Thursday, December 31, 2009
Thursday, December 24, 2009
SO THIS IS CHRISTMAS?!
SO THIS IS CHRISTMAS!?
I sit hear looking over a snow covered field with sun shining on it. A great time for reflection as Christmas day rapidly approaches.
I can’t help but to reflect back on some of those Christmas’ past.
Christmas is and always has been an emotionally charged time of year for me. My recollections of childhood Christmas are positive, it was a day I was able to return to the womb of extended family and it was safe and secure; a time of marvel and honestly, a time of receiving.
As an adult, and with children of my own, things changed. I became a keeper of secrets and a vessel full of emotions that were stuffed inside; I did not want others to see them. I found ways to escape reality and they were not healthy for me or others around me. Christmas was a time of false expectations, of hopes that because they were unrealistic, were not met. A time where the day after was a day of depression and real let down.
So this became Christmas, a time I really did not enjoy. A day that showed me how lacking I was in real emotional bonding.
Christmas Eve was usually a time I stopped at my favourite watering hole under the guise of an auction to help the needy. I gathered with my merry bands that were as emotionally off base as me. We drank, got “merry”, got soppy as the evening progressed, and overdid the charity thing to try to feel better and righteous. Then I would head home.
Of course, on Christmas morning I was not on top of my game, and those who were most important to me felt the effect. Ho! Ho! HO!
Things happened as they had to, and I began the process of co-creative life recovery. As I recovered, Christmas took on a new meaning because of what happened inside of me. It truly has been a miracle!
I am exposed to many people today who talk and show the dread I felt years ago about Christmas. It is emotionally draining for them, they are facing depression caused in part by huge stress and knowing what they really want to happen simply won’t. I have compassion for these folks and can relate to what they are feeling. In my own way and as best I can, I try to give each a gift.......acceptance, love and hope.
For many, this is Christmas, a tough time of the year!
I am so grateful for the miracles I have been blessed with in my life. I am thankful that from somewhere I got the courage to change, reached out, and did the hard and emotionally draining work I had to do. I am looking forward to Christmas day!
There is no doubt that the lead up to Christmas is challenging. Emotions do run higher, there is the activity of purchasing some gifts, social activities pick up, and all the things we all experience. My wife, god bless her, has a burden that I can only partly share in getting ready for the onslaught of family. Ah yes, this is Christmas.
That being said, because of the miracle of recovery, I am truly looking forward to the day. I feel good within, and this will reflect on how I interact with those who will be here for the day, those who I dearly love. I will not be depressed and will be able to enjoy the gleeful chaos that will unfold around us led by grand children who love me for just being Grampy!
Christmas night we will have the pleasure of being joined at dinner by people who do not have family to spend time with, and good cheer and laughs will be exchanged, and not cheer in liquid form.
There is a good feeling that comes with being able to share with others, and this is a great gift.
So this is Christmas. What a difference from that dreaded day that I lived pre-recovery. It truly is a miracle. If the miracle was there for me, it is there for all. You just have to reach out and have the courage to change. For this guy, it was well worth it!
I am fortunate that many do read my ramblings. As you go into Christmas, please share on this site or at www.hopeserenity.ca what you are feeling as you go into this highly emotional day! It feels good to get the inside outside.
To all, may you find some peace, serenity and hope over this season. You owe it to yourself. For those who “hate” the holidays, give thought to giving yourself a gift for next year, the recovery of a life that you’ll love. I did way back when and am grateful for what has followed.
I sit hear looking over a snow covered field with sun shining on it. A great time for reflection as Christmas day rapidly approaches.
I can’t help but to reflect back on some of those Christmas’ past.
Christmas is and always has been an emotionally charged time of year for me. My recollections of childhood Christmas are positive, it was a day I was able to return to the womb of extended family and it was safe and secure; a time of marvel and honestly, a time of receiving.
As an adult, and with children of my own, things changed. I became a keeper of secrets and a vessel full of emotions that were stuffed inside; I did not want others to see them. I found ways to escape reality and they were not healthy for me or others around me. Christmas was a time of false expectations, of hopes that because they were unrealistic, were not met. A time where the day after was a day of depression and real let down.
So this became Christmas, a time I really did not enjoy. A day that showed me how lacking I was in real emotional bonding.
Christmas Eve was usually a time I stopped at my favourite watering hole under the guise of an auction to help the needy. I gathered with my merry bands that were as emotionally off base as me. We drank, got “merry”, got soppy as the evening progressed, and overdid the charity thing to try to feel better and righteous. Then I would head home.
Of course, on Christmas morning I was not on top of my game, and those who were most important to me felt the effect. Ho! Ho! HO!
Things happened as they had to, and I began the process of co-creative life recovery. As I recovered, Christmas took on a new meaning because of what happened inside of me. It truly has been a miracle!
I am exposed to many people today who talk and show the dread I felt years ago about Christmas. It is emotionally draining for them, they are facing depression caused in part by huge stress and knowing what they really want to happen simply won’t. I have compassion for these folks and can relate to what they are feeling. In my own way and as best I can, I try to give each a gift.......acceptance, love and hope.
For many, this is Christmas, a tough time of the year!
I am so grateful for the miracles I have been blessed with in my life. I am thankful that from somewhere I got the courage to change, reached out, and did the hard and emotionally draining work I had to do. I am looking forward to Christmas day!
There is no doubt that the lead up to Christmas is challenging. Emotions do run higher, there is the activity of purchasing some gifts, social activities pick up, and all the things we all experience. My wife, god bless her, has a burden that I can only partly share in getting ready for the onslaught of family. Ah yes, this is Christmas.
That being said, because of the miracle of recovery, I am truly looking forward to the day. I feel good within, and this will reflect on how I interact with those who will be here for the day, those who I dearly love. I will not be depressed and will be able to enjoy the gleeful chaos that will unfold around us led by grand children who love me for just being Grampy!
Christmas night we will have the pleasure of being joined at dinner by people who do not have family to spend time with, and good cheer and laughs will be exchanged, and not cheer in liquid form.
There is a good feeling that comes with being able to share with others, and this is a great gift.
So this is Christmas. What a difference from that dreaded day that I lived pre-recovery. It truly is a miracle. If the miracle was there for me, it is there for all. You just have to reach out and have the courage to change. For this guy, it was well worth it!
I am fortunate that many do read my ramblings. As you go into Christmas, please share on this site or at www.hopeserenity.ca what you are feeling as you go into this highly emotional day! It feels good to get the inside outside.
To all, may you find some peace, serenity and hope over this season. You owe it to yourself. For those who “hate” the holidays, give thought to giving yourself a gift for next year, the recovery of a life that you’ll love. I did way back when and am grateful for what has followed.
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
EACH OF US HAS RIGHTS!
EACH OF US HAS RIGHTS!
Me? I have rights too?
As I hit a point that today I know as my bottom, inside I did not feel well. I had learned to stuff emotions and feels like putting trash in a garbage bag, and the bag has exceeded full and things smelt!
I had forgotten and quit living as an equal human among humans, a direct result of losing self-love, self-esteem and self-respect. I had forgotten that as a human, I had rights.
Christmas will soon be upon us. It can be a very difficult time of year for many. I remember the days that it was a tough season for me. In my case it had nothing to do with the material, but everything to do with the emotional. I have a great deal of difficulty dealing with my emotions and what I believed to be the expectations of others.
For those of you who may be feeling the seasonal struggle, I offer you the following list of "rights". Use them as an affirmation. Copy them, stand in front of a mirror, look yourself in the eye and read them repeatedly. We all have rights.
As a PERSON, you have the RIGHT to...
1. direct the course of your own life and dissolve negative behaviour patterns.
2. all your feelings and a right to express these feelings
3. trust your feelings, perceptions, judgment, intuition and inner experience.
4. be believed.
5. say NO!
6. develop a life-style that is comfortable for you.
7. leave the company of anyone who fails to respect you as a person.
8. privacy and personal space.
9. a healthy, loving sexually exciting, non-abusive relationship with a person you choose as a lover.
10. refuse to accept responsibility or blame for the actions and decisions of anyone except yourself.
11. happiness, love, health and peace regardless of the past.
12. develop yourself as a whole person, emotionally, mentally, physically, psychologically and spiritually.
As we approach a new year, remember this list of rights. If you want to work at achieving more of them in your life, there is a way! Right number 12 is particularly important and is exactly what I see the process of life recovery to be. It is the essence of the journey I continue on and work to help others to find. A happy, abundant, holistic life.
If I can help you through a conversation to start this process and take back your rights, please contact me through www.hopeserenity.ca. If you know of others who are struggling, please send this article to them as a gift of hope!
Me? I have rights too?
As I hit a point that today I know as my bottom, inside I did not feel well. I had learned to stuff emotions and feels like putting trash in a garbage bag, and the bag has exceeded full and things smelt!
I had forgotten and quit living as an equal human among humans, a direct result of losing self-love, self-esteem and self-respect. I had forgotten that as a human, I had rights.
Christmas will soon be upon us. It can be a very difficult time of year for many. I remember the days that it was a tough season for me. In my case it had nothing to do with the material, but everything to do with the emotional. I have a great deal of difficulty dealing with my emotions and what I believed to be the expectations of others.
For those of you who may be feeling the seasonal struggle, I offer you the following list of "rights". Use them as an affirmation. Copy them, stand in front of a mirror, look yourself in the eye and read them repeatedly. We all have rights.
As a PERSON, you have the RIGHT to...
1. direct the course of your own life and dissolve negative behaviour patterns.
2. all your feelings and a right to express these feelings
3. trust your feelings, perceptions, judgment, intuition and inner experience.
4. be believed.
5. say NO!
6. develop a life-style that is comfortable for you.
7. leave the company of anyone who fails to respect you as a person.
8. privacy and personal space.
9. a healthy, loving sexually exciting, non-abusive relationship with a person you choose as a lover.
10. refuse to accept responsibility or blame for the actions and decisions of anyone except yourself.
11. happiness, love, health and peace regardless of the past.
12. develop yourself as a whole person, emotionally, mentally, physically, psychologically and spiritually.
As we approach a new year, remember this list of rights. If you want to work at achieving more of them in your life, there is a way! Right number 12 is particularly important and is exactly what I see the process of life recovery to be. It is the essence of the journey I continue on and work to help others to find. A happy, abundant, holistic life.
If I can help you through a conversation to start this process and take back your rights, please contact me through www.hopeserenity.ca. If you know of others who are struggling, please send this article to them as a gift of hope!
Monday, December 21, 2009
DISCOVERING YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE (questions to ask)
DISCOVERING YOUR LIFE’S PURPOSE
Questions To Ask
Often I’m asked what it is a coach does.
The simple answer is to help others discover what is important for them to accomplish, set goals and then guide them to getting it done.
Often people either directly or indirectly tell me they have hit a crossroads in there life (personal, career or both) and want to understand their purpose then take a new path.
