. Those in that part of his life knew who he was and what his marital status and father status was. For whatever their reasons, they chose to be a part of this life and most know fame, power and money do attract a certain group of people.
Trouble being a secret agent with multiple lives, secret agents have to keep big secrets and if it means lying about different things to people who are a part of your various lives. Tiger must be a bright guy to get away with it for as long as he did. Secrets and dishonesty destroy a human, which is a fact!
I know what I had to go through to change my stripes. Those who know me and love me, as well as the guy I see in the mirror, know I have changed my stripes. It did not happen quickly nor did it happen easily. It happened with a lot of hard work and help from others (some of them paid professionals and a treatment facility) and a decade and a half later remains work in progress. It took what I now refer to as a “Co-Creative Process of Life Recovery”. Change is hard, but change I did.
I am not Tiger or anyone who is all that special. If someone hits a point in their lives and wants to make a change just to please themselves (not others and not for money), it can be done. But like life itself, it is hard and requires action and self-honesty in the most rigorous manner.
Let’s learn from what Tiger has gone through and relate to what he told us happened. Let’s hear what the voice of “father Earl” is asking in the new Nike commercial. Let’s leave the guy alone and give him a chance over a long period of time to make change. Let’s observe, be positive and leave the jokes and rumours alone. Let’s hope for his children and family, those who love him, that he is successful in making positive change and let’s help in any way we can. Let’s not put people on a personal moral pedestal because they are as human as us, and we set ourselves up if they fall and we worship them. Let’s rejoice in the fact that if we live balanced lives, Tigers can change their stripes! (www.hopeserenity.ca; www.coached-to-success.com)
A “TIGER” CAN CHANGE STRIPES!
Well folks, haven’t we had our fill of it-the ongoing saga of Tiger Woods. How many really care but the media bombards us and the cutting jokes keep coming. Stop already, actions speak louder than words.
I am a golf nut and admire how Tiger Woods plays golf. I’ve never much cared how he lived or what he endorsed. I’ve felt for him because he is knocked for all the media attention he gets, when he plays, television treats him like he’s the only one in the event. More than ever, knowing what we now know about his life off the golf course (more than I ever needed to know), I believe all that attention Tiger gets is not what he wanted….. A majority of the public at large wanted, no demanded it, as shown by TV ratings and the people who buy the gossip rags and create the jokes. Why knock Tiger?
It is scary. I have never been world famous, except maybe in my own mind, but have done some reasonably high profile things in my life and with humility; I know I did them reasonably well. Well enough to keep me at the “job” top of my little world for an extended period of time. It makes it easy to relate to Tiger.
I am a member of an “Addictions Professional Group”, and am amazed by the amount of group chat that has gone on about Tiger. Is he an addict or just a scumbag and the like? Does it really matter? He is a human who has problems. Can anyone relate to that? I certainly can.
From personal experience I can relate to exactly what Tiger did, and I had a variety of selfish ways to help me escape reality, give me immediate pleasure and make me feel good. Damn those around me, what they didn’t know didn’t hurt them (my sick mind told me).
Only I know what I was addicted to and what things I did just for selfish pleasure and to escape the boredom of real life. The only person who should worry about whether Mr. Woods is an addict or not is Tiger himself. It is obvious he has some living problems and I’m glad to see he is getting group and individual help.
I love to learn and be reminded of things, and this has happened in some of the things Tiger has revealed. There is a lesson for all of us.
Of great importance, Tiger got away from his spiritual centre and his spiritual belief system. He got away from meditation, which for me would be a cessation of listening to my higher power.
He began living the life of a double agent. The life we saw in public, the life his wife and those close to him were allowed to see, and the life the enablers in his life saw and abetted. Those in that part of his life knew who he was and what his marital status and father status was. For whatever their reasons, they chose to be a part of this life and most know fame, power and money do attract a certain group of people.
Trouble being a secret agent with multiple lives, secret agents have to keep big secrets and if it means lying about different things to people who are a part of your various lives. Tiger must be a bright guy to get away with it for as long as he did. Secrets and dishonesty destroy a human, which is a fact!
I know what I had to go through to change my stripes. Those who know me and love me, as well as the guy I see in the mirror, know I have changed my stripes. It did not happen quickly nor did it happen easily. It happened with a lot of hard work and help from others (some of them paid professionals and a treatment facility) and a decade and a half later remains work in progress. It took what I now refer to as a “Co-Creative Process of Life Recovery”. Change is hard, but change I did.
I am not Tiger or anyone who is all that special. If someone hits a point in their lives and wants to make a change just to please themselves (not others and not for money), it can be done. But like life itself, it is hard and requires action and self-honesty in the most rigorous manner.
Let’s learn from what Tiger has gone through and relate to what he told us happened. Let’s hear what the voice of “father Earl” is asking in the new Nike commercial. Let’s leave the guy alone and give him a chance over a long period of time to make change. Let’s observe, be positive and leave the jokes and rumours alone. Let’s hope for his children and family, those who love him, that he is successful in making positive change and let’s help in any way we can. Let’s not put people on a personal moral pedestal because they are as human as us, and we set ourselves up if they fall and we worship them. Let’s rejoice in the fact that if we live balanced lives, Tigers can change their stripes! (www.hopeserenity.ca; www.coached-to-success.com)
A "TIGER" CAN CHANGE STRIPES
A “TIGER” CAN CHANGE STRIPES!
Well folks, haven’t we had our fill of it-the ongoing saga of Tiger Woods. How many really care but the media bombards us and the cutting jokes keep coming. Stop already, actions speak louder than words.
I am a golf nut and admire how Tiger Woods plays golf. I’ve never much cared how he lived or what he endorsed. I’ve felt for him because he is knocked for all the media attention he gets, when he plays, television treats him like he’s the only one in the event. More than ever, knowing what we now know about his life off the golf course (more than I ever needed to know), I believe all that attention Tiger gets is not what he wanted….. A majority of the public at large wanted, no demanded it, as shown by TV ratings and the people who buy the gossip rags and create the jokes. Why knock Tiger?
It is scary. I have never been world famous, except maybe in my own mind, but have done some reasonably high profile things in my life and with humility; I know I did them reasonably well. Well enough to keep me at the “job” top of my little world for an extended period of time. It makes it easy to relate to Tiger.
I am a member of an “Addictions Professional Group”, and am amazed by the amount of group chat that has gone on about Tiger. Is he an addict or just a scumbag and the like? Does it really matter? He is a human who has problems. Can anyone relate to that? I certainly can.
From personal experience I can relate to exactly what Tiger did, and I had a variety of selfish ways to help me escape reality, give me immediate pleasure and make me feel good. Damn those around me, what they didn’t know didn’t hurt them (my sick mind told me).
Only I know what I was addicted to and what things I did just for selfish pleasure and to escape the boredom of real life. The only person who should worry about whether Mr. Woods is an addict or not is Tiger himself. It is obvious he has some living problems and I’m glad to see he is getting group and individual help.
I love to learn and be reminded of things, and this has happened in some of the things Tiger has revealed. There is a lesson for all of us.
Of great importance, Tiger got away from his spiritual centre and his spiritual belief system. He got away from meditation, which for me would be a cessation of listening to my higher power.
He began living the life of a double agent. The life we saw in public, the life his wife and those close to him were allowed to see, and the life the enablers in his life saw and abetted. Those in that part of his life knew who he was and what his marital status and father status was. For whatever their reasons, they chose to be a part of this life and most know fame, power and money do attract a certain group of people.
Trouble being a secret agent with multiple lives, secret agents have to keep big secrets and if it means lying about different things to people who are a part of your various lives. Tiger must be a bright guy to get away with it for as long as he did. Secrets and dishonesty destroy a human, which is a fact!
I know what I had to go through to change my stripes. Those who know me and love me, as well as the guy I see in the mirror, know I have changed my stripes. It did not happen quickly nor did it happen easily. It happened with a lot of hard work and help from others (some of them paid professionals and a treatment facility) and a decade and a half later remains work in progress. It took what I now refer to as a “Co-Creative Process of Life Recovery”. Change is hard, but change I did.
I am not Tiger or anyone who is all that special. If someone hits a point in their lives and wants to make a change just to please themselves (not others and not for money), it can be done. But like life itself, it is hard and requires action and self-honesty in the most rigorous manner.
Let’s learn from what Tiger has gone through and relate to what he told us happened. Let’s hear what the voice of “father Earl” is asking in the new Nike commercial. Let’s leave the guy alone and give him a chance over a long period of time to make change. Let’s observe, be positive and leave the jokes and rumours alone. Let’s hope for his children and family, those who love him, that he is successful in making positive change and let’s help in any way we can. Let’s not put people on a personal moral pedestal because they are as human as us, and we set ourselves up if they fall and we worship them. Let’s rejoice in the fact that if we live balanced lives, Tigers can change their stripes! (www.hopeserenity.ca; www.coached-to-success.com)
Well folks, haven’t we had our fill of it-the ongoing saga of Tiger Woods. How many really care but the media bombards us and the cutting jokes keep coming. Stop already, actions speak louder than words.
I am a golf nut and admire how Tiger Woods plays golf. I’ve never much cared how he lived or what he endorsed. I’ve felt for him because he is knocked for all the media attention he gets, when he plays, television treats him like he’s the only one in the event. More than ever, knowing what we now know about his life off the golf course (more than I ever needed to know), I believe all that attention Tiger gets is not what he wanted….. A majority of the public at large wanted, no demanded it, as shown by TV ratings and the people who buy the gossip rags and create the jokes. Why knock Tiger?
It is scary. I have never been world famous, except maybe in my own mind, but have done some reasonably high profile things in my life and with humility; I know I did them reasonably well. Well enough to keep me at the “job” top of my little world for an extended period of time. It makes it easy to relate to Tiger.
I am a member of an “Addictions Professional Group”, and am amazed by the amount of group chat that has gone on about Tiger. Is he an addict or just a scumbag and the like? Does it really matter? He is a human who has problems. Can anyone relate to that? I certainly can.
From personal experience I can relate to exactly what Tiger did, and I had a variety of selfish ways to help me escape reality, give me immediate pleasure and make me feel good. Damn those around me, what they didn’t know didn’t hurt them (my sick mind told me).
Only I know what I was addicted to and what things I did just for selfish pleasure and to escape the boredom of real life. The only person who should worry about whether Mr. Woods is an addict or not is Tiger himself. It is obvious he has some living problems and I’m glad to see he is getting group and individual help.
I love to learn and be reminded of things, and this has happened in some of the things Tiger has revealed. There is a lesson for all of us.
Of great importance, Tiger got away from his spiritual centre and his spiritual belief system. He got away from meditation, which for me would be a cessation of listening to my higher power.
He began living the life of a double agent. The life we saw in public, the life his wife and those close to him were allowed to see, and the life the enablers in his life saw and abetted. Those in that part of his life knew who he was and what his marital status and father status was. For whatever their reasons, they chose to be a part of this life and most know fame, power and money do attract a certain group of people.
Trouble being a secret agent with multiple lives, secret agents have to keep big secrets and if it means lying about different things to people who are a part of your various lives. Tiger must be a bright guy to get away with it for as long as he did. Secrets and dishonesty destroy a human, which is a fact!
I know what I had to go through to change my stripes. Those who know me and love me, as well as the guy I see in the mirror, know I have changed my stripes. It did not happen quickly nor did it happen easily. It happened with a lot of hard work and help from others (some of them paid professionals and a treatment facility) and a decade and a half later remains work in progress. It took what I now refer to as a “Co-Creative Process of Life Recovery”. Change is hard, but change I did.
I am not Tiger or anyone who is all that special. If someone hits a point in their lives and wants to make a change just to please themselves (not others and not for money), it can be done. But like life itself, it is hard and requires action and self-honesty in the most rigorous manner.
Let’s learn from what Tiger has gone through and relate to what he told us happened. Let’s hear what the voice of “father Earl” is asking in the new Nike commercial. Let’s leave the guy alone and give him a chance over a long period of time to make change. Let’s observe, be positive and leave the jokes and rumours alone. Let’s hope for his children and family, those who love him, that he is successful in making positive change and let’s help in any way we can. Let’s not put people on a personal moral pedestal because they are as human as us, and we set ourselves up if they fall and we worship them. Let’s rejoice in the fact that if we live balanced lives, Tigers can change their stripes! (www.hopeserenity.ca; www.coached-to-success.com)
Thursday, April 8, 2010
ON MY MIND (And lucky to have one)
ON MY MIND (And lucky to have one)
ON MY MIND
Ever get a day when things are going on in your head and you just want to get them outside of you? For me, today is one of those days.
I hate negativity and destructive criticism. I can remember the days when I was probably guilty on a regular basis of these attributes. I remember the day when the thought came into my head that if you were to look at the world through an anis, all you would see was excrement (I don’t think those were quite the words, but today I’m more genteel)! While being along way from perfect today, I think others see me, and more importantly inside of me I feel, positive and willing to make an action orientated attempt to improve things for the better.
A process called life recovery and the discovery (no lets call it a renewed awareness) of a power far greater than me that has always dwelt within has changed my attitude towards life. I am humbled by the change and grateful.
I honestly spend as much effort as I can in doing the next right thing and am thrilled to be making progress always mindful perfection isn’t necessary.
I am a member of a 12 step group and do my thing there as best I can and in keeping with the group’s traditions. I do community volunteer work trying to use the business experiences I’ve had, particularly utilising success I’ve been a part of, to simply improve things for the “common good” of those I serve. I coach people as a “vocation” and as a passion, and have been consulting independently for 20 years and have paid the bills and raised a family. So this life recovery thing has been good for me and funny, it has been good for many I have worked with. It is nice to have some things to feel grateful about and even better when your passion and experience can be tied in to your vocation.
