Thursday, December 31, 2009
Thursday, December 24, 2009
SO THIS IS CHRISTMAS?!
SO THIS IS CHRISTMAS!?
I sit hear looking over a snow covered field with sun shining on it. A great time for reflection as Christmas day rapidly approaches.
I can’t help but to reflect back on some of those Christmas’ past.
Christmas is and always has been an emotionally charged time of year for me. My recollections of childhood Christmas are positive, it was a day I was able to return to the womb of extended family and it was safe and secure; a time of marvel and honestly, a time of receiving.
As an adult, and with children of my own, things changed. I became a keeper of secrets and a vessel full of emotions that were stuffed inside; I did not want others to see them. I found ways to escape reality and they were not healthy for me or others around me. Christmas was a time of false expectations, of hopes that because they were unrealistic, were not met. A time where the day after was a day of depression and real let down.
So this became Christmas, a time I really did not enjoy. A day that showed me how lacking I was in real emotional bonding.
Christmas Eve was usually a time I stopped at my favourite watering hole under the guise of an auction to help the needy. I gathered with my merry bands that were as emotionally off base as me. We drank, got “merry”, got soppy as the evening progressed, and overdid the charity thing to try to feel better and righteous. Then I would head home.
Of course, on Christmas morning I was not on top of my game, and those who were most important to me felt the effect. Ho! Ho! HO!
Things happened as they had to, and I began the process of co-creative life recovery. As I recovered, Christmas took on a new meaning because of what happened inside of me. It truly has been a miracle!
I am exposed to many people today who talk and show the dread I felt years ago about Christmas. It is emotionally draining for them, they are facing depression caused in part by huge stress and knowing what they really want to happen simply won’t. I have compassion for these folks and can relate to what they are feeling. In my own way and as best I can, I try to give each a gift.......acceptance, love and hope.
For many, this is Christmas, a tough time of the year!
I am so grateful for the miracles I have been blessed with in my life. I am thankful that from somewhere I got the courage to change, reached out, and did the hard and emotionally draining work I had to do. I am looking forward to Christmas day!
There is no doubt that the lead up to Christmas is challenging. Emotions do run higher, there is the activity of purchasing some gifts, social activities pick up, and all the things we all experience. My wife, god bless her, has a burden that I can only partly share in getting ready for the onslaught of family. Ah yes, this is Christmas.
That being said, because of the miracle of recovery, I am truly looking forward to the day. I feel good within, and this will reflect on how I interact with those who will be here for the day, those who I dearly love. I will not be depressed and will be able to enjoy the gleeful chaos that will unfold around us led by grand children who love me for just being Grampy!
Christmas night we will have the pleasure of being joined at dinner by people who do not have family to spend time with, and good cheer and laughs will be exchanged, and not cheer in liquid form.
There is a good feeling that comes with being able to share with others, and this is a great gift.
So this is Christmas. What a difference from that dreaded day that I lived pre-recovery. It truly is a miracle. If the miracle was there for me, it is there for all. You just have to reach out and have the courage to change. For this guy, it was well worth it!
I am fortunate that many do read my ramblings. As you go into Christmas, please share on this site or at www.hopeserenity.ca what you are feeling as you go into this highly emotional day! It feels good to get the inside outside.
To all, may you find some peace, serenity and hope over this season. You owe it to yourself. For those who “hate” the holidays, give thought to giving yourself a gift for next year, the recovery of a life that you’ll love. I did way back when and am grateful for what has followed.
I sit hear looking over a snow covered field with sun shining on it. A great time for reflection as Christmas day rapidly approaches.
I can’t help but to reflect back on some of those Christmas’ past.
Christmas is and always has been an emotionally charged time of year for me. My recollections of childhood Christmas are positive, it was a day I was able to return to the womb of extended family and it was safe and secure; a time of marvel and honestly, a time of receiving.
As an adult, and with children of my own, things changed. I became a keeper of secrets and a vessel full of emotions that were stuffed inside; I did not want others to see them. I found ways to escape reality and they were not healthy for me or others around me. Christmas was a time of false expectations, of hopes that because they were unrealistic, were not met. A time where the day after was a day of depression and real let down.
So this became Christmas, a time I really did not enjoy. A day that showed me how lacking I was in real emotional bonding.
Christmas Eve was usually a time I stopped at my favourite watering hole under the guise of an auction to help the needy. I gathered with my merry bands that were as emotionally off base as me. We drank, got “merry”, got soppy as the evening progressed, and overdid the charity thing to try to feel better and righteous. Then I would head home.
Of course, on Christmas morning I was not on top of my game, and those who were most important to me felt the effect. Ho! Ho! HO!
Things happened as they had to, and I began the process of co-creative life recovery. As I recovered, Christmas took on a new meaning because of what happened inside of me. It truly has been a miracle!
I am exposed to many people today who talk and show the dread I felt years ago about Christmas. It is emotionally draining for them, they are facing depression caused in part by huge stress and knowing what they really want to happen simply won’t. I have compassion for these folks and can relate to what they are feeling. In my own way and as best I can, I try to give each a gift.......acceptance, love and hope.
For many, this is Christmas, a tough time of the year!
I am so grateful for the miracles I have been blessed with in my life. I am thankful that from somewhere I got the courage to change, reached out, and did the hard and emotionally draining work I had to do. I am looking forward to Christmas day!
There is no doubt that the lead up to Christmas is challenging. Emotions do run higher, there is the activity of purchasing some gifts, social activities pick up, and all the things we all experience. My wife, god bless her, has a burden that I can only partly share in getting ready for the onslaught of family. Ah yes, this is Christmas.
That being said, because of the miracle of recovery, I am truly looking forward to the day. I feel good within, and this will reflect on how I interact with those who will be here for the day, those who I dearly love. I will not be depressed and will be able to enjoy the gleeful chaos that will unfold around us led by grand children who love me for just being Grampy!
Christmas night we will have the pleasure of being joined at dinner by people who do not have family to spend time with, and good cheer and laughs will be exchanged, and not cheer in liquid form.
There is a good feeling that comes with being able to share with others, and this is a great gift.
So this is Christmas. What a difference from that dreaded day that I lived pre-recovery. It truly is a miracle. If the miracle was there for me, it is there for all. You just have to reach out and have the courage to change. For this guy, it was well worth it!
I am fortunate that many do read my ramblings. As you go into Christmas, please share on this site or at www.hopeserenity.ca what you are feeling as you go into this highly emotional day! It feels good to get the inside outside.
To all, may you find some peace, serenity and hope over this season. You owe it to yourself. For those who “hate” the holidays, give thought to giving yourself a gift for next year, the recovery of a life that you’ll love. I did way back when and am grateful for what has followed.
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
EACH OF US HAS RIGHTS!
EACH OF US HAS RIGHTS!
Me? I have rights too?
As I hit a point that today I know as my bottom, inside I did not feel well. I had learned to stuff emotions and feels like putting trash in a garbage bag, and the bag has exceeded full and things smelt!
I had forgotten and quit living as an equal human among humans, a direct result of losing self-love, self-esteem and self-respect. I had forgotten that as a human, I had rights.
Christmas will soon be upon us. It can be a very difficult time of year for many. I remember the days that it was a tough season for me. In my case it had nothing to do with the material, but everything to do with the emotional. I have a great deal of difficulty dealing with my emotions and what I believed to be the expectations of others.
For those of you who may be feeling the seasonal struggle, I offer you the following list of "rights". Use them as an affirmation. Copy them, stand in front of a mirror, look yourself in the eye and read them repeatedly. We all have rights.
As a PERSON, you have the RIGHT to...
1. direct the course of your own life and dissolve negative behaviour patterns.
2. all your feelings and a right to express these feelings
3. trust your feelings, perceptions, judgment, intuition and inner experience.
4. be believed.
5. say NO!
6. develop a life-style that is comfortable for you.
7. leave the company of anyone who fails to respect you as a person.
8. privacy and personal space.
9. a healthy, loving sexually exciting, non-abusive relationship with a person you choose as a lover.
10. refuse to accept responsibility or blame for the actions and decisions of anyone except yourself.
11. happiness, love, health and peace regardless of the past.
12. develop yourself as a whole person, emotionally, mentally, physically, psychologically and spiritually.
As we approach a new year, remember this list of rights. If you want to work at achieving more of them in your life, there is a way! Right number 12 is particularly important and is exactly what I see the process of life recovery to be. It is the essence of the journey I continue on and work to help others to find. A happy, abundant, holistic life.
If I can help you through a conversation to start this process and take back your rights, please contact me through www.hopeserenity.ca. If you know of others who are struggling, please send this article to them as a gift of hope!
Me? I have rights too?
As I hit a point that today I know as my bottom, inside I did not feel well. I had learned to stuff emotions and feels like putting trash in a garbage bag, and the bag has exceeded full and things smelt!
I had forgotten and quit living as an equal human among humans, a direct result of losing self-love, self-esteem and self-respect. I had forgotten that as a human, I had rights.
Christmas will soon be upon us. It can be a very difficult time of year for many. I remember the days that it was a tough season for me. In my case it had nothing to do with the material, but everything to do with the emotional. I have a great deal of difficulty dealing with my emotions and what I believed to be the expectations of others.
For those of you who may be feeling the seasonal struggle, I offer you the following list of "rights". Use them as an affirmation. Copy them, stand in front of a mirror, look yourself in the eye and read them repeatedly. We all have rights.
As a PERSON, you have the RIGHT to...
1. direct the course of your own life and dissolve negative behaviour patterns.
2. all your feelings and a right to express these feelings
3. trust your feelings, perceptions, judgment, intuition and inner experience.
4. be believed.
5. say NO!
6. develop a life-style that is comfortable for you.
7. leave the company of anyone who fails to respect you as a person.
8. privacy and personal space.
9. a healthy, loving sexually exciting, non-abusive relationship with a person you choose as a lover.
10. refuse to accept responsibility or blame for the actions and decisions of anyone except yourself.
11. happiness, love, health and peace regardless of the past.
12. develop yourself as a whole person, emotionally, mentally, physically, psychologically and spiritually.
As we approach a new year, remember this list of rights. If you want to work at achieving more of them in your life, there is a way! Right number 12 is particularly important and is exactly what I see the process of life recovery to be. It is the essence of the journey I continue on and work to help others to find. A happy, abundant, holistic life.
If I can help you through a conversation to start this process and take back your rights, please contact me through www.hopeserenity.ca. If you know of others who are struggling, please send this article to them as a gift of hope!
Monday, December 21, 2009
DISCOVERING YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE (questions to ask)
DISCOVERING YOUR LIFE’S PURPOSE
Questions To Ask
Often I’m asked what it is a coach does.
The simple answer is to help others discover what is important for them to accomplish, set goals and then guide them to getting it done.
Often people either directly or indirectly tell me they have hit a crossroads in there life (personal, career or both) and want to understand their purpose then take a new path.
Here are some questions I’m sharing for those who want to better understand their purpose in life. If this raises questions, you can find me through www.hopeserenity.ca.
“Everything created solves a problem.” – Mike Murdock
Your eyes see, your ears hear, your nose smells. Doctors solve medical problems, lawyers solve legal problems. Your shirt keeps you warm; your watch tells you the time. Everything created solves a problem.
I believe you were created to solve a problem and your success is dependent on your ability to discover that problem and solve it. Finding this problem is discovering your purpose, solving this problem is accomplishing your purpose.
“Everything created solves a problem.” – Mike Murdock
Your eyes see, your ears hear, your nose smells. Doctors solve medical problems, lawyers solve legal problems. Your shirt keeps you warm; your watch tells you the time. Everything created solves a problem.
I believe you were created to solve a problem and your success is dependent on your ability to discover that problem and solve it. Finding this problem is discovering your purpose, solving this problem is accomplishing your purpose.
7 Questions to Help You Discover Your Purpose:
1. What do you love to do?
Your purpose is directly related to what you love. The most purposeful people in the world spend their time doing what they love. Bill Gates loves computers, Oprah loves helping, and Edison loved to invent. What do you love? Is it reading, writing, playing sports, singing, painting, business, selling, talking, listening, cooking, fixing broken things. Whatever you love, it’s directly related to your purpose.
2. What do you do in your free time?
Whatever you do in your free time is a sign of your purpose. If you like to paint in your free time, then that’s a “sign.” If you like to cook, then that’s a sign, if you like to talk, then that’s a sign. Follow the signs.
I love to be of service to others in my free time, I have an obsession with service. Of course, this is a sign of my purpose …which is to coach.
What do you do in your free time? What would you like to do if you had more free time? Would you teach dance a class or a business course?
3. What do you notice?
A salesman notices an uninspiring sales pitch, a hairdresser notices someone’s hair is out of place, a designer notices a awkward outfit, a mechanic hears something wrong with your car, a singer notices when someone’s voice is out of pitch, a speaker notices an uninspiring speech.
What do you notice? What annoys you?
I notice when people underachieve. This is a sign of my purpose. I’m obsessed with practicality and simplicity. When I coach, I try to coach in a very practical and simple way.
4. What do you love to learn about?
What kinds of books or magazines do you like to read? Do you read about cooking, business, or fishing, whatever it is, it’s a sign. I’m always reading about self development, particularly as it relates to successful living. Of course this is also related to my purpose, which is to coach people on how to succeed.
What do you love to learn about? If you have a library, what books do you have in that library?
5. What sparks your creativity?
Is it painting, designing, building, speaking, or selling?
People spark my creativity. I often feel like a sculptor or painter when I coach. I carefully ask questions and listen. I hear ideas that impacts people’s lives; it’s a very creative process. Each follow up question must be crafted for maximum impact.
What sparks your creativity, do you have ideas for new food recipes, or a new creative automotive Web site?
6. What do people compliment you on?
What “fans” do you have? If no one likes your cooking, then you probably won’t make a good chef.
Do people compliment your writing, or your singing, or your amazing ability to sell? Once again, this is a sign of your purpose.
People always compliment me on my insight and optimism, something I was too frightened to overtly share for most of my life. I find it intriguing that my purpose was hidden in something that I was frightened to do.
7. What would you do if you knew you couldn’t fail?
Would you start a salon, go on American Idol, start your own business? What would you do if success was guaranteed? It’s a sign to your purpose.
I’d do what I’m doing right now, which is coaching. Nothing is more important to me, what about you?
8. In Closing
These questions are signs to your purpose. They’re pointing you in the direction of a specific purpose. One question alone doesn’t tell the whole story; you must look at all of your answers collectively. Each answer is a piece of the “purpose” puzzle.
Study these questions, and your answers, and you will be well on your way to discovering your purpose. Thank you for reading!(www.hopeserenity.ca)
Questions To Ask
Often I’m asked what it is a coach does.
The simple answer is to help others discover what is important for them to accomplish, set goals and then guide them to getting it done.
Often people either directly or indirectly tell me they have hit a crossroads in there life (personal, career or both) and want to understand their purpose then take a new path.
Here are some questions I’m sharing for those who want to better understand their purpose in life. If this raises questions, you can find me through www.hopeserenity.ca.
“Everything created solves a problem.” – Mike Murdock
Your eyes see, your ears hear, your nose smells. Doctors solve medical problems, lawyers solve legal problems. Your shirt keeps you warm; your watch tells you the time. Everything created solves a problem.
I believe you were created to solve a problem and your success is dependent on your ability to discover that problem and solve it. Finding this problem is discovering your purpose, solving this problem is accomplishing your purpose.
“Everything created solves a problem.” – Mike Murdock
Your eyes see, your ears hear, your nose smells. Doctors solve medical problems, lawyers solve legal problems. Your shirt keeps you warm; your watch tells you the time. Everything created solves a problem.
I believe you were created to solve a problem and your success is dependent on your ability to discover that problem and solve it. Finding this problem is discovering your purpose, solving this problem is accomplishing your purpose.
7 Questions to Help You Discover Your Purpose:
1. What do you love to do?
Your purpose is directly related to what you love. The most purposeful people in the world spend their time doing what they love. Bill Gates loves computers, Oprah loves helping, and Edison loved to invent. What do you love? Is it reading, writing, playing sports, singing, painting, business, selling, talking, listening, cooking, fixing broken things. Whatever you love, it’s directly related to your purpose.
2. What do you do in your free time?
Whatever you do in your free time is a sign of your purpose. If you like to paint in your free time, then that’s a “sign.” If you like to cook, then that’s a sign, if you like to talk, then that’s a sign. Follow the signs.
I love to be of service to others in my free time, I have an obsession with service. Of course, this is a sign of my purpose …which is to coach.
What do you do in your free time? What would you like to do if you had more free time? Would you teach dance a class or a business course?
3. What do you notice?
A salesman notices an uninspiring sales pitch, a hairdresser notices someone’s hair is out of place, a designer notices a awkward outfit, a mechanic hears something wrong with your car, a singer notices when someone’s voice is out of pitch, a speaker notices an uninspiring speech.
What do you notice? What annoys you?
I notice when people underachieve. This is a sign of my purpose. I’m obsessed with practicality and simplicity. When I coach, I try to coach in a very practical and simple way.
4. What do you love to learn about?
What kinds of books or magazines do you like to read? Do you read about cooking, business, or fishing, whatever it is, it’s a sign. I’m always reading about self development, particularly as it relates to successful living. Of course this is also related to my purpose, which is to coach people on how to succeed.