Here are some questions I’m sharing for those who want to better understand their purpose in life. If this raises questions, you can find me through www.hopeserenity.ca.
“Everything created solves a problem.” – Mike Murdock
Your eyes see, your ears hear, your nose smells. Doctors solve medical problems, lawyers solve legal problems. Your shirt keeps you warm; your watch tells you the time. Everything created solves a problem.
I believe you were created to solve a problem and your success is dependent on your ability to discover that problem and solve it. Finding this problem is discovering your purpose, solving this problem is accomplishing your purpose.
“Everything created solves a problem.” – Mike Murdock
Your eyes see, your ears hear, your nose smells. Doctors solve medical problems, lawyers solve legal problems. Your shirt keeps you warm; your watch tells you the time. Everything created solves a problem.
I believe you were created to solve a problem and your success is dependent on your ability to discover that problem and solve it. Finding this problem is discovering your purpose, solving this problem is accomplishing your purpose.
7 Questions to Help You Discover Your Purpose:
1. What do you love to do?
Your purpose is directly related to what you love. The most purposeful people in the world spend their time doing what they love. Bill Gates loves computers, Oprah loves helping, and Edison loved to invent. What do you love? Is it reading, writing, playing sports, singing, painting, business, selling, talking, listening, cooking, fixing broken things. Whatever you love, it’s directly related to your purpose.
2. What do you do in your free time?
Whatever you do in your free time is a sign of your purpose. If you like to paint in your free time, then that’s a “sign.” If you like to cook, then that’s a sign, if you like to talk, then that’s a sign. Follow the signs.
I love to be of service to others in my free time, I have an obsession with service. Of course, this is a sign of my purpose …which is to coach.
What do you do in your free time? What would you like to do if you had more free time? Would you teach dance a class or a business course?
3. What do you notice?
A salesman notices an uninspiring sales pitch, a hairdresser notices someone’s hair is out of place, a designer notices a awkward outfit, a mechanic hears something wrong with your car, a singer notices when someone’s voice is out of pitch, a speaker notices an uninspiring speech.
What do you notice? What annoys you?
I notice when people underachieve. This is a sign of my purpose. I’m obsessed with practicality and simplicity. When I coach, I try to coach in a very practical and simple way.
4. What do you love to learn about?
What kinds of books or magazines do you like to read? Do you read about cooking, business, or fishing, whatever it is, it’s a sign. I’m always reading about self development, particularly as it relates to successful living. Of course this is also related to my purpose, which is to coach people on how to succeed.
What do you love to learn about? If you have a library, what books do you have in that library?
5. What sparks your creativity?
Is it painting, designing, building, speaking, or selling?
People spark my creativity. I often feel like a sculptor or painter when I coach. I carefully ask questions and listen. I hear ideas that impacts people’s lives; it’s a very creative process. Each follow up question must be crafted for maximum impact.
What sparks your creativity, do you have ideas for new food recipes, or a new creative automotive Web site?
6. What do people compliment you on?
What “fans” do you have? If no one likes your cooking, then you probably won’t make a good chef.
Do people compliment your writing, or your singing, or your amazing ability to sell? Once again, this is a sign of your purpose.
People always compliment me on my insight and optimism, something I was too frightened to overtly share for most of my life. I find it intriguing that my purpose was hidden in something that I was frightened to do.
7. What would you do if you knew you couldn’t fail?
Would you start a salon, go on American Idol, start your own business? What would you do if success was guaranteed? It’s a sign to your purpose.
I’d do what I’m doing right now, which is coaching. Nothing is more important to me, what about you?
8. In Closing
These questions are signs to your purpose. They’re pointing you in the direction of a specific purpose. One question alone doesn’t tell the whole story; you must look at all of your answers collectively. Each answer is a piece of the “purpose” puzzle.
Study these questions, and your answers, and you will be well on your way to discovering your purpose. Thank you for reading!(www.hopeserenity.ca)
Questions To Ask
Often I’m asked what it is a coach does.
The simple answer is to help others discover what is important for them to accomplish, set goals and then guide them to getting it done.
Often people either directly or indirectly tell me they have hit a crossroads in there life (personal, career or both) and want to understand their purpose then take a new path.
Here are some questions I’m sharing for those who want to better understand their purpose in life. If this raises questions, you can find me through www.hopeserenity.ca.
“Everything created solves a problem.” – Mike Murdock
Your eyes see, your ears hear, your nose smells. Doctors solve medical problems, lawyers solve legal problems. Your shirt keeps you warm; your watch tells you the time. Everything created solves a problem.
I believe you were created to solve a problem and your success is dependent on your ability to discover that problem and solve it. Finding this problem is discovering your purpose, solving this problem is accomplishing your purpose.
“Everything created solves a problem.” – Mike Murdock
Your eyes see, your ears hear, your nose smells. Doctors solve medical problems, lawyers solve legal problems. Your shirt keeps you warm; your watch tells you the time. Everything created solves a problem.
I believe you were created to solve a problem and your success is dependent on your ability to discover that problem and solve it. Finding this problem is discovering your purpose, solving this problem is accomplishing your purpose.
7 Questions to Help You Discover Your Purpose:
1. What do you love to do?
Your purpose is directly related to what you love. The most purposeful people in the world spend their time doing what they love. Bill Gates loves computers, Oprah loves helping, and Edison loved to invent. What do you love? Is it reading, writing, playing sports, singing, painting, business, selling, talking, listening, cooking, fixing broken things. Whatever you love, it’s directly related to your purpose.
2. What do you do in your free time?
Whatever you do in your free time is a sign of your purpose. If you like to paint in your free time, then that’s a “sign.” If you like to cook, then that’s a sign, if you like to talk, then that’s a sign. Follow the signs.
I love to be of service to others in my free time, I have an obsession with service. Of course, this is a sign of my purpose …which is to coach.
What do you do in your free time? What would you like to do if you had more free time? Would you teach dance a class or a business course?
3. What do you notice?
A salesman notices an uninspiring sales pitch, a hairdresser notices someone’s hair is out of place, a designer notices a awkward outfit, a mechanic hears something wrong with your car, a singer notices when someone’s voice is out of pitch, a speaker notices an uninspiring speech.
What do you notice? What annoys you?
I notice when people underachieve. This is a sign of my purpose. I’m obsessed with practicality and simplicity. When I coach, I try to coach in a very practical and simple way.
4. What do you love to learn about?
What kinds of books or magazines do you like to read? Do you read about cooking, business, or fishing, whatever it is, it’s a sign. I’m always reading about self development, particularly as it relates to successful living. Of course this is also related to my purpose, which is to coach people on how to succeed.
What do you love to learn about? If you have a library, what books do you have in that library?
5. What sparks your creativity?
Is it painting, designing, building, speaking, or selling?
People spark my creativity. I often feel like a sculptor or painter when I coach. I carefully ask questions and listen. I hear ideas that impacts people’s lives; it’s a very creative process. Each follow up question must be crafted for maximum impact.
What sparks your creativity, do you have ideas for new food recipes, or a new creative automotive Web site?
6. What do people compliment you on?
What “fans” do you have? If no one likes your cooking, then you probably won’t make a good chef.
Do people compliment your writing, or your singing, or your amazing ability to sell? Once again, this is a sign of your purpose.
People always compliment me on my insight and optimism, something I was too frightened to overtly share for most of my life. I find it intriguing that my purpose was hidden in something that I was frightened to do.
7. What would you do if you knew you couldn’t fail?
Would you start a salon, go on American Idol, start your own business? What would you do if success was guaranteed? It’s a sign to your purpose.
I’d do what I’m doing right now, which is coaching. Nothing is more important to me, what about you?
8. In Closing
These questions are signs to your purpose. They’re pointing you in the direction of a specific purpose. One question alone doesn’t tell the whole story; you must look at all of your answers collectively. Each answer is a piece of the “purpose” puzzle.
Study these questions, and your answers, and you will be well on your way to discovering your purpose. Thank you for reading!(www.hopeserenity.ca)
Friday, December 18, 2009
SAVE IT FOR WHAT?
SAVING IT FOR WHAT?
I’m at an age and stage of life that more and more are hitting. We aren’t known as baby boomers for nothing; the population did explode following WWII! We’re here as proof.
One thing many of us have in common is aging parents and dealing with “stuff” as they go down hill and approach the end. “Stuff” includes material things such as china and silverware, fine linens, clothing and jewelry and more- “stuff” that was kept for special occasions and not used much.
Others may feel differently, but in dealing with my mother’s special things, I feel a sense of waste. Most of us have accumulated things over the years that are special to us, and what was special to my mother and not used much is not that special to me.
Today is a special day, a day meant to use some of my “special stuff”. What am I saving it for? If I can’t use it, it is better that I give it to someone that can enjoy it today!
Each of us has special stuff within as well as special material things. Today is a special today because it is a day we are living in. Tomorrow is not guaranteed.
A thought. What have you got in talents or possessions stashed away for special occasions? What will happen to those treasures and talents if you don’t see tomorrow? Don’t you think there will be a real waste?
I’ve never thought about things in this way before, but it is thoughts that just came, and came for a reason. As I move forward I will use those special things and talents as often as humanly possible. I have today, and that makes today very special.
I would love to here what thoughts cross your mind about saving things for special occasions. Share here on at www.hopeserenity.ca. I do look at ALL responses.
I’m at an age and stage of life that more and more are hitting. We aren’t known as baby boomers for nothing; the population did explode following WWII! We’re here as proof.
One thing many of us have in common is aging parents and dealing with “stuff” as they go down hill and approach the end. “Stuff” includes material things such as china and silverware, fine linens, clothing and jewelry and more- “stuff” that was kept for special occasions and not used much.
Others may feel differently, but in dealing with my mother’s special things, I feel a sense of waste. Most of us have accumulated things over the years that are special to us, and what was special to my mother and not used much is not that special to me.
Today is a special day, a day meant to use some of my “special stuff”. What am I saving it for? If I can’t use it, it is better that I give it to someone that can enjoy it today!
Each of us has special stuff within as well as special material things. Today is a special today because it is a day we are living in. Tomorrow is not guaranteed.
A thought. What have you got in talents or possessions stashed away for special occasions? What will happen to those treasures and talents if you don’t see tomorrow? Don’t you think there will be a real waste?
I’ve never thought about things in this way before, but it is thoughts that just came, and came for a reason. As I move forward I will use those special things and talents as often as humanly possible. I have today, and that makes today very special.
I would love to here what thoughts cross your mind about saving things for special occasions. Share here on at www.hopeserenity.ca. I do look at ALL responses.
Thursday, December 17, 2009
WHAT IS GOD'S WILL?
WHAT IS GOD’S WILL?
At the early stages of recovery, I kept hearing about God’s will and gaining the power to carry it out.
The word God to me means something that is different to me than many people I know, and it is a word that when I hear it turns my thoughts turn to church and religion. I believe in no one church and do not follow a particular religion.
God for me today means a power great than myself (Higher Power), the divine spirit of the universe, the small quiet voice that dwells within and feelings similar, and God is a highly personal thing with me.