Today I am pissed, and it is my feeling and genuine.
You work hard at things and do the best you can. You do it for the right reasons and lately, it seems, all you get is negative blowback….well that’s a bit of an exaggeration. But more negativity than I can handle today.
It would appear that too many people have too much time on their hands, and make a decision to put it to negative use. So if you are how you act, and you act like anis, what will your view of things be like!
This blogging journaling thing is one of the tools I was taught to use to make sure my insides and outside matched in a good way. Some will relate to this ramble, some won’t. I feel better already. I do put my web site in my blogs for a reason- there are some people who get positive help from some of the things I write, and get in touch; so no apologies. Let’s see if we can focus a bit more on the positives today, and be a little less judgemental of others! (www.hopeserenity.ca)
ON MY MIND
Ever get a day when things are going on in your head and you just want to get them outside of you? For me, today is one of those days.
I hate negativity and destructive criticism. I can remember the days when I was probably guilty on a regular basis of these attributes. I remember the day when the thought came into my head that if you were to look at the world through an anis, all you would see was excrement (I don’t think those were quite the words, but today I’m more genteel)! While being along way from perfect today, I think others see me, and more importantly inside of me I feel, positive and willing to make an action orientated attempt to improve things for the better.
A process called life recovery and the discovery (no lets call it a renewed awareness) of a power far greater than me that has always dwelt within has changed my attitude towards life. I am humbled by the change and grateful.
I honestly spend as much effort as I can in doing the next right thing and am thrilled to be making progress always mindful perfection isn’t necessary.
I am a member of a 12 step group and do my thing there as best I can and in keeping with the group’s traditions. I do community volunteer work trying to use the business experiences I’ve had, particularly utilising success I’ve been a part of, to simply improve things for the “common good” of those I serve. I coach people as a “vocation” and as a passion, and have been consulting independently for 20 years and have paid the bills and raised a family. So this life recovery thing has been good for me and funny, it has been good for many I have worked with. It is nice to have some things to feel grateful about and even better when your passion and experience can be tied in to your vocation.
Today I am pissed, and it is my feeling and genuine.
You work hard at things and do the best you can. You do it for the right reasons and lately, it seems, all you get is negative blowback….well that’s a bit of an exaggeration. But more negativity than I can handle today.
It would appear that too many people have too much time on their hands, and make a decision to put it to negative use. So if you are how you act, and you act like anis, what will your view of things be like!
This blogging journaling thing is one of the tools I was taught to use to make sure my insides and outside matched in a good way. Some will relate to this ramble, some won’t. I feel better already. I do put my web site in my blogs for a reason- there are some people who get positive help from some of the things I write, and get in touch; so no apologies. Let’s see if we can focus a bit more on the positives today, and be a little less judgemental of others! (www.hopeserenity.ca)
Monday, April 5, 2010
CRAB BUCKET SYNDROME
CRAB BUCKET SYNDROME
Crab Bucket Syndrome
What a fabulous day yesterday with my grand kids. With no other adults around, and with the range of things that we did, I loved seeing the day through the eyes of children; and being “silly” at times also. I’m so grateful that the journey I’m on allowed me to have a day like that.
A couple of weeks ago, I shared with a friend something someone had shared with me about crab buckets. Crab buckets are not an item I give a lot of thought to normally, but did when I heard the term, and once again did when my friend reminded me.
I was told that when crabs are put into a bucket (bait for fishing I assume); they will climb over each other in an attempt to regain freedom. As a crab approaches the top of the bucket and the achievement of its goal, its peers will drag it back into the mass.
I think of this as the crab bucket syndrome.
I know their have been times in my life where I have been jealous of another’s success, and have, in my own fashion, done something to pull them back with the rest of us mere mortals.
On the flip side, I’ve certainly felt the crab bucket syndrome as I’ve climbed out of my own bucket, and witnessed it in varying degrees thousands of times.
Why do people sabotage the success of others? Could it be a self-esteem issue within them?
The crab in the case above has a goal; to climb out of the mass and regain freedom. In the position the crab is in, it is a very immediate and lofty goal. If the crabs worked together, one or more of their fellows would achieve freedom, and all would share in the success.
Unfortunately, people seem to behave in the same manner on a more frequent basis than we would like to see.
On a daily basis I ask for help to reach my own goals, and love to help be a part of others success.
The work done over the time of the journey has given improvement in this area; likely not perfection, but man it feels good to be part of success, even if by association.
On a daily basis, may we be free of the “Crab Bucket Syndrome”. (www.hopeserenity.ca)
Crab Bucket Syndrome
What a fabulous day yesterday with my grand kids. With no other adults around, and with the range of things that we did, I loved seeing the day through the eyes of children; and being “silly” at times also. I’m so grateful that the journey I’m on allowed me to have a day like that.
A couple of weeks ago, I shared with a friend something someone had shared with me about crab buckets. Crab buckets are not an item I give a lot of thought to normally, but did when I heard the term, and once again did when my friend reminded me.
I was told that when crabs are put into a bucket (bait for fishing I assume); they will climb over each other in an attempt to regain freedom. As a crab approaches the top of the bucket and the achievement of its goal, its peers will drag it back into the mass.
I think of this as the crab bucket syndrome.
I know their have been times in my life where I have been jealous of another’s success, and have, in my own fashion, done something to pull them back with the rest of us mere mortals.
On the flip side, I’ve certainly felt the crab bucket syndrome as I’ve climbed out of my own bucket, and witnessed it in varying degrees thousands of times.
Why do people sabotage the success of others? Could it be a self-esteem issue within them?
The crab in the case above has a goal; to climb out of the mass and regain freedom. In the position the crab is in, it is a very immediate and lofty goal. If the crabs worked together, one or more of their fellows would achieve freedom, and all would share in the success.
Unfortunately, people seem to behave in the same manner on a more frequent basis than we would like to see.
On a daily basis I ask for help to reach my own goals, and love to help be a part of others success.
The work done over the time of the journey has given improvement in this area; likely not perfection, but man it feels good to be part of success, even if by association.
On a daily basis, may we be free of the “Crab Bucket Syndrome”. (www.hopeserenity.ca)
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Walk.Don't Run
Walk.Don't Run
WALK. DON'T RUN
Another reading reminded me of the title of one of those great old songs from my past- "Walk. Don’t Run". Who did that one? The Ventures
I certainly remember when I finally accepted that my life needed major change, and found the courage to go out and get the help I needed to identify the path to change. I remember hearing from a respected Doctor Psychologist friend that the 12 steps were a great model for good mental hygiene.
I was, and I guess instinctively still am, a person who when he wants it, he wants it now. I approached life recovery with a vengeance; if we're going to do it, let's get it done. Easy to say patience was not one of my virtues. I learned the hard way, I had to trudge the road of recovery and be thorough in what I was doing. Change required big change on my part and it had taken me 46 years of living to get into the bad place I was in. This quote from "Experience, Strength and Hope" rings very true to me.
"Impatience
We must learn to walk before we can run. That's why we have these slogans.
I use that "Easy Does It" every day, to slow me down a little. . .
Before I step out and do anything, I stop and check it over first,
and then let my conscience be my guide."
As hard as it is, because it is against the way I am wired, I must sit back and remember to walk, not run. Just ask me about the story about the old bull and young bull high on a hill overlooking a herd of cows. A true "walk don't run" story. But through slowing down and doing things thoroughly, my patience has increase a thousand fold, but it took hard work. Today, patience is a virtue that I understand and quite often, can put into practice.
Looking to improve patience as you address things that need change in your life? It is a learned skill! (www.hopeserenity.ca)
WALK. DON'T RUN
Another reading reminded me of the title of one of those great old songs from my past- "Walk. Don’t Run". Who did that one? The Ventures
I certainly remember when I finally accepted that my life needed major change, and found the courage to go out and get the help I needed to identify the path to change. I remember hearing from a respected Doctor Psychologist friend that the 12 steps were a great model for good mental hygiene.
I was, and I guess instinctively still am, a person who when he wants it, he wants it now. I approached life recovery with a vengeance; if we're going to do it, let's get it done. Easy to say patience was not one of my virtues. I learned the hard way, I had to trudge the road of recovery and be thorough in what I was doing. Change required big change on my part and it had taken me 46 years of living to get into the bad place I was in. This quote from "Experience, Strength and Hope" rings very true to me.
"Impatience
We must learn to walk before we can run. That's why we have these slogans.
I use that "Easy Does It" every day, to slow me down a little. . .
Before I step out and do anything, I stop and check it over first,
and then let my conscience be my guide."
As hard as it is, because it is against the way I am wired, I must sit back and remember to walk, not run. Just ask me about the story about the old bull and young bull high on a hill overlooking a herd of cows. A true "walk don't run" story. But through slowing down and doing things thoroughly, my patience has increase a thousand fold, but it took hard work. Today, patience is a virtue that I understand and quite often, can put into practice.
Looking to improve patience as you address things that need change in your life? It is a learned skill! (www.hopeserenity.ca)
Monday, March 29, 2010
DO YOU ENGAGE IN VIOLENCE?
Do you engage in violence?
Time once again to give thought to points raised by my coaching mentor, Dr. Randin Brons, in his Idea Engineer.
At first blush, this headline evoked an immediate “NO”. Violence is not something I’ve ever really engaged in. Then I reread the articles and quotes, and began to think about what violence really includes.
"It is our basic right to be a happy person, happy family, and eventually a happy world. That should be our goal." -- Dalai Lama
"There are three kinds of violence: one, through our deeds; two, through our words; and three, through our thoughts. ... The root of all violence is in the world of thoughts, and that is why training the mind is so important." -- Eknath Easwaran
“Little adjustments to our attitude and approach each day can create a major difference in our appreciation of life. On the surface, nothing changes. At the same time, absolutely everything does.
Use your awareness or your imagination to bring happiness to this moment. Find something to appreciate. Do this as often as you remember to do so and your world will transform?
" ... we can no longer afford to throw away even one 'unimportant' day by not noticing the wonder of it all. We have to be willing to discover and then appreciate the authentic moments of happiness available to all of us every day." -- Sarah Ban Breathnach
While there's plenty of violence in the world, not many of us engage in violent actions. But are we violent at times with the words we speak? How often do we think vicious thoughts?
We may assume our thinking is an internal matter that has no bearing on the quality of life in the world. Perhaps we need to think again.”
"The ancestor of every destructive action, every destructive decision, is a negative thought." -- Eknath Easwaran
"We are what our thoughts have made us; so take care about what you think. Words are secondary. Thoughts live; they travel far." -- Swami Vivekananda
I am sure there have been times when I was violent with the spoken word. I can think of times recently where my thoughts have been violent. Through the process of creative life recovery and applying the principles learned on a daily basis, my mind has been trained to be far less violent on an ascending basis; but this is behavior learned from coaches and put into practice! (www.hope-serenity.com)
Time once again to give thought to points raised by my coaching mentor, Dr. Randin Brons, in his Idea Engineer.
At first blush, this headline evoked an immediate “NO”. Violence is not something I’ve ever really engaged in. Then I reread the articles and quotes, and began to think about what violence really includes.
"It is our basic right to be a happy person, happy family, and eventually a happy world. That should be our goal." -- Dalai Lama
"There are three kinds of violence: one, through our deeds; two, through our words; and three, through our thoughts. ... The root of all violence is in the world of thoughts, and that is why training the mind is so important." -- Eknath Easwaran
“Little adjustments to our attitude and approach each day can create a major difference in our appreciation of life. On the surface, nothing changes. At the same time, absolutely everything does.
Use your awareness or your imagination to bring happiness to this moment. Find something to appreciate. Do this as often as you remember to do so and your world will transform?
" ... we can no longer afford to throw away even one 'unimportant' day by not noticing the wonder of it all. We have to be willing to discover and then appreciate the authentic moments of happiness available to all of us every day." -- Sarah Ban Breathnach
While there's plenty of violence in the world, not many of us engage in violent actions. But are we violent at times with the words we speak? How often do we think vicious thoughts?
We may assume our thinking is an internal matter that has no bearing on the quality of life in the world. Perhaps we need to think again.”
"The ancestor of every destructive action, every destructive decision, is a negative thought." -- Eknath Easwaran
"We are what our thoughts have made us; so take care about what you think. Words are secondary. Thoughts live; they travel far." -- Swami Vivekananda
I am sure there have been times when I was violent with the spoken word. I can think of times recently where my thoughts have been violent. Through the process of creative life recovery and applying the principles learned on a daily basis, my mind has been trained to be far less violent on an ascending basis; but this is behavior learned from coaches and put into practice! (www.hope-serenity.com)
Friday, March 26, 2010
THE SECRET ABOUT SECRETS
THE SECRET ABOUT SECRETS
THE SECRET ABOUT SECRETS
"Nothing makes us so lonely as our secrets. ~ Paul Tournier ~
Paul Tournier is arguably the world’s most spiritual physician. A Swiss doctor, his practise has impacted people world wide.
If a renowned person like Dr. Tournier appreciates the power of secrets; the huge negative impact they have on out life, why do we so often insist on keeping secrets.
The secret about secrets is that they can destroy your happiness and peace of mind. An amusing thing about secrets; often all around you know what you think is the best kept secret in town. The only one who thinks it is a secret is you!
Case in point.
A person I have worked with for a long time is a well known Doctor who had a thriving speciality practise in a close knit, but sizable community. His secret- he drank to excess. When he approached me for help with his secret drinking life, he swore me to secrecy.