What do you love to learn about? If you have a library, what books do you have in that library?
5. What sparks your creativity?
Is it painting, designing, building, speaking, or selling?
People spark my creativity. I often feel like a sculptor or painter when I coach. I carefully ask questions and listen. I hear ideas that impacts people’s lives; it’s a very creative process. Each follow up question must be crafted for maximum impact.
What sparks your creativity, do you have ideas for new food recipes, or a new creative automotive Web site?
6. What do people compliment you on?
What “fans” do you have? If no one likes your cooking, then you probably won’t make a good chef.
Do people compliment your writing, or your singing, or your amazing ability to sell? Once again, this is a sign of your purpose.
People always compliment me on my insight and optimism, something I was too frightened to overtly share for most of my life. I find it intriguing that my purpose was hidden in something that I was frightened to do.
7. What would you do if you knew you couldn’t fail?
Would you start a salon, go on American Idol, start your own business? What would you do if success was guaranteed? It’s a sign to your purpose.
I’d do what I’m doing right now, which is coaching. Nothing is more important to me, what about you?
8. In Closing
These questions are signs to your purpose. They’re pointing you in the direction of a specific purpose. One question alone doesn’t tell the whole story; you must look at all of your answers collectively. Each answer is a piece of the “purpose” puzzle.
Study these questions, and your answers, and you will be well on your way to discovering your purpose. Thank you for reading!(www.hopeserenity.ca)
Friday, December 18, 2009
SAVE IT FOR WHAT?
SAVING IT FOR WHAT?
I’m at an age and stage of life that more and more are hitting. We aren’t known as baby boomers for nothing; the population did explode following WWII! We’re here as proof.
One thing many of us have in common is aging parents and dealing with “stuff” as they go down hill and approach the end. “Stuff” includes material things such as china and silverware, fine linens, clothing and jewelry and more- “stuff” that was kept for special occasions and not used much.
Others may feel differently, but in dealing with my mother’s special things, I feel a sense of waste. Most of us have accumulated things over the years that are special to us, and what was special to my mother and not used much is not that special to me.
Today is a special day, a day meant to use some of my “special stuff”. What am I saving it for? If I can’t use it, it is better that I give it to someone that can enjoy it today!
Each of us has special stuff within as well as special material things. Today is a special today because it is a day we are living in. Tomorrow is not guaranteed.
A thought. What have you got in talents or possessions stashed away for special occasions? What will happen to those treasures and talents if you don’t see tomorrow? Don’t you think there will be a real waste?
I’ve never thought about things in this way before, but it is thoughts that just came, and came for a reason. As I move forward I will use those special things and talents as often as humanly possible. I have today, and that makes today very special.
I would love to here what thoughts cross your mind about saving things for special occasions. Share here on at www.hopeserenity.ca. I do look at ALL responses.
I’m at an age and stage of life that more and more are hitting. We aren’t known as baby boomers for nothing; the population did explode following WWII! We’re here as proof.
One thing many of us have in common is aging parents and dealing with “stuff” as they go down hill and approach the end. “Stuff” includes material things such as china and silverware, fine linens, clothing and jewelry and more- “stuff” that was kept for special occasions and not used much.
Others may feel differently, but in dealing with my mother’s special things, I feel a sense of waste. Most of us have accumulated things over the years that are special to us, and what was special to my mother and not used much is not that special to me.
Today is a special day, a day meant to use some of my “special stuff”. What am I saving it for? If I can’t use it, it is better that I give it to someone that can enjoy it today!
Each of us has special stuff within as well as special material things. Today is a special today because it is a day we are living in. Tomorrow is not guaranteed.
A thought. What have you got in talents or possessions stashed away for special occasions? What will happen to those treasures and talents if you don’t see tomorrow? Don’t you think there will be a real waste?
I’ve never thought about things in this way before, but it is thoughts that just came, and came for a reason. As I move forward I will use those special things and talents as often as humanly possible. I have today, and that makes today very special.
I would love to here what thoughts cross your mind about saving things for special occasions. Share here on at www.hopeserenity.ca. I do look at ALL responses.
Thursday, December 17, 2009
WHAT IS GOD'S WILL?
WHAT IS GOD’S WILL?
At the early stages of recovery, I kept hearing about God’s will and gaining the power to carry it out.
The word God to me means something that is different to me than many people I know, and it is a word that when I hear it turns my thoughts turn to church and religion. I believe in no one church and do not follow a particular religion.
God for me today means a power great than myself (Higher Power), the divine spirit of the universe, the small quiet voice that dwells within and feelings similar, and God is a highly personal thing with me.
I have conscious contact today with my Higher Power, and do not ever knock anyone’s concept of God as long as it is not a living person on earth currently. I don’t think I could ever go there, but do believe the higher power exists within all living things. God is life.
How could an individual like me be sure of what God’s will for me is? I am not that smart to know with certainty. So, I posed this question to a person I felt was spiritually fit. His answer was so simple it shocked me!
He stated simply, God’s will is what happens. Ouch!
Upon reflection, I have come to believe this simple truth.
There are many horrors and personal tragedies that happen. I do not pretend to understand why because I learned the hard way that I am not God. There are things that are within my power to understand and for me; these are better things to focus on. God is a “higher power” not human power, and comprehends what I can’t.
God did give me abilities and skills. He also gave me an ability to make choices. He gave me an ability to communicate externally and an ability to listen. I can say; I developed the former (communication) for a long time far in advance of the latter. God also gave me a soul that I believe is the small quiet voice that has always been inside of me. This voice has always given me a sense of right and wrong IF (the big IF) I chose to listen.
The power of listening and listening deeply on a regular basis leads to my personal level of spiritual fitness, and when spiritually fit and in conscious contact, I make better decisions about life. I take better care of myself and make a better contribution to the world I live in and the people I touch. God’s will manifests’ itself in a far more positive fashion.
I did many things to myself and to others that I am not proud of. I understand today that they were God’s will for the Keith at that moment, and that from the feelings these actions caused, consciously or unconsciously I went on a spiritual fitness program that continues today that allows me to be far more in tune to the message of my Higher Power, and through listening, God’s will for me today manifests itself in a far more positive way externally. Internally I am blessed with hope, serenity and peace that I did not know for years.
The holistic process of co-creative life recovery for me has a large spiritual (not necessarily religious, although for some it is) component to it. My Higher Power is a co-creator, the key co-creator in my recovery. Changing behaviour including gaining remission from my addictions succeeds daily dependent on my spiritual fitness. The more fit, the more abundance life has and the more positive is the manifestation of God’s will.
So do you want to make a quantum change in how God’s will is playing out in your life? Are you not happy with how things are playing out within and around you? By changing how you live and practising an improved level of spiritual fitness in your life you may transform your thinking about God’s will. Let’s kick this around at www.hopeserenity.ca or on this site! What is God’s will for you going forward?
At the early stages of recovery, I kept hearing about God’s will and gaining the power to carry it out.
The word God to me means something that is different to me than many people I know, and it is a word that when I hear it turns my thoughts turn to church and religion. I believe in no one church and do not follow a particular religion.
God for me today means a power great than myself (Higher Power), the divine spirit of the universe, the small quiet voice that dwells within and feelings similar, and God is a highly personal thing with me.
I have conscious contact today with my Higher Power, and do not ever knock anyone’s concept of God as long as it is not a living person on earth currently. I don’t think I could ever go there, but do believe the higher power exists within all living things. God is life.
How could an individual like me be sure of what God’s will for me is? I am not that smart to know with certainty. So, I posed this question to a person I felt was spiritually fit. His answer was so simple it shocked me!
He stated simply, God’s will is what happens. Ouch!
Upon reflection, I have come to believe this simple truth.
There are many horrors and personal tragedies that happen. I do not pretend to understand why because I learned the hard way that I am not God. There are things that are within my power to understand and for me; these are better things to focus on. God is a “higher power” not human power, and comprehends what I can’t.
God did give me abilities and skills. He also gave me an ability to make choices. He gave me an ability to communicate externally and an ability to listen. I can say; I developed the former (communication) for a long time far in advance of the latter. God also gave me a soul that I believe is the small quiet voice that has always been inside of me. This voice has always given me a sense of right and wrong IF (the big IF) I chose to listen.
The power of listening and listening deeply on a regular basis leads to my personal level of spiritual fitness, and when spiritually fit and in conscious contact, I make better decisions about life. I take better care of myself and make a better contribution to the world I live in and the people I touch. God’s will manifests’ itself in a far more positive fashion.
I did many things to myself and to others that I am not proud of. I understand today that they were God’s will for the Keith at that moment, and that from the feelings these actions caused, consciously or unconsciously I went on a spiritual fitness program that continues today that allows me to be far more in tune to the message of my Higher Power, and through listening, God’s will for me today manifests itself in a far more positive way externally. Internally I am blessed with hope, serenity and peace that I did not know for years.
The holistic process of co-creative life recovery for me has a large spiritual (not necessarily religious, although for some it is) component to it. My Higher Power is a co-creator, the key co-creator in my recovery. Changing behaviour including gaining remission from my addictions succeeds daily dependent on my spiritual fitness. The more fit, the more abundance life has and the more positive is the manifestation of God’s will.
So do you want to make a quantum change in how God’s will is playing out in your life? Are you not happy with how things are playing out within and around you? By changing how you live and practising an improved level of spiritual fitness in your life you may transform your thinking about God’s will. Let’s kick this around at www.hopeserenity.ca or on this site! What is God’s will for you going forward?
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
STRUGGLING WITH GOD?
STRUGGLING WITH GOD?
A NOVEL IDEA
Looking back to the start of the journey I call the process of life recovery, I certainly struggled not only with the word God, but with nearly anything spiritual. I think I fit the category that is called “spiritually bankrupt”.
I was brought up going to Sunday school and most of my family and people I knew went to a church of some type. People and church sort of became intermingled.
I learned of a punishing god growing up, I had an infant sister die; I lived with abuse, and upon announcing intent to get married (to my pregnant girlfriend), hit a rejection from a church that still boggles my mind. Church, people, death, religion, but today I understand the rejection did not come from the God I understand today.
So many I run into in my current life initially tell me they want no part of God. After discussion, I understand what they are saying, they want no part of the same things I had been exposed to and related to God. I learned what I had experienced was not bad things from God, but from a specific church, person or experience.
I truly believe that the life I have today would not be possible without a spiritual foundation and as opposed to spiritually bankrupt, today I have a rich spiritual life and conscious contact with a Higher Power that is mine personally. A Higher Power who is in keeping with my soul and beliefs, and conscious contact with this Higher Power works for me! It brings peace within, hope and serenity.
From the Big Book of AA, we are presented with this novel concept, and who could argue it?
“My friend suggested what then seemed a novel idea. He said, “Why don't you choose your own conception of God?"
That statement hit me hard. It melted the icy intellectual mountain in whose shadow I had lived and shivered many years. I stood in the sunlight at last.
It was only a matter of being willing to believe in a Power greater than myself. Nothing more was required of me to make my beginning.
- Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 12
When I first looked at the 12 steps as a program that may help me, the word God jumped off the page and I recoiled. I was not ready for religion or joining what I perceived might just be a cult.
No secret. I did not accept the need to incorporate the 12 steps into my life when I came to the point that I really wanted life recovery. I had to work with “professionals” to get me to open my mind, and in working with others, and as page 12 above says, I was invited to choose my own concept of God for the purposes of my own recovery. How could I refuse that? What did I have to lose? It would be MINE, a concept I could relate to! I could transform.
So if you think you need to make some major life changes, think your spiritual life might be in a deficit position or non-existent and you are hung up about the God other people talk about, why not try a novel concept. CREATE YOUR OWN INSIDE OF YOU (or seek and find the one I know is there). You’ll stand in the sunlight with your God!
Struggling with the “God Thing” and just want to kick some thoughts around? Contact me through this site or through www.hopeserenity.ca. Ending the struggle may give you a great life.
A NOVEL IDEA
Looking back to the start of the journey I call the process of life recovery, I certainly struggled not only with the word God, but with nearly anything spiritual. I think I fit the category that is called “spiritually bankrupt”.
I was brought up going to Sunday school and most of my family and people I knew went to a church of some type. People and church sort of became intermingled.
I learned of a punishing god growing up, I had an infant sister die; I lived with abuse, and upon announcing intent to get married (to my pregnant girlfriend), hit a rejection from a church that still boggles my mind. Church, people, death, religion, but today I understand the rejection did not come from the God I understand today.
So many I run into in my current life initially tell me they want no part of God. After discussion, I understand what they are saying, they want no part of the same things I had been exposed to and related to God. I learned what I had experienced was not bad things from God, but from a specific church, person or experience.
I truly believe that the life I have today would not be possible without a spiritual foundation and as opposed to spiritually bankrupt, today I have a rich spiritual life and conscious contact with a Higher Power that is mine personally. A Higher Power who is in keeping with my soul and beliefs, and conscious contact with this Higher Power works for me! It brings peace within, hope and serenity.
From the Big Book of AA, we are presented with this novel concept, and who could argue it?
“My friend suggested what then seemed a novel idea. He said, “Why don't you choose your own conception of God?"
That statement hit me hard. It melted the icy intellectual mountain in whose shadow I had lived and shivered many years. I stood in the sunlight at last.
It was only a matter of being willing to believe in a Power greater than myself. Nothing more was required of me to make my beginning.
- Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 12
When I first looked at the 12 steps as a program that may help me, the word God jumped off the page and I recoiled. I was not ready for religion or joining what I perceived might just be a cult.
No secret. I did not accept the need to incorporate the 12 steps into my life when I came to the point that I really wanted life recovery. I had to work with “professionals” to get me to open my mind, and in working with others, and as page 12 above says, I was invited to choose my own concept of God for the purposes of my own recovery. How could I refuse that? What did I have to lose? It would be MINE, a concept I could relate to! I could transform.
So if you think you need to make some major life changes, think your spiritual life might be in a deficit position or non-existent and you are hung up about the God other people talk about, why not try a novel concept. CREATE YOUR OWN INSIDE OF YOU (or seek and find the one I know is there). You’ll stand in the sunlight with your God!
Struggling with the “God Thing” and just want to kick some thoughts around? Contact me through this site or through www.hopeserenity.ca. Ending the struggle may give you a great life.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
LYING TO FEEL ACCEPTED
LYING TO FEEL ACCEPTED
I blog frequently for several reasons.
I have “journalled” or blogged for years as a part of my life recovery. Simply, it lets me get things that are on the inside to the outside. I was taught that this was healthy behaviour and guess what? It helps. Honest sharing is good for all.
Over the years, as I’ve shared some of my writings, I have been told that they have helped others. I am not unique, and others can relate to some of the thoughts that go through the “Disney World” that sometimes serves as my mind. Sometimes in sharing I connect with new people and build a personal relationship, once in a blue moon I attract someone who wants my professional help
Often in sharing, I get great feedback, ideas to improve the things I do, new perspectives and some things that set off a bell.
Today, I heard from an online “friend” John, as he responded on an article “10 Reasons We Fail”, about something I certainly did, but have not thought about in this context for a long time.
Let me share some of John’s thoughts: “Just a personnel part of my walk was breaking the chains of "LYING TO FEEL ACCEPTED". I feel I lied so much I hated to admit my problem with lying. Being comfortable in my own skin was a major break through. I am so happy and have made amends to myself for all the inaccurate portrayals of where I worked, who I've met, family, lifestyle, and many other issues that were totally false. I hope and pray that anyone I have mislead, could see through the lies, and said a prayer for me. I think manipulation is a part of fuelling addictions. We "feel" obligated to live a lie. NO MORE! NOT FOR ME! Progress is a good thing, don't give up! Godspeed, John”
A great thing to reflect on, the need to resort to lying to feel accepted! Thanks John for sharing with me and others.
I admit my guilt in this. I have embellished on my resume, concocted stories to embellish accomplishments and contacts and like John, on other “lifestyle” issues.
Why?
Because I thought who I was, what I had done and what I had become were not good enough for you to accept me, and being accepted was terribly important to me.
Why? For many reasons, but to distil it down to its simplest; because who I became was not someone that was good enough for me to accept, and I was sure that if you really knew me, you would not accept me as just Keith.
I have a feeling there are going to be many people who read this, and get a funny feeling inside like I did. Thanks John for sharing with me and allowing me to quote you. I certainly could feel and relate to your words.
Accepting me was a process. It took hard work and a lot of help. As I know John would tell you, it was well worth it. You clearly see it in his words.
Would you like to deal with issues that cause you to lie to be accepted? If I can help put you on the path, contact me through www.hopeserenity.ca.
I blog frequently for several reasons.
I have “journalled” or blogged for years as a part of my life recovery. Simply, it lets me get things that are on the inside to the outside. I was taught that this was healthy behaviour and guess what? It helps. Honest sharing is good for all.
Over the years, as I’ve shared some of my writings, I have been told that they have helped others. I am not unique, and others can relate to some of the thoughts that go through the “Disney World” that sometimes serves as my mind. Sometimes in sharing I connect with new people and build a personal relationship, once in a blue moon I attract someone who wants my professional help
Often in sharing, I get great feedback, ideas to improve the things I do, new perspectives and some things that set off a bell.
Today, I heard from an online “friend” John, as he responded on an article “10 Reasons We Fail”, about something I certainly did, but have not thought about in this context for a long time.