I have conscious contact today with my Higher Power, and do not ever knock anyone’s concept of God as long as it is not a living person on earth currently. I don’t think I could ever go there, but do believe the higher power exists within all living things. God is life.
How could an individual like me be sure of what God’s will for me is? I am not that smart to know with certainty. So, I posed this question to a person I felt was spiritually fit. His answer was so simple it shocked me!
He stated simply, God’s will is what happens. Ouch!
Upon reflection, I have come to believe this simple truth.
There are many horrors and personal tragedies that happen. I do not pretend to understand why because I learned the hard way that I am not God. There are things that are within my power to understand and for me; these are better things to focus on. God is a “higher power” not human power, and comprehends what I can’t.
God did give me abilities and skills. He also gave me an ability to make choices. He gave me an ability to communicate externally and an ability to listen. I can say; I developed the former (communication) for a long time far in advance of the latter. God also gave me a soul that I believe is the small quiet voice that has always been inside of me. This voice has always given me a sense of right and wrong IF (the big IF) I chose to listen.
The power of listening and listening deeply on a regular basis leads to my personal level of spiritual fitness, and when spiritually fit and in conscious contact, I make better decisions about life. I take better care of myself and make a better contribution to the world I live in and the people I touch. God’s will manifests’ itself in a far more positive fashion.
I did many things to myself and to others that I am not proud of. I understand today that they were God’s will for the Keith at that moment, and that from the feelings these actions caused, consciously or unconsciously I went on a spiritual fitness program that continues today that allows me to be far more in tune to the message of my Higher Power, and through listening, God’s will for me today manifests itself in a far more positive way externally. Internally I am blessed with hope, serenity and peace that I did not know for years.
The holistic process of co-creative life recovery for me has a large spiritual (not necessarily religious, although for some it is) component to it. My Higher Power is a co-creator, the key co-creator in my recovery. Changing behaviour including gaining remission from my addictions succeeds daily dependent on my spiritual fitness. The more fit, the more abundance life has and the more positive is the manifestation of God’s will.
So do you want to make a quantum change in how God’s will is playing out in your life? Are you not happy with how things are playing out within and around you? By changing how you live and practising an improved level of spiritual fitness in your life you may transform your thinking about God’s will. Let’s kick this around at www.hopeserenity.ca or on this site! What is God’s will for you going forward?
At the early stages of recovery, I kept hearing about God’s will and gaining the power to carry it out.
The word God to me means something that is different to me than many people I know, and it is a word that when I hear it turns my thoughts turn to church and religion. I believe in no one church and do not follow a particular religion.
God for me today means a power great than myself (Higher Power), the divine spirit of the universe, the small quiet voice that dwells within and feelings similar, and God is a highly personal thing with me.
I have conscious contact today with my Higher Power, and do not ever knock anyone’s concept of God as long as it is not a living person on earth currently. I don’t think I could ever go there, but do believe the higher power exists within all living things. God is life.
How could an individual like me be sure of what God’s will for me is? I am not that smart to know with certainty. So, I posed this question to a person I felt was spiritually fit. His answer was so simple it shocked me!
He stated simply, God’s will is what happens. Ouch!
Upon reflection, I have come to believe this simple truth.
There are many horrors and personal tragedies that happen. I do not pretend to understand why because I learned the hard way that I am not God. There are things that are within my power to understand and for me; these are better things to focus on. God is a “higher power” not human power, and comprehends what I can’t.
God did give me abilities and skills. He also gave me an ability to make choices. He gave me an ability to communicate externally and an ability to listen. I can say; I developed the former (communication) for a long time far in advance of the latter. God also gave me a soul that I believe is the small quiet voice that has always been inside of me. This voice has always given me a sense of right and wrong IF (the big IF) I chose to listen.
The power of listening and listening deeply on a regular basis leads to my personal level of spiritual fitness, and when spiritually fit and in conscious contact, I make better decisions about life. I take better care of myself and make a better contribution to the world I live in and the people I touch. God’s will manifests’ itself in a far more positive fashion.
I did many things to myself and to others that I am not proud of. I understand today that they were God’s will for the Keith at that moment, and that from the feelings these actions caused, consciously or unconsciously I went on a spiritual fitness program that continues today that allows me to be far more in tune to the message of my Higher Power, and through listening, God’s will for me today manifests itself in a far more positive way externally. Internally I am blessed with hope, serenity and peace that I did not know for years.
The holistic process of co-creative life recovery for me has a large spiritual (not necessarily religious, although for some it is) component to it. My Higher Power is a co-creator, the key co-creator in my recovery. Changing behaviour including gaining remission from my addictions succeeds daily dependent on my spiritual fitness. The more fit, the more abundance life has and the more positive is the manifestation of God’s will.
So do you want to make a quantum change in how God’s will is playing out in your life? Are you not happy with how things are playing out within and around you? By changing how you live and practising an improved level of spiritual fitness in your life you may transform your thinking about God’s will. Let’s kick this around at www.hopeserenity.ca or on this site! What is God’s will for you going forward?
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
STRUGGLING WITH GOD?
STRUGGLING WITH GOD?
A NOVEL IDEA
Looking back to the start of the journey I call the process of life recovery, I certainly struggled not only with the word God, but with nearly anything spiritual. I think I fit the category that is called “spiritually bankrupt”.
I was brought up going to Sunday school and most of my family and people I knew went to a church of some type. People and church sort of became intermingled.
I learned of a punishing god growing up, I had an infant sister die; I lived with abuse, and upon announcing intent to get married (to my pregnant girlfriend), hit a rejection from a church that still boggles my mind. Church, people, death, religion, but today I understand the rejection did not come from the God I understand today.
So many I run into in my current life initially tell me they want no part of God. After discussion, I understand what they are saying, they want no part of the same things I had been exposed to and related to God. I learned what I had experienced was not bad things from God, but from a specific church, person or experience.
I truly believe that the life I have today would not be possible without a spiritual foundation and as opposed to spiritually bankrupt, today I have a rich spiritual life and conscious contact with a Higher Power that is mine personally. A Higher Power who is in keeping with my soul and beliefs, and conscious contact with this Higher Power works for me! It brings peace within, hope and serenity.
From the Big Book of AA, we are presented with this novel concept, and who could argue it?
“My friend suggested what then seemed a novel idea. He said, “Why don't you choose your own conception of God?"
That statement hit me hard. It melted the icy intellectual mountain in whose shadow I had lived and shivered many years. I stood in the sunlight at last.
It was only a matter of being willing to believe in a Power greater than myself. Nothing more was required of me to make my beginning.
- Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 12
When I first looked at the 12 steps as a program that may help me, the word God jumped off the page and I recoiled. I was not ready for religion or joining what I perceived might just be a cult.
No secret. I did not accept the need to incorporate the 12 steps into my life when I came to the point that I really wanted life recovery. I had to work with “professionals” to get me to open my mind, and in working with others, and as page 12 above says, I was invited to choose my own concept of God for the purposes of my own recovery. How could I refuse that? What did I have to lose? It would be MINE, a concept I could relate to! I could transform.
So if you think you need to make some major life changes, think your spiritual life might be in a deficit position or non-existent and you are hung up about the God other people talk about, why not try a novel concept. CREATE YOUR OWN INSIDE OF YOU (or seek and find the one I know is there). You’ll stand in the sunlight with your God!
Struggling with the “God Thing” and just want to kick some thoughts around? Contact me through this site or through www.hopeserenity.ca. Ending the struggle may give you a great life.
A NOVEL IDEA
Looking back to the start of the journey I call the process of life recovery, I certainly struggled not only with the word God, but with nearly anything spiritual. I think I fit the category that is called “spiritually bankrupt”.
I was brought up going to Sunday school and most of my family and people I knew went to a church of some type. People and church sort of became intermingled.
I learned of a punishing god growing up, I had an infant sister die; I lived with abuse, and upon announcing intent to get married (to my pregnant girlfriend), hit a rejection from a church that still boggles my mind. Church, people, death, religion, but today I understand the rejection did not come from the God I understand today.
So many I run into in my current life initially tell me they want no part of God. After discussion, I understand what they are saying, they want no part of the same things I had been exposed to and related to God. I learned what I had experienced was not bad things from God, but from a specific church, person or experience.
I truly believe that the life I have today would not be possible without a spiritual foundation and as opposed to spiritually bankrupt, today I have a rich spiritual life and conscious contact with a Higher Power that is mine personally. A Higher Power who is in keeping with my soul and beliefs, and conscious contact with this Higher Power works for me! It brings peace within, hope and serenity.
From the Big Book of AA, we are presented with this novel concept, and who could argue it?
“My friend suggested what then seemed a novel idea. He said, “Why don't you choose your own conception of God?"
That statement hit me hard. It melted the icy intellectual mountain in whose shadow I had lived and shivered many years. I stood in the sunlight at last.
It was only a matter of being willing to believe in a Power greater than myself. Nothing more was required of me to make my beginning.
- Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 12
When I first looked at the 12 steps as a program that may help me, the word God jumped off the page and I recoiled. I was not ready for religion or joining what I perceived might just be a cult.
No secret. I did not accept the need to incorporate the 12 steps into my life when I came to the point that I really wanted life recovery. I had to work with “professionals” to get me to open my mind, and in working with others, and as page 12 above says, I was invited to choose my own concept of God for the purposes of my own recovery. How could I refuse that? What did I have to lose? It would be MINE, a concept I could relate to! I could transform.
So if you think you need to make some major life changes, think your spiritual life might be in a deficit position or non-existent and you are hung up about the God other people talk about, why not try a novel concept. CREATE YOUR OWN INSIDE OF YOU (or seek and find the one I know is there). You’ll stand in the sunlight with your God!
Struggling with the “God Thing” and just want to kick some thoughts around? Contact me through this site or through www.hopeserenity.ca. Ending the struggle may give you a great life.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
LYING TO FEEL ACCEPTED
LYING TO FEEL ACCEPTED
I blog frequently for several reasons.
I have “journalled” or blogged for years as a part of my life recovery. Simply, it lets me get things that are on the inside to the outside. I was taught that this was healthy behaviour and guess what? It helps. Honest sharing is good for all.
Over the years, as I’ve shared some of my writings, I have been told that they have helped others. I am not unique, and others can relate to some of the thoughts that go through the “Disney World” that sometimes serves as my mind. Sometimes in sharing I connect with new people and build a personal relationship, once in a blue moon I attract someone who wants my professional help
Often in sharing, I get great feedback, ideas to improve the things I do, new perspectives and some things that set off a bell.
Today, I heard from an online “friend” John, as he responded on an article “10 Reasons We Fail”, about something I certainly did, but have not thought about in this context for a long time.