We’re out for lunch one day and another Doctor I knew happened to be there. The two docs did not know each other. Doctor number two comes up, says Hi and asks if he can speak to me privately. We do that. Doc2 asks me if I know I’m having lunch with the biggest drunk in town. I smile and do not confirm but return to lunch with Doc1. I tell him what has just transpired and he is floored! He came to learn that his secret was the worst kept secret in town.
I must admit, pre life recovery I had a few of those secrets, and while I knew a ton of people, I was constantly lonely.
I have come to learn over the past decade and a half that keeping MY secrets was really about keeping them from me. No surprise, there were some realities of life I was in denial about and in trying to be secretive, I helped create a self -fulfilling prophecy- I was as sick as my secrets and as Tournier points out- my secrets kept me lonely.
Part of getting my life back was getting my secrets outside of me including on paper. Next was accepting them as truth. Then came finding someone I trusted and sharing those secrets. As was the case of my Doc1 friend, as the secrets came out into the open, I found out several were only a secret to me. Getting them out in the open allowed me to move forward towards the life I was meant to live.
So there you have it. The secret about secrets.
Got some that are driving a wedge into your life? Go get the help you need to unburden yourself and get ready to make a positive move forward!
THE SECRET ABOUT SECRETS
"Nothing makes us so lonely as our secrets. ~ Paul Tournier ~
Paul Tournier is arguably the world’s most spiritual physician. A Swiss doctor, his practise has impacted people world wide.
If a renowned person like Dr. Tournier appreciates the power of secrets; the huge negative impact they have on out life, why do we so often insist on keeping secrets.
The secret about secrets is that they can destroy your happiness and peace of mind. An amusing thing about secrets; often all around you know what you think is the best kept secret in town. The only one who thinks it is a secret is you!
Case in point.
A person I have worked with for a long time is a well known Doctor who had a thriving speciality practise in a close knit, but sizable community. His secret- he drank to excess. When he approached me for help with his secret drinking life, he swore me to secrecy.
We’re out for lunch one day and another Doctor I knew happened to be there. The two docs did not know each other. Doctor number two comes up, says Hi and asks if he can speak to me privately. We do that. Doc2 asks me if I know I’m having lunch with the biggest drunk in town. I smile and do not confirm but return to lunch with Doc1. I tell him what has just transpired and he is floored! He came to learn that his secret was the worst kept secret in town.
I must admit, pre life recovery I had a few of those secrets, and while I knew a ton of people, I was constantly lonely.
I have come to learn over the past decade and a half that keeping MY secrets was really about keeping them from me. No surprise, there were some realities of life I was in denial about and in trying to be secretive, I helped create a self -fulfilling prophecy- I was as sick as my secrets and as Tournier points out- my secrets kept me lonely.
Part of getting my life back was getting my secrets outside of me including on paper. Next was accepting them as truth. Then came finding someone I trusted and sharing those secrets. As was the case of my Doc1 friend, as the secrets came out into the open, I found out several were only a secret to me. Getting them out in the open allowed me to move forward towards the life I was meant to live.
So there you have it. The secret about secrets.
Got some that are driving a wedge into your life? Go get the help you need to unburden yourself and get ready to make a positive move forward!
Monday, March 22, 2010
ACCEPTING ME? WHY?
ACCEPTING ME? WHY?
ACCEPTING ME? WHY?
In my life and in the work I do, I have met so many great people. Why is it that so many of us can't accept the great person we are and go through life feeling less than, not worthy and have a low opinion of ourselves?
Often I ask clients if they will loan me a sum of money well beyond there means. There is usually a pause, and then the clients say no. Why, I ask. Normally the response is that they haven't got it.
So how can I give to others what I haven't got for myself? How can I give you (or anyone) real love when I don't know what it is because I don't have it for me? This should get you thinking! How can I accept you for who you really are when I don't accept me? While I will focus on "self acceptance", it applies to so many areas of our lives.
I was shocked those years ago when it became apparent that I didn't accept the good in me and the truly good person I was. (I had no love for myself and did not truly know what "intimacy" was except that it was a word).
Today I accept myself so that I may accept others.
I seek to be in unity with the world around me. I desire to live in harmony with the people in my life.
The process of peace begins inside me.
When I am unhappy with myself, I am unable to accept others. Like a dark cloud, rejection blocks me from seeing others with objectivity. I accept myself so that I may accept others.
I have come to terms with my imperfections. I may not be perfect, but have the will power necessary to improve the things that need improving and to forgive myself for the things I cannot change.
When I am gracious and forgiving of myself, I am able to do it for others. Instead of being my own worst critic, picking apart everything about myself, I am my biggest cheerleader. I love the person I see in the mirror!
Perfection is not a necessity of life; happiness is. I choose to be happy with who I am rather than reject myself over things that have no value. Happiness releases me from the pursuit of perfection.
Accepting myself prevents me from placing my own flaws on others. Self-acceptance is like a ray of sunshine that evaporates the fog that prohibits me from seeing the good in others.
Loving myself allows me to cleanse the lens through which I view the world.
I am able to seek the positive in every situation because I am confident in myself. Negativity and criticism have evaporated with the fog and are no longer a part of me.
Today, I choose to shine my light and dissipate the clouds of negativity. By celebrating who I am, I empower myself to love others.
Self-Reflection Questions:
1. Why is it important for me to be my biggest cheerleader?
2. How does self-acceptance empower me?
3. How can I cleanse the lens through which I view others?
Find these questions a little challenging or intimidating, contact me trough this site or www.coached-to-success.com.
ACCEPTING ME? WHY?
In my life and in the work I do, I have met so many great people. Why is it that so many of us can't accept the great person we are and go through life feeling less than, not worthy and have a low opinion of ourselves?
Often I ask clients if they will loan me a sum of money well beyond there means. There is usually a pause, and then the clients say no. Why, I ask. Normally the response is that they haven't got it.
So how can I give to others what I haven't got for myself? How can I give you (or anyone) real love when I don't know what it is because I don't have it for me? This should get you thinking! How can I accept you for who you really are when I don't accept me? While I will focus on "self acceptance", it applies to so many areas of our lives.
I was shocked those years ago when it became apparent that I didn't accept the good in me and the truly good person I was. (I had no love for myself and did not truly know what "intimacy" was except that it was a word).
Today I accept myself so that I may accept others.
I seek to be in unity with the world around me. I desire to live in harmony with the people in my life.
The process of peace begins inside me.
When I am unhappy with myself, I am unable to accept others. Like a dark cloud, rejection blocks me from seeing others with objectivity. I accept myself so that I may accept others.
I have come to terms with my imperfections. I may not be perfect, but have the will power necessary to improve the things that need improving and to forgive myself for the things I cannot change.
When I am gracious and forgiving of myself, I am able to do it for others. Instead of being my own worst critic, picking apart everything about myself, I am my biggest cheerleader. I love the person I see in the mirror!
Perfection is not a necessity of life; happiness is. I choose to be happy with who I am rather than reject myself over things that have no value. Happiness releases me from the pursuit of perfection.
Accepting myself prevents me from placing my own flaws on others. Self-acceptance is like a ray of sunshine that evaporates the fog that prohibits me from seeing the good in others.
Loving myself allows me to cleanse the lens through which I view the world.
I am able to seek the positive in every situation because I am confident in myself. Negativity and criticism have evaporated with the fog and are no longer a part of me.
Today, I choose to shine my light and dissipate the clouds of negativity. By celebrating who I am, I empower myself to love others.
Self-Reflection Questions:
1. Why is it important for me to be my biggest cheerleader?
2. How does self-acceptance empower me?
3. How can I cleanse the lens through which I view others?
Find these questions a little challenging or intimidating, contact me trough this site or www.coached-to-success.com.
Friday, March 19, 2010
GETTING HELP-THE BARGAIN OF A LIFETIME
GETTING HELP-THE BARGAIN OF A LIFETIME
GETTING HELP-THE BARGAIN OF A LIFETIME
My buddy Patrick Meninga writes some very thought provoking articles on his site, www.spiritualriver.com. While his focus is on addictions, anyone suffering from living issues, depression, general unhappiness, constant restlessness and frequent feelings of discontent should be able to relate to where Patrick is coming from, and for that matter, where I am coming from. Patrick and I have exchanged frequent ideas and at one time partnered, and we believe very similar principals as to the holistic approach one should consider when creatively recovering a great life YOU were meant to lead.
This article from Patrick on the bargains of treatment is extremely long. I am printing but a small portion. If it gets your attention, I invite you to go to my web site, www.hope-serenity.com, where it is published in full.
Looking for bargains and living a troubled life, then look no farther!
10 Reasons Why Addiction Treatment is the Bargain of a Lifetime
Posted: 16 Mar 2010 09:47 AM PDT
Some people believe that addiction treatment is rather expensive. They might even be outraged that addiction treatment services could possibly cost so much money, and not understand why the success rates are not higher than what they are.
But quality treatment is actually the deal of a lifetime. Here’s why:
1. Continuing to use drugs and alcohol is a huge financial drain to the individual.
2. Good treatment for addiction can yield tremendous spiritual growth.
3. Relationships are eventually restored following successful treatment.
4. Life experience is enriched as recovery puts the focus back on learning.
5. There is a focus in recovery on personal growth and continuous self improvement.
6. Those who succeed in recovery learn to do more with less, enjoying the benefits and spiritual gains from humility, simplicity, and a new sense of gratitude.
7. People in recovery have a renewed sense of energy for life, and can thus tackle new growth experiences that were previously closed to them.
8. When treatment is successful, it multiplies our success in other areas of our lives.
9. Healthy people in addiction recovery will naturally embrace holistic health, learning to treat their mind, body and soul with great care.
10. The successfully recovering addict or alcohol can now, in turn, help others to recover.
2. Continuing to use drugs and alcohol is a huge financial drain to the individual
The cost of drug addiction and alcoholism is absolutely staggering. Most drug rehabs do an exercise whereby they have everybody take out pencil and paper and attempt to calculate everything they have spent on drugs and alcohol. But actually they have them go a step further and have them total up all of the money that was spent due to their addiction in general. This includes incidental costs such as legal fees, wrecked cars, lost homes, and so on.
The outcome of such an exercise is always shocking. Every single person underestimates what their addiction has cost them. It is only through carefully adding up the full, true impact that their disease has had on them that they can really see what it has cost them. Most people who have been using drugs and alcohol for several years have spent at least a quarter of a million dollars on their disease. Some people who have been using for decades have spent over a million dollars.
To see the balance of the article, please go to www.hopeserenity.ca.
GETTING HELP-THE BARGAIN OF A LIFETIME
My buddy Patrick Meninga writes some very thought provoking articles on his site, www.spiritualriver.com. While his focus is on addictions, anyone suffering from living issues, depression, general unhappiness, constant restlessness and frequent feelings of discontent should be able to relate to where Patrick is coming from, and for that matter, where I am coming from. Patrick and I have exchanged frequent ideas and at one time partnered, and we believe very similar principals as to the holistic approach one should consider when creatively recovering a great life YOU were meant to lead.
This article from Patrick on the bargains of treatment is extremely long. I am printing but a small portion. If it gets your attention, I invite you to go to my web site, www.hope-serenity.com, where it is published in full.
Looking for bargains and living a troubled life, then look no farther!
10 Reasons Why Addiction Treatment is the Bargain of a Lifetime
Posted: 16 Mar 2010 09:47 AM PDT
Some people believe that addiction treatment is rather expensive. They might even be outraged that addiction treatment services could possibly cost so much money, and not understand why the success rates are not higher than what they are.
But quality treatment is actually the deal of a lifetime. Here’s why:
1. Continuing to use drugs and alcohol is a huge financial drain to the individual.
2. Good treatment for addiction can yield tremendous spiritual growth.
3. Relationships are eventually restored following successful treatment.
4. Life experience is enriched as recovery puts the focus back on learning.
5. There is a focus in recovery on personal growth and continuous self improvement.
6. Those who succeed in recovery learn to do more with less, enjoying the benefits and spiritual gains from humility, simplicity, and a new sense of gratitude.
7. People in recovery have a renewed sense of energy for life, and can thus tackle new growth experiences that were previously closed to them.
8. When treatment is successful, it multiplies our success in other areas of our lives.
9. Healthy people in addiction recovery will naturally embrace holistic health, learning to treat their mind, body and soul with great care.
10. The successfully recovering addict or alcohol can now, in turn, help others to recover.
2. Continuing to use drugs and alcohol is a huge financial drain to the individual
The cost of drug addiction and alcoholism is absolutely staggering. Most drug rehabs do an exercise whereby they have everybody take out pencil and paper and attempt to calculate everything they have spent on drugs and alcohol. But actually they have them go a step further and have them total up all of the money that was spent due to their addiction in general. This includes incidental costs such as legal fees, wrecked cars, lost homes, and so on.
The outcome of such an exercise is always shocking. Every single person underestimates what their addiction has cost them. It is only through carefully adding up the full, true impact that their disease has had on them that they can really see what it has cost them. Most people who have been using drugs and alcohol for several years have spent at least a quarter of a million dollars on their disease. Some people who have been using for decades have spent over a million dollars.
To see the balance of the article, please go to www.hopeserenity.ca.
Thursday, March 18, 2010
WANT PEACE OF MIND?
WANT PEACE OF MIND?
WANT PEACE OF MIND?