Let me share some of John’s thoughts: “Just a personnel part of my walk was breaking the chains of "LYING TO FEEL ACCEPTED". I feel I lied so much I hated to admit my problem with lying. Being comfortable in my own skin was a major break through. I am so happy and have made amends to myself for all the inaccurate portrayals of where I worked, who I've met, family, lifestyle, and many other issues that were totally false. I hope and pray that anyone I have mislead, could see through the lies, and said a prayer for me. I think manipulation is a part of fuelling addictions. We "feel" obligated to live a lie. NO MORE! NOT FOR ME! Progress is a good thing, don't give up! Godspeed, John”
A great thing to reflect on, the need to resort to lying to feel accepted! Thanks John for sharing with me and others.
I admit my guilt in this. I have embellished on my resume, concocted stories to embellish accomplishments and contacts and like John, on other “lifestyle” issues.
Why?
Because I thought who I was, what I had done and what I had become were not good enough for you to accept me, and being accepted was terribly important to me.
Why? For many reasons, but to distil it down to its simplest; because who I became was not someone that was good enough for me to accept, and I was sure that if you really knew me, you would not accept me as just Keith.
I have a feeling there are going to be many people who read this, and get a funny feeling inside like I did. Thanks John for sharing with me and allowing me to quote you. I certainly could feel and relate to your words.
Accepting me was a process. It took hard work and a lot of help. As I know John would tell you, it was well worth it. You clearly see it in his words.
Would you like to deal with issues that cause you to lie to be accepted? If I can help put you on the path, contact me through www.hopeserenity.ca.
Monday, December 14, 2009
COP OUT-I'LL LET HIM Do It
COP OUT-I’ll Let HIM Do It
The process of life recovery is in part, a spiritual journey. In finding a Higher Power in my life, having conscious contact on a growing basis, and listening to that small quiet voice inside, there is a great caution I learned.
Pray to God but row to shore.
--Proverb
“There exists a Divine partnership between God and man that is wonderfully depicted in the following story. A young minister was driving through the countryside when he spotted a farmer tilling 40 acres of magnificent farmland. The minister pulled over and addressed the farmer, "God has certainly blessed you with a wonderful piece of land." The farmer replied, "Yes, but you should have seen the mess it was in when God had it to Himself!"
A well-known entrepreneur was asked the secret of her business success. She answered, "I pray as if everything depends on God, but act as if everything depends on me." It is not enough just to pray for and affirm our good. Like the farmer and businesswoman, we must also take concrete steps to make our dreams a reality.
Working together, we and spirit form an unbeatable combination. Neither can succeed without the other. Just as nature provided the land but needed the farmer to till the soil, spirit needs us to bring about heaven on earth. Let us work together as Divine partners to fulfill this promise.”
Listening to Your Inner Voice by Douglas Bloch
Too often I am aware of people who blame bad fortune on their Higher Power. Statements like “I turned it over and this is the outcome. It must be His will” can be cop outs. People can turn to their higher power for help, but it is understood that it is a partnership, and we must do our part.
One of the wonderful things I appreciate in the relationship I have with my Higher Power today is that that power loves and trusts me enough to allow me to make decisions and have freedom of choice. My daily spiritual condition has a huge impact on the choices I make, and they are all not the right one!
If you would like to explore this thought and share on it, you are invited to do so on this site, or go to www.hopeserenity.ca, a site for those transforming their lives.
The process of life recovery is in part, a spiritual journey. In finding a Higher Power in my life, having conscious contact on a growing basis, and listening to that small quiet voice inside, there is a great caution I learned.
Pray to God but row to shore.
--Proverb
“There exists a Divine partnership between God and man that is wonderfully depicted in the following story. A young minister was driving through the countryside when he spotted a farmer tilling 40 acres of magnificent farmland. The minister pulled over and addressed the farmer, "God has certainly blessed you with a wonderful piece of land." The farmer replied, "Yes, but you should have seen the mess it was in when God had it to Himself!"
A well-known entrepreneur was asked the secret of her business success. She answered, "I pray as if everything depends on God, but act as if everything depends on me." It is not enough just to pray for and affirm our good. Like the farmer and businesswoman, we must also take concrete steps to make our dreams a reality.
Working together, we and spirit form an unbeatable combination. Neither can succeed without the other. Just as nature provided the land but needed the farmer to till the soil, spirit needs us to bring about heaven on earth. Let us work together as Divine partners to fulfill this promise.”
Listening to Your Inner Voice by Douglas Bloch
Too often I am aware of people who blame bad fortune on their Higher Power. Statements like “I turned it over and this is the outcome. It must be His will” can be cop outs. People can turn to their higher power for help, but it is understood that it is a partnership, and we must do our part.
One of the wonderful things I appreciate in the relationship I have with my Higher Power today is that that power loves and trusts me enough to allow me to make decisions and have freedom of choice. My daily spiritual condition has a huge impact on the choices I make, and they are all not the right one!
If you would like to explore this thought and share on it, you are invited to do so on this site, or go to www.hopeserenity.ca, a site for those transforming their lives.
Saturday, December 12, 2009
10 REASONS WE FAIL
10 REASONS WE FAIL
I’m always interested in reading what my friend and cohort Patrick Meninga has to say at Spiritual River (www.spiritualriver.com). In Patrick, I have found a kindred spirit when in comes to wanting to improve the rate of recovery among the addicted. There are good programs that work; however success rates are far too low and if we can build positively from what is currently there, so much the better. I can attest, through my own experience, higher success rates are possible!
In this article, Patrick puts forward the Top 10 reasons people fail. I do not always agree with him and welcome your thoughts! See the quote at the end of this post, and share why failure rates are as quoted.
While this article is addiction specific, the same thinking applies to most people struggling with life.
10. They do not take direction from others about how to solve their problem. (KB-that is why I screen clients)
9. They suffer from low self esteem and do not feel that they deserve to be clean and sober.
8. They do not prioritize their recovery as being the most important thing in their life when it comes to structuring their day and how they spend their time.
7. They don’t learn how to process and deal with the feelings that they used to medicate with drugs and alcohol.
6. Those that are single get derailed by an intimate relationship with another person in recovery.
5. They believe that the solution is entirely social (as in going to meetings), and therefore do not put in the work on changing themselves on a personal level.
4. They seriously underestimate what is needed to stay clean and sober.
3. They refuse to ask for help and insist on recovering through their own devices.
2. They have not fully surrendered to their addiction.
1. And the number 1 reason that addicts and alcoholics sometimes fail to stay clean in early recovery is: They do not take massive action.
Getting help from others, particularly those who have walked and continue to walk the path is critical. Get help from those trained in massive action and accountability actions. If we can help you find the right road (at no cost) and you are in agreement with a majority of these items and want to really take corrective action, visit www.hopeserenity.ca. We’re here to help. Our mission is to help others achieve THEIR goals.
For those who think that there is only one approach to life recovery that works, please read the following bio excerpt from author Melanie Solomon: It was then that she realized that there had to be another way. Due to her unyielding research of alternatives to AA, and the other 12-step programs, she started uncovering the scientific research that had been going on for over 3 decades, which sadly, most Americans are largely unaware of, such as according to AA's own internal surveys covering a 5-year period, as well as numerous government and independent studies, AA had only a 3-5% success rate for those who even stuck around for a year, and that 93-97% of the treatment centers in the US are still 12-step based! Even though there are many viable, evidence-based alternatives, well accepted and established in other countries, that might better suit the complex and individualized needs of people suffering with substance abuse problems.
I’m always interested in reading what my friend and cohort Patrick Meninga has to say at Spiritual River (www.spiritualriver.com). In Patrick, I have found a kindred spirit when in comes to wanting to improve the rate of recovery among the addicted. There are good programs that work; however success rates are far too low and if we can build positively from what is currently there, so much the better. I can attest, through my own experience, higher success rates are possible!
In this article, Patrick puts forward the Top 10 reasons people fail. I do not always agree with him and welcome your thoughts! See the quote at the end of this post, and share why failure rates are as quoted.
While this article is addiction specific, the same thinking applies to most people struggling with life.
10. They do not take direction from others about how to solve their problem. (KB-that is why I screen clients)
9. They suffer from low self esteem and do not feel that they deserve to be clean and sober.
8. They do not prioritize their recovery as being the most important thing in their life when it comes to structuring their day and how they spend their time.
7. They don’t learn how to process and deal with the feelings that they used to medicate with drugs and alcohol.
6. Those that are single get derailed by an intimate relationship with another person in recovery.
5. They believe that the solution is entirely social (as in going to meetings), and therefore do not put in the work on changing themselves on a personal level.
4. They seriously underestimate what is needed to stay clean and sober.
3. They refuse to ask for help and insist on recovering through their own devices.
2. They have not fully surrendered to their addiction.
1. And the number 1 reason that addicts and alcoholics sometimes fail to stay clean in early recovery is: They do not take massive action.
Getting help from others, particularly those who have walked and continue to walk the path is critical. Get help from those trained in massive action and accountability actions. If we can help you find the right road (at no cost) and you are in agreement with a majority of these items and want to really take corrective action, visit www.hopeserenity.ca. We’re here to help. Our mission is to help others achieve THEIR goals.
For those who think that there is only one approach to life recovery that works, please read the following bio excerpt from author Melanie Solomon: It was then that she realized that there had to be another way. Due to her unyielding research of alternatives to AA, and the other 12-step programs, she started uncovering the scientific research that had been going on for over 3 decades, which sadly, most Americans are largely unaware of, such as according to AA's own internal surveys covering a 5-year period, as well as numerous government and independent studies, AA had only a 3-5% success rate for those who even stuck around for a year, and that 93-97% of the treatment centers in the US are still 12-step based! Even though there are many viable, evidence-based alternatives, well accepted and established in other countries, that might better suit the complex and individualized needs of people suffering with substance abuse problems.
Friday, December 11, 2009
ACT NOW !
Act Now
Why You Should Never Wait Until Later to Follow Your Dreams
Act Now - Why You Should Never Wait Until Later to Follow Your Dreams
Sometimes you feel like you've got all the time in the world to accomplish your dreams. Yet there are reminders every day that our time on Earth is short. Unfortunately, there's no way to predict how much time you've got left, which is exactly why there's no time like the present to make your dreams come true! When did you last learn of a friend’s grave illness?
Concentrate On The Positive
It's vital to start with positive thoughts. When you think positively about yourself and
your dreams, you'll begin to believe that you can achieve anything. These initial positive
emotions can lead to a dedicated drive and enthusiasm that'll help build lasting momentum.
If you look at life through a derriere, what do you think you see?
Remember that nearly everyone feels overwhelmed when you're about to embark on a long journey. It is true and we should never forget; life is hard. That's exactly why it's so easy to fall into negative patterns of thinking, but you must fight these thoughts. It can be hard to imagine that so much can be achieved simply by having positive thoughts, but it's true! Ask my clients.
The truth is, when you think about something as scary as "I could die tomorrow," it's hard not to be drawn into a panic. But instead of worrying about how much time you and your loved ones have left, concentrate on making the present moment as productive as it can be towards your true calling. You only have the NOW!
Careful Planning
Once you've decided to take action, and you've battled your negative thoughts, it's time to make some feasible plans to get you where you want to be.
Keep these tips in mind as you go through your planning phase:
1. Set realistic goals. If your goal is going to take years, give yourself years. You can't
expect everything to happen overnight.
2. Be specific. Include all the details in your plans. If you stumble along the way, you'll
be comforted in knowing that you have your detailed plans to help you stay the course.
3. Reward yourself. When you've made progress towards your goal, give yourself a
reward. Even if your ultimate goal is far off, it's fun and motivating to enjoy rewards as
you complete steps toward your goal.
Action In Small Steps
One of the biggest tips when it comes to following your dream is to break down your
actions into small, manageable steps.
For example, your goal could be to become an airline pilot or you might want to start your own business. Both of these goals are hefty and have the potential to take years of work and training.
When you first think about these goals, it's easy to be scared of how daunting they seem. Help to overcome this is available.
Instead of resorting to fear, try breaking down these goals into dozens or even hundreds of small steps. Chances are that each small step is not nearly as overwhelming as the big picture.
At the same time, always keep the big picture in mind. When you visualize yourself
reaching your end goal, it can be an image that gives you the drive to keep going during
tough times.
Inspiring Others
Once you've achieved your goal, consider inspiring others to reach their goals, too.
Perhaps you have some friends or family members who say things like, "I've always wanted to do that," but they remain working at their dead end job.
Help them take action!
You'll know from experience that, while it may be a risk, the reward is more than worth it.
Yes, following your dreams is even a reward in itself! It brings you joy in the present and hope for the future. Need some direction? Look at hopeserenity.ca.
So carpe diem - seize the day!
Why You Should Never Wait Until Later to Follow Your Dreams
Act Now - Why You Should Never Wait Until Later to Follow Your Dreams
Sometimes you feel like you've got all the time in the world to accomplish your dreams. Yet there are reminders every day that our time on Earth is short. Unfortunately, there's no way to predict how much time you've got left, which is exactly why there's no time like the present to make your dreams come true! When did you last learn of a friend’s grave illness?
Concentrate On The Positive
It's vital to start with positive thoughts. When you think positively about yourself and
your dreams, you'll begin to believe that you can achieve anything. These initial positive
emotions can lead to a dedicated drive and enthusiasm that'll help build lasting momentum.
If you look at life through a derriere, what do you think you see?
Remember that nearly everyone feels overwhelmed when you're about to embark on a long journey. It is true and we should never forget; life is hard. That's exactly why it's so easy to fall into negative patterns of thinking, but you must fight these thoughts. It can be hard to imagine that so much can be achieved simply by having positive thoughts, but it's true! Ask my clients.
The truth is, when you think about something as scary as "I could die tomorrow," it's hard not to be drawn into a panic. But instead of worrying about how much time you and your loved ones have left, concentrate on making the present moment as productive as it can be towards your true calling. You only have the NOW!
Careful Planning
Once you've decided to take action, and you've battled your negative thoughts, it's time to make some feasible plans to get you where you want to be.
Keep these tips in mind as you go through your planning phase:
1. Set realistic goals. If your goal is going to take years, give yourself years. You can't
expect everything to happen overnight.
2. Be specific. Include all the details in your plans. If you stumble along the way, you'll
be comforted in knowing that you have your detailed plans to help you stay the course.
3. Reward yourself. When you've made progress towards your goal, give yourself a
reward. Even if your ultimate goal is far off, it's fun and motivating to enjoy rewards as
you complete steps toward your goal.
Action In Small Steps
One of the biggest tips when it comes to following your dream is to break down your
actions into small, manageable steps.
For example, your goal could be to become an airline pilot or you might want to start your own business. Both of these goals are hefty and have the potential to take years of work and training.
When you first think about these goals, it's easy to be scared of how daunting they seem. Help to overcome this is available.
Instead of resorting to fear, try breaking down these goals into dozens or even hundreds of small steps. Chances are that each small step is not nearly as overwhelming as the big picture.
At the same time, always keep the big picture in mind. When you visualize yourself
reaching your end goal, it can be an image that gives you the drive to keep going during
tough times.
Inspiring Others
Once you've achieved your goal, consider inspiring others to reach their goals, too.
Perhaps you have some friends or family members who say things like, "I've always wanted to do that," but they remain working at their dead end job.
Help them take action!
You'll know from experience that, while it may be a risk, the reward is more than worth it.
Yes, following your dreams is even a reward in itself! It brings you joy in the present and hope for the future. Need some direction? Look at hopeserenity.ca.
So carpe diem - seize the day!
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
ARE YOU HAPPY??
ARE YOU HAPPY?
Once again I share the Idea Engineer from my coaching mentor Dr. Randin Brons.
A simple question at first blush and a short article that if digested, will provoke thought.
"It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere." -- Agnes Repplier
“Are you happy?
Don't answer too quickly. Sit with this question for a long time and you'll be introduced to brand new dimensions of who you are and of what matters in your life.”
"Happiness comes only when we push our brains and hearts to the farthest reaches of which we are capable." -- Leo C. Rosten
Would love to see some thoughts shared on this simple question on this site and particularly at www.hopeserenity.ca!
Once again I share the Idea Engineer from my coaching mentor Dr. Randin Brons.
A simple question at first blush and a short article that if digested, will provoke thought.
"It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere." -- Agnes Repplier
“Are you happy?
Don't answer too quickly. Sit with this question for a long time and you'll be introduced to brand new dimensions of who you are and of what matters in your life.”
"Happiness comes only when we push our brains and hearts to the farthest reaches of which we are capable." -- Leo C. Rosten
Would love to see some thoughts shared on this simple question on this site and particularly at www.hopeserenity.ca!
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
LEARNING TO ACCEPT YOURSELF
Learning to Accept Yourself
(Comfort In Your Own Skin)
Man, what a subject. I hope that many who read this take the opportunity of sharing thoughts and experience at www.hopeserenity.ca.
In my management life in dealing with others, in service work I do, and in coaching clients, getting people to accept themselves (and see the positives) always comes up as a roadblock to success. Whether in facing life or overcoming addictions this is THE BIG ISSUE! It certainly was a big issue for me.
There was a time, even when looking outwardly successful, I hated living in my skin, and got sick and tired of being me.