Let me share some of John’s thoughts: “Just a personnel part of my walk was breaking the chains of "LYING TO FEEL ACCEPTED". I feel I lied so much I hated to admit my problem with lying. Being comfortable in my own skin was a major break through. I am so happy and have made amends to myself for all the inaccurate portrayals of where I worked, who I've met, family, lifestyle, and many other issues that were totally false. I hope and pray that anyone I have mislead, could see through the lies, and said a prayer for me. I think manipulation is a part of fuelling addictions. We "feel" obligated to live a lie. NO MORE! NOT FOR ME! Progress is a good thing, don't give up! Godspeed, John”
A great thing to reflect on, the need to resort to lying to feel accepted! Thanks John for sharing with me and others.
I admit my guilt in this. I have embellished on my resume, concocted stories to embellish accomplishments and contacts and like John, on other “lifestyle” issues.
Why?
Because I thought who I was, what I had done and what I had become were not good enough for you to accept me, and being accepted was terribly important to me.
Why? For many reasons, but to distil it down to its simplest; because who I became was not someone that was good enough for me to accept, and I was sure that if you really knew me, you would not accept me as just Keith.
I have a feeling there are going to be many people who read this, and get a funny feeling inside like I did. Thanks John for sharing with me and allowing me to quote you. I certainly could feel and relate to your words.
Accepting me was a process. It took hard work and a lot of help. As I know John would tell you, it was well worth it. You clearly see it in his words.
Would you like to deal with issues that cause you to lie to be accepted? If I can help put you on the path, contact me through www.hopeserenity.ca.
I blog frequently for several reasons.
I have “journalled” or blogged for years as a part of my life recovery. Simply, it lets me get things that are on the inside to the outside. I was taught that this was healthy behaviour and guess what? It helps. Honest sharing is good for all.
Over the years, as I’ve shared some of my writings, I have been told that they have helped others. I am not unique, and others can relate to some of the thoughts that go through the “Disney World” that sometimes serves as my mind. Sometimes in sharing I connect with new people and build a personal relationship, once in a blue moon I attract someone who wants my professional help
Often in sharing, I get great feedback, ideas to improve the things I do, new perspectives and some things that set off a bell.
Today, I heard from an online “friend” John, as he responded on an article “10 Reasons We Fail”, about something I certainly did, but have not thought about in this context for a long time.
Let me share some of John’s thoughts: “Just a personnel part of my walk was breaking the chains of "LYING TO FEEL ACCEPTED". I feel I lied so much I hated to admit my problem with lying. Being comfortable in my own skin was a major break through. I am so happy and have made amends to myself for all the inaccurate portrayals of where I worked, who I've met, family, lifestyle, and many other issues that were totally false. I hope and pray that anyone I have mislead, could see through the lies, and said a prayer for me. I think manipulation is a part of fuelling addictions. We "feel" obligated to live a lie. NO MORE! NOT FOR ME! Progress is a good thing, don't give up! Godspeed, John”
A great thing to reflect on, the need to resort to lying to feel accepted! Thanks John for sharing with me and others.
I admit my guilt in this. I have embellished on my resume, concocted stories to embellish accomplishments and contacts and like John, on other “lifestyle” issues.
Why?
Because I thought who I was, what I had done and what I had become were not good enough for you to accept me, and being accepted was terribly important to me.
Why? For many reasons, but to distil it down to its simplest; because who I became was not someone that was good enough for me to accept, and I was sure that if you really knew me, you would not accept me as just Keith.
I have a feeling there are going to be many people who read this, and get a funny feeling inside like I did. Thanks John for sharing with me and allowing me to quote you. I certainly could feel and relate to your words.
Accepting me was a process. It took hard work and a lot of help. As I know John would tell you, it was well worth it. You clearly see it in his words.
Would you like to deal with issues that cause you to lie to be accepted? If I can help put you on the path, contact me through www.hopeserenity.ca.
Monday, December 14, 2009
COP OUT-I'LL LET HIM Do It
COP OUT-I’ll Let HIM Do It
The process of life recovery is in part, a spiritual journey. In finding a Higher Power in my life, having conscious contact on a growing basis, and listening to that small quiet voice inside, there is a great caution I learned.
Pray to God but row to shore.
--Proverb
“There exists a Divine partnership between God and man that is wonderfully depicted in the following story. A young minister was driving through the countryside when he spotted a farmer tilling 40 acres of magnificent farmland. The minister pulled over and addressed the farmer, "God has certainly blessed you with a wonderful piece of land." The farmer replied, "Yes, but you should have seen the mess it was in when God had it to Himself!"
A well-known entrepreneur was asked the secret of her business success. She answered, "I pray as if everything depends on God, but act as if everything depends on me." It is not enough just to pray for and affirm our good. Like the farmer and businesswoman, we must also take concrete steps to make our dreams a reality.
Working together, we and spirit form an unbeatable combination. Neither can succeed without the other. Just as nature provided the land but needed the farmer to till the soil, spirit needs us to bring about heaven on earth. Let us work together as Divine partners to fulfill this promise.”
Listening to Your Inner Voice by Douglas Bloch
Too often I am aware of people who blame bad fortune on their Higher Power. Statements like “I turned it over and this is the outcome. It must be His will” can be cop outs. People can turn to their higher power for help, but it is understood that it is a partnership, and we must do our part.
One of the wonderful things I appreciate in the relationship I have with my Higher Power today is that that power loves and trusts me enough to allow me to make decisions and have freedom of choice. My daily spiritual condition has a huge impact on the choices I make, and they are all not the right one!
If you would like to explore this thought and share on it, you are invited to do so on this site, or go to www.hopeserenity.ca, a site for those transforming their lives.
The process of life recovery is in part, a spiritual journey. In finding a Higher Power in my life, having conscious contact on a growing basis, and listening to that small quiet voice inside, there is a great caution I learned.
Pray to God but row to shore.
--Proverb
“There exists a Divine partnership between God and man that is wonderfully depicted in the following story. A young minister was driving through the countryside when he spotted a farmer tilling 40 acres of magnificent farmland. The minister pulled over and addressed the farmer, "God has certainly blessed you with a wonderful piece of land." The farmer replied, "Yes, but you should have seen the mess it was in when God had it to Himself!"
A well-known entrepreneur was asked the secret of her business success. She answered, "I pray as if everything depends on God, but act as if everything depends on me." It is not enough just to pray for and affirm our good. Like the farmer and businesswoman, we must also take concrete steps to make our dreams a reality.
Working together, we and spirit form an unbeatable combination. Neither can succeed without the other. Just as nature provided the land but needed the farmer to till the soil, spirit needs us to bring about heaven on earth. Let us work together as Divine partners to fulfill this promise.”
Listening to Your Inner Voice by Douglas Bloch
Too often I am aware of people who blame bad fortune on their Higher Power. Statements like “I turned it over and this is the outcome. It must be His will” can be cop outs. People can turn to their higher power for help, but it is understood that it is a partnership, and we must do our part.
One of the wonderful things I appreciate in the relationship I have with my Higher Power today is that that power loves and trusts me enough to allow me to make decisions and have freedom of choice. My daily spiritual condition has a huge impact on the choices I make, and they are all not the right one!
If you would like to explore this thought and share on it, you are invited to do so on this site, or go to www.hopeserenity.ca, a site for those transforming their lives.
Saturday, December 12, 2009
10 REASONS WE FAIL
10 REASONS WE FAIL
I’m always interested in reading what my friend and cohort Patrick Meninga has to say at Spiritual River (www.spiritualriver.com). In Patrick, I have found a kindred spirit when in comes to wanting to improve the rate of recovery among the addicted. There are good programs that work; however success rates are far too low and if we can build positively from what is currently there, so much the better. I can attest, through my own experience, higher success rates are possible!
In this article, Patrick puts forward the Top 10 reasons people fail. I do not always agree with him and welcome your thoughts! See the quote at the end of this post, and share why failure rates are as quoted.
While this article is addiction specific, the same thinking applies to most people struggling with life.
10. They do not take direction from others about how to solve their problem. (KB-that is why I screen clients)
9. They suffer from low self esteem and do not feel that they deserve to be clean and sober.
8. They do not prioritize their recovery as being the most important thing in their life when it comes to structuring their day and how they spend their time.
7. They don’t learn how to process and deal with the feelings that they used to medicate with drugs and alcohol.
6. Those that are single get derailed by an intimate relationship with another person in recovery.
5. They believe that the solution is entirely social (as in going to meetings), and therefore do not put in the work on changing themselves on a personal level.
4. They seriously underestimate what is needed to stay clean and sober.
3. They refuse to ask for help and insist on recovering through their own devices.
2. They have not fully surrendered to their addiction.
1. And the number 1 reason that addicts and alcoholics sometimes fail to stay clean in early recovery is: They do not take massive action.
Getting help from others, particularly those who have walked and continue to walk the path is critical. Get help from those trained in massive action and accountability actions. If we can help you find the right road (at no cost) and you are in agreement with a majority of these items and want to really take corrective action, visit www.hopeserenity.ca. We’re here to help. Our mission is to help others achieve THEIR goals.
For those who think that there is only one approach to life recovery that works, please read the following bio excerpt from author Melanie Solomon: It was then that she realized that there had to be another way. Due to her unyielding research of alternatives to AA, and the other 12-step programs, she started uncovering the scientific research that had been going on for over 3 decades, which sadly, most Americans are largely unaware of, such as according to AA's own internal surveys covering a 5-year period, as well as numerous government and independent studies, AA had only a 3-5% success rate for those who even stuck around for a year, and that 93-97% of the treatment centers in the US are still 12-step based! Even though there are many viable, evidence-based alternatives, well accepted and established in other countries, that might better suit the complex and individualized needs of people suffering with substance abuse problems.
I’m always interested in reading what my friend and cohort Patrick Meninga has to say at Spiritual River (www.spiritualriver.com). In Patrick, I have found a kindred spirit when in comes to wanting to improve the rate of recovery among the addicted. There are good programs that work; however success rates are far too low and if we can build positively from what is currently there, so much the better. I can attest, through my own experience, higher success rates are possible!
In this article, Patrick puts forward the Top 10 reasons people fail. I do not always agree with him and welcome your thoughts! See the quote at the end of this post, and share why failure rates are as quoted.
While this article is addiction specific, the same thinking applies to most people struggling with life.
10. They do not take direction from others about how to solve their problem. (KB-that is why I screen clients)
9. They suffer from low self esteem and do not feel that they deserve to be clean and sober.
8. They do not prioritize their recovery as being the most important thing in their life when it comes to structuring their day and how they spend their time.
7. They don’t learn how to process and deal with the feelings that they used to medicate with drugs and alcohol.
6. Those that are single get derailed by an intimate relationship with another person in recovery.
5. They believe that the solution is entirely social (as in going to meetings), and therefore do not put in the work on changing themselves on a personal level.
4. They seriously underestimate what is needed to stay clean and sober.
3. They refuse to ask for help and insist on recovering through their own devices.
2. They have not fully surrendered to their addiction.
1. And the number 1 reason that addicts and alcoholics sometimes fail to stay clean in early recovery is: They do not take massive action.
