EVER LISTEN TO YOURSELF?

LISTENING TO ME
(And end people pleasing)
Funny how dependant we become on technology. I took my car out and dropped it off for winter service this morning, and returning home, I noticed a man working on the cable/phone box on the street. Sure enough internet/phone/cable is all out because he is doing winter service. Certainly can disrupt a day.
What did people do before all this technology?
The quiet gives one a chance to be quiet and meditate; just listen to that small quiet voice inside.
A quote from Gertrude Stein came to mind, “Listen to me, not to them”.
For years, I listened to them and spent my life trying to please them. This behavior started when I was very young. I dearly wanted to please my parents and get their love and attention. It seemed that the things I did were never good enough.
This grew in my life. I wanted to please teachers, coaches, friends, employers; I wanted to please just about all those I came into contact with. I worried little about what pleased me and learned how to shut down the voice inside.
As this progressed, I became a person who was described by a teacher as Mr. Happy Go Lucky”; yet inside, I was hurting big time. I learned behaviors that would let me escape this internal hurt, numb it, for periods of time.
My self esteem was shot. If someone gave me a compliment I could not just accept it with a simple thank you, I had to make a comment because inside I knew they didn’t really mean it. I sought praise, yet when I got it, I could not accept it as genuine
I had quit listening to me and this led me, at the age of 46, to the lowest point of my life. My bottom if you like.
I always, as best I could, tried to be kind to others. I had never really understood the need to be kind to myself. To please you I wanted to be perfect, if I couldn’t be perfect, I just wouldn’t try things. You were important, the miserable me wasn’t.
I lost sight of my dreams and my own goals. I let circumstances and “them” dictate the path my life took.
I did have many “worldly” successes, but they were never enough. “Me” had gotten lost even though many things I did appeared (and were) selfish.
Through the process of co-creative life recovery I have rediscovered me and my needs. In looking after me properly, I am a far happier person inside, and therefore able to be a far better person to those I come into contact with. Recovery of me is a gift, and one I am grateful for. It came after surrender to my plight, hard work, spiritual growth and the help of others. It has not been simple. It has been rewarding and the time and money invested in learning to listen to me (and the small quiet voice that has always been inside of me) is the best investment I have ever made.
Funny, through the loss of technology came quiet time, and in quiet time came meditation and thoughts to be grateful over. I wonder if those who did not have the amount of technology we have were able to develop richer spiritual lives?
In listening to me, I have been able to me better for those around me without overt people pleasing. Funny how that works! (www.hopeserenity.ca- Coached To Success).