You may be surprised at how many people lack the ability to accept themselves for who they are. Many people are able to put on a front so they appear self-confident when they really aren't.
The good news is that, even if you're one of these people, you can learn how to accept yourself. If you're suffering from low self worth and confidence, you really do have the ability to turn things around!
Why It's Important To Accept Yourself
It's important to accept yourself because that one move can mean the difference between a life of happiness and a life of sadness. When you accept yourself, you're more likely to accomplish more in your life. As with many things in transforming to the life YOU want, ACCEPTANCE is the key to action.
The reason is the fact that self-acceptance can be seen as a foundation. After you accept yourself, you can continue to build from there and add on: confidence, tranquility, enthusiasm, drive, hope serenity and happiness.
Steps To Acceptance
There are many methods and tips that you'll encounter on your way to acceptance, and you'll soon find your own unique way of getting there.
Try these strategies to help you accept yourself:
1. Allow for mistakes. Sometimes you may try too hard to be perfect, and this in itself is another mistake. Allow yourself to make mistakes because you're a human being.
You'll make small mistakes and big mistakes in life, but its how you bounce back from them that'll make all the difference. Few will hold mistakes of commission (as opposed to omission) against you.
2. Live in the present. The reason you haven't accepted yourself could be the fact that you're living your life in the past. Maybe you're unable to forgive yourself for something that has happened or a certain trait that you have. Getting over the past is an important step to build confidence, self-respect, and hope for the future.
Dealing with this issue with clients thoroughly is usually a turning point.
3. Avoid comparing yourself to others. Others have different skill sets and life experiences, which may make you envious. In these situations, come to terms with the fact that you don't have what they have. However, on the bright side, there are many positive things that you do have that they don't.
• Each and every person is unique. Be grateful for what makes you different from others, as this is part of your own inner beauty! Be happy to be Popeye-I am what I am.
4. Have realistic goals. If you don't maintain realistic goals, you're setting yourself up for failure. The truth is, you won't even have a chance from the start! So instead, give yourself a reasonable chance to achieve your goals. How can you do this? By setting realistic and manageable goals that you can confidently achieve. Get help to do this!
5. Be comfortable in your own skin. Sometimes you don't want to accept yourself because of the way you look. Society puts some serious pressure on people that way.
Remember that people in magazines are usually unhealthy and airbrushed and you shouldn't strive to look like them. Instead, focus on your positive attributes and overall health.
Many of us thought Tiger had it made- go figure!
6. Think positive thoughts. One of the most important accomplishments on the journey to accepting yourself is learning to think positively. It's easy to forget how much power there is in thought.
One of the happiest things that has happened to me in life transformation and recovery is that not only do I wake up knowing where I am each day, I’m happy to be awake and starting a day!
• If you make an effort to think a certain way, you can actually change your manner of thinking and, therefore, change your actions. Positive thinking leads to positive actions, which lead to feeling good about you.
Help From Your Loved Ones
Remember that you can always ask for help from your loved ones. It may help to get some outside perspective on your problems. You tend to be your own worst critic, but you can count on your loved ones for their generous support and love.
Your loved ones have almost certainly accepted you for who you are. You'll be happier once you've come to this same realization as well.
Take these strategies to heart because, once you learn to accept yourself, you'll find the world is a wonderful place and you'll enjoy your place in it!
(Comfort In Your Own Skin)
Man, what a subject. I hope that many who read this take the opportunity of sharing thoughts and experience at www.hopeserenity.ca.
In my management life in dealing with others, in service work I do, and in coaching clients, getting people to accept themselves (and see the positives) always comes up as a roadblock to success. Whether in facing life or overcoming addictions this is THE BIG ISSUE! It certainly was a big issue for me.
There was a time, even when looking outwardly successful, I hated living in my skin, and got sick and tired of being me.
You may be surprised at how many people lack the ability to accept themselves for who they are. Many people are able to put on a front so they appear self-confident when they really aren't.
The good news is that, even if you're one of these people, you can learn how to accept yourself. If you're suffering from low self worth and confidence, you really do have the ability to turn things around!
Why It's Important To Accept Yourself
It's important to accept yourself because that one move can mean the difference between a life of happiness and a life of sadness. When you accept yourself, you're more likely to accomplish more in your life. As with many things in transforming to the life YOU want, ACCEPTANCE is the key to action.
The reason is the fact that self-acceptance can be seen as a foundation. After you accept yourself, you can continue to build from there and add on: confidence, tranquility, enthusiasm, drive, hope serenity and happiness.
Steps To Acceptance
There are many methods and tips that you'll encounter on your way to acceptance, and you'll soon find your own unique way of getting there.
Try these strategies to help you accept yourself:
1. Allow for mistakes. Sometimes you may try too hard to be perfect, and this in itself is another mistake. Allow yourself to make mistakes because you're a human being.
You'll make small mistakes and big mistakes in life, but its how you bounce back from them that'll make all the difference. Few will hold mistakes of commission (as opposed to omission) against you.
2. Live in the present. The reason you haven't accepted yourself could be the fact that you're living your life in the past. Maybe you're unable to forgive yourself for something that has happened or a certain trait that you have. Getting over the past is an important step to build confidence, self-respect, and hope for the future.
Dealing with this issue with clients thoroughly is usually a turning point.
3. Avoid comparing yourself to others. Others have different skill sets and life experiences, which may make you envious. In these situations, come to terms with the fact that you don't have what they have. However, on the bright side, there are many positive things that you do have that they don't.
• Each and every person is unique. Be grateful for what makes you different from others, as this is part of your own inner beauty! Be happy to be Popeye-I am what I am.
4. Have realistic goals. If you don't maintain realistic goals, you're setting yourself up for failure. The truth is, you won't even have a chance from the start! So instead, give yourself a reasonable chance to achieve your goals. How can you do this? By setting realistic and manageable goals that you can confidently achieve. Get help to do this!
5. Be comfortable in your own skin. Sometimes you don't want to accept yourself because of the way you look. Society puts some serious pressure on people that way.
Remember that people in magazines are usually unhealthy and airbrushed and you shouldn't strive to look like them. Instead, focus on your positive attributes and overall health.
Many of us thought Tiger had it made- go figure!
6. Think positive thoughts. One of the most important accomplishments on the journey to accepting yourself is learning to think positively. It's easy to forget how much power there is in thought.
One of the happiest things that has happened to me in life transformation and recovery is that not only do I wake up knowing where I am each day, I’m happy to be awake and starting a day!
• If you make an effort to think a certain way, you can actually change your manner of thinking and, therefore, change your actions. Positive thinking leads to positive actions, which lead to feeling good about you.
Help From Your Loved Ones
Remember that you can always ask for help from your loved ones. It may help to get some outside perspective on your problems. You tend to be your own worst critic, but you can count on your loved ones for their generous support and love.
Your loved ones have almost certainly accepted you for who you are. You'll be happier once you've come to this same realization as well.
Take these strategies to heart because, once you learn to accept yourself, you'll find the world is a wonderful place and you'll enjoy your place in it!
Monday, December 7, 2009
DO YOU KNOW CHAOS? Tips for escape
DO YOU KNOW CHAOS?
It is easy to remember back when life seemed to be lived in a state of chaos; both internal and external. As I started on the road to recovery, this gradually reduced.
About three years ago, because I let my guard down and let a certain amount of self-will back in, a period of chaos returned, and I had to return to the tools I know to help restore serenity.
How to Find Peace in the Middle of Chaos
Life can get pretty chaotic. No matter how much you accomplish, it always seems like there's something else you should be doing or something more you should achieve. In these moments, you have to take a step back to find the peace. Get out of yourself!
If you don't find peace within the chaos, you'll soon be leading a stressful and unfulfilling life. While you may want to achieve as much as you can, you surely don't want to lose
yourself or your sanity in the process.
As mentioned, an incident in life showed me that it can happen and happen without you realising it.
Tips For Finding The Peace
Follow these tips to reduce the stress in your life so you can find some peace:
1. Trim your schedule. If you find that you're taking on too much, it's time to go over your schedule and drop what needs to go. It's hard to admit that you don't have superpowers sometimes, so you must concentrate on giving yourself a manageable schedule.
I failed badly at trying to be superman and paid the price!
2. Get organized. When your life feels chaotic, it's probably disorganized. You'll feel out of whack and as if you don't even know which end is up. You can combat this feeling by staying organized, keeping lists, and valuing your time. You can still take on a lot, but only if you've got an organized plan in place! Even when I got fairly organized, I had to remind of point 1,I am not Superman.
3. Plan an escape. Whether you need to get away from an ongoing busy life, or one chaotic situation, you have to give yourself an escape from time to time.
• Plan a mini vacation or give yourself an evening if you're short of time. The point is that you need to make some time for yourself. Even consider this a daily need that you owe you.
• Read a book or play a video game, but do something that allows you to unwind.
•As we approach the holiday season, plan an escape from events, parties and other gatherings that you think may threaten your sanity.
4. Pace yourself. One way to manage chaos in a healthy way is to properly pace yourself. You need to preserve your energy so you can make it through the day. Doing so allows you to keep a clear head and rejuvenate your mind. This requires conscious thought and honesty to self.
5. Practice a peaceful activity. One easy way to maintain some peace is to take up a peaceful and relaxing activity. Consider going to a yoga class or trying meditation. Go to our web site (www.hopeserenity.ca) and free download the daily life balance check list.
These acts are not only relaxing, but they also allow you to adapt your thinking so you can regularly achieve a peaceful mindset.
6. Accept your situation. A chaotic life can be overwhelming or even depressing at times. Instead of promising yourself a better life in the future once the chaos is gone, you can give yourself one right now. Accept that your life is in a chaotic state, but take the big step toward finding peace. It starts with acceptance-honest acceptance!
Find What Works For You
Most importantly, focus on slowing down, simplifying your life, and allowing yourself the chance to fix the imbalance you might be experiencing.
Even a small effort can help you in a big way. If you're taking the time to find peace, you can also create your personal definition of that peace. That might be finding a person who can help you unload your problems, or perhaps you might enjoy journaling or reading inspirational books.
Whatever is peaceful for you, do it on a regular basis - for you and for those you love. As we coach, remember YOU are important!
It is easy to remember back when life seemed to be lived in a state of chaos; both internal and external. As I started on the road to recovery, this gradually reduced.
About three years ago, because I let my guard down and let a certain amount of self-will back in, a period of chaos returned, and I had to return to the tools I know to help restore serenity.
How to Find Peace in the Middle of Chaos
Life can get pretty chaotic. No matter how much you accomplish, it always seems like there's something else you should be doing or something more you should achieve. In these moments, you have to take a step back to find the peace. Get out of yourself!
If you don't find peace within the chaos, you'll soon be leading a stressful and unfulfilling life. While you may want to achieve as much as you can, you surely don't want to lose
yourself or your sanity in the process.
As mentioned, an incident in life showed me that it can happen and happen without you realising it.
Tips For Finding The Peace
Follow these tips to reduce the stress in your life so you can find some peace:
1. Trim your schedule. If you find that you're taking on too much, it's time to go over your schedule and drop what needs to go. It's hard to admit that you don't have superpowers sometimes, so you must concentrate on giving yourself a manageable schedule.
I failed badly at trying to be superman and paid the price!
2. Get organized. When your life feels chaotic, it's probably disorganized. You'll feel out of whack and as if you don't even know which end is up. You can combat this feeling by staying organized, keeping lists, and valuing your time. You can still take on a lot, but only if you've got an organized plan in place! Even when I got fairly organized, I had to remind of point 1,I am not Superman.
3. Plan an escape. Whether you need to get away from an ongoing busy life, or one chaotic situation, you have to give yourself an escape from time to time.
• Plan a mini vacation or give yourself an evening if you're short of time. The point is that you need to make some time for yourself. Even consider this a daily need that you owe you.
• Read a book or play a video game, but do something that allows you to unwind.
•As we approach the holiday season, plan an escape from events, parties and other gatherings that you think may threaten your sanity.
4. Pace yourself. One way to manage chaos in a healthy way is to properly pace yourself. You need to preserve your energy so you can make it through the day. Doing so allows you to keep a clear head and rejuvenate your mind. This requires conscious thought and honesty to self.
5. Practice a peaceful activity. One easy way to maintain some peace is to take up a peaceful and relaxing activity. Consider going to a yoga class or trying meditation. Go to our web site (www.hopeserenity.ca) and free download the daily life balance check list.
These acts are not only relaxing, but they also allow you to adapt your thinking so you can regularly achieve a peaceful mindset.
6. Accept your situation. A chaotic life can be overwhelming or even depressing at times. Instead of promising yourself a better life in the future once the chaos is gone, you can give yourself one right now. Accept that your life is in a chaotic state, but take the big step toward finding peace. It starts with acceptance-honest acceptance!
Find What Works For You
Most importantly, focus on slowing down, simplifying your life, and allowing yourself the chance to fix the imbalance you might be experiencing.
Even a small effort can help you in a big way. If you're taking the time to find peace, you can also create your personal definition of that peace. That might be finding a person who can help you unload your problems, or perhaps you might enjoy journaling or reading inspirational books.
Whatever is peaceful for you, do it on a regular basis - for you and for those you love. As we coach, remember YOU are important!
Sunday, December 6, 2009
FIXING SELF (Ever try?)
FIXING SELF (EVER TRY?)
Life right now gets a bit tipsy turvey. I don't know if it's the time of the year or being self-employed in our current times, but I look forward to smoother sailing ahead.
Yesterday I had the occasion to talk at length with my oldest son. He is new into recovery and doing well, and for that I am grateful.
We chatted a bit about what happened to him and of course, I learned a lot. He had been using and abusing substance for a lot longer than I had been aware, and hid it well from all but a very few.
He had witnessed my trials and tribulations with addiction, the resultant behaviour and the downward slide. I asked him why he had not sought help earlier.
His answer rang a bell- I thought I could take care of it myself. Sound familiar?
I marvel at how many wander through life knowing they have a problem and always figuring they could fix it themselves. They might consult a book or look up things on the net, yet their ego stops them from reaching out for help. Man, can I relate. I guess I was not the only self-enlightened egotist out there.
Upon reflection on the conversation and thinking back; there were some things I now understand and hope others can draw a conclusion through honest personal reflection.
My best efforts got me to my bottom. Plain and simple. Although I'm not stupid, I always believed I could put a halt to things when I wanted. I tried some things including (white knuckle) abstinence and while abstaining, some things did get better (particularly in the morning). Yet real life issues continued to slide. It took a major life altering experience for me to gain a moment of clarity and seek some help, and it did not come initially from anything I thought was directly connected to addiction.
But a strong suggestion came from left field.
What a relief when I finally reached out and got some help! In my case it was professional help, and through that start, the avenues of help I have accepted are not only professional, but through 12 step programmes. Personally I needed, and at times still need, help beyond my 12 step program. I had "life" issues outside of my addictions.
I often refer to co-creative recovery, and truly believe that to get the life that was meant for me, I needed lots of expertise (co-creators) to help me get there, and this included building a solid spiritual component into my life. When I first became ready to get help, I personally was not ready for a public step or a group. I needed a confidential listener with the expertise to help me look at options, listen to me without judgement, and guide me to find a path and set goals that ultimately worked for me. I needed a "coach". As much as I had a good background in working with others, I know today I could not have possibly fixed myself. I needed to be guided.
I rankle some people because I did not do it there way. I am glad they have found a way that works for them, and respect anyone who has had the courage to make positive change. That being said, if there was one "right way", all those who struggle would find an answer/solution to their living issues! I am so grateful for the path I was led to, what has happened and to the people and higher power that have helped me find the way.
I am thrilled that my son learned at a much earlier age than me that he could not fix himself. I know that his exposure to what I went through and the path that I took was a power of example to him, but he alone had the courage to take action. In talking with him, I know his action is fairly massive and all I can do is be there to support him. He is making wise choices without my help and co-creatively is on a positive journey. I'm proud of him.
Point of this ramble, and thanks son for bringing it back to the forefront; if you think you can fix yourself, what's stopped you? In the Bible, I know there was similar thought and I think the quote may be "physician, heal thyself". As said about lawyers, any one of them who chooses to defend themselves has a fool for a client. For me, the same was true for recovery and life transformation. There is no one right way for all, and there are people who can help you to find a way that will work for you! I'm dedicated to helping others where I can. (www.hopeserenity.ca home of Coached To Success).
Life right now gets a bit tipsy turvey. I don't know if it's the time of the year or being self-employed in our current times, but I look forward to smoother sailing ahead.
Yesterday I had the occasion to talk at length with my oldest son. He is new into recovery and doing well, and for that I am grateful.
We chatted a bit about what happened to him and of course, I learned a lot. He had been using and abusing substance for a lot longer than I had been aware, and hid it well from all but a very few.
He had witnessed my trials and tribulations with addiction, the resultant behaviour and the downward slide. I asked him why he had not sought help earlier.
His answer rang a bell- I thought I could take care of it myself. Sound familiar?
I marvel at how many wander through life knowing they have a problem and always figuring they could fix it themselves. They might consult a book or look up things on the net, yet their ego stops them from reaching out for help. Man, can I relate. I guess I was not the only self-enlightened egotist out there.
Upon reflection on the conversation and thinking back; there were some things I now understand and hope others can draw a conclusion through honest personal reflection.