Getting help from others, particularly those who have walked and continue to walk the path is critical. Get help from those trained in massive action and accountability actions. If we can help you find the right road (at no cost) and you are in agreement with a majority of these items and want to really take corrective action, visit www.hopeserenity.ca. We’re here to help. Our mission is to help others achieve THEIR goals.
For those who think that there is only one approach to life recovery that works, please read the following bio excerpt from author Melanie Solomon: It was then that she realized that there had to be another way. Due to her unyielding research of alternatives to AA, and the other 12-step programs, she started uncovering the scientific research that had been going on for over 3 decades, which sadly, most Americans are largely unaware of, such as according to AA's own internal surveys covering a 5-year period, as well as numerous government and independent studies, AA had only a 3-5% success rate for those who even stuck around for a year, and that 93-97% of the treatment centers in the US are still 12-step based! Even though there are many viable, evidence-based alternatives, well accepted and established in other countries, that might better suit the complex and individualized needs of people suffering with substance abuse problems.
Friday, December 11, 2009
ACT NOW !
Act Now
Why You Should Never Wait Until Later to Follow Your Dreams
Act Now - Why You Should Never Wait Until Later to Follow Your Dreams
Sometimes you feel like you've got all the time in the world to accomplish your dreams. Yet there are reminders every day that our time on Earth is short. Unfortunately, there's no way to predict how much time you've got left, which is exactly why there's no time like the present to make your dreams come true! When did you last learn of a friend’s grave illness?
Concentrate On The Positive
It's vital to start with positive thoughts. When you think positively about yourself and
your dreams, you'll begin to believe that you can achieve anything. These initial positive
emotions can lead to a dedicated drive and enthusiasm that'll help build lasting momentum.
If you look at life through a derriere, what do you think you see?
Remember that nearly everyone feels overwhelmed when you're about to embark on a long journey. It is true and we should never forget; life is hard. That's exactly why it's so easy to fall into negative patterns of thinking, but you must fight these thoughts. It can be hard to imagine that so much can be achieved simply by having positive thoughts, but it's true! Ask my clients.
The truth is, when you think about something as scary as "I could die tomorrow," it's hard not to be drawn into a panic. But instead of worrying about how much time you and your loved ones have left, concentrate on making the present moment as productive as it can be towards your true calling. You only have the NOW!
Careful Planning
Once you've decided to take action, and you've battled your negative thoughts, it's time to make some feasible plans to get you where you want to be.
Keep these tips in mind as you go through your planning phase:
1. Set realistic goals. If your goal is going to take years, give yourself years. You can't
expect everything to happen overnight.
2. Be specific. Include all the details in your plans. If you stumble along the way, you'll
be comforted in knowing that you have your detailed plans to help you stay the course.
3. Reward yourself. When you've made progress towards your goal, give yourself a
reward. Even if your ultimate goal is far off, it's fun and motivating to enjoy rewards as
you complete steps toward your goal.
Action In Small Steps
One of the biggest tips when it comes to following your dream is to break down your
actions into small, manageable steps.
For example, your goal could be to become an airline pilot or you might want to start your own business. Both of these goals are hefty and have the potential to take years of work and training.
When you first think about these goals, it's easy to be scared of how daunting they seem. Help to overcome this is available.
Instead of resorting to fear, try breaking down these goals into dozens or even hundreds of small steps. Chances are that each small step is not nearly as overwhelming as the big picture.
At the same time, always keep the big picture in mind. When you visualize yourself
reaching your end goal, it can be an image that gives you the drive to keep going during
tough times.
Inspiring Others
Once you've achieved your goal, consider inspiring others to reach their goals, too.
Perhaps you have some friends or family members who say things like, "I've always wanted to do that," but they remain working at their dead end job.
Help them take action!
You'll know from experience that, while it may be a risk, the reward is more than worth it.
Yes, following your dreams is even a reward in itself! It brings you joy in the present and hope for the future. Need some direction? Look at hopeserenity.ca.
So carpe diem - seize the day!
Why You Should Never Wait Until Later to Follow Your Dreams
Act Now - Why You Should Never Wait Until Later to Follow Your Dreams
Sometimes you feel like you've got all the time in the world to accomplish your dreams. Yet there are reminders every day that our time on Earth is short. Unfortunately, there's no way to predict how much time you've got left, which is exactly why there's no time like the present to make your dreams come true! When did you last learn of a friend’s grave illness?
Concentrate On The Positive
It's vital to start with positive thoughts. When you think positively about yourself and
your dreams, you'll begin to believe that you can achieve anything. These initial positive
emotions can lead to a dedicated drive and enthusiasm that'll help build lasting momentum.
If you look at life through a derriere, what do you think you see?
Remember that nearly everyone feels overwhelmed when you're about to embark on a long journey. It is true and we should never forget; life is hard. That's exactly why it's so easy to fall into negative patterns of thinking, but you must fight these thoughts. It can be hard to imagine that so much can be achieved simply by having positive thoughts, but it's true! Ask my clients.
The truth is, when you think about something as scary as "I could die tomorrow," it's hard not to be drawn into a panic. But instead of worrying about how much time you and your loved ones have left, concentrate on making the present moment as productive as it can be towards your true calling. You only have the NOW!
Careful Planning
Once you've decided to take action, and you've battled your negative thoughts, it's time to make some feasible plans to get you where you want to be.
Keep these tips in mind as you go through your planning phase:
1. Set realistic goals. If your goal is going to take years, give yourself years. You can't
expect everything to happen overnight.
2. Be specific. Include all the details in your plans. If you stumble along the way, you'll
be comforted in knowing that you have your detailed plans to help you stay the course.
3. Reward yourself. When you've made progress towards your goal, give yourself a
reward. Even if your ultimate goal is far off, it's fun and motivating to enjoy rewards as
you complete steps toward your goal.
Action In Small Steps
One of the biggest tips when it comes to following your dream is to break down your
actions into small, manageable steps.
For example, your goal could be to become an airline pilot or you might want to start your own business. Both of these goals are hefty and have the potential to take years of work and training.
When you first think about these goals, it's easy to be scared of how daunting they seem. Help to overcome this is available.
Instead of resorting to fear, try breaking down these goals into dozens or even hundreds of small steps. Chances are that each small step is not nearly as overwhelming as the big picture.
At the same time, always keep the big picture in mind. When you visualize yourself
reaching your end goal, it can be an image that gives you the drive to keep going during
tough times.
Inspiring Others
Once you've achieved your goal, consider inspiring others to reach their goals, too.
Perhaps you have some friends or family members who say things like, "I've always wanted to do that," but they remain working at their dead end job.
Help them take action!
You'll know from experience that, while it may be a risk, the reward is more than worth it.
Yes, following your dreams is even a reward in itself! It brings you joy in the present and hope for the future. Need some direction? Look at hopeserenity.ca.
So carpe diem - seize the day!
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
ARE YOU HAPPY??
ARE YOU HAPPY?
Once again I share the Idea Engineer from my coaching mentor Dr. Randin Brons.
A simple question at first blush and a short article that if digested, will provoke thought.
"It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere." -- Agnes Repplier
“Are you happy?
Don't answer too quickly. Sit with this question for a long time and you'll be introduced to brand new dimensions of who you are and of what matters in your life.”
"Happiness comes only when we push our brains and hearts to the farthest reaches of which we are capable." -- Leo C. Rosten
Would love to see some thoughts shared on this simple question on this site and particularly at www.hopeserenity.ca!
Once again I share the Idea Engineer from my coaching mentor Dr. Randin Brons.
A simple question at first blush and a short article that if digested, will provoke thought.
"It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere." -- Agnes Repplier
“Are you happy?
Don't answer too quickly. Sit with this question for a long time and you'll be introduced to brand new dimensions of who you are and of what matters in your life.”
"Happiness comes only when we push our brains and hearts to the farthest reaches of which we are capable." -- Leo C. Rosten
Would love to see some thoughts shared on this simple question on this site and particularly at www.hopeserenity.ca!
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
LEARNING TO ACCEPT YOURSELF
Learning to Accept Yourself
(Comfort In Your Own Skin)
Man, what a subject. I hope that many who read this take the opportunity of sharing thoughts and experience at www.hopeserenity.ca.
In my management life in dealing with others, in service work I do, and in coaching clients, getting people to accept themselves (and see the positives) always comes up as a roadblock to success. Whether in facing life or overcoming addictions this is THE BIG ISSUE! It certainly was a big issue for me.
There was a time, even when looking outwardly successful, I hated living in my skin, and got sick and tired of being me.
You may be surprised at how many people lack the ability to accept themselves for who they are. Many people are able to put on a front so they appear self-confident when they really aren't.
The good news is that, even if you're one of these people, you can learn how to accept yourself. If you're suffering from low self worth and confidence, you really do have the ability to turn things around!
Why It's Important To Accept Yourself
It's important to accept yourself because that one move can mean the difference between a life of happiness and a life of sadness. When you accept yourself, you're more likely to accomplish more in your life. As with many things in transforming to the life YOU want, ACCEPTANCE is the key to action.
The reason is the fact that self-acceptance can be seen as a foundation. After you accept yourself, you can continue to build from there and add on: confidence, tranquility, enthusiasm, drive, hope serenity and happiness.
Steps To Acceptance
There are many methods and tips that you'll encounter on your way to acceptance, and you'll soon find your own unique way of getting there.
Try these strategies to help you accept yourself:
1. Allow for mistakes. Sometimes you may try too hard to be perfect, and this in itself is another mistake. Allow yourself to make mistakes because you're a human being.
You'll make small mistakes and big mistakes in life, but its how you bounce back from them that'll make all the difference. Few will hold mistakes of commission (as opposed to omission) against you.
2. Live in the present. The reason you haven't accepted yourself could be the fact that you're living your life in the past. Maybe you're unable to forgive yourself for something that has happened or a certain trait that you have. Getting over the past is an important step to build confidence, self-respect, and hope for the future.
Dealing with this issue with clients thoroughly is usually a turning point.
3. Avoid comparing yourself to others. Others have different skill sets and life experiences, which may make you envious. In these situations, come to terms with the fact that you don't have what they have. However, on the bright side, there are many positive things that you do have that they don't.
• Each and every person is unique. Be grateful for what makes you different from others, as this is part of your own inner beauty! Be happy to be Popeye-I am what I am.
4. Have realistic goals. If you don't maintain realistic goals, you're setting yourself up for failure. The truth is, you won't even have a chance from the start! So instead, give yourself a reasonable chance to achieve your goals. How can you do this? By setting realistic and manageable goals that you can confidently achieve. Get help to do this!
5. Be comfortable in your own skin. Sometimes you don't want to accept yourself because of the way you look. Society puts some serious pressure on people that way.
Remember that people in magazines are usually unhealthy and airbrushed and you shouldn't strive to look like them. Instead, focus on your positive attributes and overall health.
Many of us thought Tiger had it made- go figure!
