SO THIS IS CHRISTMAS?!

SO THIS IS CHRISTMAS!?
I sit hear looking over a snow covered field with sun shining on it. A great time for reflection as Christmas day rapidly approaches.
I can’t help but to reflect back on some of those Christmas’ past.
Christmas is and always has been an emotionally charged time of year for me. My recollections of childhood Christmas are positive, it was a day I was able to return to the womb of extended family and it was safe and secure; a time of marvel and honestly, a time of receiving.
As an adult, and with children of my own, things changed. I became a keeper of secrets and a vessel full of emotions that were stuffed inside; I did not want others to see them. I found ways to escape reality and they were not healthy for me or others around me. Christmas was a time of false expectations, of hopes that because they were unrealistic, were not met. A time where the day after was a day of depression and real let down.
So this became Christmas, a time I really did not enjoy. A day that showed me how lacking I was in real emotional bonding.
Christmas Eve was usually a time I stopped at my favourite watering hole under the guise of an auction to help the needy. I gathered with my merry bands that were as emotionally off base as me. We drank, got “merry”, got soppy as the evening progressed, and overdid the charity thing to try to feel better and righteous. Then I would head home.
Of course, on Christmas morning I was not on top of my game, and those who were most important to me felt the effect. Ho! Ho! HO!
Things happened as they had to, and I began the process of co-creative life recovery. As I recovered, Christmas took on a new meaning because of what happened inside of me. It truly has been a miracle!
I am exposed to many people today who talk and show the dread I felt years ago about Christmas. It is emotionally draining for them, they are facing depression caused in part by huge stress and knowing what they really want to happen simply won’t. I have compassion for these folks and can relate to what they are feeling. In my own way and as best I can, I try to give each a gift.......acceptance, love and hope.
For many, this is Christmas, a tough time of the year!
I am so grateful for the miracles I have been blessed with in my life. I am thankful that from somewhere I got the courage to change, reached out, and did the hard and emotionally draining work I had to do. I am looking forward to Christmas day!
There is no doubt that the lead up to Christmas is challenging. Emotions do run higher, there is the activity of purchasing some gifts, social activities pick up, and all the things we all experience. My wife, god bless her, has a burden that I can only partly share in getting ready for the onslaught of family. Ah yes, this is Christmas.
That being said, because of the miracle of recovery, I am truly looking forward to the day. I feel good within, and this will reflect on how I interact with those who will be here for the day, those who I dearly love. I will not be depressed and will be able to enjoy the gleeful chaos that will unfold around us led by grand children who love me for just being Grampy!
Christmas night we will have the pleasure of being joined at dinner by people who do not have family to spend time with, and good cheer and laughs will be exchanged, and not cheer in liquid form.
There is a good feeling that comes with being able to share with others, and this is a great gift.
So this is Christmas. What a difference from that dreaded day that I lived pre-recovery. It truly is a miracle. If the miracle was there for me, it is there for all. You just have to reach out and have the courage to change. For this guy, it was well worth it!
I am fortunate that many do read my ramblings. As you go into Christmas, please share on this site or at www.hopeserenity.ca what you are feeling as you go into this highly emotional day! It feels good to get the inside outside.
To all, may you find some peace, serenity and hope over this season. You owe it to yourself. For those who “hate” the holidays, give thought to giving yourself a gift for next year, the recovery of a life that you’ll love. I did way back when and am grateful for what has followed.