My best efforts got me to my bottom. Plain and simple. Although I'm not stupid, I always believed I could put a halt to things when I wanted. I tried some things including (white knuckle) abstinence and while abstaining, some things did get better (particularly in the morning). Yet real life issues continued to slide. It took a major life altering experience for me to gain a moment of clarity and seek some help, and it did not come initially from anything I thought was directly connected to addiction.
But a strong suggestion came from left field.
What a relief when I finally reached out and got some help! In my case it was professional help, and through that start, the avenues of help I have accepted are not only professional, but through 12 step programmes. Personally I needed, and at times still need, help beyond my 12 step program. I had "life" issues outside of my addictions.
I often refer to co-creative recovery, and truly believe that to get the life that was meant for me, I needed lots of expertise (co-creators) to help me get there, and this included building a solid spiritual component into my life. When I first became ready to get help, I personally was not ready for a public step or a group. I needed a confidential listener with the expertise to help me look at options, listen to me without judgement, and guide me to find a path and set goals that ultimately worked for me. I needed a "coach". As much as I had a good background in working with others, I know today I could not have possibly fixed myself. I needed to be guided.
I rankle some people because I did not do it there way. I am glad they have found a way that works for them, and respect anyone who has had the courage to make positive change. That being said, if there was one "right way", all those who struggle would find an answer/solution to their living issues! I am so grateful for the path I was led to, what has happened and to the people and higher power that have helped me find the way.
I am thrilled that my son learned at a much earlier age than me that he could not fix himself. I know that his exposure to what I went through and the path that I took was a power of example to him, but he alone had the courage to take action. In talking with him, I know his action is fairly massive and all I can do is be there to support him. He is making wise choices without my help and co-creatively is on a positive journey. I'm proud of him.
Point of this ramble, and thanks son for bringing it back to the forefront; if you think you can fix yourself, what's stopped you? In the Bible, I know there was similar thought and I think the quote may be "physician, heal thyself". As said about lawyers, any one of them who chooses to defend themselves has a fool for a client. For me, the same was true for recovery and life transformation. There is no one right way for all, and there are people who can help you to find a way that will work for you! I'm dedicated to helping others where I can. (www.hopeserenity.ca home of Coached To Success).
Friday, December 4, 2009
ON RELATIONSHIPS-WHERE'S YOUR FOCUS?
On Relationships - Where's Your Focus?
"The people we are in relationship with are always a mirror, reflecting our own beliefs, and simultaneously we are mirrors, reflecting their beliefs. So...relationship one of the most powerful tools for growth... If we look honestly at our relationships, we can see so much about how we have created them."
~ Shakti Gawain, author “Living in the Light ~
If you are seeking to create a better relationship with your spouse, partner, children, or anyone...the short tips that I am about to give you are like gold when it comes to attracting the experience that you would like of "said relationship". They are important to life transformation and recovery.
You can look at it simply -- there are ways of seeing, ways of being, and ways of thinking and emoting... all which place you into a space of resonance or vibration. This in turn creates and evolves your relationships into what you'd like them to be (or what you don't want them to be)
I know...relationships are a co-creation. In my coaching practice this actually is the hardest thing for my clients to work with because you can't control another, and you can't control another's thoughts or emotions. Wouldn't it be nice if she/he would just think like me, be like me, and see like me?
You might be more of a reflection of each other than you truly are aware of. Nonetheless...
Your relationships offer you some of the juiciest contrast that life has to offer your doesn't it? With broad differences AND free will you might find yourself asking if the pain, the contrast, or the "opportunity for growth" is worth it at all.
I will tell you, and you know this of course, it is. The joy, the love, the partnership...the personal expansion through one another is all worth it, and it's through our personal struggles that we expand our physical experience and thus our spiritual selves.
We are lucky to have such a wide variety of love in this world - are we not? (oh, yes, have I mentioned that YOU are love, and so is everyone else)
If you chose to "see" your relationships in a way that is in alignment with your inner being, the love that you are, and that relationship that you'd like to experience -- how might it look?
Being that like attracts like, it's difficult to attract the relationship of your dreams by standing in the place of judgment, fault finding, and finger pointing. Collaboration does work, as does having he intention to work it out, even it the midst of stress.
Think about it. How might you see the relationship? How might you see the other person?
Anytime...and I do mean anytime - I turn my focus toward a true appreciation of my spouse, my children, my parents - you name it -- they literally shift before my eyes. My experience changes.
Did they change? Nope. It was me, and because of my alignment with who I am, (love) and who they are (love) I am able to have an alternate experience. The Universe gets to deliver that relationship to you on a silver platter - and ways beyond what you thought was possible when you create consistency of thought.
What might happen if you looked for the best in another, hoped for the best, held them in the highest esteem, withheld judgment.... what might happen if you stood in appreciation, blessed the contrast that you have lived in, celebrated the growth?
I agree, it's simplified -- and relationships are complicated. Actually, our ego's are complicated.
Does that mean if you feel hurt in a relationship you just ignore it and focus on how wonderful they are? Does it mean you should stay in relationships that don't honour you? No, you are at choice and you can choose how you want to live and be in the world as it relates to your relationships.
Do you honor yourself and others by being respectful, honest, loving, patient, courteous? That entails being true to your feelings, speaking your truth from a grounded space, and even forgiveness.
Now flip it... have you offered the same to yourself? Begin here...it's the groundwork from which you create beautiful relationships.
However, be mindful about how you are focused, what you choose to see, how you be, think, and emote - and know this will attract the experiences you are seeking!
A real part of the co-creative process of life recovery! (www.hopeserenity.ca home to Coached To Success)
"The people we are in relationship with are always a mirror, reflecting our own beliefs, and simultaneously we are mirrors, reflecting their beliefs. So...relationship one of the most powerful tools for growth... If we look honestly at our relationships, we can see so much about how we have created them."
~ Shakti Gawain, author “Living in the Light ~
If you are seeking to create a better relationship with your spouse, partner, children, or anyone...the short tips that I am about to give you are like gold when it comes to attracting the experience that you would like of "said relationship". They are important to life transformation and recovery.
You can look at it simply -- there are ways of seeing, ways of being, and ways of thinking and emoting... all which place you into a space of resonance or vibration. This in turn creates and evolves your relationships into what you'd like them to be (or what you don't want them to be)
I know...relationships are a co-creation. In my coaching practice this actually is the hardest thing for my clients to work with because you can't control another, and you can't control another's thoughts or emotions. Wouldn't it be nice if she/he would just think like me, be like me, and see like me?
You might be more of a reflection of each other than you truly are aware of. Nonetheless...
Your relationships offer you some of the juiciest contrast that life has to offer your doesn't it? With broad differences AND free will you might find yourself asking if the pain, the contrast, or the "opportunity for growth" is worth it at all.
I will tell you, and you know this of course, it is. The joy, the love, the partnership...the personal expansion through one another is all worth it, and it's through our personal struggles that we expand our physical experience and thus our spiritual selves.
We are lucky to have such a wide variety of love in this world - are we not? (oh, yes, have I mentioned that YOU are love, and so is everyone else)
If you chose to "see" your relationships in a way that is in alignment with your inner being, the love that you are, and that relationship that you'd like to experience -- how might it look?
Being that like attracts like, it's difficult to attract the relationship of your dreams by standing in the place of judgment, fault finding, and finger pointing. Collaboration does work, as does having he intention to work it out, even it the midst of stress.
Think about it. How might you see the relationship? How might you see the other person?
Anytime...and I do mean anytime - I turn my focus toward a true appreciation of my spouse, my children, my parents - you name it -- they literally shift before my eyes. My experience changes.
Did they change? Nope. It was me, and because of my alignment with who I am, (love) and who they are (love) I am able to have an alternate experience. The Universe gets to deliver that relationship to you on a silver platter - and ways beyond what you thought was possible when you create consistency of thought.
What might happen if you looked for the best in another, hoped for the best, held them in the highest esteem, withheld judgment.... what might happen if you stood in appreciation, blessed the contrast that you have lived in, celebrated the growth?
I agree, it's simplified -- and relationships are complicated. Actually, our ego's are complicated.
Does that mean if you feel hurt in a relationship you just ignore it and focus on how wonderful they are? Does it mean you should stay in relationships that don't honour you? No, you are at choice and you can choose how you want to live and be in the world as it relates to your relationships.
Do you honor yourself and others by being respectful, honest, loving, patient, courteous? That entails being true to your feelings, speaking your truth from a grounded space, and even forgiveness.
Now flip it... have you offered the same to yourself? Begin here...it's the groundwork from which you create beautiful relationships.
However, be mindful about how you are focused, what you choose to see, how you be, think, and emote - and know this will attract the experiences you are seeking!
A real part of the co-creative process of life recovery! (www.hopeserenity.ca home to Coached To Success)
Thursday, December 3, 2009
MY PERSONAL SANITY
MY PERSONAL SANITY
Am I truly sane? Ever ask yourself that question secretly?
In my years up to age 46, I can honestly say I never gave much conscious thought to my sanity. Of course I was sane; I was functioning as a member of society, a parent and a ton of other roles.
But something inside always niggled, some of the things I did were not “normal” and were fairly high risk. I learned after 46 to think of these behaviors as a “sanity” issue and without guilt or shame. I’m far better off for it!
Sanity
Recovery taught me that willingness to believe was enough for a beginning.
It's been true in my case, nor could I quarrel with "restore us to sanity," for my actions, drunk or sober, before recovery, were not those of a sane person.
My desire to be honest with myself made it necessary for me to realize that my thinking was irrational.
-- Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 550
This reading provided me with a great reminder of the moments of clarity the recovery process has given me. And these moments have allowed me to take massive action to address my living problems. Today, those moments of insanity are few and far between as long as I follow the co-creative process of life recovery. I am grateful daily to those who helped me co-create this journey. (hopeserenity.ca home of Coached To Success).
Am I truly sane? Ever ask yourself that question secretly?
In my years up to age 46, I can honestly say I never gave much conscious thought to my sanity. Of course I was sane; I was functioning as a member of society, a parent and a ton of other roles.
But something inside always niggled, some of the things I did were not “normal” and were fairly high risk. I learned after 46 to think of these behaviors as a “sanity” issue and without guilt or shame. I’m far better off for it!
Sanity
Recovery taught me that willingness to believe was enough for a beginning.
It's been true in my case, nor could I quarrel with "restore us to sanity," for my actions, drunk or sober, before recovery, were not those of a sane person.
My desire to be honest with myself made it necessary for me to realize that my thinking was irrational.
-- Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 550
This reading provided me with a great reminder of the moments of clarity the recovery process has given me. And these moments have allowed me to take massive action to address my living problems. Today, those moments of insanity are few and far between as long as I follow the co-creative process of life recovery. I am grateful daily to those who helped me co-create this journey. (hopeserenity.ca home of Coached To Success).
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
LETTING GO
Letting Go
One of the first things I was told as I started the journey of life recovery was that I would have to learn to “let go”.
For those of us who have lived a life where we have loved to be in control, this request, at first blush, was a little, no a lot, “out there”.
As the quote below states, letting go didn’t mean giving up. After all, we will always have an ability to choose. It did mean letting go of my fear driven behaviour, my egocentric decisions, my refusal to ask for help, my denial or lack of recognition that there were powers greater than me, my resentments’ a host of negative things that had become part of my daily living.
Fear of the unknown made me hold on to old ideas and behaviour.
“I'm beginning to see that letting go doesn't mean giving up.
It means opening myself to new vistas.
There have been moments of what I would call ecstasy.
I'm thrilled and I'm scared at the same time. . .
The recovery program says, "Look, we've got some things to give you that are really going to help -- if you'll slow down long enough and if you'll relax."
- Came To Believe . . ., p. 41
Thought to Ponder . . .When I struggle, I sink. When I let go, I float.
That thought to ponder has been so true in my life. When I struggle, particularly with the past, I can feel myself mentally sinking. It is really time to let go. It truly is learned behaviour.
For those that can relate to this and similar issues, we have created the site hopeserenity.ca. It is free to join, and a place to share thinking on life recovery to help others gain a perspective on what works and options. I have had my own experience but learn from other “open minded” people on an ongoing basis. Please give the site a visit and input freely. I’d like to keep our webmaster jumping, and there is no cost what so ever to users.!
One of the first things I was told as I started the journey of life recovery was that I would have to learn to “let go”.
For those of us who have lived a life where we have loved to be in control, this request, at first blush, was a little, no a lot, “out there”.
As the quote below states, letting go didn’t mean giving up. After all, we will always have an ability to choose. It did mean letting go of my fear driven behaviour, my egocentric decisions, my refusal to ask for help, my denial or lack of recognition that there were powers greater than me, my resentments’ a host of negative things that had become part of my daily living.
Fear of the unknown made me hold on to old ideas and behaviour.
“I'm beginning to see that letting go doesn't mean giving up.
It means opening myself to new vistas.
There have been moments of what I would call ecstasy.
I'm thrilled and I'm scared at the same time. . .
The recovery program says, "Look, we've got some things to give you that are really going to help -- if you'll slow down long enough and if you'll relax."
- Came To Believe . . ., p. 41
Thought to Ponder . . .When I struggle, I sink. When I let go, I float.
That thought to ponder has been so true in my life. When I struggle, particularly with the past, I can feel myself mentally sinking. It is really time to let go. It truly is learned behaviour.
For those that can relate to this and similar issues, we have created the site hopeserenity.ca. It is free to join, and a place to share thinking on life recovery to help others gain a perspective on what works and options. I have had my own experience but learn from other “open minded” people on an ongoing basis. Please give the site a visit and input freely. I’d like to keep our webmaster jumping, and there is no cost what so ever to users.!
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
FINDING PEACE INSIDE
Finding Peace Inside
I look forward each week to getting my "Idea Engineer" from my coaching mentor, Dr. Randin Brons. His weekly writing generally sparks a thought within, and this week that is particularly true.
If I could paraphrase how I felt when I hit bottom in my life, a good way of looking at it may be "hitting a point where I was devoid of peace inside".
That being said, the process of co-creative life recovery maybe described as the journey to restore internal and abundant peace.
"All spiritual disciplines are done with a view to still the mind. The perfectly still mind is universal spirit." -- Swami Ramdas
Getting into the habit of meditating, praying and/or resting daily helps us pull back from our preoccupation with the material world. In silence and solitude, we have an opportunity to pay attention to what's happening inside rather than outside.
When we do this consistently, we learn to relax and to quiet and detach from our mental chatter and our turbulent emotions. As we begin to witness ourselves in personality, we also begin to experience our soul.
"Meditation may require a lifetime to master, but it will have been a lifetime well spent. ... If you want to judge your progress, ask yourself these questions: Am I more loving? Is my judgment sounder? Do I have more energy? Can my mind remain calm under provocation? Am I free from the conditioning of anger, fear, and greed? Spiritual awareness reveals itself as eloquently in character development and selfless action as in mystical states." -- Eknath Easwaran
I am fortunate. To the questions that are put forth by Easwaran, I can answer yes to a greater or lesser degree. Work in progress, but through the spiritual practises referred to, I have made major progress. It has been a learned behaviour "taught" by others and the learning fell on an ever increasing opening mind.
That soul referred to has always been there, a part of me I learned not to listen to. I can remember the times I always felt alone, even amongst others. I lived in a world dominated by mind chatter and turbulent emotions and would not take the opportunity to "hear" that small quiet voice, that of my soul, talking to me. I gave up on this part of me; it never deserted me, and was there when I learned how to listen. The voice of internal peace.
My life today is focused on being of service to others. If I, in a small way, can help those who relate to this in finding peace, it will help me grow! I can be found through hopeserenity.ca- the home of Coached to Success and Hope & Serenity. New members are always welcome.
I look forward each week to getting my "Idea Engineer" from my coaching mentor, Dr. Randin Brons. His weekly writing generally sparks a thought within, and this week that is particularly true.
If I could paraphrase how I felt when I hit bottom in my life, a good way of looking at it may be "hitting a point where I was devoid of peace inside".
That being said, the process of co-creative life recovery maybe described as the journey to restore internal and abundant peace.
"All spiritual disciplines are done with a view to still the mind. The perfectly still mind is universal spirit." -- Swami Ramdas
Getting into the habit of meditating, praying and/or resting daily helps us pull back from our preoccupation with the material world. In silence and solitude, we have an opportunity to pay attention to what's happening inside rather than outside.
When we do this consistently, we learn to relax and to quiet and detach from our mental chatter and our turbulent emotions. As we begin to witness ourselves in personality, we also begin to experience our soul.
"Meditation may require a lifetime to master, but it will have been a lifetime well spent. ... If you want to judge your progress, ask yourself these questions: Am I more loving? Is my judgment sounder? Do I have more energy? Can my mind remain calm under provocation? Am I free from the conditioning of anger, fear, and greed? Spiritual awareness reveals itself as eloquently in character development and selfless action as in mystical states." -- Eknath Easwaran
I am fortunate. To the questions that are put forth by Easwaran, I can answer yes to a greater or lesser degree. Work in progress, but through the spiritual practises referred to, I have made major progress. It has been a learned behaviour "taught" by others and the learning fell on an ever increasing opening mind.