6. Think positive thoughts. One of the most important accomplishments on the journey to accepting yourself is learning to think positively. It's easy to forget how much power there is in thought.
One of the happiest things that has happened to me in life transformation and recovery is that not only do I wake up knowing where I am each day, I’m happy to be awake and starting a day!
• If you make an effort to think a certain way, you can actually change your manner of thinking and, therefore, change your actions. Positive thinking leads to positive actions, which lead to feeling good about you.
Help From Your Loved Ones
Remember that you can always ask for help from your loved ones. It may help to get some outside perspective on your problems. You tend to be your own worst critic, but you can count on your loved ones for their generous support and love.
Your loved ones have almost certainly accepted you for who you are. You'll be happier once you've come to this same realization as well.
Take these strategies to heart because, once you learn to accept yourself, you'll find the world is a wonderful place and you'll enjoy your place in it!
(Comfort In Your Own Skin)
Man, what a subject. I hope that many who read this take the opportunity of sharing thoughts and experience at www.hopeserenity.ca.
In my management life in dealing with others, in service work I do, and in coaching clients, getting people to accept themselves (and see the positives) always comes up as a roadblock to success. Whether in facing life or overcoming addictions this is THE BIG ISSUE! It certainly was a big issue for me.
There was a time, even when looking outwardly successful, I hated living in my skin, and got sick and tired of being me.
You may be surprised at how many people lack the ability to accept themselves for who they are. Many people are able to put on a front so they appear self-confident when they really aren't.
The good news is that, even if you're one of these people, you can learn how to accept yourself. If you're suffering from low self worth and confidence, you really do have the ability to turn things around!
Why It's Important To Accept Yourself
It's important to accept yourself because that one move can mean the difference between a life of happiness and a life of sadness. When you accept yourself, you're more likely to accomplish more in your life. As with many things in transforming to the life YOU want, ACCEPTANCE is the key to action.
The reason is the fact that self-acceptance can be seen as a foundation. After you accept yourself, you can continue to build from there and add on: confidence, tranquility, enthusiasm, drive, hope serenity and happiness.
Steps To Acceptance
There are many methods and tips that you'll encounter on your way to acceptance, and you'll soon find your own unique way of getting there.
Try these strategies to help you accept yourself:
1. Allow for mistakes. Sometimes you may try too hard to be perfect, and this in itself is another mistake. Allow yourself to make mistakes because you're a human being.
You'll make small mistakes and big mistakes in life, but its how you bounce back from them that'll make all the difference. Few will hold mistakes of commission (as opposed to omission) against you.
2. Live in the present. The reason you haven't accepted yourself could be the fact that you're living your life in the past. Maybe you're unable to forgive yourself for something that has happened or a certain trait that you have. Getting over the past is an important step to build confidence, self-respect, and hope for the future.
Dealing with this issue with clients thoroughly is usually a turning point.
3. Avoid comparing yourself to others. Others have different skill sets and life experiences, which may make you envious. In these situations, come to terms with the fact that you don't have what they have. However, on the bright side, there are many positive things that you do have that they don't.
• Each and every person is unique. Be grateful for what makes you different from others, as this is part of your own inner beauty! Be happy to be Popeye-I am what I am.
4. Have realistic goals. If you don't maintain realistic goals, you're setting yourself up for failure. The truth is, you won't even have a chance from the start! So instead, give yourself a reasonable chance to achieve your goals. How can you do this? By setting realistic and manageable goals that you can confidently achieve. Get help to do this!
5. Be comfortable in your own skin. Sometimes you don't want to accept yourself because of the way you look. Society puts some serious pressure on people that way.
Remember that people in magazines are usually unhealthy and airbrushed and you shouldn't strive to look like them. Instead, focus on your positive attributes and overall health.
Many of us thought Tiger had it made- go figure!
6. Think positive thoughts. One of the most important accomplishments on the journey to accepting yourself is learning to think positively. It's easy to forget how much power there is in thought.
One of the happiest things that has happened to me in life transformation and recovery is that not only do I wake up knowing where I am each day, I’m happy to be awake and starting a day!
• If you make an effort to think a certain way, you can actually change your manner of thinking and, therefore, change your actions. Positive thinking leads to positive actions, which lead to feeling good about you.
Help From Your Loved Ones
Remember that you can always ask for help from your loved ones. It may help to get some outside perspective on your problems. You tend to be your own worst critic, but you can count on your loved ones for their generous support and love.
Your loved ones have almost certainly accepted you for who you are. You'll be happier once you've come to this same realization as well.
Take these strategies to heart because, once you learn to accept yourself, you'll find the world is a wonderful place and you'll enjoy your place in it!
Monday, December 7, 2009
DO YOU KNOW CHAOS? Tips for escape
DO YOU KNOW CHAOS?
It is easy to remember back when life seemed to be lived in a state of chaos; both internal and external. As I started on the road to recovery, this gradually reduced.
About three years ago, because I let my guard down and let a certain amount of self-will back in, a period of chaos returned, and I had to return to the tools I know to help restore serenity.
How to Find Peace in the Middle of Chaos
Life can get pretty chaotic. No matter how much you accomplish, it always seems like there's something else you should be doing or something more you should achieve. In these moments, you have to take a step back to find the peace. Get out of yourself!
If you don't find peace within the chaos, you'll soon be leading a stressful and unfulfilling life. While you may want to achieve as much as you can, you surely don't want to lose
yourself or your sanity in the process.
As mentioned, an incident in life showed me that it can happen and happen without you realising it.
Tips For Finding The Peace
Follow these tips to reduce the stress in your life so you can find some peace:
1. Trim your schedule. If you find that you're taking on too much, it's time to go over your schedule and drop what needs to go. It's hard to admit that you don't have superpowers sometimes, so you must concentrate on giving yourself a manageable schedule.
I failed badly at trying to be superman and paid the price!
2. Get organized. When your life feels chaotic, it's probably disorganized. You'll feel out of whack and as if you don't even know which end is up. You can combat this feeling by staying organized, keeping lists, and valuing your time. You can still take on a lot, but only if you've got an organized plan in place! Even when I got fairly organized, I had to remind of point 1,I am not Superman.
3. Plan an escape. Whether you need to get away from an ongoing busy life, or one chaotic situation, you have to give yourself an escape from time to time.
• Plan a mini vacation or give yourself an evening if you're short of time. The point is that you need to make some time for yourself. Even consider this a daily need that you owe you.
• Read a book or play a video game, but do something that allows you to unwind.
•As we approach the holiday season, plan an escape from events, parties and other gatherings that you think may threaten your sanity.
4. Pace yourself. One way to manage chaos in a healthy way is to properly pace yourself. You need to preserve your energy so you can make it through the day. Doing so allows you to keep a clear head and rejuvenate your mind. This requires conscious thought and honesty to self.
5. Practice a peaceful activity. One easy way to maintain some peace is to take up a peaceful and relaxing activity. Consider going to a yoga class or trying meditation. Go to our web site (www.hopeserenity.ca) and free download the daily life balance check list.
These acts are not only relaxing, but they also allow you to adapt your thinking so you can regularly achieve a peaceful mindset.
6. Accept your situation. A chaotic life can be overwhelming or even depressing at times. Instead of promising yourself a better life in the future once the chaos is gone, you can give yourself one right now. Accept that your life is in a chaotic state, but take the big step toward finding peace. It starts with acceptance-honest acceptance!
Find What Works For You
Most importantly, focus on slowing down, simplifying your life, and allowing yourself the chance to fix the imbalance you might be experiencing.
Even a small effort can help you in a big way. If you're taking the time to find peace, you can also create your personal definition of that peace. That might be finding a person who can help you unload your problems, or perhaps you might enjoy journaling or reading inspirational books.
Whatever is peaceful for you, do it on a regular basis - for you and for those you love. As we coach, remember YOU are important!
It is easy to remember back when life seemed to be lived in a state of chaos; both internal and external. As I started on the road to recovery, this gradually reduced.
About three years ago, because I let my guard down and let a certain amount of self-will back in, a period of chaos returned, and I had to return to the tools I know to help restore serenity.
How to Find Peace in the Middle of Chaos
Life can get pretty chaotic. No matter how much you accomplish, it always seems like there's something else you should be doing or something more you should achieve. In these moments, you have to take a step back to find the peace. Get out of yourself!
If you don't find peace within the chaos, you'll soon be leading a stressful and unfulfilling life. While you may want to achieve as much as you can, you surely don't want to lose
yourself or your sanity in the process.
As mentioned, an incident in life showed me that it can happen and happen without you realising it.
Tips For Finding The Peace
Follow these tips to reduce the stress in your life so you can find some peace:
1. Trim your schedule. If you find that you're taking on too much, it's time to go over your schedule and drop what needs to go. It's hard to admit that you don't have superpowers sometimes, so you must concentrate on giving yourself a manageable schedule.
I failed badly at trying to be superman and paid the price!
2. Get organized. When your life feels chaotic, it's probably disorganized. You'll feel out of whack and as if you don't even know which end is up. You can combat this feeling by staying organized, keeping lists, and valuing your time. You can still take on a lot, but only if you've got an organized plan in place! Even when I got fairly organized, I had to remind of point 1,I am not Superman.
3. Plan an escape. Whether you need to get away from an ongoing busy life, or one chaotic situation, you have to give yourself an escape from time to time.
• Plan a mini vacation or give yourself an evening if you're short of time. The point is that you need to make some time for yourself. Even consider this a daily need that you owe you.
• Read a book or play a video game, but do something that allows you to unwind.
•As we approach the holiday season, plan an escape from events, parties and other gatherings that you think may threaten your sanity.
4. Pace yourself. One way to manage chaos in a healthy way is to properly pace yourself. You need to preserve your energy so you can make it through the day. Doing so allows you to keep a clear head and rejuvenate your mind. This requires conscious thought and honesty to self.
5. Practice a peaceful activity. One easy way to maintain some peace is to take up a peaceful and relaxing activity. Consider going to a yoga class or trying meditation. Go to our web site (www.hopeserenity.ca) and free download the daily life balance check list.
These acts are not only relaxing, but they also allow you to adapt your thinking so you can regularly achieve a peaceful mindset.
6. Accept your situation. A chaotic life can be overwhelming or even depressing at times. Instead of promising yourself a better life in the future once the chaos is gone, you can give yourself one right now. Accept that your life is in a chaotic state, but take the big step toward finding peace. It starts with acceptance-honest acceptance!
Find What Works For You
Most importantly, focus on slowing down, simplifying your life, and allowing yourself the chance to fix the imbalance you might be experiencing.
Even a small effort can help you in a big way. If you're taking the time to find peace, you can also create your personal definition of that peace. That might be finding a person who can help you unload your problems, or perhaps you might enjoy journaling or reading inspirational books.
Whatever is peaceful for you, do it on a regular basis - for you and for those you love. As we coach, remember YOU are important!
Sunday, December 6, 2009
FIXING SELF (Ever try?)
FIXING SELF (EVER TRY?)