About 16 years ago; regular peace of mind was not something I was blessed with, and I missed it. The term "sleep like a baby was" was not one I could relate to although I could remember doing so in my distant past. My mind was constantly at work and jumped from idea to idea non-stop and at night, some common themes kept racing. Most of the thoughts were negative and those that were not were grandiose. Constant mind chatter and clutter. I was creating a dark "Disneyworld" and beginning to live there, and was turning more and more to destructive habits and actions to allow me to escape the bad neighborhood that was inside my head. Trouble was, when I sobered up or quit acting out, the things I was escaping were still there, and often had become even worse through the escape actions I had taken. Can you relate, or see this happening on an increasing basis in your life? Are you experiencing depression because of stress and/or the things you do to escape it? Have you lost a large amount of respect for yourself and are you starting to feel "less than" or like a doormat? If you can relate, you are not alone! BUT THERE IS HOPE!!!! Thought to Ponder . . .I never imagined that the greatest achievement of my life would be peace of mind. I had never considered that my greatest achievement of my life would be peace of mind; enjoying that wonderful feeling I know as serenity today. To get there took hard work and the guidance of some experts. I was ready for change, I got the support needed to reinforce my personal courage, and embarked on a journey to get a me back complete with a life I love; a life with daily serenity where peace of mind is of prime importance. Interested in having the same type of experience? It is there for all who REALLY want it and are courageous enough to get the guidance they need and do the work required. No gain without some pain and nothing changes unless YOU change, but for me, getting peace of mind was worth it. It would be my pleasure to freely share my own experience with you; the journey I took to regain that great gift, serenity and peace of mind. The journey continues for me through this day, and life, even with the curve balls that come along, keeps getting better! The actions I have taken are not unique, they are tried and true. Asking for and taking help require courage and commitment to change!
WANT PEACE OF MIND?
About 16 years ago; regular peace of mind was not something I was blessed with, and I missed it. The term "sleep like a baby was" was not one I could relate to although I could remember doing so in my distant past. My mind was constantly at work and jumped from idea to idea non-stop and at night, some common themes kept racing. Most of the thoughts were negative and those that were not were grandiose. Constant mind chatter and clutter. I was creating a dark "Disneyworld" and beginning to live there, and was turning more and more to destructive habits and actions to allow me to escape the bad neighborhood that was inside my head. Trouble was, when I sobered up or quit acting out, the things I was escaping were still there, and often had become even worse through the escape actions I had taken. Can you relate, or see this happening on an increasing basis in your life? Are you experiencing depression because of stress and/or the things you do to escape it? Have you lost a large amount of respect for yourself and are you starting to feel "less than" or like a doormat? If you can relate, you are not alone! BUT THERE IS HOPE!!!! Thought to Ponder . . .I never imagined that the greatest achievement of my life would be peace of mind. I had never considered that my greatest achievement of my life would be peace of mind; enjoying that wonderful feeling I know as serenity today. To get there took hard work and the guidance of some experts. I was ready for change, I got the support needed to reinforce my personal courage, and embarked on a journey to get a me back complete with a life I love; a life with daily serenity where peace of mind is of prime importance. Interested in having the same type of experience? It is there for all who REALLY want it and are courageous enough to get the guidance they need and do the work required. No gain without some pain and nothing changes unless YOU change, but for me, getting peace of mind was worth it. It would be my pleasure to freely share my own experience with you; the journey I took to regain that great gift, serenity and peace of mind. The journey continues for me through this day, and life, even with the curve balls that come along, keeps getting better! The actions I have taken are not unique, they are tried and true. Asking for and taking help require courage and commitment to change!
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
AN APPROACH TO TODAY
AN APPROACH TO TODAY
Once again, along comes my coaching mentor Dr. Randin Brons with another Idea Engineer. Thought provoking.
Couple this approach with the question you should ask each day about actions you are contemplating –“How important is it?”- and your days may become a pleasant dance with more balance than you thought possible!
A reminder, if you want to improve your daily balance I offer a free checklist for balance at www.hopeserenity.ca.
Dance through your day
"Mix a little foolishness with your serious plans: it's lovely to be silly at the right moment." -- Horace
Today, we invite you to do the Take-Your-Time Tango. In his book 'Games for the Soul,' Drew Leder challenges us to dance through our days with the graceful, slow elegance of a tango dancer.
Slow down a notch," Leder counsels. "Do whatever you do in a calm and leisurely fashion. ... As much as possible, don't be driven by inner fear, external deadlines, or rushed companions to stumble through a speeded-up dance. Act as if you have all the time in the world. Come to think of it, you do: No one else has any more hours."
So stand (or sit) tall. Raise your chin as you gather your full concentration, dignity and self confidence to glide smoothly and beautifully through the day.
"We look at the dance to impart the sensation of living in an affirmation of life, to energize the spectator into keener awareness of the vigour, the mystery, the humour, the variety, and the wonder of life." -- Martha Graham
I love to “dance through my days” and sometimes it is a tango. One of the joys of my life is working with others in what I guess could be considered a life dance lesson. I’m grateful for the teachers I had! Life is for living and laughing!!
Once again, along comes my coaching mentor Dr. Randin Brons with another Idea Engineer. Thought provoking.
Couple this approach with the question you should ask each day about actions you are contemplating –“How important is it?”- and your days may become a pleasant dance with more balance than you thought possible!
A reminder, if you want to improve your daily balance I offer a free checklist for balance at www.hopeserenity.ca.
Dance through your day
"Mix a little foolishness with your serious plans: it's lovely to be silly at the right moment." -- Horace
Today, we invite you to do the Take-Your-Time Tango. In his book 'Games for the Soul,' Drew Leder challenges us to dance through our days with the graceful, slow elegance of a tango dancer.
Slow down a notch," Leder counsels. "Do whatever you do in a calm and leisurely fashion. ... As much as possible, don't be driven by inner fear, external deadlines, or rushed companions to stumble through a speeded-up dance. Act as if you have all the time in the world. Come to think of it, you do: No one else has any more hours."
So stand (or sit) tall. Raise your chin as you gather your full concentration, dignity and self confidence to glide smoothly and beautifully through the day.
"We look at the dance to impart the sensation of living in an affirmation of life, to energize the spectator into keener awareness of the vigour, the mystery, the humour, the variety, and the wonder of life." -- Martha Graham
I love to “dance through my days” and sometimes it is a tango. One of the joys of my life is working with others in what I guess could be considered a life dance lesson. I’m grateful for the teachers I had! Life is for living and laughing!!
AN APPROACH TO TODAY
AN APPROACH TO TODAY
AN APPROACH TO TODAY
Once again, along comes my coaching mentor Dr. Randin Brons with another Idea Engineer. Thought provoking.
Couple this approach with the question you should ask each day about actions you are contemplating –“How important is it?”- and your days may become a pleasant dance with more balance than you thought possible!
A reminder, if you want to improve your daily balance I offer a free checklist for balance at www.hopeserenity.ca.
Dance through your day
"Mix a little foolishness with your serious plans: it's lovely to be silly at the right moment." -- Horace
Today, we invite you to do the Take-Your-Time Tango. In his book 'Games for the Soul,' Drew Leder challenges us to dance through our days with the graceful, slow elegance of a tango dancer.
Slow down a notch," Leder counsels. "Do whatever you do in a calm and leisurely fashion. ... As much as possible, don't be driven by inner fear, external deadlines, or rushed companions to stumble through a speeded-up dance. Act as if you have all the time in the world. Come to think of it, you do: No one else has any more hours."
So stand (or sit) tall. Raise your chin as you gather your full concentration, dignity and self confidence to glide smoothly and beautifully through the day.
"We look at the dance to impart the sensation of living in an affirmation of life, to energize the spectator into keener awareness of the vigour, the mystery, the humour, the variety, and the wonder of life." -- Martha Graham
I love to “dance through my days” and sometimes it is a tango. One of the joys of my life is working with others in what I guess could be considered a life dance lesson. I’m grateful for the teachers I had! Life is for living and laughing!!
AN APPROACH TO TODAY
Once again, along comes my coaching mentor Dr. Randin Brons with another Idea Engineer. Thought provoking.
Couple this approach with the question you should ask each day about actions you are contemplating –“How important is it?”- and your days may become a pleasant dance with more balance than you thought possible!
A reminder, if you want to improve your daily balance I offer a free checklist for balance at www.hopeserenity.ca.
Dance through your day
"Mix a little foolishness with your serious plans: it's lovely to be silly at the right moment." -- Horace
Today, we invite you to do the Take-Your-Time Tango. In his book 'Games for the Soul,' Drew Leder challenges us to dance through our days with the graceful, slow elegance of a tango dancer.
Slow down a notch," Leder counsels. "Do whatever you do in a calm and leisurely fashion. ... As much as possible, don't be driven by inner fear, external deadlines, or rushed companions to stumble through a speeded-up dance. Act as if you have all the time in the world. Come to think of it, you do: No one else has any more hours."
So stand (or sit) tall. Raise your chin as you gather your full concentration, dignity and self confidence to glide smoothly and beautifully through the day.
"We look at the dance to impart the sensation of living in an affirmation of life, to energize the spectator into keener awareness of the vigour, the mystery, the humour, the variety, and the wonder of life." -- Martha Graham
I love to “dance through my days” and sometimes it is a tango. One of the joys of my life is working with others in what I guess could be considered a life dance lesson. I’m grateful for the teachers I had! Life is for living and laughing!!
Monday, March 15, 2010
SLIP SLIDING AWAY
SLIP SLIDING AWAY
I remember this song so well, and it had a whole new meaning to me.
I have seen too many lives just "slip sliding away.
Although the context I will reference has to do with addictions, it relates as appropriately to any major life change a person makes. As an example, I have seen people who have spent a lot of time and money on weight loss just let their progress slip slide away.
"Slips", in my opinion, are a planned action. They don't just happen. If you’re not in tune with your internal thought process, they can, to your conscious mind, just happen but in the subconscious the slip is premeditated.
There are many ways to safe guard against going dramatically backwards and it is something I address in depth with those I work with. This like getting over any denial and 100% acceptance, living a holistically balance life, enjoying reasonable self-esteem- all these things and more insure regression doesn't take place.
While you may not specifically have an addiction problem, you will likely relate to this passage as easily as the addicted:
Slipping
A common rationalization about not making the program goes like this: "Harry over there slipped ten times before he made it. So what if I slip a few times?"
What is overlooked is that the last time Jack slipped, he slipped into a coffin; the last time Bob slipped, his baby son burned to death in a crib because of Bob's negligence, the last time Ann slipped, she got strychnine poisoning and became blind; and the last time Jim slipped, he tried to kill his wife and nearly did.
We're not playing games here. This is a matter of life and death.
Have I stopped slipping?
Higher Power, let me know that it is not only my life but the lives of others that I endanger by playing loaded games.
Day by Day - Second Edition by Anonymous
Would you point a revolver with one bullet in it at your head and pull the trigger?
I certainly don't mean to be dramatic, but achieving the place you want to be in your life is a serious business, and not being serious about change can be fatal. I've been to the funerals (and not just of addicted people) to know it to be true.
I hope this gives a few people who read this something to think about. Don't let your life go "Slip Sliding Away". If you’re interested in this subject and discussion, let's talk!
I remember this song so well, and it had a whole new meaning to me.
I have seen too many lives just "slip sliding away.
Although the context I will reference has to do with addictions, it relates as appropriately to any major life change a person makes. As an example, I have seen people who have spent a lot of time and money on weight loss just let their progress slip slide away.
"Slips", in my opinion, are a planned action. They don't just happen. If you’re not in tune with your internal thought process, they can, to your conscious mind, just happen but in the subconscious the slip is premeditated.
There are many ways to safe guard against going dramatically backwards and it is something I address in depth with those I work with. This like getting over any denial and 100% acceptance, living a holistically balance life, enjoying reasonable self-esteem- all these things and more insure regression doesn't take place.
While you may not specifically have an addiction problem, you will likely relate to this passage as easily as the addicted:
Slipping
A common rationalization about not making the program goes like this: "Harry over there slipped ten times before he made it. So what if I slip a few times?"
What is overlooked is that the last time Jack slipped, he slipped into a coffin; the last time Bob slipped, his baby son burned to death in a crib because of Bob's negligence, the last time Ann slipped, she got strychnine poisoning and became blind; and the last time Jim slipped, he tried to kill his wife and nearly did.
We're not playing games here. This is a matter of life and death.
Have I stopped slipping?
Higher Power, let me know that it is not only my life but the lives of others that I endanger by playing loaded games.
Day by Day - Second Edition by Anonymous
Would you point a revolver with one bullet in it at your head and pull the trigger?
I certainly don't mean to be dramatic, but achieving the place you want to be in your life is a serious business, and not being serious about change can be fatal. I've been to the funerals (and not just of addicted people) to know it to be true.
I hope this gives a few people who read this something to think about. Don't let your life go "Slip Sliding Away". If you’re interested in this subject and discussion, let's talk!
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
REMEMBER YOUR SPIRITUAL SIDE
REMEMBER YOUR SPIRITUAL SIDE
Remember your spiritual side
Just back from a great vacation in Dothan, Alabama. If you are a golfer and looking for great value, I'd highly recommend the Dothan National.
Every time I travel, I am reminded how important a spiritual life is to my enjoyment of life. While I personally don't darken the doors of too many churches, I've enjoyed a week or so away where concious contact with a Higher Power I have come to know was at a very high level. Today in going through my email, I was pleased to get the following from my coaching mentor, Dr. Randin Brons.
I hope it gives you something to ponder!