That soul referred to has always been there, a part of me I learned not to listen to. I can remember the times I always felt alone, even amongst others. I lived in a world dominated by mind chatter and turbulent emotions and would not take the opportunity to "hear" that small quiet voice, that of my soul, talking to me. I gave up on this part of me; it never deserted me, and was there when I learned how to listen. The voice of internal peace.
My life today is focused on being of service to others. If I, in a small way, can help those who relate to this in finding peace, it will help me grow! I can be found through hopeserenity.ca- the home of Coached to Success and Hope & Serenity. New members are always welcome.
Monday, November 30, 2009
THE MIRROR-A GREAT RECOVERY TOOL
THE MIRROR- A GREAT TOOL
One of the tools all my clients own, and learn to use during sessions, is the mirror. It may be a great tool for you, it certainly is for me!
Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.
--Carl Jung
In our worst time, we have been irritable and difficult to live with. And when we feel most irritable, we are least likely to look at ourselves. Now in recovery, when someone irritates us, it is very useful to ask ourselves why we are so annoyed. We often find that the very thing that irritates us about someone else is the very quality in ourselves that we don't want to face.
When someone's whining bugs us, maybe it is our own capacity for whining that we reject. When someone's self-absorption gets under our skin, maybe we are sensitive about our own self-centeredness. Sometimes we find it easier to complain about a quality in others than to admit we are like that too.
Want some real answers to life's challenges and to questions you ask yourself about what you are feeling? Go to your mirror. You may well see the answers to the question why or what is it.
When I started the process of life recovery, the mirror was not my friend. I did not like the person I saw nor want to hear the answers.
Today, I am comfortable with that image I see! (www.hopeserenity.ca home of Coached To Success)
Work at it. One day when you ask “Mirror, mirror on the wall, whose as solid as them all?” you might just like the answer!
One of the tools all my clients own, and learn to use during sessions, is the mirror. It may be a great tool for you, it certainly is for me!
Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.
--Carl Jung
In our worst time, we have been irritable and difficult to live with. And when we feel most irritable, we are least likely to look at ourselves. Now in recovery, when someone irritates us, it is very useful to ask ourselves why we are so annoyed. We often find that the very thing that irritates us about someone else is the very quality in ourselves that we don't want to face.
When someone's whining bugs us, maybe it is our own capacity for whining that we reject. When someone's self-absorption gets under our skin, maybe we are sensitive about our own self-centeredness. Sometimes we find it easier to complain about a quality in others than to admit we are like that too.
Want some real answers to life's challenges and to questions you ask yourself about what you are feeling? Go to your mirror. You may well see the answers to the question why or what is it.
When I started the process of life recovery, the mirror was not my friend. I did not like the person I saw nor want to hear the answers.
Today, I am comfortable with that image I see! (www.hopeserenity.ca home of Coached To Success)
Work at it. One day when you ask “Mirror, mirror on the wall, whose as solid as them all?” you might just like the answer!
Saturday, November 28, 2009
KNOCKING DOWN THE MIND'S WALLS
KNOCKING DOWN THE MIND’S WALLS
Ah, my once a week reminder from my coaching mentor Dr. Randin Brons.
In reading the thoughts in the “Idea Engineer” this week, I was reminded at how closed my mind has and can get. Every day, to grow, I must knock down the walls, and the ability to consciously do this is a learned skill. I need to be prodded to open up my mind to new ideas!
“Open to the new
"All the people we call 'geniuses' are men and women who somehow escaped having to put that curious, wondering child in themselves to sleep." -- Barbara Sher
How willing are you to learn something new? How open are you to new perspectives?
Only when we're open can we really hear what's being said or really see what's happening or really experience the moment.
Openness demands that we be willing to move to places we've never been before. It asks us to continually challenge the foundations of our belief systems so we can test out new ideas. And to do that, we need to accept insecurity.
"The illiterate of the 21st century will not be those who cannot read and write, but those who cannot learn, unlearn, and relearn." -- Alvin Toffler “
Today I have the ability to recognize my own insecurities without fear. As Toffler says, to live today I must learn, unlearn and relearn. A good reminder for this journeyer!
Are you willing? (hopeserenity.ca/Coached To Success)
Ah, my once a week reminder from my coaching mentor Dr. Randin Brons.
In reading the thoughts in the “Idea Engineer” this week, I was reminded at how closed my mind has and can get. Every day, to grow, I must knock down the walls, and the ability to consciously do this is a learned skill. I need to be prodded to open up my mind to new ideas!
“Open to the new
"All the people we call 'geniuses' are men and women who somehow escaped having to put that curious, wondering child in themselves to sleep." -- Barbara Sher
How willing are you to learn something new? How open are you to new perspectives?
Only when we're open can we really hear what's being said or really see what's happening or really experience the moment.
Openness demands that we be willing to move to places we've never been before. It asks us to continually challenge the foundations of our belief systems so we can test out new ideas. And to do that, we need to accept insecurity.
"The illiterate of the 21st century will not be those who cannot read and write, but those who cannot learn, unlearn, and relearn." -- Alvin Toffler “
Today I have the ability to recognize my own insecurities without fear. As Toffler says, to live today I must learn, unlearn and relearn. A good reminder for this journeyer!
Are you willing? (hopeserenity.ca/Coached To Success)
Friday, November 27, 2009
EVER LISTEN TO YOURSELF?
LISTENING TO ME
(And end people pleasing)
Funny how dependant we become on technology. I took my car out and dropped it off for winter service this morning, and returning home, I noticed a man working on the cable/phone box on the street. Sure enough internet/phone/cable is all out because he is doing winter service. Certainly can disrupt a day.
What did people do before all this technology?
The quiet gives one a chance to be quiet and meditate; just listen to that small quiet voice inside.
A quote from Gertrude Stein came to mind, “Listen to me, not to them”.
For years, I listened to them and spent my life trying to please them. This behavior started when I was very young. I dearly wanted to please my parents and get their love and attention. It seemed that the things I did were never good enough.
This grew in my life. I wanted to please teachers, coaches, friends, employers; I wanted to please just about all those I came into contact with. I worried little about what pleased me and learned how to shut down the voice inside.
As this progressed, I became a person who was described by a teacher as Mr. Happy Go Lucky”; yet inside, I was hurting big time. I learned behaviors that would let me escape this internal hurt, numb it, for periods of time.
My self esteem was shot. If someone gave me a compliment I could not just accept it with a simple thank you, I had to make a comment because inside I knew they didn’t really mean it. I sought praise, yet when I got it, I could not accept it as genuine
I had quit listening to me and this led me, at the age of 46, to the lowest point of my life. My bottom if you like.
I always, as best I could, tried to be kind to others. I had never really understood the need to be kind to myself. To please you I wanted to be perfect, if I couldn’t be perfect, I just wouldn’t try things. You were important, the miserable me wasn’t.
I lost sight of my dreams and my own goals. I let circumstances and “them” dictate the path my life took.
I did have many “worldly” successes, but they were never enough. “Me” had gotten lost even though many things I did appeared (and were) selfish.
Through the process of co-creative life recovery I have rediscovered me and my needs. In looking after me properly, I am a far happier person inside, and therefore able to be a far better person to those I come into contact with. Recovery of me is a gift, and one I am grateful for. It came after surrender to my plight, hard work, spiritual growth and the help of others. It has not been simple. It has been rewarding and the time and money invested in learning to listen to me (and the small quiet voice that has always been inside of me) is the best investment I have ever made.
Funny, through the loss of technology came quiet time, and in quiet time came meditation and thoughts to be grateful over. I wonder if those who did not have the amount of technology we have were able to develop richer spiritual lives?
In listening to me, I have been able to me better for those around me without overt people pleasing. Funny how that works! (www.hopeserenity.ca- Coached To Success).
(And end people pleasing)
Funny how dependant we become on technology. I took my car out and dropped it off for winter service this morning, and returning home, I noticed a man working on the cable/phone box on the street. Sure enough internet/phone/cable is all out because he is doing winter service. Certainly can disrupt a day.
What did people do before all this technology?
The quiet gives one a chance to be quiet and meditate; just listen to that small quiet voice inside.
A quote from Gertrude Stein came to mind, “Listen to me, not to them”.
For years, I listened to them and spent my life trying to please them. This behavior started when I was very young. I dearly wanted to please my parents and get their love and attention. It seemed that the things I did were never good enough.
This grew in my life. I wanted to please teachers, coaches, friends, employers; I wanted to please just about all those I came into contact with. I worried little about what pleased me and learned how to shut down the voice inside.
As this progressed, I became a person who was described by a teacher as Mr. Happy Go Lucky”; yet inside, I was hurting big time. I learned behaviors that would let me escape this internal hurt, numb it, for periods of time.
My self esteem was shot. If someone gave me a compliment I could not just accept it with a simple thank you, I had to make a comment because inside I knew they didn’t really mean it. I sought praise, yet when I got it, I could not accept it as genuine
I had quit listening to me and this led me, at the age of 46, to the lowest point of my life. My bottom if you like.
I always, as best I could, tried to be kind to others. I had never really understood the need to be kind to myself. To please you I wanted to be perfect, if I couldn’t be perfect, I just wouldn’t try things. You were important, the miserable me wasn’t.
I lost sight of my dreams and my own goals. I let circumstances and “them” dictate the path my life took.
I did have many “worldly” successes, but they were never enough. “Me” had gotten lost even though many things I did appeared (and were) selfish.
Through the process of co-creative life recovery I have rediscovered me and my needs. In looking after me properly, I am a far happier person inside, and therefore able to be a far better person to those I come into contact with. Recovery of me is a gift, and one I am grateful for. It came after surrender to my plight, hard work, spiritual growth and the help of others. It has not been simple. It has been rewarding and the time and money invested in learning to listen to me (and the small quiet voice that has always been inside of me) is the best investment I have ever made.
Funny, through the loss of technology came quiet time, and in quiet time came meditation and thoughts to be grateful over. I wonder if those who did not have the amount of technology we have were able to develop richer spiritual lives?
In listening to me, I have been able to me better for those around me without overt people pleasing. Funny how that works! (www.hopeserenity.ca- Coached To Success).
Thursday, November 26, 2009
HIDING FROM FACTS?? (and happy thanksgiving to US friends)
HIDING FROM FACTS??
I look back on life, and find some of the things I said extremely ironic. There were facts I just did not want to accept.
How can a guy who habitually sits around a bar, intending to have one or two after work but staying ‘til midnight or later say things like “I better watch it, I’ve got alcoholic tendencies”? There was a fact there that existed, and while I tried to ignore it, it certainly did not go away.
Alcohol, soft drugs and using people for pleasure were some of the things I ignored until things got real bad. I know my behaviour was not unique. Can you relate in any way about areas of your life?
Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored.
--Aldous Huxley
“This is a hard concept for us maladjusted to get. We believed avoidance was a form of self-care. Our illness depended on our ability to deny its existence. Only when we were bleeding out of every pore of our body, were we willing to admit that maybe there was a slight problem. We were afraid of the facts. To face the facts meant dealing with betraying our illness. It meant admitting we were lost and in need of help from others.
Recovery, from Step One on, is about confronting our issues straight on. We take personal inventory a lot in order to break through our denial and bond with the truth. We face, directly when possible, the people we have hurt because the fact is we have hurt many and we have a responsibility to try to help heal these wounds. As we do these actions, we watch ourselves become stronger. Our confidence – not arrogance – grows. Do we always like facing the facts? No! But our lives aren't based only on feelings anymore. They are based on doing the next right thing.”
Have you got to the place where you are prepared to face the facts, not ignore them, and take action?
Possibly through a chat, we can help put you on that path to a process of (life) recovery. (hopeserenity.ca Coached To Success)
I look back on life, and find some of the things I said extremely ironic. There were facts I just did not want to accept.
How can a guy who habitually sits around a bar, intending to have one or two after work but staying ‘til midnight or later say things like “I better watch it, I’ve got alcoholic tendencies”? There was a fact there that existed, and while I tried to ignore it, it certainly did not go away.
Alcohol, soft drugs and using people for pleasure were some of the things I ignored until things got real bad. I know my behaviour was not unique. Can you relate in any way about areas of your life?
Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored.
--Aldous Huxley
“This is a hard concept for us maladjusted to get. We believed avoidance was a form of self-care. Our illness depended on our ability to deny its existence. Only when we were bleeding out of every pore of our body, were we willing to admit that maybe there was a slight problem. We were afraid of the facts. To face the facts meant dealing with betraying our illness. It meant admitting we were lost and in need of help from others.
Recovery, from Step One on, is about confronting our issues straight on. We take personal inventory a lot in order to break through our denial and bond with the truth. We face, directly when possible, the people we have hurt because the fact is we have hurt many and we have a responsibility to try to help heal these wounds. As we do these actions, we watch ourselves become stronger. Our confidence – not arrogance – grows. Do we always like facing the facts? No! But our lives aren't based only on feelings anymore. They are based on doing the next right thing.”
Have you got to the place where you are prepared to face the facts, not ignore them, and take action?
Possibly through a chat, we can help put you on that path to a process of (life) recovery. (hopeserenity.ca Coached To Success)
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
HONESTY !?
HONESTY
Every now and again a get an email from someone which is just so simple and on track as it relates to the co-creative process of life recovery and addiction recovery.
As we make a decision to surrender the fight and take action to get the life we want, we have huge hurdles to face. One of the foremost is the ability to be honest in all we do and say.
“There was a farmer who sold a pound of butter to the baker. One day the baker decided to weigh the butter to see if he was getting a pound and he found that he was not. This angered him and he took the farmer to court.
The judge asked the farmer if he was using any measure. The farmer replied, "ur Honor, I am primitive. I don't have a proper measure, but I do have a scale." The judge asked, "Then how do you weigh the butter" The farmer replied "Your Honor, long before the baker started buying butter from me, I have been buying a pound loaf of bread from him. Every day when the baker brings the bread, I put it on the scale and give him the same weight in butter. If anyone is to be blamed, it is the baker."
What is the moral of the story? We get back in life what we give to others.
Whenever you take an action, ask yourself this question - Am I giving fair value for the wages or money I hope to make ?
Honesty and dishonesty become a habit. Some people practice dishonesty and can lie with a straight face. Others lie so much that they don't even know what the truth is anymore. But who are they deceiving? Themselves -- more than anyone else.
Honesty can be put across gently. Some people take pride in being brutally honest. It seems they are getting a bigger kick out of the brutality than the honesty. Choice of words and tact are important.”
Are you ready to live with honesty? It is not easy. Can you be honest with yourself today on all matters? (www.hopeserenity.ca and Coached To Success)
Every now and again a get an email from someone which is just so simple and on track as it relates to the co-creative process of life recovery and addiction recovery.
As we make a decision to surrender the fight and take action to get the life we want, we have huge hurdles to face. One of the foremost is the ability to be honest in all we do and say.
“There was a farmer who sold a pound of butter to the baker. One day the baker decided to weigh the butter to see if he was getting a pound and he found that he was not. This angered him and he took the farmer to court.
The judge asked the farmer if he was using any measure. The farmer replied, "ur Honor, I am primitive. I don't have a proper measure, but I do have a scale." The judge asked, "Then how do you weigh the butter" The farmer replied "Your Honor, long before the baker started buying butter from me, I have been buying a pound loaf of bread from him. Every day when the baker brings the bread, I put it on the scale and give him the same weight in butter. If anyone is to be blamed, it is the baker."
What is the moral of the story? We get back in life what we give to others.
Whenever you take an action, ask yourself this question - Am I giving fair value for the wages or money I hope to make ?
Honesty and dishonesty become a habit. Some people practice dishonesty and can lie with a straight face. Others lie so much that they don't even know what the truth is anymore. But who are they deceiving? Themselves -- more than anyone else.
Honesty can be put across gently. Some people take pride in being brutally honest. It seems they are getting a bigger kick out of the brutality than the honesty. Choice of words and tact are important.”
Are you ready to live with honesty? It is not easy. Can you be honest with yourself today on all matters? (www.hopeserenity.ca and Coached To Success)
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
SEARCHING ??
SEARCHING??
I think I spent a good part of my adult life searching.
Searching for what?
Serenity, peace, hope, optimism, a feeling of being comfortable in my own skin, love, deer relationships, material success, acceptance by others..and the list goes on.
Today, I read a great reminder, a quote sent by a friend from a book of truths. I'll share:
The Search
I walked all night long, the whole distance. . .
And I came into my apartment and I collapsed on the floor.
I lay there breathing kind of heavily and I said to myself,
"Oh, to hell with serenity. I don't care if it ever comes."
And I meant it. And do you know what happened?
All of a sudden the craving to find serenity utterly evaporated --
and in its place was serenity. The trouble was the search --
looking out there for what was right here.
- The Best of the Grapevine [Vol. 3], p. 142
Thought to Ponder . . .
I can find on the outside only what I possess on the inside.
It is funny how life works. After years of searching and not finding, I was guided to the answer. It was in me all along. A real trip to get so low and wonderful trip co-created with the help of others to get out! On a daily basis I am able to find "IT". (hopeserenity.ca/coached to success)
I think I spent a good part of my adult life searching.
Searching for what?
Serenity, peace, hope, optimism, a feeling of being comfortable in my own skin, love, deer relationships, material success, acceptance by others..and the list goes on.
Today, I read a great reminder, a quote sent by a friend from a book of truths. I'll share:
The Search
I walked all night long, the whole distance. . .