Life right now gets a bit tipsy turvey. I don't know if it's the time of the year or being self-employed in our current times, but I look forward to smoother sailing ahead.
Yesterday I had the occasion to talk at length with my oldest son. He is new into recovery and doing well, and for that I am grateful.
We chatted a bit about what happened to him and of course, I learned a lot. He had been using and abusing substance for a lot longer than I had been aware, and hid it well from all but a very few.
He had witnessed my trials and tribulations with addiction, the resultant behaviour and the downward slide. I asked him why he had not sought help earlier.
His answer rang a bell- I thought I could take care of it myself. Sound familiar?
I marvel at how many wander through life knowing they have a problem and always figuring they could fix it themselves. They might consult a book or look up things on the net, yet their ego stops them from reaching out for help. Man, can I relate. I guess I was not the only self-enlightened egotist out there.
Upon reflection on the conversation and thinking back; there were some things I now understand and hope others can draw a conclusion through honest personal reflection.
My best efforts got me to my bottom. Plain and simple. Although I'm not stupid, I always believed I could put a halt to things when I wanted. I tried some things including (white knuckle) abstinence and while abstaining, some things did get better (particularly in the morning). Yet real life issues continued to slide. It took a major life altering experience for me to gain a moment of clarity and seek some help, and it did not come initially from anything I thought was directly connected to addiction.
But a strong suggestion came from left field.
What a relief when I finally reached out and got some help! In my case it was professional help, and through that start, the avenues of help I have accepted are not only professional, but through 12 step programmes. Personally I needed, and at times still need, help beyond my 12 step program. I had "life" issues outside of my addictions.
I often refer to co-creative recovery, and truly believe that to get the life that was meant for me, I needed lots of expertise (co-creators) to help me get there, and this included building a solid spiritual component into my life. When I first became ready to get help, I personally was not ready for a public step or a group. I needed a confidential listener with the expertise to help me look at options, listen to me without judgement, and guide me to find a path and set goals that ultimately worked for me. I needed a "coach". As much as I had a good background in working with others, I know today I could not have possibly fixed myself. I needed to be guided.
I rankle some people because I did not do it there way. I am glad they have found a way that works for them, and respect anyone who has had the courage to make positive change. That being said, if there was one "right way", all those who struggle would find an answer/solution to their living issues! I am so grateful for the path I was led to, what has happened and to the people and higher power that have helped me find the way.
I am thrilled that my son learned at a much earlier age than me that he could not fix himself. I know that his exposure to what I went through and the path that I took was a power of example to him, but he alone had the courage to take action. In talking with him, I know his action is fairly massive and all I can do is be there to support him. He is making wise choices without my help and co-creatively is on a positive journey. I'm proud of him.
Point of this ramble, and thanks son for bringing it back to the forefront; if you think you can fix yourself, what's stopped you? In the Bible, I know there was similar thought and I think the quote may be "physician, heal thyself". As said about lawyers, any one of them who chooses to defend themselves has a fool for a client. For me, the same was true for recovery and life transformation. There is no one right way for all, and there are people who can help you to find a way that will work for you! I'm dedicated to helping others where I can. (www.hopeserenity.ca home of Coached To Success).
Life right now gets a bit tipsy turvey. I don't know if it's the time of the year or being self-employed in our current times, but I look forward to smoother sailing ahead.
Yesterday I had the occasion to talk at length with my oldest son. He is new into recovery and doing well, and for that I am grateful.
We chatted a bit about what happened to him and of course, I learned a lot. He had been using and abusing substance for a lot longer than I had been aware, and hid it well from all but a very few.
He had witnessed my trials and tribulations with addiction, the resultant behaviour and the downward slide. I asked him why he had not sought help earlier.
His answer rang a bell- I thought I could take care of it myself. Sound familiar?
I marvel at how many wander through life knowing they have a problem and always figuring they could fix it themselves. They might consult a book or look up things on the net, yet their ego stops them from reaching out for help. Man, can I relate. I guess I was not the only self-enlightened egotist out there.
Upon reflection on the conversation and thinking back; there were some things I now understand and hope others can draw a conclusion through honest personal reflection.
My best efforts got me to my bottom. Plain and simple. Although I'm not stupid, I always believed I could put a halt to things when I wanted. I tried some things including (white knuckle) abstinence and while abstaining, some things did get better (particularly in the morning). Yet real life issues continued to slide. It took a major life altering experience for me to gain a moment of clarity and seek some help, and it did not come initially from anything I thought was directly connected to addiction.
But a strong suggestion came from left field.
What a relief when I finally reached out and got some help! In my case it was professional help, and through that start, the avenues of help I have accepted are not only professional, but through 12 step programmes. Personally I needed, and at times still need, help beyond my 12 step program. I had "life" issues outside of my addictions.
I often refer to co-creative recovery, and truly believe that to get the life that was meant for me, I needed lots of expertise (co-creators) to help me get there, and this included building a solid spiritual component into my life. When I first became ready to get help, I personally was not ready for a public step or a group. I needed a confidential listener with the expertise to help me look at options, listen to me without judgement, and guide me to find a path and set goals that ultimately worked for me. I needed a "coach". As much as I had a good background in working with others, I know today I could not have possibly fixed myself. I needed to be guided.
I rankle some people because I did not do it there way. I am glad they have found a way that works for them, and respect anyone who has had the courage to make positive change. That being said, if there was one "right way", all those who struggle would find an answer/solution to their living issues! I am so grateful for the path I was led to, what has happened and to the people and higher power that have helped me find the way.
I am thrilled that my son learned at a much earlier age than me that he could not fix himself. I know that his exposure to what I went through and the path that I took was a power of example to him, but he alone had the courage to take action. In talking with him, I know his action is fairly massive and all I can do is be there to support him. He is making wise choices without my help and co-creatively is on a positive journey. I'm proud of him.
Point of this ramble, and thanks son for bringing it back to the forefront; if you think you can fix yourself, what's stopped you? In the Bible, I know there was similar thought and I think the quote may be "physician, heal thyself". As said about lawyers, any one of them who chooses to defend themselves has a fool for a client. For me, the same was true for recovery and life transformation. There is no one right way for all, and there are people who can help you to find a way that will work for you! I'm dedicated to helping others where I can. (www.hopeserenity.ca home of Coached To Success).
Friday, December 4, 2009
ON RELATIONSHIPS-WHERE'S YOUR FOCUS?
On Relationships - Where's Your Focus?
"The people we are in relationship with are always a mirror, reflecting our own beliefs, and simultaneously we are mirrors, reflecting their beliefs. So...relationship one of the most powerful tools for growth... If we look honestly at our relationships, we can see so much about how we have created them."
~ Shakti Gawain, author “Living in the Light ~
If you are seeking to create a better relationship with your spouse, partner, children, or anyone...the short tips that I am about to give you are like gold when it comes to attracting the experience that you would like of "said relationship". They are important to life transformation and recovery.
You can look at it simply -- there are ways of seeing, ways of being, and ways of thinking and emoting... all which place you into a space of resonance or vibration. This in turn creates and evolves your relationships into what you'd like them to be (or what you don't want them to be)
I know...relationships are a co-creation. In my coaching practice this actually is the hardest thing for my clients to work with because you can't control another, and you can't control another's thoughts or emotions. Wouldn't it be nice if she/he would just think like me, be like me, and see like me?
You might be more of a reflection of each other than you truly are aware of. Nonetheless...
Your relationships offer you some of the juiciest contrast that life has to offer your doesn't it? With broad differences AND free will you might find yourself asking if the pain, the contrast, or the "opportunity for growth" is worth it at all.
I will tell you, and you know this of course, it is. The joy, the love, the partnership...the personal expansion through one another is all worth it, and it's through our personal struggles that we expand our physical experience and thus our spiritual selves.
We are lucky to have such a wide variety of love in this world - are we not? (oh, yes, have I mentioned that YOU are love, and so is everyone else)
If you chose to "see" your relationships in a way that is in alignment with your inner being, the love that you are, and that relationship that you'd like to experience -- how might it look?
Being that like attracts like, it's difficult to attract the relationship of your dreams by standing in the place of judgment, fault finding, and finger pointing. Collaboration does work, as does having he intention to work it out, even it the midst of stress.
Think about it. How might you see the relationship? How might you see the other person?
Anytime...and I do mean anytime - I turn my focus toward a true appreciation of my spouse, my children, my parents - you name it -- they literally shift before my eyes. My experience changes.
Did they change? Nope. It was me, and because of my alignment with who I am, (love) and who they are (love) I am able to have an alternate experience. The Universe gets to deliver that relationship to you on a silver platter - and ways beyond what you thought was possible when you create consistency of thought.
What might happen if you looked for the best in another, hoped for the best, held them in the highest esteem, withheld judgment.... what might happen if you stood in appreciation, blessed the contrast that you have lived in, celebrated the growth?
I agree, it's simplified -- and relationships are complicated. Actually, our ego's are complicated.
Does that mean if you feel hurt in a relationship you just ignore it and focus on how wonderful they are? Does it mean you should stay in relationships that don't honour you? No, you are at choice and you can choose how you want to live and be in the world as it relates to your relationships.
Do you honor yourself and others by being respectful, honest, loving, patient, courteous? That entails being true to your feelings, speaking your truth from a grounded space, and even forgiveness.
Now flip it... have you offered the same to yourself? Begin here...it's the groundwork from which you create beautiful relationships.
However, be mindful about how you are focused, what you choose to see, how you be, think, and emote - and know this will attract the experiences you are seeking!
A real part of the co-creative process of life recovery! (www.hopeserenity.ca home to Coached To Success)
"The people we are in relationship with are always a mirror, reflecting our own beliefs, and simultaneously we are mirrors, reflecting their beliefs. So...relationship one of the most powerful tools for growth... If we look honestly at our relationships, we can see so much about how we have created them."
~ Shakti Gawain, author “Living in the Light ~
If you are seeking to create a better relationship with your spouse, partner, children, or anyone...the short tips that I am about to give you are like gold when it comes to attracting the experience that you would like of "said relationship". They are important to life transformation and recovery.
You can look at it simply -- there are ways of seeing, ways of being, and ways of thinking and emoting... all which place you into a space of resonance or vibration. This in turn creates and evolves your relationships into what you'd like them to be (or what you don't want them to be)
I know...relationships are a co-creation. In my coaching practice this actually is the hardest thing for my clients to work with because you can't control another, and you can't control another's thoughts or emotions. Wouldn't it be nice if she/he would just think like me, be like me, and see like me?
You might be more of a reflection of each other than you truly are aware of. Nonetheless...
Your relationships offer you some of the juiciest contrast that life has to offer your doesn't it? With broad differences AND free will you might find yourself asking if the pain, the contrast, or the "opportunity for growth" is worth it at all.
I will tell you, and you know this of course, it is. The joy, the love, the partnership...the personal expansion through one another is all worth it, and it's through our personal struggles that we expand our physical experience and thus our spiritual selves.