"The function of prayer is not to influence God, but rather to change the nature of the one who prays." -- Soren Kierkegaard
Reminding ourselves often of our spiritual natures truly changes the quality of our lives. It helps us relax, slow down, lighten up, and generally find more space and joy in life.
When we get down on ourselves or life, we can pull back and ask, "How might my soul regard this situation? What am I being invited to experience?"
This shift in perspective helps us let go of the resistance that always comes with negativity. As energy once again begins to flow, our outlook brightens.
"Spirituality is the sacred center out of which all life comes, including Mondays and Tuesdays and rainy Saturday afternoons in all their mundane and glorious detail. ... The spiritual journey is the soul's life commingling with ordinary life." -- Christina Baldwin
"It is not my business to think about myself. My business is to think about God. It is for God to think about me." -- Simone Weil
Remember your spiritual side
Just back from a great vacation in Dothan, Alabama. If you are a golfer and looking for great value, I'd highly recommend the Dothan National.
Every time I travel, I am reminded how important a spiritual life is to my enjoyment of life. While I personally don't darken the doors of too many churches, I've enjoyed a week or so away where concious contact with a Higher Power I have come to know was at a very high level. Today in going through my email, I was pleased to get the following from my coaching mentor, Dr. Randin Brons.
I hope it gives you something to ponder!
"The function of prayer is not to influence God, but rather to change the nature of the one who prays." -- Soren Kierkegaard
Reminding ourselves often of our spiritual natures truly changes the quality of our lives. It helps us relax, slow down, lighten up, and generally find more space and joy in life.
When we get down on ourselves or life, we can pull back and ask, "How might my soul regard this situation? What am I being invited to experience?"
This shift in perspective helps us let go of the resistance that always comes with negativity. As energy once again begins to flow, our outlook brightens.
"Spirituality is the sacred center out of which all life comes, including Mondays and Tuesdays and rainy Saturday afternoons in all their mundane and glorious detail. ... The spiritual journey is the soul's life commingling with ordinary life." -- Christina Baldwin
"It is not my business to think about myself. My business is to think about God. It is for God to think about me." -- Simone Weil
REMEMBER YOUR SPIRITUAL SIDE
Remember your spiritual side
Just back from a great vacation in Dothan, Alabama. If you are a golfer and looking for great value, I'd highly recommend the Dothan National.
Every time I travel, I am reminded how important a spiritual life is to my enjoyment of life. While I personally don't darken the doors of too many churches, I've enjoyed a week or so away where concious contact with a Higher Power I have come to know was at a very high level. Today in going through my email, I was pleased to get the following from my coaching mentor, Dr. Randin Brons.
I hope it gives you something to ponder!
"The function of prayer is not to influence God, but rather to change the nature of the one who prays." -- Soren Kierkegaard
Reminding ourselves often of our spiritual natures truly changes the quality of our lives. It helps us relax, slow down, lighten up, and generally find more space and joy in life.
When we get down on ourselves or life, we can pull back and ask, "How might my soul regard this situation? What am I being invited to experience?"
This shift in perspective helps us let go of the resistance that always comes with negativity. As energy once again begins to flow, our outlook brightens.
"Spirituality is the sacred center out of which all life comes, including Mondays and Tuesdays and rainy Saturday afternoons in all their mundane and glorious detail. ... The spiritual journey is the soul's life commingling with ordinary life." -- Christina Baldwin
"It is not my business to think about myself. My business is to think about God. It is for God to think about me." -- Simone Weil
Just back from a great vacation in Dothan, Alabama. If you are a golfer and looking for great value, I'd highly recommend the Dothan National.
Every time I travel, I am reminded how important a spiritual life is to my enjoyment of life. While I personally don't darken the doors of too many churches, I've enjoyed a week or so away where concious contact with a Higher Power I have come to know was at a very high level. Today in going through my email, I was pleased to get the following from my coaching mentor, Dr. Randin Brons.
I hope it gives you something to ponder!
"The function of prayer is not to influence God, but rather to change the nature of the one who prays." -- Soren Kierkegaard
Reminding ourselves often of our spiritual natures truly changes the quality of our lives. It helps us relax, slow down, lighten up, and generally find more space and joy in life.
When we get down on ourselves or life, we can pull back and ask, "How might my soul regard this situation? What am I being invited to experience?"
This shift in perspective helps us let go of the resistance that always comes with negativity. As energy once again begins to flow, our outlook brightens.
"Spirituality is the sacred center out of which all life comes, including Mondays and Tuesdays and rainy Saturday afternoons in all their mundane and glorious detail. ... The spiritual journey is the soul's life commingling with ordinary life." -- Christina Baldwin
"It is not my business to think about myself. My business is to think about God. It is for God to think about me." -- Simone Weil
Friday, February 12, 2010
BEING ASSERTIVE-a daily practice
BEING ASSERTIVE-Daily Practice
I had to use a daily check list for about 10 years to help bring "balance" into my life. Balanced living did not come easy to me. I offer the checklist as a free download on my web site (www.hopeserenity.ca) and invite anyone who has a problem understanding and executing "daily balanced living" to download a copy.
One of the things I had to learn was to be assertive each day. As a "people pleaser", this wasn't something I did regularly and with low self-esteem and poor self-confidence I would either roll over or fight like crazy exposing my own insecurities.
Assertiveness does not mean aggressive or offensive. I offer this article to you as something to consider in your daily living. I hope it is of help and provides a tool to some of you who read it.
How to Be Assertive
Without Being Rude
or Controlling
How to Be Assertive Without Being Rude or Controlling
Assertiveness is an important skill that can make your life more enjoyable, but,
unfortunately, it's also vastly misconstrued. Sometimes it's difficult to be assertive, or make
your beliefs known, while still maintaining peace and understanding.
Assertive people often come off as rude or controlling. This is because generally people
don't like to be told what to do or how to do it. The trick is in learning how to stand
up for yourself without making others feel imposed upon. This is a skill you can
develop with a little know-how and practice.
Try using the following tips in order to properly assert yourself:
1. Choose your words carefully. This is especially important if you're going to assert
yourself in situations where you were previously passive. Think about the different
ways that your words can be interpreted. Write them down and read them back
to yourself if that helps.
• Remember that there's a fine line between being assertive and being aggressive.
2. Develop good listening skills. Being assertive takes some great communication
skills. Remember that communication has two sides - speaking and listening. Truly
listening will help you clearly understand the situation at hand. When you follow up
with thoughtful and assertive speech, others are more likely to value your opinion.
3. Avoid taking things personally. Since being assertive can be touchy, sometimes
you'll do everything right and still end up rubbing someone the wrong way.
Learn how to brush off comments that don't matter.
1
4. Be humble. You can combat resistance to your assertiveness by being humble. Avoid
bragging about yourself, even if it's in a joking manner.
5. Show confidence. People enjoy being led by people who ooze confidence. If you're
going to be assertive and take charge, show the confidence to back it up. People will
sense your lack of confidence if it isn't truly there, so give yourself permission to feel
good about yourself and your accomplishments.
6. Handle negative issues quickly. If problems arise, jump on them immediately. It's a
part of being assertive. Handle issues with kindness and respect and people will
remember you for it. If you let problems linger or treat them in a negative manner,
people will remember that too.
7. Deal with feelings of superiority. You're only human, so perhaps you do feel
superior in a situation where you're being assertive. If so, be careful to avoid acting
rudely.
8. Apologize for mistakes. When you're being assertive, you're no doubt in the
spotlight. When you make a mistake in the spotlight, everyone knows about it. Act
appropriately and apologize, and people will respect you for owning up to it.
Remember that the skill of assertiveness is something that develops over time. It
may be overwhelming to try to make drastic changes overnight. Ease yourself into it and test
the waters. It's always best to think with clarity and make your changes slowly.
With a gradual change, others will be more likely to accept your new assertiveness. Before
you know it, you'll have their respect for the new, improved you!
I had to use a daily check list for about 10 years to help bring "balance" into my life. Balanced living did not come easy to me. I offer the checklist as a free download on my web site (www.hopeserenity.ca) and invite anyone who has a problem understanding and executing "daily balanced living" to download a copy.
One of the things I had to learn was to be assertive each day. As a "people pleaser", this wasn't something I did regularly and with low self-esteem and poor self-confidence I would either roll over or fight like crazy exposing my own insecurities.
Assertiveness does not mean aggressive or offensive. I offer this article to you as something to consider in your daily living. I hope it is of help and provides a tool to some of you who read it.
How to Be Assertive
Without Being Rude
or Controlling
How to Be Assertive Without Being Rude or Controlling
Assertiveness is an important skill that can make your life more enjoyable, but,
unfortunately, it's also vastly misconstrued. Sometimes it's difficult to be assertive, or make
your beliefs known, while still maintaining peace and understanding.
Assertive people often come off as rude or controlling. This is because generally people
don't like to be told what to do or how to do it. The trick is in learning how to stand
up for yourself without making others feel imposed upon. This is a skill you can
develop with a little know-how and practice.
Try using the following tips in order to properly assert yourself:
1. Choose your words carefully. This is especially important if you're going to assert
yourself in situations where you were previously passive. Think about the different
ways that your words can be interpreted. Write them down and read them back
to yourself if that helps.
• Remember that there's a fine line between being assertive and being aggressive.
2. Develop good listening skills. Being assertive takes some great communication
skills. Remember that communication has two sides - speaking and listening. Truly
listening will help you clearly understand the situation at hand. When you follow up
with thoughtful and assertive speech, others are more likely to value your opinion.
3. Avoid taking things personally. Since being assertive can be touchy, sometimes
you'll do everything right and still end up rubbing someone the wrong way.
Learn how to brush off comments that don't matter.
1
4. Be humble. You can combat resistance to your assertiveness by being humble. Avoid
bragging about yourself, even if it's in a joking manner.
5. Show confidence. People enjoy being led by people who ooze confidence. If you're
going to be assertive and take charge, show the confidence to back it up. People will
sense your lack of confidence if it isn't truly there, so give yourself permission to feel
good about yourself and your accomplishments.
6. Handle negative issues quickly. If problems arise, jump on them immediately. It's a
part of being assertive. Handle issues with kindness and respect and people will
remember you for it. If you let problems linger or treat them in a negative manner,
people will remember that too.
7. Deal with feelings of superiority. You're only human, so perhaps you do feel
superior in a situation where you're being assertive. If so, be careful to avoid acting
rudely.
8. Apologize for mistakes. When you're being assertive, you're no doubt in the
spotlight. When you make a mistake in the spotlight, everyone knows about it. Act
appropriately and apologize, and people will respect you for owning up to it.
Remember that the skill of assertiveness is something that develops over time. It
may be overwhelming to try to make drastic changes overnight. Ease yourself into it and test
the waters. It's always best to think with clarity and make your changes slowly.
With a gradual change, others will be more likely to accept your new assertiveness. Before
you know it, you'll have their respect for the new, improved you!
Thursday, February 11, 2010
DO YOU KNOW YOU?
DO YOU KNOW YOU?
Once we understand ourselves, the rest of living falls in line.
What a great line, and makes me ask the question- Do you know you?
At first, the initial answer is likely “yes, of course I do”. Funny, way back when, I would have and did react the same way.
The biggest turning point in my life occurred when I finally realized I did not know myself very well. I knew things about me of course, but really couldn’t define who I was as a person. It was a sad state of affairs for a 46 year old, and in working with others as much as I have, I know a great many do not know who they really are. Could you be one of them?
At my turning point I had “issues”, fairly serious ones. My second marriage was ending, relationships with my kids were strained, I had pushed many who cared about me away, I was increasingly using mood altering substances and actions to escape and the people I was spending a lot of my time with had very little in common with me. We shared bad habits and a sense of loneliness. There were others.
From a material standpoint, I had not lost everything……yet!
I certainly didn’t understand myself and life was heading a direction my insides told me was all wrong.
The turning point was working with a pro who took me through a very tough exercise that resulted in me knowing me and understanding how life got so far off track. And the derailment had a start point over 40 years prior. What a wonderful feeling, knowing and understanding myself for the first time in my adult life!!
It would be easy to say that from that point forward life fell in line, but it wasn’t that easy. Based on what I had learned, and with guidance, I began hard work to address issues that were destroying me. Without the understanding I had gained, it would have been impossible for the positive actions to begin. It was a real life positive watershed for me.
I can honestly say I have not looked back.
Through a daily maintenance program I have stayed in touch with my self. I need to know who I am and understand that continuously and to do so has been learned behavior made much easier with practice over time. To live a life that gives me a measure of self-respect, hope, serenity and inner peace requires a focus on whom and what I am.
Can you relate to where I’ve been? I’d welcome your comments and invite you to get in touch directly if this has sparked some discomfort in you, and you want new hope in your life!
Once we understand ourselves, the rest of living falls in line.
What a great line, and makes me ask the question- Do you know you?
At first, the initial answer is likely “yes, of course I do”. Funny, way back when, I would have and did react the same way.
The biggest turning point in my life occurred when I finally realized I did not know myself very well. I knew things about me of course, but really couldn’t define who I was as a person. It was a sad state of affairs for a 46 year old, and in working with others as much as I have, I know a great many do not know who they really are. Could you be one of them?
At my turning point I had “issues”, fairly serious ones. My second marriage was ending, relationships with my kids were strained, I had pushed many who cared about me away, I was increasingly using mood altering substances and actions to escape and the people I was spending a lot of my time with had very little in common with me. We shared bad habits and a sense of loneliness. There were others.
From a material standpoint, I had not lost everything……yet!
I certainly didn’t understand myself and life was heading a direction my insides told me was all wrong.