And I came into my apartment and I collapsed on the floor.
I lay there breathing kind of heavily and I said to myself,
"Oh, to hell with serenity. I don't care if it ever comes."
And I meant it. And do you know what happened?
All of a sudden the craving to find serenity utterly evaporated --
and in its place was serenity. The trouble was the search --
looking out there for what was right here.
- The Best of the Grapevine [Vol. 3], p. 142
Thought to Ponder . . .
I can find on the outside only what I possess on the inside.
It is funny how life works. After years of searching and not finding, I was guided to the answer. It was in me all along. A real trip to get so low and wonderful trip co-created with the help of others to get out! On a daily basis I am able to find "IT". (hopeserenity.ca/coached to success)
Monday, November 23, 2009
LOSING TO GROW
LOSING TO GROW
Every now and again we see an acronym that seems a little silly at first blush that makes good sense upon reflection. Defeat before victory may be one of those sayings.
I have had the privilege of attending some great "native/aboriginal" meetings on the west coast. In those meetings, I have had a sense of the "spiritual" in a way I have only experienced there, a knowing from the past.
This reading was a reminder.
"This Mouse must give up one of the Mouse ways of seeing things in order that he may grow.
--Hyemeyohsts Storm
There is an American Indian tale of a mouse who heard a roaring in his ears and set out to discover what it was. He encountered many animals who helped him on his way. Finally, the mouse had a chance to offer help to another. He gave away his eyes to help two other animals.
Without his sight, defenceless, he waited for the end. Soon he heard the sound eagles make when they dive for their prey. The next thing the mouse knew, he was flying. He could see all the splendour around him. Then he heard a voice say, "You have a new name. You are Eagle."
Like the mouse, we also feel something inside us we'd like to explore. That secret, like all others, has its answer hidden deep within us, yet right under our very nose. Often, we merely have to give up our eyes and see in a different way. When we do this, we are rewarded with a new kind of vision, one that lets us discover our true potential."
I battled the concept of "GOD" when I first started my journey. The memories of the god I had learned about in my formulative and teen years were not a positive. In moving forward with a strong spiritual component, I had to find something I could understand and trust.
To grow, I was guided within, and gave up a "mouse" way of seeing things in order to find my rock! Today I can soar. (www.hopeserenity.ca)
Every now and again we see an acronym that seems a little silly at first blush that makes good sense upon reflection. Defeat before victory may be one of those sayings.
I have had the privilege of attending some great "native/aboriginal" meetings on the west coast. In those meetings, I have had a sense of the "spiritual" in a way I have only experienced there, a knowing from the past.
This reading was a reminder.
"This Mouse must give up one of the Mouse ways of seeing things in order that he may grow.
--Hyemeyohsts Storm
There is an American Indian tale of a mouse who heard a roaring in his ears and set out to discover what it was. He encountered many animals who helped him on his way. Finally, the mouse had a chance to offer help to another. He gave away his eyes to help two other animals.
Without his sight, defenceless, he waited for the end. Soon he heard the sound eagles make when they dive for their prey. The next thing the mouse knew, he was flying. He could see all the splendour around him. Then he heard a voice say, "You have a new name. You are Eagle."
Like the mouse, we also feel something inside us we'd like to explore. That secret, like all others, has its answer hidden deep within us, yet right under our very nose. Often, we merely have to give up our eyes and see in a different way. When we do this, we are rewarded with a new kind of vision, one that lets us discover our true potential."
I battled the concept of "GOD" when I first started my journey. The memories of the god I had learned about in my formulative and teen years were not a positive. In moving forward with a strong spiritual component, I had to find something I could understand and trust.
To grow, I was guided within, and gave up a "mouse" way of seeing things in order to find my rock! Today I can soar. (www.hopeserenity.ca)
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Friday, November 20, 2009
FREEDOM FROM ADDICTIONS....
Freedom from addiction comes through creation.
Now and again I hit an article from a "friend" which I find much thought provoking and it makes a great point. I have had the privilege of freely exchanging thoughts and ideas with my friend Patrick M at www.spiritualriver.com. Both of us believe that is a huge amount of room to improve the recovery rate (arguably less than 10% today) through building on some of the proven things that work and taking key elements as a foundation. I had the opportunity to dialogue with Patrick as the Creative Theory evolved, and by adding a coaching piece to the theory, am constantly developing a +Co-Creative Process of Life Recovery".
In the article I have reproduced below, Patrick talks to addictions. My own experience has taught me it applies to others important life issues beyond addictions.
"Consider the following quote:
“I must create a system or be enslaved by another man’s; I will not reason and compare: my business is to create.” – William Blake
How does anyone stay clean and sober? They do it by figuring out a system for living. We might think that we stay sober by following a program, but that is a bit of an illusion. We only stay sober by applying a program. There is a difference and, ultimately, the difference is in personal application.
“Programs of recovery” are just suggestions….they are meaningless until we attempt to apply them in our lives. I see people constantly try to make recovery programs out to be much more objective than they actually are. They talk about how someone relapsed because “they were working their program of recovery instead of working the program of recovery.”
This is a big mistake, in my opinion. What do you think the point of having daily AA meetings is? So that people can discuss the multitude of different ways to apply a program of recovery to their lives. If the program was truly objective, like many purists claim it to be, then we would not need so many meetings, so many discussions, so many clarifications and interpretations. But, it is all about practical application.
The fact is that any program of recovery has to be interpreted by the individual and then applied in their unique situation in order to produce results in the real world. Just taking a set of principles and saying that they are the path to salvation is rather meaningless. How do you actually apply that path in your unique life?
And how is it that two individuals who interpret a program differently can both achieve long term sobriety in spite of those differences? And yet we see this happening all the time, in many different ways. For example, take meditation. There are some people with multiple years in recovery who have never really meditated. They just don’t do it. It is not their thing. I know several people like this. They are still spiritual…..they might pray, they might work with others in recovery, but they do not meditate. Ever. Yet they have a strong recovery.
Compare this now to someone in recovery who is an absolute meditation guru. Practically all they do is meditate. It is the backbone of their recovery program. They, too, have a strong program.
Two extreme opposites…yet they both find success in recovery. So much for an objective program.
With a truly objective program, anomalies like this would not exist.
But they do.
So what gives?
What is really going on with any “program” of recovery?
* Creation is taking these principles that are working for others and then making them your own.
* Creation is discovering what works for you, and using it to succeed in recovery.
* Creation is living with passion and purpose and taking real action to achieve real results in recovery.
Many people who work a traditional program of recovery are involved with the act of creation. They are leading by example, and they are getting real results in recovery by taking action and applying the concepts to their daily life. They are not whining and complaining. They are not victims. Instead, they are creating change. Taking action. Pushing themselves to continue growing. And so on.
Creative recovery is just that: creative. You are creating a new life for yourself through positive, daily action. Spiritual development is not the thrust of it. Action is.
Here is the kicker though: they are the same thing. Action and spiritual development. If you take positive action in your recovery, then that is spiritual action.
Consider:
* Reaching out to help another addict.
* Exercising or meditating on a regular basis (or both).
* Working to improve your relationships by strengthening the good ones and eliminating the toxic ones.
* Taking better care of yourself through better nutrition/fitness and quitting bad habits.
* Using all of the above to build real self esteem and help protect yourself from relapse.
How are any of these actions not spiritual in nature? They are all ways that can directly or indirectly draw you closer to your higher power, if that is your ultimate intention. Better health through holistic growth. Creation through personal growth. These are the keys to recovery.
Yes, you can achieve this by using a “program.” But no, a “program” is not really necessary. You will have to judge for yourself how much a program is helping you achieve these ends versus merely distracting you from what is really important.
Consider the quote again:
“I must create a system or be enslaved by another man’s; I will not reason and compare: my business is to create.”
Recovery is your responsibility. Regardless of whether or not you are working a program, you have to ultimately apply it and make it work for you. In this way you create your own success in recovery. You must create by adapting the program to your life."
Got some thoughts on this? Please post them at www.hopeserenity.ca.
Now and again I hit an article from a "friend" which I find much thought provoking and it makes a great point. I have had the privilege of freely exchanging thoughts and ideas with my friend Patrick M at www.spiritualriver.com. Both of us believe that is a huge amount of room to improve the recovery rate (arguably less than 10% today) through building on some of the proven things that work and taking key elements as a foundation. I had the opportunity to dialogue with Patrick as the Creative Theory evolved, and by adding a coaching piece to the theory, am constantly developing a +Co-Creative Process of Life Recovery".
In the article I have reproduced below, Patrick talks to addictions. My own experience has taught me it applies to others important life issues beyond addictions.
"Consider the following quote:
“I must create a system or be enslaved by another man’s; I will not reason and compare: my business is to create.” – William Blake
How does anyone stay clean and sober? They do it by figuring out a system for living. We might think that we stay sober by following a program, but that is a bit of an illusion. We only stay sober by applying a program. There is a difference and, ultimately, the difference is in personal application.
“Programs of recovery” are just suggestions….they are meaningless until we attempt to apply them in our lives. I see people constantly try to make recovery programs out to be much more objective than they actually are. They talk about how someone relapsed because “they were working their program of recovery instead of working the program of recovery.”
This is a big mistake, in my opinion. What do you think the point of having daily AA meetings is? So that people can discuss the multitude of different ways to apply a program of recovery to their lives. If the program was truly objective, like many purists claim it to be, then we would not need so many meetings, so many discussions, so many clarifications and interpretations. But, it is all about practical application.
The fact is that any program of recovery has to be interpreted by the individual and then applied in their unique situation in order to produce results in the real world. Just taking a set of principles and saying that they are the path to salvation is rather meaningless. How do you actually apply that path in your unique life?
And how is it that two individuals who interpret a program differently can both achieve long term sobriety in spite of those differences? And yet we see this happening all the time, in many different ways. For example, take meditation. There are some people with multiple years in recovery who have never really meditated. They just don’t do it. It is not their thing. I know several people like this. They are still spiritual…..they might pray, they might work with others in recovery, but they do not meditate. Ever. Yet they have a strong recovery.
Compare this now to someone in recovery who is an absolute meditation guru. Practically all they do is meditate. It is the backbone of their recovery program. They, too, have a strong program.
Two extreme opposites…yet they both find success in recovery. So much for an objective program.
With a truly objective program, anomalies like this would not exist.
But they do.
So what gives?
What is really going on with any “program” of recovery?
* Creation is taking these principles that are working for others and then making them your own.
* Creation is discovering what works for you, and using it to succeed in recovery.
* Creation is living with passion and purpose and taking real action to achieve real results in recovery.
Many people who work a traditional program of recovery are involved with the act of creation. They are leading by example, and they are getting real results in recovery by taking action and applying the concepts to their daily life. They are not whining and complaining. They are not victims. Instead, they are creating change. Taking action. Pushing themselves to continue growing. And so on.
Creative recovery is just that: creative. You are creating a new life for yourself through positive, daily action. Spiritual development is not the thrust of it. Action is.
Here is the kicker though: they are the same thing. Action and spiritual development. If you take positive action in your recovery, then that is spiritual action.
Consider:
* Reaching out to help another addict.
* Exercising or meditating on a regular basis (or both).
* Working to improve your relationships by strengthening the good ones and eliminating the toxic ones.
* Taking better care of yourself through better nutrition/fitness and quitting bad habits.
* Using all of the above to build real self esteem and help protect yourself from relapse.
How are any of these actions not spiritual in nature? They are all ways that can directly or indirectly draw you closer to your higher power, if that is your ultimate intention. Better health through holistic growth. Creation through personal growth. These are the keys to recovery.
Yes, you can achieve this by using a “program.” But no, a “program” is not really necessary. You will have to judge for yourself how much a program is helping you achieve these ends versus merely distracting you from what is really important.
Consider the quote again:
“I must create a system or be enslaved by another man’s; I will not reason and compare: my business is to create.”
Recovery is your responsibility. Regardless of whether or not you are working a program, you have to ultimately apply it and make it work for you. In this way you create your own success in recovery. You must create by adapting the program to your life."
Got some thoughts on this? Please post them at www.hopeserenity.ca.
Thursday, November 19, 2009
AUTHORING YOUR "LIFE" LIBRARY
AUTHORING YOUR “LIFE” LIBRARY
I must admit, I had never considered my life like a personal library. Them I received the following quote and reflection that made me ponder. Ever thought of things in these terms?
Life is like a library owned by an author. In it are a few books, which he wrote himself, but most of them were written for him.
--Harry Emerson Fosdick
“In our minds there are multitudes of stored memories, knowledge, and skills. Some of these are the results of living and learning, but most are information given to us by others. Our family, friends, co-workers, teachers, and children are the greatest sources for our storehouses of information.
Most of our learning comes from others. Teachers give us much in the way of facts. Our family instructs us in morals. Friends show us different personalities and lifestyles. Our children reflect what we've taught them and give us their views of the world.” (KB-scary to think about!)
“All the information we have is valuable to our growth and maturity. Every person we meet, each place we visit, and everything we try contribute to our library of knowledge and experience. At times we may borrow from what is on our shelves, but we must keep our shelves stocked with fresh material. Each night we can write a new volume based on the day's experiences.
I have more valuable contributions to make to my library of knowledge and experience.”
So now I am more understanding as to where my knowledge of addictive behaviors came from, and the impact I had on others. I may own my history, but as the quote from Fosdick says, much of my history was written for me!
During the process of co-creative life recovery, I have been given the courage to make major changes, and the history I am currently creating has a much more positive spin to it! In what I am doing today, I am authoring more valuable contributions to my library.
Is it something you would like to author for your personal library? (www.hopeserenity.ca).
I must admit, I had never considered my life like a personal library. Them I received the following quote and reflection that made me ponder. Ever thought of things in these terms?
Life is like a library owned by an author. In it are a few books, which he wrote himself, but most of them were written for him.
--Harry Emerson Fosdick
“In our minds there are multitudes of stored memories, knowledge, and skills. Some of these are the results of living and learning, but most are information given to us by others. Our family, friends, co-workers, teachers, and children are the greatest sources for our storehouses of information.
Most of our learning comes from others. Teachers give us much in the way of facts. Our family instructs us in morals. Friends show us different personalities and lifestyles. Our children reflect what we've taught them and give us their views of the world.” (KB-scary to think about!)
“All the information we have is valuable to our growth and maturity. Every person we meet, each place we visit, and everything we try contribute to our library of knowledge and experience. At times we may borrow from what is on our shelves, but we must keep our shelves stocked with fresh material. Each night we can write a new volume based on the day's experiences.
I have more valuable contributions to make to my library of knowledge and experience.”
So now I am more understanding as to where my knowledge of addictive behaviors came from, and the impact I had on others. I may own my history, but as the quote from Fosdick says, much of my history was written for me!
During the process of co-creative life recovery, I have been given the courage to make major changes, and the history I am currently creating has a much more positive spin to it! In what I am doing today, I am authoring more valuable contributions to my library.
Is it something you would like to author for your personal library? (www.hopeserenity.ca).
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
REFLECTIONS
REFLECTIONS
I have been running reasonably hard for a while, and have not taken the time to just sit in the quiet, reflect, and put thoughts to paper.
It has been an eventful period in our lives since early February; the time of a relocation of homes for us.
We moved from a very urban and diversified setting to a small (17,500) rural town. I must admit, the adjustment has been a positive one for me; slower pace and people say hello (in English) and very little traffic congestion. The air is cleaner and insurance, gas, and a number of other things (including golf) much less expensive. We have a new home that I really love and much more opportunity for daily serenity.
My two youngest grand kids live very close and I've enjoyed going to their activities. I've even enjoyed babysitting and seeing that I can still change a diaper when need be (although the monkey has now turned 3 and has few accidents). Its funny how much more enjoyable things are with grand kids than kids; they go home and all you have to do is love them
From a work perspective, things have not been as busy as they were prior to the move. I have been to caught up in "adjusting" to do the things I need to do to build my practise, and locally coaching is not understood to the level it was in a much larger and urban center.
My clients have been varied. I have had the privilege of working with a man in his 30's who has fought life long depression and self-esteem (most of my clients have self-esteem issues) issues and have witnessed his break through to sunshine. He always wanted to be a teacher. Today he is attending school to finish his qualifications and acing it! I've worked with a couple of lawyers, both battling addiction and issues related to alcohol/drugs. To both of them, confidentiality and one-on-one work was of top priority. Neither is drinking or using today, both are setting goals and moving forward! I've worked with an under achieving financial advisor, a lady who was unemployed and needed focus, people with relationship issues (including the relationship with self), and all are making progress they are happy with. It does feel good to be able to help them find what they have always had but didn't know where to look.
I have had to make some big changes in my own recovery program.
I had been a member of a 12 step group for many many years and think the world of that group. It was a place I belonged, I knew people and they new me. From that group, many friendships were forged.
After searching for a "fit" in fellowships in my new town, I have found a group that I like. I must remember how long it took me to really feel like I belonged in my old group, and know, with time, I will feel as comfortable.
I have always been active in service, particularly in sponsorship. I have continued sponsoring others in my old location, others who have really started a journey. A few who continue to slip and slide I have worked with to help them find someone new, someone who is personally there. I have maintained relationships.
I am sponsoring a person in my new town, and hope, over time, that I attract some newcomers. I get so much out of this area of service including staying very much in touch with reality!