We are lucky to have such a wide variety of love in this world - are we not? (oh, yes, have I mentioned that YOU are love, and so is everyone else)
If you chose to "see" your relationships in a way that is in alignment with your inner being, the love that you are, and that relationship that you'd like to experience -- how might it look?
Being that like attracts like, it's difficult to attract the relationship of your dreams by standing in the place of judgment, fault finding, and finger pointing. Collaboration does work, as does having he intention to work it out, even it the midst of stress.
Think about it. How might you see the relationship? How might you see the other person?
Anytime...and I do mean anytime - I turn my focus toward a true appreciation of my spouse, my children, my parents - you name it -- they literally shift before my eyes. My experience changes.
Did they change? Nope. It was me, and because of my alignment with who I am, (love) and who they are (love) I am able to have an alternate experience. The Universe gets to deliver that relationship to you on a silver platter - and ways beyond what you thought was possible when you create consistency of thought.
What might happen if you looked for the best in another, hoped for the best, held them in the highest esteem, withheld judgment.... what might happen if you stood in appreciation, blessed the contrast that you have lived in, celebrated the growth?
I agree, it's simplified -- and relationships are complicated. Actually, our ego's are complicated.
Does that mean if you feel hurt in a relationship you just ignore it and focus on how wonderful they are? Does it mean you should stay in relationships that don't honour you? No, you are at choice and you can choose how you want to live and be in the world as it relates to your relationships.
Do you honor yourself and others by being respectful, honest, loving, patient, courteous? That entails being true to your feelings, speaking your truth from a grounded space, and even forgiveness.
Now flip it... have you offered the same to yourself? Begin here...it's the groundwork from which you create beautiful relationships.
However, be mindful about how you are focused, what you choose to see, how you be, think, and emote - and know this will attract the experiences you are seeking!
A real part of the co-creative process of life recovery! (www.hopeserenity.ca home to Coached To Success)
Thursday, December 3, 2009
MY PERSONAL SANITY
MY PERSONAL SANITY
Am I truly sane? Ever ask yourself that question secretly?
In my years up to age 46, I can honestly say I never gave much conscious thought to my sanity. Of course I was sane; I was functioning as a member of society, a parent and a ton of other roles.
But something inside always niggled, some of the things I did were not “normal” and were fairly high risk. I learned after 46 to think of these behaviors as a “sanity” issue and without guilt or shame. I’m far better off for it!
Sanity
Recovery taught me that willingness to believe was enough for a beginning.
It's been true in my case, nor could I quarrel with "restore us to sanity," for my actions, drunk or sober, before recovery, were not those of a sane person.
My desire to be honest with myself made it necessary for me to realize that my thinking was irrational.
-- Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 550
This reading provided me with a great reminder of the moments of clarity the recovery process has given me. And these moments have allowed me to take massive action to address my living problems. Today, those moments of insanity are few and far between as long as I follow the co-creative process of life recovery. I am grateful daily to those who helped me co-create this journey. (hopeserenity.ca home of Coached To Success).
Am I truly sane? Ever ask yourself that question secretly?
In my years up to age 46, I can honestly say I never gave much conscious thought to my sanity. Of course I was sane; I was functioning as a member of society, a parent and a ton of other roles.
But something inside always niggled, some of the things I did were not “normal” and were fairly high risk. I learned after 46 to think of these behaviors as a “sanity” issue and without guilt or shame. I’m far better off for it!
Sanity
Recovery taught me that willingness to believe was enough for a beginning.
It's been true in my case, nor could I quarrel with "restore us to sanity," for my actions, drunk or sober, before recovery, were not those of a sane person.
My desire to be honest with myself made it necessary for me to realize that my thinking was irrational.
-- Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 550
This reading provided me with a great reminder of the moments of clarity the recovery process has given me. And these moments have allowed me to take massive action to address my living problems. Today, those moments of insanity are few and far between as long as I follow the co-creative process of life recovery. I am grateful daily to those who helped me co-create this journey. (hopeserenity.ca home of Coached To Success).
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
LETTING GO
Letting Go
One of the first things I was told as I started the journey of life recovery was that I would have to learn to “let go”.
For those of us who have lived a life where we have loved to be in control, this request, at first blush, was a little, no a lot, “out there”.
As the quote below states, letting go didn’t mean giving up. After all, we will always have an ability to choose. It did mean letting go of my fear driven behaviour, my egocentric decisions, my refusal to ask for help, my denial or lack of recognition that there were powers greater than me, my resentments’ a host of negative things that had become part of my daily living.
Fear of the unknown made me hold on to old ideas and behaviour.
“I'm beginning to see that letting go doesn't mean giving up.
It means opening myself to new vistas.
There have been moments of what I would call ecstasy.
I'm thrilled and I'm scared at the same time. . .
The recovery program says, "Look, we've got some things to give you that are really going to help -- if you'll slow down long enough and if you'll relax."
- Came To Believe . . ., p. 41
Thought to Ponder . . .When I struggle, I sink. When I let go, I float.
That thought to ponder has been so true in my life. When I struggle, particularly with the past, I can feel myself mentally sinking. It is really time to let go. It truly is learned behaviour.
For those that can relate to this and similar issues, we have created the site hopeserenity.ca. It is free to join, and a place to share thinking on life recovery to help others gain a perspective on what works and options. I have had my own experience but learn from other “open minded” people on an ongoing basis. Please give the site a visit and input freely. I’d like to keep our webmaster jumping, and there is no cost what so ever to users.!
One of the first things I was told as I started the journey of life recovery was that I would have to learn to “let go”.
For those of us who have lived a life where we have loved to be in control, this request, at first blush, was a little, no a lot, “out there”.
As the quote below states, letting go didn’t mean giving up. After all, we will always have an ability to choose. It did mean letting go of my fear driven behaviour, my egocentric decisions, my refusal to ask for help, my denial or lack of recognition that there were powers greater than me, my resentments’ a host of negative things that had become part of my daily living.
Fear of the unknown made me hold on to old ideas and behaviour.
“I'm beginning to see that letting go doesn't mean giving up.
It means opening myself to new vistas.
There have been moments of what I would call ecstasy.
I'm thrilled and I'm scared at the same time. . .
The recovery program says, "Look, we've got some things to give you that are really going to help -- if you'll slow down long enough and if you'll relax."
- Came To Believe . . ., p. 41
Thought to Ponder . . .When I struggle, I sink. When I let go, I float.
That thought to ponder has been so true in my life. When I struggle, particularly with the past, I can feel myself mentally sinking. It is really time to let go. It truly is learned behaviour.
For those that can relate to this and similar issues, we have created the site hopeserenity.ca. It is free to join, and a place to share thinking on life recovery to help others gain a perspective on what works and options. I have had my own experience but learn from other “open minded” people on an ongoing basis. Please give the site a visit and input freely. I’d like to keep our webmaster jumping, and there is no cost what so ever to users.!
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
FINDING PEACE INSIDE
Finding Peace Inside
I look forward each week to getting my "Idea Engineer" from my coaching mentor, Dr. Randin Brons. His weekly writing generally sparks a thought within, and this week that is particularly true.
If I could paraphrase how I felt when I hit bottom in my life, a good way of looking at it may be "hitting a point where I was devoid of peace inside".
That being said, the process of co-creative life recovery maybe described as the journey to restore internal and abundant peace.
"All spiritual disciplines are done with a view to still the mind. The perfectly still mind is universal spirit." -- Swami Ramdas
Getting into the habit of meditating, praying and/or resting daily helps us pull back from our preoccupation with the material world. In silence and solitude, we have an opportunity to pay attention to what's happening inside rather than outside.
When we do this consistently, we learn to relax and to quiet and detach from our mental chatter and our turbulent emotions. As we begin to witness ourselves in personality, we also begin to experience our soul.
"Meditation may require a lifetime to master, but it will have been a lifetime well spent. ... If you want to judge your progress, ask yourself these questions: Am I more loving? Is my judgment sounder? Do I have more energy? Can my mind remain calm under provocation? Am I free from the conditioning of anger, fear, and greed? Spiritual awareness reveals itself as eloquently in character development and selfless action as in mystical states." -- Eknath Easwaran
I am fortunate. To the questions that are put forth by Easwaran, I can answer yes to a greater or lesser degree. Work in progress, but through the spiritual practises referred to, I have made major progress. It has been a learned behaviour "taught" by others and the learning fell on an ever increasing opening mind.
That soul referred to has always been there, a part of me I learned not to listen to. I can remember the times I always felt alone, even amongst others. I lived in a world dominated by mind chatter and turbulent emotions and would not take the opportunity to "hear" that small quiet voice, that of my soul, talking to me. I gave up on this part of me; it never deserted me, and was there when I learned how to listen. The voice of internal peace.
My life today is focused on being of service to others. If I, in a small way, can help those who relate to this in finding peace, it will help me grow! I can be found through hopeserenity.ca- the home of Coached to Success and Hope & Serenity. New members are always welcome.
I look forward each week to getting my "Idea Engineer" from my coaching mentor, Dr. Randin Brons. His weekly writing generally sparks a thought within, and this week that is particularly true.
If I could paraphrase how I felt when I hit bottom in my life, a good way of looking at it may be "hitting a point where I was devoid of peace inside".
That being said, the process of co-creative life recovery maybe described as the journey to restore internal and abundant peace.
"All spiritual disciplines are done with a view to still the mind. The perfectly still mind is universal spirit." -- Swami Ramdas
Getting into the habit of meditating, praying and/or resting daily helps us pull back from our preoccupation with the material world. In silence and solitude, we have an opportunity to pay attention to what's happening inside rather than outside.
When we do this consistently, we learn to relax and to quiet and detach from our mental chatter and our turbulent emotions. As we begin to witness ourselves in personality, we also begin to experience our soul.
"Meditation may require a lifetime to master, but it will have been a lifetime well spent. ... If you want to judge your progress, ask yourself these questions: Am I more loving? Is my judgment sounder? Do I have more energy? Can my mind remain calm under provocation? Am I free from the conditioning of anger, fear, and greed? Spiritual awareness reveals itself as eloquently in character development and selfless action as in mystical states." -- Eknath Easwaran
I am fortunate. To the questions that are put forth by Easwaran, I can answer yes to a greater or lesser degree. Work in progress, but through the spiritual practises referred to, I have made major progress. It has been a learned behaviour "taught" by others and the learning fell on an ever increasing opening mind.
That soul referred to has always been there, a part of me I learned not to listen to. I can remember the times I always felt alone, even amongst others. I lived in a world dominated by mind chatter and turbulent emotions and would not take the opportunity to "hear" that small quiet voice, that of my soul, talking to me. I gave up on this part of me; it never deserted me, and was there when I learned how to listen. The voice of internal peace.
My life today is focused on being of service to others. If I, in a small way, can help those who relate to this in finding peace, it will help me grow! I can be found through hopeserenity.ca- the home of Coached to Success and Hope & Serenity. New members are always welcome.
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