The turning point was working with a pro who took me through a very tough exercise that resulted in me knowing me and understanding how life got so far off track. And the derailment had a start point over 40 years prior. What a wonderful feeling, knowing and understanding myself for the first time in my adult life!!
It would be easy to say that from that point forward life fell in line, but it wasn’t that easy. Based on what I had learned, and with guidance, I began hard work to address issues that were destroying me. Without the understanding I had gained, it would have been impossible for the positive actions to begin. It was a real life positive watershed for me.
I can honestly say I have not looked back.
Through a daily maintenance program I have stayed in touch with my self. I need to know who I am and understand that continuously and to do so has been learned behavior made much easier with practice over time. To live a life that gives me a measure of self-respect, hope, serenity and inner peace requires a focus on whom and what I am.
Can you relate to where I’ve been? I’d welcome your comments and invite you to get in touch directly if this has sparked some discomfort in you, and you want new hope in your life!
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
THOUGHT ABOUT SELF-HATE?
THOUGHT ABOUT SELF-HATE?
I love to research and explore points of view outside of my own thinking. I was exposed to a Dr. Allen Berger who is a psychotherapist and a person in life long recovery. A very interesting combination. If you want to learn and read more, Dr. Berger’s web site is www.abphd.com.
I listened to him on the topic of self-hate (amongst other things) and quite honestly had never thought about this “specific” topic. I certainly understand a loss of self-respect and self-love from first hand experience. I had never considered hate in the equation.
My take from this exercise.
Self-hate is a strong feeling you have and probably won’t recognize the intensity when you look at yourself. I certainly didn’t. It manifests with thoughts like If I am who I really am, you won’t like me and I know I’m not really who you think I should be.
Hate comes from not being able to live up to false ideals. It comes from a failure to be perfect. It makes you feel unworthy of love and success.
Man could I relate, can you?
Life recovery is a journey to be human, not perfect. It is a journey of learning to truly care for our self and recognize our individual strengths and cherish the authentic person you really are. We can be in a recovery mode from things like addictions (ie-abstinance from certain behaviours or actions) for extended time frames without ever doing the work needed to address self-hate.
Funny, as I started the process of life recovery, I instinctively recognized this, and got the trained help I needed to address the issue. It wasn’t a part of the other traditional things I was doing.
Upon reflection, I see truth in points Berger makes.
Self hate is likely a major cause of behavioural relapse, even in those who have been in recovery for long periods of time.
Ever wonder why that 10 year plus person went back out, abandoned a positive progression? I think for many, untreated self-hate finally convinces them they are not worthy!
So something to think about. Do you harbour feelings of self-hate? Are you prepared to address them? Self-hate, if present, will undermine your recovery and have you in negative head space- a constant cynic! Not a place I want to be.
Thanks Dr. Berger for sharing thought provoking wisdom.
I love to research and explore points of view outside of my own thinking. I was exposed to a Dr. Allen Berger who is a psychotherapist and a person in life long recovery. A very interesting combination. If you want to learn and read more, Dr. Berger’s web site is www.abphd.com.
I listened to him on the topic of self-hate (amongst other things) and quite honestly had never thought about this “specific” topic. I certainly understand a loss of self-respect and self-love from first hand experience. I had never considered hate in the equation.
My take from this exercise.
Self-hate is a strong feeling you have and probably won’t recognize the intensity when you look at yourself. I certainly didn’t. It manifests with thoughts like If I am who I really am, you won’t like me and I know I’m not really who you think I should be.
Hate comes from not being able to live up to false ideals. It comes from a failure to be perfect. It makes you feel unworthy of love and success.
Man could I relate, can you?
Life recovery is a journey to be human, not perfect. It is a journey of learning to truly care for our self and recognize our individual strengths and cherish the authentic person you really are. We can be in a recovery mode from things like addictions (ie-abstinance from certain behaviours or actions) for extended time frames without ever doing the work needed to address self-hate.
Funny, as I started the process of life recovery, I instinctively recognized this, and got the trained help I needed to address the issue. It wasn’t a part of the other traditional things I was doing.
Upon reflection, I see truth in points Berger makes.
Self hate is likely a major cause of behavioural relapse, even in those who have been in recovery for long periods of time.
Ever wonder why that 10 year plus person went back out, abandoned a positive progression? I think for many, untreated self-hate finally convinces them they are not worthy!
So something to think about. Do you harbour feelings of self-hate? Are you prepared to address them? Self-hate, if present, will undermine your recovery and have you in negative head space- a constant cynic! Not a place I want to be.
Thanks Dr. Berger for sharing thought provoking wisdom.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
WHAT DO YOU FEED?
WHAT DO YOU FEED?
I am truly blessed. I have had the privilege of meeting and learning from so many wise and interesting people. Those I am meeting in this phase of my life continue to enrich me.
It is safe to say that these people (and I invite you to be one of them) keep me in a mode of growth, thinking and progress. Hard to get complacent when you are challenged!
Today I got something from a fellow coach in Australia, Phil Evans. It is much in keeping with a book written by a very close friend of mine, Paul McCabe called “Feed the Good Dog”. With prejudice, a read I recommend to anyone who wants to move forward with their life.
I have known for a long time that there is two of me at work at all times. I call this duality. I catch this being personally acknowledged when I do something off base and say “I’m mad at myself” for doing that or “What made me do that?” I acknowledge things at play internally.
So here’s Phil’s quote:
“Two Wolves
One evening an old Cherokee leader felt compelled to tell his grandson about a battle that goes on inside many people, most of the time. He went about it in an extremely profound way.
"My boy, there is a battle going on between two wolves inside us all."
"One is Evil: It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego. This one is our internal saboteur, which causes us much grief and pain; and it also causes us to inflict grief and pain onto others."
"The other is Good: It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith. This one serves us well; and it also helps us to serve others well too."
The young boy thought about all of this new information for a minute or two, and then asked the wise old man: "Which wolf usually wins Grandfather?"
The old Cherokee calmly replied, "The answer is simple; whichever one you feed."
I know; you’ve heard this before. But have you really thought about it?
Look back to the tale at the qualities of the evil one. Do they play a large role in your life? Too large a role for you? I fed the “bad” dog for many years and over time it continued to grow at the expense of the “good” dog.
So what do you feed today? Think deeply and be honest with yourself.
Would you like to learn how to “Feed the Good Dog”? I look forward to your comments and if you have questions that this article provokes, let me know and let me know how to get in touch.
I am truly blessed. I have had the privilege of meeting and learning from so many wise and interesting people. Those I am meeting in this phase of my life continue to enrich me.
It is safe to say that these people (and I invite you to be one of them) keep me in a mode of growth, thinking and progress. Hard to get complacent when you are challenged!
Today I got something from a fellow coach in Australia, Phil Evans. It is much in keeping with a book written by a very close friend of mine, Paul McCabe called “Feed the Good Dog”. With prejudice, a read I recommend to anyone who wants to move forward with their life.
I have known for a long time that there is two of me at work at all times. I call this duality. I catch this being personally acknowledged when I do something off base and say “I’m mad at myself” for doing that or “What made me do that?” I acknowledge things at play internally.
So here’s Phil’s quote:
“Two Wolves
One evening an old Cherokee leader felt compelled to tell his grandson about a battle that goes on inside many people, most of the time. He went about it in an extremely profound way.
"My boy, there is a battle going on between two wolves inside us all."
"One is Evil: It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego. This one is our internal saboteur, which causes us much grief and pain; and it also causes us to inflict grief and pain onto others."
"The other is Good: It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith. This one serves us well; and it also helps us to serve others well too."
The young boy thought about all of this new information for a minute or two, and then asked the wise old man: "Which wolf usually wins Grandfather?"
The old Cherokee calmly replied, "The answer is simple; whichever one you feed."
I know; you’ve heard this before. But have you really thought about it?
Look back to the tale at the qualities of the evil one. Do they play a large role in your life? Too large a role for you? I fed the “bad” dog for many years and over time it continued to grow at the expense of the “good” dog.
So what do you feed today? Think deeply and be honest with yourself.
Would you like to learn how to “Feed the Good Dog”? I look forward to your comments and if you have questions that this article provokes, let me know and let me know how to get in touch.
Monday, February 8, 2010
"I HAVE A DREAM"-Don't you?
"I HAVE A DREAM"-Don't you?
I HAVE A DREAM-DON’T YOU?
Thanks Martin Luther King for these words.
Amazing how life goes along and stuff happens in your life- some good and some not as hoped.
Most of us have a dream and/or expectations. To some, it is just that, a big dream never fulfilled. I was there for a good period of life. While much good did happen, the dream was not fulfilled.
Today, I am for the most part living the dream- not necessarily in a material way, but in a spiritual way that fills me with optimism, hope, peace and serenity- and has resulted in healthy self-esteem and self-love.
I love to work with others. It is what I see as my mission in life today. I do it in a somewhat unique way. I apply my professional training along with my experience to help others with a dream realise it. Notice I say help. I can help others articulate and define their dream, I can guide them to a place inside themselves where they can find answers, but I can’t do it for them.
The path I took, which DID involve much “outside” professional help, has allowed me to be in a place in my head where good things can happen- and I expect them to- but when they don’t, I keep moving forward.
To realize my dream, several things had to happen.
First I had to clarify what it was I was really looking for (Beatles-Money Can’t Buy You Love). Then, I needed to have a plan to achieve my dream, an achievable plan with measurements. Then, the real crunch, I had to commit to and TAKE ACTION. Nothing would happen without my action and my “team” pushed me to realization.
I’m working with someone I care about. He has spiralled to a dark place, and has a realistic dream, one that if achieved will give him a platform to move forward from in several key areas of his life. At this point he cannot act, fear of the unknown and negative attitudes block him from even simple action.
I know from my own experience, once he moves into action-even baby steps- with a listening ear and support and encouragement he will reach his dream.
I was 46 before I took the positive action I needed to take to realize my dream. Many do it younger or have had the right elements or “wiring” growing up to never feel unfulfilled. Many hit the crossroads even later in life.
Have you got a dream and are at a point that you want to realize? Are you feeling unfilled enough with low self-love and feeling restless, irritable and discontent? If you want to change it, take action. Help is available.
I HAVE A DREAM-DON’T YOU?
Thanks Martin Luther King for these words.
Amazing how life goes along and stuff happens in your life- some good and some not as hoped.
Most of us have a dream and/or expectations. To some, it is just that, a big dream never fulfilled. I was there for a good period of life. While much good did happen, the dream was not fulfilled.
Today, I am for the most part living the dream- not necessarily in a material way, but in a spiritual way that fills me with optimism, hope, peace and serenity- and has resulted in healthy self-esteem and self-love.
I love to work with others. It is what I see as my mission in life today. I do it in a somewhat unique way. I apply my professional training along with my experience to help others with a dream realise it. Notice I say help. I can help others articulate and define their dream, I can guide them to a place inside themselves where they can find answers, but I can’t do it for them.
The path I took, which DID involve much “outside” professional help, has allowed me to be in a place in my head where good things can happen- and I expect them to- but when they don’t, I keep moving forward.
To realize my dream, several things had to happen.
First I had to clarify what it was I was really looking for (Beatles-Money Can’t Buy You Love). Then, I needed to have a plan to achieve my dream, an achievable plan with measurements. Then, the real crunch, I had to commit to and TAKE ACTION. Nothing would happen without my action and my “team” pushed me to realization.
I’m working with someone I care about. He has spiralled to a dark place, and has a realistic dream, one that if achieved will give him a platform to move forward from in several key areas of his life. At this point he cannot act, fear of the unknown and negative attitudes block him from even simple action.
I know from my own experience, once he moves into action-even baby steps- with a listening ear and support and encouragement he will reach his dream.
I was 46 before I took the positive action I needed to take to realize my dream. Many do it younger or have had the right elements or “wiring” growing up to never feel unfulfilled. Many hit the crossroads even later in life.
Have you got a dream and are at a point that you want to realize? Are you feeling unfilled enough with low self-love and feeling restless, irritable and discontent? If you want to change it, take action. Help is available.
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Political Correctness
POLITICAL CORRECTNESS
What a great term “political correctness” is. It is something that I know a lot of people try to exhibit in their lives, and in the business world I think it fits right in there with another great way of doing things referred to as “optics”.
There actually is a contest to define a meaning of political correctness and I share with you this years winning definition: "Political correctness is a doctrine, fostered by a delusional, illogical minority, and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end."
While in my hay day I’m not sure I would have ever won awards for being politically correct, I think my actions might have been “delusional, illogical and in a minority”, particularly as they related to my addictions.
Delusional in the sense that I thought no one else really knew and if they had my life, they would act like I acted.
Illogical for many reasons. Reasons like why would a depressed person consume depressants to make things better; maybe this time it will be different; I’m only hurting myself and that prize one, I can take care of it myself.
In a minority. Yup, But a large portion of the crowd I “hung” with acted like or similar to me. Little did I know that a majority of people did not act like me.
I really thought a life like mine could be picked up by “the clean end” and was OK.
Ok that is, until my acting in what I thought was a correct way brought me to a point where I did not want to slide any lower and where I made a decision to not be politically correct, deal with reality and take positive action that would honestly allow me to have a life where the object being picked up was clean!
There may be some people who read this that might see some familiarity to their current life to what was mine. Their seemingly politically correct life.
If your one who might have an interest in how I transformed my life, leave a comment or get in touch trough khbray@hopeserenity.ca and let’s talk freely!
What a great term “political correctness” is. It is something that I know a lot of people try to exhibit in their lives, and in the business world I think it fits right in there with another great way of doing things referred to as “optics”.
There actually is a contest to define a meaning of political correctness and I share with you this years winning definition: "Political correctness is a doctrine, fostered by a delusional, illogical minority, and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end."
While in my hay day I’m not sure I would have ever won awards for being politically correct, I think my actions might have been “delusional, illogical and in a minority”, particularly as they related to my addictions.
Delusional in the sense that I thought no one else really knew and if they had my life, they would act like I acted.
Illogical for many reasons. Reasons like why would a depressed person consume depressants to make things better; maybe this time it will be different; I’m only hurting myself and that prize one, I can take care of it myself.
In a minority. Yup, But a large portion of the crowd I “hung” with acted like or similar to me. Little did I know that a majority of people did not act like me.
I really thought a life like mine could be picked up by “the clean end” and was OK.
Ok that is, until my acting in what I thought was a correct way brought me to a point where I did not want to slide any lower and where I made a decision to not be politically correct, deal with reality and take positive action that would honestly allow me to have a life where the object being picked up was clean!
There may be some people who read this that might see some familiarity to their current life to what was mine. Their seemingly politically correct life.
If your one who might have an interest in how I transformed my life, leave a comment or get in touch trough khbray@hopeserenity.ca and let’s talk freely!
Thursday, February 4, 2010
GENEROSITY and RECEIVING
GENEROSITY and RECEIVING
This is not a topic I’ve thought about for along time.
In working with others today (and I remember when I was the same), I often ask them at how they are when they receive a compliment.
Many handle compliments very poorly. They don’t know how to say a gracious and humble plain “Thank You”, but babble and spot about how it was nothing, feel uncomfortable inside and some even wonder what the other person wants. If these situations fit you today, we should talk. There is an issue.
Many we know give generously and freely, but cannot accept gifts in return. My reading said:
To practice five things under all circumstances constitutes perfect virtue; these five are gravity, generosity of soul, sincerity, earnestness, and kindness.
--Confucius
”Some of us were raised to decline generosity - to argue over who pays the restaurant bill, not to accept money for helping someone out, not to accept food or drink at someone's home. Some of these beliefs have strong cultural ties. Others are just a fear of imposing. We don't want to be a bother.
Generosity is a two-way street. It's just as important for someone to be generous as it is to accept the offerings. Most of us like to be generous. When we're being genuine, from the heart, with no strings attached, being generous makes us feel good – it makes us feel great. We have no reason to deny others that feeling (unless, of course, these are strings attached). In fact, our own generosity is probably just coming back to us.”
Good points made. I love the “when we are being genuine” qualifier. Many of us give to please others to fill a gap in us, and I question whether this is genuine.
If there are things that jump out at you in reading this, and you get that funny feeling inside, respond to this blog. I’d love to see responses and even better, talk to a few who squirm a bit when they read this.
This is not a topic I’ve thought about for along time.
In working with others today (and I remember when I was the same), I often ask them at how they are when they receive a compliment.
Many handle compliments very poorly. They don’t know how to say a gracious and humble plain “Thank You”, but babble and spot about how it was nothing, feel uncomfortable inside and some even wonder what the other person wants. If these situations fit you today, we should talk. There is an issue.
Many we know give generously and freely, but cannot accept gifts in return. My reading said:
To practice five things under all circumstances constitutes perfect virtue; these five are gravity, generosity of soul, sincerity, earnestness, and kindness.
--Confucius
”Some of us were raised to decline generosity - to argue over who pays the restaurant bill, not to accept money for helping someone out, not to accept food or drink at someone's home. Some of these beliefs have strong cultural ties. Others are just a fear of imposing. We don't want to be a bother.
Generosity is a two-way street. It's just as important for someone to be generous as it is to accept the offerings. Most of us like to be generous. When we're being genuine, from the heart, with no strings attached, being generous makes us feel good – it makes us feel great. We have no reason to deny others that feeling (unless, of course, these are strings attached). In fact, our own generosity is probably just coming back to us.”
Good points made. I love the “when we are being genuine” qualifier. Many of us give to please others to fill a gap in us, and I question whether this is genuine.
If there are things that jump out at you in reading this, and you get that funny feeling inside, respond to this blog. I’d love to see responses and even better, talk to a few who squirm a bit when they read this.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
UNDERSTAND HUMILITY
UNDERSTAND HUMILITY
When I first started out on this journey of life recovery, I kept hearing that I needed to be humble. My clouded thinking somehow confused or intertwined humble and humility with humiliation. I can tell you, I was tired of humiliation!! Are you there yet?
Today Hazelden put out a very good read that I want to share. It gives a very good perspective!
Humility is our acceptance of ourselves.
--Anonymous
It is strange how we can go to school and learn a lot of facts, but never learn much along the way about ourselves. We can take up nursing, teaching, counseling, and giving ourselves to the needs of others, while never having our own needs met.
Why does it seem as if it is easier to solve the problems of the world than to solve our own problems? We simply don't know ourselves very well. When we look into a mirror and attempt to understand ourselves, our conclusions about what we see are usually very different from what a friend sees. When we finally take the time and make ourselves a priority, we make a startling discovery. There exists within us at all times a Higher Power that is the builder of all successes and our comforter during times of trial.
I understand myself only in relation to my Higher Power. The image I see and the identity I have is then one of humility before that Power. Humility is my acceptance of myself.
This really hit home for me. I was great at addressing the issues of my world. Simply put, when I did that I did not have to address my own issues. Easier to look at you than at me.
I have been taught that to stay humble and serve others properly, I have to look after me to be able to help you and remember where my strength is and be grateful.
I am interested in perspectives and would love to read YOUR comment!
When I first started out on this journey of life recovery, I kept hearing that I needed to be humble. My clouded thinking somehow confused or intertwined humble and humility with humiliation. I can tell you, I was tired of humiliation!! Are you there yet?
Today Hazelden put out a very good read that I want to share. It gives a very good perspective!
Humility is our acceptance of ourselves.
--Anonymous
It is strange how we can go to school and learn a lot of facts, but never learn much along the way about ourselves. We can take up nursing, teaching, counseling, and giving ourselves to the needs of others, while never having our own needs met.
Why does it seem as if it is easier to solve the problems of the world than to solve our own problems? We simply don't know ourselves very well. When we look into a mirror and attempt to understand ourselves, our conclusions about what we see are usually very different from what a friend sees. When we finally take the time and make ourselves a priority, we make a startling discovery. There exists within us at all times a Higher Power that is the builder of all successes and our comforter during times of trial.
I understand myself only in relation to my Higher Power. The image I see and the identity I have is then one of humility before that Power. Humility is my acceptance of myself.
This really hit home for me. I was great at addressing the issues of my world. Simply put, when I did that I did not have to address my own issues. Easier to look at you than at me.
I have been taught that to stay humble and serve others properly, I have to look after me to be able to help you and remember where my strength is and be grateful.
I am interested in perspectives and would love to read YOUR comment!
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
I LOVE UNCERTAINTY
I LOVE UNCERTAINTY
The quest for certainty blocks the search for meaning. Uncertainty is the very condition to impel man to unfold his powers.
~ Erich Fromm ~
There was a day I sought out certainty. It well could have been certainty that helped address my deep seated insecurities. Certainty in employment, certainty in relationships, certainty in investments and so on.
Can you relate?
As Fromm so aptly points out, in always seeking certainty, I closed my mind to possibilities, and overlooked some great possibilities because they were not a sure thing. A closed mind limited my personal power because it kept me from looking for true meaning in my life. Some of the certainties I used were just for escaping realities and feelings.
Today, having a measure of uncertainty in love is the door to the future, it is a power that allows me to continue to grow and I embrace it!
The quest for certainty blocks the search for meaning. Uncertainty is the very condition to impel man to unfold his powers.
~ Erich Fromm ~
There was a day I sought out certainty. It well could have been certainty that helped address my deep seated insecurities. Certainty in employment, certainty in relationships, certainty in investments and so on.
Can you relate?
As Fromm so aptly points out, in always seeking certainty, I closed my mind to possibilities, and overlooked some great possibilities because they were not a sure thing. A closed mind limited my personal power because it kept me from looking for true meaning in my life. Some of the certainties I used were just for escaping realities and feelings.
Today, having a measure of uncertainty in love is the door to the future, it is a power that allows me to continue to grow and I embrace it!
Monday, February 1, 2010
CREATE CONCIOUSLY
Create consciously
Good to have the computer functioning somewhat normally again. To get it back, my hard drive had to be scrubbed and in reloading, inadvertently I lost some things.
Nice to get my weekly “Idea Engineer” from my coaching Guru Dr. Randin Brons. As always, he has provided something that does engineer an idea. This week’s article:
"No man has a chance to enjoy permanent success until he begins to look in a mirror for the real cause of all his mistakes." -- Napoleon Hill
The law of karma is the law of cause and effect. It works unavoidably when there is no consciousness -- when we are not present in the moment. When there is no consciousness, the past creates the future.
The law of Love supersedes the law of karma. It intervenes in the process by focusing in the present. In fact, one could say that Love is being fully present. When anything is initiated in Love in the present, the future of that reality will be purposeful, meaningful, loving and powerful.
"He who is false to present duty breaks a thread in the loom, and will find the flaw when he may have forgotten its cause." --Henry Ward Beecher
"In my beginning is my end." -- T.S. Eliot”
The lesson once again, be conscious, learn how to live in the moment!
As a golf nut who watches the professional, I often hear them talk about this very thing. Block all out, focus on the shot at hand. Many talk it, few can do it. Those that can really do it are generally those who have worked with a specialized coach on the mental part of life. A lesson more should learn.
Hill’s quote above is a great reminder of something that struck me while feeling very alone in a treatment centre many years ago. When I looked in the mirror, like an ahaa moment, I saw my enemy and my enemy was me. Not revolutionary but a start of truth that allowed a process of life recovery to begin!
Let’s practice the law of Love towards ourselves, be conscious and live in the moment. And remember, as Beecher points out, it is something we learn!
Good to have the computer functioning somewhat normally again. To get it back, my hard drive had to be scrubbed and in reloading, inadvertently I lost some things.
Nice to get my weekly “Idea Engineer” from my coaching Guru Dr. Randin Brons. As always, he has provided something that does engineer an idea. This week’s article:
"No man has a chance to enjoy permanent success until he begins to look in a mirror for the real cause of all his mistakes." -- Napoleon Hill
The law of karma is the law of cause and effect. It works unavoidably when there is no consciousness -- when we are not present in the moment. When there is no consciousness, the past creates the future.
The law of Love supersedes the law of karma. It intervenes in the process by focusing in the present. In fact, one could say that Love is being fully present. When anything is initiated in Love in the present, the future of that reality will be purposeful, meaningful, loving and powerful.
"He who is false to present duty breaks a thread in the loom, and will find the flaw when he may have forgotten its cause." --Henry Ward Beecher
"In my beginning is my end." -- T.S. Eliot”
The lesson once again, be conscious, learn how to live in the moment!
As a golf nut who watches the professional, I often hear them talk about this very thing. Block all out, focus on the shot at hand. Many talk it, few can do it. Those that can really do it are generally those who have worked with a specialized coach on the mental part of life. A lesson more should learn.
Hill’s quote above is a great reminder of something that struck me while feeling very alone in a treatment centre many years ago. When I looked in the mirror, like an ahaa moment, I saw my enemy and my enemy was me. Not revolutionary but a start of truth that allowed a process of life recovery to begin!
Let’s practice the law of Love towards ourselves, be conscious and live in the moment. And remember, as Beecher points out, it is something we learn!
Sunday, January 31, 2010
How "FREE" Could Keep You Captive
I just received a heads up from my friend Patrick at www.spititualriver.com about an article with this title. I read it, will post it in its entirety on my web site (www.hopeserenity.ca) and will paraphrase it here. Whoa to the few who say there he goes promoting, the site is there for those who have an interest in reading an interesting article that is too long to post here.
I keep hearing, and it is true, that the word free will snap people out of even a hypnotic state. Look at what we see on the internet and you’ll know what I’m saying!
Yet do we get things for free or is the word one that takes us captive?
I will state, I have honestly got one thing in my life for free. A power and new life given to me freely through a higher power some chose to call God. No strings attached free.
Many other things I got for free, I treated like they were worth what I paid for them. An oft time, what I have received for free has or is perceived to have little value; and I’m not unique.. I am truly grateful for the one gift I have been given for free, a relationship with a higher power that is always there for me IF I listen!
To me, life is not about price, it’s about value. I am prepared to pay a fair price for things that are of value to me. For my “free” fellowship I paid a horrific price, but I have certainly received great value. I paid for an education, but it has great value! Things are not about price, they are about results. If I pay, I want a payback!
When I pay for something, I usually give it focus. I want my money’s worth out of it, and in most cases do what I have to do to get value and the desired results. I have found a way to get the money I have needed to pay for expertise when I’ve needed it. Funny, I’ve invested in me to get results and have done so without regret. I remember how I could find money to support destructive behaviour. I feel good to be able to invest in constructive remedies!
Pay is not just money. It may well be things like time, effort and action. Most fail when they do not invest time effort and action to get the results they truly want!
The closing line of the article says it all. “If you value other things, honour them and commit the necessary focus, time and money investment-you value yourself.”
Take a look at the complete article. It offers a perspective!
I keep hearing, and it is true, that the word free will snap people out of even a hypnotic state. Look at what we see on the internet and you’ll know what I’m saying!
Yet do we get things for free or is the word one that takes us captive?
I will state, I have honestly got one thing in my life for free. A power and new life given to me freely through a higher power some chose to call God. No strings attached free.
Many other things I got for free, I treated like they were worth what I paid for them. An oft time, what I have received for free has or is perceived to have little value; and I’m not unique.. I am truly grateful for the one gift I have been given for free, a relationship with a higher power that is always there for me IF I listen!
To me, life is not about price, it’s about value. I am prepared to pay a fair price for things that are of value to me. For my “free” fellowship I paid a horrific price, but I have certainly received great value. I paid for an education, but it has great value! Things are not about price, they are about results. If I pay, I want a payback!
When I pay for something, I usually give it focus. I want my money’s worth out of it, and in most cases do what I have to do to get value and the desired results. I have found a way to get the money I have needed to pay for expertise when I’ve needed it. Funny, I’ve invested in me to get results and have done so without regret. I remember how I could find money to support destructive behaviour. I feel good to be able to invest in constructive remedies!
Pay is not just money. It may well be things like time, effort and action. Most fail when they do not invest time effort and action to get the results they truly want!
The closing line of the article says it all. “If you value other things, honour them and commit the necessary focus, time and money investment-you value yourself.”
Take a look at the complete article. It offers a perspective!
Friday, January 29, 2010
AND WHO HEALS ME?
And Who Heals Me?
Over a year ago, I went on a journey to look at some real fuzzy philosophical questions. “Who Am I?”was dealt with years ago, but “What Is My Purpose?” remained vague.
I went on a real journey to discover what it is about past employment that I loved and was good at, and what did I really want to do with the balance of my working life.
I am not cut out for a “job” job, and love helping others and seeing growth, one person at a time.
I found out from examination and from others that I had been coaching and mentoring for years, had helped many, and have passion for those affected by addiction and those with a desire to transform their life. It’s something I do as a natural part of who I am.
I have no desire to be a therapist, but found I loved coaching. From my sports background, I could relate exactly to the difference a great coach makes to individual goal setting and achievement. The same techniques used by athletic coaches’ work with every facet of life. We all have strengths that can be better used. It is my passion to bring these strengths out in others.
I have gone forth, taken education, read and studied, done a lot of “free” coaching, and have been blessed with a practice that is starting to get traction. I might even break even one day. Further, I have stayed very active in helping others who are struggling with addiction and will go to group sessions. It is important to maintain a “service” component in my life. I am a well qualified coach today.
My coaching clients are people who want to deal very privately with issues and have the means and willingness to pay for a coach. My primary job is to listen and ask questions and give feedback! In many cases, people pay more attention and take more responsibility when they “hire” an expert. Go figure! They are willing to be held accountable for what they undertake. I listen to them intently, and am trained to ask great questions.
Lately I have been dealing with my own “life” issues, and with all that I know and all that I have done, I am constantly reminded about how human I am.
In working with a client this morning on motivational challenges he faces, and listening intently, it struck me how similar some of the challenges he is facing to those I currently face! I actually heard myself.
In working with another client this afternoon, I am reminded that living a great and abundant balanced life is work in progress, and that I will never realize perfection. I am also reminded that the issues I faced three weeks or a month ago are gone; replaced by the issues of today.
I do feels the ups and downs of life, and I think because of the work I do and the person that I am, I have very high expectations for me!
I have a more complete toolkit to deal with issues than most of the people I work with. I have had several coaches in my life, have continuous conversations with coaches and other professionals, and can be pretty open and honest about my feelings. I have tools, but at times can be guilty of not using them properly and getting down!
When I’m like this, who heals me?
I have a great relationship with the higher power that has always dwelt within me and is a part of all that is in the universe. I am on a journey of spiritual (not religious) growth, and have to remember to stop and seek help and guidance on a regular basis. I have been given tools, and through conscious contact and some wonderful people I talk with, I can recognize what is going on with me, and realize that as bad as things seem (and this is relative to my expectations), I can deal with the cards I have been dealt.
But the real answer to my own question; it is you that heals me, people outside of myself, and sometimes totally anonymous.
On a daily basis I get feedback, and love it. People generally are caring and try to be positive.
In living my life purpose, there are challenges. As most who have tried know, building a business, even if you’re passionate about it, is not easy. The collective “you” are the source of inspiration, and I certainly get a piece of “the message” from many.
I have been blessed by people who do give feedback, and by many who refer others to me. I am in the gratitude mode constantly for this. I openly ask for your help to allow me to do more of what I do well.
Thanks for healing me, and thanks for the trust you place in me.
Now, who heals you? Do you allow healing to happen?
Over a year ago, I went on a journey to look at some real fuzzy philosophical questions. “Who Am I?”was dealt with years ago, but “What Is My Purpose?” remained vague.
I went on a real journey to discover what it is about past employment that I loved and was good at, and what did I really want to do with the balance of my working life.
I am not cut out for a “job” job, and love helping others and seeing growth, one person at a time.
I found out from examination and from others that I had been coaching and mentoring for years, had helped many, and have passion for those affected by addiction and those with a desire to transform their life. It’s something I do as a natural part of who I am.
I have no desire to be a therapist, but found I loved coaching. From my sports background, I could relate exactly to the difference a great coach makes to individual goal setting and achievement. The same techniques used by athletic coaches’ work with every facet of life. We all have strengths that can be better used. It is my passion to bring these strengths out in others.
I have gone forth, taken education, read and studied, done a lot of “free” coaching, and have been blessed with a practice that is starting to get traction. I might even break even one day. Further, I have stayed very active in helping others who are struggling with addiction and will go to group sessions. It is important to maintain a “service” component in my life. I am a well qualified coach today.
My coaching clients are people who want to deal very privately with issues and have the means and willingness to pay for a coach. My primary job is to listen and ask questions and give feedback! In many cases, people pay more attention and take more responsibility when they “hire” an expert. Go figure! They are willing to be held accountable for what they undertake. I listen to them intently, and am trained to ask great questions.
Lately I have been dealing with my own “life” issues, and with all that I know and all that I have done, I am constantly reminded about how human I am.
In working with a client this morning on motivational challenges he faces, and listening intently, it struck me how similar some of the challenges he is facing to those I currently face! I actually heard myself.
In working with another client this afternoon, I am reminded that living a great and abundant balanced life is work in progress, and that I will never realize perfection. I am also reminded that the issues I faced three weeks or a month ago are gone; replaced by the issues of today.
I do feels the ups and downs of life, and I think because of the work I do and the person that I am, I have very high expectations for me!
I have a more complete toolkit to deal with issues than most of the people I work with. I have had several coaches in my life, have continuous conversations with coaches and other professionals, and can be pretty open and honest about my feelings. I have tools, but at times can be guilty of not using them properly and getting down!
When I’m like this, who heals me?
I have a great relationship with the higher power that has always dwelt within me and is a part of all that is in the universe. I am on a journey of spiritual (not religious) growth, and have to remember to stop and seek help and guidance on a regular basis. I have been given tools, and through conscious contact and some wonderful people I talk with, I can recognize what is going on with me, and realize that as bad as things seem (and this is relative to my expectations), I can deal with the cards I have been dealt.
But the real answer to my own question; it is you that heals me, people outside of myself, and sometimes totally anonymous.
On a daily basis I get feedback, and love it. People generally are caring and try to be positive.
In living my life purpose, there are challenges. As most who have tried know, building a business, even if you’re passionate about it, is not easy. The collective “you” are the source of inspiration, and I certainly get a piece of “the message” from many.
I have been blessed by people who do give feedback, and by many who refer others to me. I am in the gratitude mode constantly for this. I openly ask for your help to allow me to do more of what I do well.
Thanks for healing me, and thanks for the trust you place in me.
Now, who heals you? Do you allow healing to happen?
Sunday, January 24, 2010
JANUARY REFLECTIONS- addiction help,life recovery
January Reflections –life recovery, addiction help
I sit here on a beautiful January day. Out my office window I see nothing but blue sky and a white ground cover of snow. When I take the time to reflect on what my eyes see, I feel at peace.
It has been an interesting start to a new year, one that I’m really optimistic about!
I’ve taken on a new volunteer challenge with a community organization I’m a member of. I bring to it a lot of experience and a track record of being part of major accomplishments in the same sector. The first couple of meetings have been great. I think I contribute to the overall well being, and in return, get some personal satisfaction.
From a work stand point, I am not as busy as I need (mentally) to be. I’ve been very lucky to meet through on line contacts three people who are struggling, want a better life, appear to be ready to do what it takes and appear to be honest. None of them are on top of their game financially and I have chosen to coach them for nothing; the value is truly on what I get back from seeing others slowly find themselves!
I have continued to blog on my web site and other sites. Through input and help from others, my own site is attracting some members who share, and I value this. My “free stuff” is being downloaded, and that is great. From some of the sites I blog on, particularly sites that focus on recovery, I am reminded that we are all different and not perfect and particularly a few of those who have been around for a while like to see themselves as the conscience of the world and protector of all. It has to be nice to know exactly what values are expected from others and pass judgment. From them, I learn.
Next week I hit another turn over of the odometer of life. I will surpass the amount of years my late father lived. I am relieved and glad that I had the courage to make the lifestyle changes that were in part responsible for me losing a great man from my life.
It’s been a month during which I feel gratitude deeply for what the co-creative process of life recovery has given me, not only addiction help, but the ability to live an abundant and reasonably balanced life. A couple of the people closest to me have gone through employment trauma, and I’ve been able to listen, question, and just be a good supportive father. I’ve really enjoyed my grand kids and look forward to my weekly “play dates” with my three year old- it really isn’t babysitting. It’s wonderful for a few moments to see the world through the eyes of a child. Upon reflection, I am truly blessed.
My wife, who I certainly put through hell pre-recovery, continues to be my best friend and confidant. I can say today that we share “real intimacy” in our relationship; something far more than just physical.
I have a few true friends, and over the last month have reconnected with my closest boyhood/teen friend. The reconnect was one of those positive coincidences, and I have enjoyed the catching up and renewed contact. Having a few friends, reconnecting with an old friend and developing friends in our new community has been a blessing!
In reflection, I also have to remember my Life Rule #1. Life is hard. The past month has certainly come with its challenges and disappointments, its worries and fears. Life is not perfect, but I have living tools today that let me stay in the moment, ask for help, listen to that small quiet voice that is within and cherish the hope and serenity that make up a large part of my life today.
To those who have shared honestly with me both positives and constructive criticism, a simple thanks. Thanks to my personal support team including that small quiet voice of sanity. Thanks to those I worked with today. From that experience, I have been able to reflect and feel gratitude!
As my friend Dennis says”’nuff said.” I’ll let my eyes soak up the beauty outside my window for a few moments, and get back to it. Thanks for reading and more living to experience today!!
I sit here on a beautiful January day. Out my office window I see nothing but blue sky and a white ground cover of snow. When I take the time to reflect on what my eyes see, I feel at peace.
It has been an interesting start to a new year, one that I’m really optimistic about!
I’ve taken on a new volunteer challenge with a community organization I’m a member of. I bring to it a lot of experience and a track record of being part of major accomplishments in the same sector. The first couple of meetings have been great. I think I contribute to the overall well being, and in return, get some personal satisfaction.
From a work stand point, I am not as busy as I need (mentally) to be. I’ve been very lucky to meet through on line contacts three people who are struggling, want a better life, appear to be ready to do what it takes and appear to be honest. None of them are on top of their game financially and I have chosen to coach them for nothing; the value is truly on what I get back from seeing others slowly find themselves!
I have continued to blog on my web site and other sites. Through input and help from others, my own site is attracting some members who share, and I value this. My “free stuff” is being downloaded, and that is great. From some of the sites I blog on, particularly sites that focus on recovery, I am reminded that we are all different and not perfect and particularly a few of those who have been around for a while like to see themselves as the conscience of the world and protector of all. It has to be nice to know exactly what values are expected from others and pass judgment. From them, I learn.
Next week I hit another turn over of the odometer of life. I will surpass the amount of years my late father lived. I am relieved and glad that I had the courage to make the lifestyle changes that were in part responsible for me losing a great man from my life.
It’s been a month during which I feel gratitude deeply for what the co-creative process of life recovery has given me, not only addiction help, but the ability to live an abundant and reasonably balanced life. A couple of the people closest to me have gone through employment trauma, and I’ve been able to listen, question, and just be a good supportive father. I’ve really enjoyed my grand kids and look forward to my weekly “play dates” with my three year old- it really isn’t babysitting. It’s wonderful for a few moments to see the world through the eyes of a child. Upon reflection, I am truly blessed.
My wife, who I certainly put through hell pre-recovery, continues to be my best friend and confidant. I can say today that we share “real intimacy” in our relationship; something far more than just physical.
I have a few true friends, and over the last month have reconnected with my closest boyhood/teen friend. The reconnect was one of those positive coincidences, and I have enjoyed the catching up and renewed contact. Having a few friends, reconnecting with an old friend and developing friends in our new community has been a blessing!
In reflection, I also have to remember my Life Rule #1. Life is hard. The past month has certainly come with its challenges and disappointments, its worries and fears. Life is not perfect, but I have living tools today that let me stay in the moment, ask for help, listen to that small quiet voice that is within and cherish the hope and serenity that make up a large part of my life today.
To those who have shared honestly with me both positives and constructive criticism, a simple thanks. Thanks to my personal support team including that small quiet voice of sanity. Thanks to those I worked with today. From that experience, I have been able to reflect and feel gratitude!
As my friend Dennis says”’nuff said.” I’ll let my eyes soak up the beauty outside my window for a few moments, and get back to it. Thanks for reading and more living to experience today!!
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