I have strong faith that tells me things will work out!
I continue to blog frequently as my form of journaling. Nice to get thoughts outside of self and get feedback- pro and con! Even some that is really negative stuff. But then that is life. Quite often a get a note from someone (an electronic voice) that tells me what I have written has helped or generated thought. Makes it worthwhile!
I've had fun working with Ben (myBDMwebsite) in creating a new web site (www.hopeserenity.ca). It is a labour of love and a pet project. I would really like to get YOU and others active on the site. Does it reflect my business? Yes. But hopefully it will have lots of free stuff on it that will help others find life recovery, hope and serenity. I try to give freely of blocks of time to help where I can, and enjoy having a forum where others can share.
I have loved the new local golf course I joined, have been active and have met some really wonderful people. I think this winter I'll have an opportunity to use some of my experience in the golf business and club business to hopefully make a positive difference to the club users locally. Rather than sit back and complain, I'd rather listen and work to make a positive difference in areas where I can.
Nice to just sit back and reflect. I really am appreciative of those that read my musings and give constructive feedback (and occasionally referrals).
In reading over what I have just pecked out, I am filled with gratitude with what my higher power has done in my life and the blessings and life that I have. Things have come with hard work, set backs and pain and the help of others, both professionals and "friends". From inside, I located the source of my life, and was given the courage to change and continue the life long process of life recovery; and a life free from addictions.
PS- for those who have asked about my son who is new to recovery; so far so good. He has a seasoned sponsor and is starting the steps.
I have been running reasonably hard for a while, and have not taken the time to just sit in the quiet, reflect, and put thoughts to paper.
It has been an eventful period in our lives since early February; the time of a relocation of homes for us.
We moved from a very urban and diversified setting to a small (17,500) rural town. I must admit, the adjustment has been a positive one for me; slower pace and people say hello (in English) and very little traffic congestion. The air is cleaner and insurance, gas, and a number of other things (including golf) much less expensive. We have a new home that I really love and much more opportunity for daily serenity.
My two youngest grand kids live very close and I've enjoyed going to their activities. I've even enjoyed babysitting and seeing that I can still change a diaper when need be (although the monkey has now turned 3 and has few accidents). Its funny how much more enjoyable things are with grand kids than kids; they go home and all you have to do is love them
From a work perspective, things have not been as busy as they were prior to the move. I have been to caught up in "adjusting" to do the things I need to do to build my practise, and locally coaching is not understood to the level it was in a much larger and urban center.
My clients have been varied. I have had the privilege of working with a man in his 30's who has fought life long depression and self-esteem (most of my clients have self-esteem issues) issues and have witnessed his break through to sunshine. He always wanted to be a teacher. Today he is attending school to finish his qualifications and acing it! I've worked with a couple of lawyers, both battling addiction and issues related to alcohol/drugs. To both of them, confidentiality and one-on-one work was of top priority. Neither is drinking or using today, both are setting goals and moving forward! I've worked with an under achieving financial advisor, a lady who was unemployed and needed focus, people with relationship issues (including the relationship with self), and all are making progress they are happy with. It does feel good to be able to help them find what they have always had but didn't know where to look.
I have had to make some big changes in my own recovery program.
I had been a member of a 12 step group for many many years and think the world of that group. It was a place I belonged, I knew people and they new me. From that group, many friendships were forged.
After searching for a "fit" in fellowships in my new town, I have found a group that I like. I must remember how long it took me to really feel like I belonged in my old group, and know, with time, I will feel as comfortable.
I have always been active in service, particularly in sponsorship. I have continued sponsoring others in my old location, others who have really started a journey. A few who continue to slip and slide I have worked with to help them find someone new, someone who is personally there. I have maintained relationships.
I am sponsoring a person in my new town, and hope, over time, that I attract some newcomers. I get so much out of this area of service including staying very much in touch with reality!
I have strong faith that tells me things will work out!
I continue to blog frequently as my form of journaling. Nice to get thoughts outside of self and get feedback- pro and con! Even some that is really negative stuff. But then that is life. Quite often a get a note from someone (an electronic voice) that tells me what I have written has helped or generated thought. Makes it worthwhile!
I've had fun working with Ben (myBDMwebsite) in creating a new web site (www.hopeserenity.ca). It is a labour of love and a pet project. I would really like to get YOU and others active on the site. Does it reflect my business? Yes. But hopefully it will have lots of free stuff on it that will help others find life recovery, hope and serenity. I try to give freely of blocks of time to help where I can, and enjoy having a forum where others can share.
I have loved the new local golf course I joined, have been active and have met some really wonderful people. I think this winter I'll have an opportunity to use some of my experience in the golf business and club business to hopefully make a positive difference to the club users locally. Rather than sit back and complain, I'd rather listen and work to make a positive difference in areas where I can.
Nice to just sit back and reflect. I really am appreciative of those that read my musings and give constructive feedback (and occasionally referrals).
In reading over what I have just pecked out, I am filled with gratitude with what my higher power has done in my life and the blessings and life that I have. Things have come with hard work, set backs and pain and the help of others, both professionals and "friends". From inside, I located the source of my life, and was given the courage to change and continue the life long process of life recovery; and a life free from addictions.
PS- for those who have asked about my son who is new to recovery; so far so good. He has a seasoned sponsor and is starting the steps.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
MORE ON DUALITY (2 YOUS)
MORE ON TWO YOUS/DUALITY
Since I began the process of life recovery, and particularly when I became aware that my final career-coaching others- is so spiritually focused, I became very exposed and interested in the duality that exists within each human being. This duality causes huge internal conflict within many. It sure did within me.
Simple statements we all make, like "I'm mad at myself" are good example of duality at work. Think about it, who exactly is mad at whom?
I loved "The Power of Now" and even more "A New Earth" by Eckhart Tolle. Maybe too much detail but reads on duality that were meaningful to me. They have helped me answer that great question-"Who am I?" and other parts of the journey help me appreciate why I am how I am.
This week, my coaching mentor, in his weekly "Idea Engineer", published a short article with quotes that brought this subject top of mind again. He wrote:
Two views
"... no matter what our difficulties may be, we recognize that there is a deep untroubled stream flowing below all surface troubles and that we are of one substance with that stream. The soul knows no difficulties." -- James Thornton
Masters teach that we can experience two completely different states of reality at the same time -- from the personality and from the soul.
Author Pema Chödron talks about being hungry, cold and tired but at that same time deeply content. Ram Dass speaks of how the emotional heart can be breaking while we recognize that all is unfolding perfectly.
Allowing our soul to be present with the discomforts of the personality shifts our experience of the discomforts.
"True self simply refers to the aspect of our being that is completely aware of its expanded nature no matter what we may be experiencing in our lives." -- Martia Nelson
Ever wonder who your true self really is? What is truly your reality? Something to really think about as you consider making major life changes!!(hopeserenity.ca)
Since I began the process of life recovery, and particularly when I became aware that my final career-coaching others- is so spiritually focused, I became very exposed and interested in the duality that exists within each human being. This duality causes huge internal conflict within many. It sure did within me.
Simple statements we all make, like "I'm mad at myself" are good example of duality at work. Think about it, who exactly is mad at whom?
I loved "The Power of Now" and even more "A New Earth" by Eckhart Tolle. Maybe too much detail but reads on duality that were meaningful to me. They have helped me answer that great question-"Who am I?" and other parts of the journey help me appreciate why I am how I am.
This week, my coaching mentor, in his weekly "Idea Engineer", published a short article with quotes that brought this subject top of mind again. He wrote:
Two views
"... no matter what our difficulties may be, we recognize that there is a deep untroubled stream flowing below all surface troubles and that we are of one substance with that stream. The soul knows no difficulties." -- James Thornton
Masters teach that we can experience two completely different states of reality at the same time -- from the personality and from the soul.
Author Pema Chödron talks about being hungry, cold and tired but at that same time deeply content. Ram Dass speaks of how the emotional heart can be breaking while we recognize that all is unfolding perfectly.
Allowing our soul to be present with the discomforts of the personality shifts our experience of the discomforts.
"True self simply refers to the aspect of our being that is completely aware of its expanded nature no matter what we may be experiencing in our lives." -- Martia Nelson
Ever wonder who your true self really is? What is truly your reality? Something to really think about as you consider making major life changes!!(hopeserenity.ca)
Monday, November 16, 2009
GOT THE "ISMS"?
GOT THE "ISMS"?
For years I have sat around various meetings and heard people talk about their "isms". I have seen those letters used with alcohol, and I clearly understood this.
I'm active in life recovery, and am involved in a few sites that focus on this topic. In being active, I get to meet some great people on line, people that I grow to respect and learn from. One of these wise folks is Dennis S., a friend in recovery from California. This past week, I asked Dennis to give me his version of what "isms" are all about. With his permission, I share Dennis's writing and hope it clears things up for you like it did me:
"Back again, like the proverbial bad dollar bill (yep, inflation strikes again). Keith tossed me gently under the bus ( Gracias, my friend) with a question on a previous blog regarding my definition of the AA acronym "ISM"- that suffix , when mixed liberally with alcohol defines the dis-ease that we end up with. "AlcoholISM"
There is obviously a dictionary definition for "ISM". Here is one dictionary set with a few recovery ones tossed in:-ISM suff
1. Action, process; practice: vegetarianism.
2. Characteristic behavior or quality: puerilism.
3. State; condition; quality: senilism.
4. State or condition resulting from an excess of something specified: strychninism.
5. I Sponsor Myself
6. Incredibly Short Memory
7. Internal Spiritual Malady
8. I Sabotage Myself
9. I Skip Meetings
We'll look to the obvious first and take the 4th in the list. A state or condition resulting for an excess of something - namely booze. When we are actively drinking, this definition applies to many of my less fondly remembered attributes. You know, blackouts, DUIs, intimate communication with our porcelain higher power, etc. All those wonderful actions and attributes that endeared me to my loved ones, friends and strangers alike. The only people that I got along with were drunks like me. We could sit there, get boozed up and solve all our problems while feeding our isms.
Then I take away the alcohol. Poof! Guess what - I ain't much better than I was with alcohol. Now definitions 1 through 3 can apply (believe me, they fit well). We still have the drama, terror, fear, bewilderment, resentments, anger and hiccups - only it's magnified because I'm not numbing it with copious quantities of my favorite brand of bottled in bond bliss. While I am PHYSICALLY sober, people often found that they preferred me drunk - at least then they would get some peace when I passed out. Physical sobriety is a wonderful thing - but it is NOT part of the promises from the big book - just a necessary prerequisite. So we find that if you do this simple equation: alcoholic - alcohol = ic or ICK - which I was. Pretty icky. All the attributes and habits of my ism were still there. For others to feed on - whether we want it or not. Not pretty.
There's a difference between a drunk and an alcoholic. Alcoholics have alcoholism and go to meetings. Drunks have booze and go to bars. I can call someone a drunk - but only they can call themselves an alcoholic. I digress...
Applying the principles of the fellowship (along with other actions I've taken in betterment of my spiritual life) to my ism gives me a chance to correct the states, conditions and actions that reflect this condition, thereby reducing the maladjustment my ism has on my life. Does it eliminate it? Not a chance - I still have all the capacity to be a total self-centered, egotistical jerk. That’s where definitions 5 through 9 come in. The ones we in the fellowship use when we speak of thoughts and actions not conducive to maintaining emotional sobriety. When my "ism" tries to prevent me from following a course of action that provides me with the strong spiritual basis I need to be a productive member of the crazy planet we live on.
As my old buddy Porky Pig would say: "That’s all folks!!!!"..."
Got to love that number 4 Dennis! Thanks for bring it up so clearly.
I have come to learn that I coach people who fall into #4. They get into a negative state or condition as a result of an "excess" of something. The some things certainly vary the solutions they find are very common! Want to talk about "isms"? Respond here or contact through hopeserenity.ca where you will find this article and others similar, posted.
AND THANKS DENNIS!!!!
For years I have sat around various meetings and heard people talk about their "isms". I have seen those letters used with alcohol, and I clearly understood this.
I'm active in life recovery, and am involved in a few sites that focus on this topic. In being active, I get to meet some great people on line, people that I grow to respect and learn from. One of these wise folks is Dennis S., a friend in recovery from California. This past week, I asked Dennis to give me his version of what "isms" are all about. With his permission, I share Dennis's writing and hope it clears things up for you like it did me:
"Back again, like the proverbial bad dollar bill (yep, inflation strikes again). Keith tossed me gently under the bus ( Gracias, my friend) with a question on a previous blog regarding my definition of the AA acronym "ISM"- that suffix , when mixed liberally with alcohol defines the dis-ease that we end up with. "AlcoholISM"
There is obviously a dictionary definition for "ISM". Here is one dictionary set with a few recovery ones tossed in:-ISM suff
1. Action, process; practice: vegetarianism.
2. Characteristic behavior or quality: puerilism.
3. State; condition; quality: senilism.
4. State or condition resulting from an excess of something specified: strychninism.
5. I Sponsor Myself
6. Incredibly Short Memory
7. Internal Spiritual Malady
8. I Sabotage Myself
9. I Skip Meetings
We'll look to the obvious first and take the 4th in the list. A state or condition resulting for an excess of something - namely booze. When we are actively drinking, this definition applies to many of my less fondly remembered attributes. You know, blackouts, DUIs, intimate communication with our porcelain higher power, etc. All those wonderful actions and attributes that endeared me to my loved ones, friends and strangers alike. The only people that I got along with were drunks like me. We could sit there, get boozed up and solve all our problems while feeding our isms.
Then I take away the alcohol. Poof! Guess what - I ain't much better than I was with alcohol. Now definitions 1 through 3 can apply (believe me, they fit well). We still have the drama, terror, fear, bewilderment, resentments, anger and hiccups - only it's magnified because I'm not numbing it with copious quantities of my favorite brand of bottled in bond bliss. While I am PHYSICALLY sober, people often found that they preferred me drunk - at least then they would get some peace when I passed out. Physical sobriety is a wonderful thing - but it is NOT part of the promises from the big book - just a necessary prerequisite. So we find that if you do this simple equation: alcoholic - alcohol = ic or ICK - which I was. Pretty icky. All the attributes and habits of my ism were still there. For others to feed on - whether we want it or not. Not pretty.
There's a difference between a drunk and an alcoholic. Alcoholics have alcoholism and go to meetings. Drunks have booze and go to bars. I can call someone a drunk - but only they can call themselves an alcoholic. I digress...
Applying the principles of the fellowship (along with other actions I've taken in betterment of my spiritual life) to my ism gives me a chance to correct the states, conditions and actions that reflect this condition, thereby reducing the maladjustment my ism has on my life. Does it eliminate it? Not a chance - I still have all the capacity to be a total self-centered, egotistical jerk. That’s where definitions 5 through 9 come in. The ones we in the fellowship use when we speak of thoughts and actions not conducive to maintaining emotional sobriety. When my "ism" tries to prevent me from following a course of action that provides me with the strong spiritual basis I need to be a productive member of the crazy planet we live on.
As my old buddy Porky Pig would say: "That’s all folks!!!!"..."
Got to love that number 4 Dennis! Thanks for bring it up so clearly.
I have come to learn that I coach people who fall into #4. They get into a negative state or condition as a result of an "excess" of something. The some things certainly vary the solutions they find are very common! Want to talk about "isms"? Respond here or contact through hopeserenity.ca where you will find this article and others similar, posted.
AND THANKS DENNIS!!!!
Friday, November 13, 2009
REALLY READY FOR CHANGE?
REALLY READY FOR CHANGE?
Readiness is a precondition for change.
I have done several blogs on change, and as with all my blogs, I am interested in and love to get feedback.
When I write about change (and that is what co-creative life recovery is all about), most responses I get state that the writer embraces change.
If that be the case, why are their so many people walking around with unresolved issues?
It goes without saying; life is hard; change is harder. I know, I’ve faced the fear of change and found the courage deep inside of me to embrace life change.
If we earnestly and conscientiously apply the tools we can acquire, we are certain to experience positive change. You are promised new freedom and happiness and assured that a Higher Power can and will remove your negative characteristics.
The question is, are we ready to change? If we hang on tightly to self-will, resentments, fear, mistrust, and all the other weaknesses that get in our way, our Higher Power(located inside each of us) has a tough time prying us loose. We must be prepared to let go and open ourselves to new possibilities if the change we seek is to occur.
Along with taking a daily inventory, we can cultivate the readiness to abandon our counterproductive tendencies and try something new. In this way, we cooperate with the force for positive growth that lies within each of us. We cannot command or control this force, but we can learn to be responsive to it.
Today, I am ready for positive change. I will be responsive to inner nudges that move me in that direction.
Ready to take some action to change? Do you have the intestinal fortitude (guts)? Then let’s talk.
As one who has faced change, and is anonymous to most of you who read this, possibly I can be an agent of change for your life and in a short conversation, help you find your own road!
Readiness is a precondition for change.
I have done several blogs on change, and as with all my blogs, I am interested in and love to get feedback.
When I write about change (and that is what co-creative life recovery is all about), most responses I get state that the writer embraces change.
If that be the case, why are their so many people walking around with unresolved issues?
It goes without saying; life is hard; change is harder. I know, I’ve faced the fear of change and found the courage deep inside of me to embrace life change.
If we earnestly and conscientiously apply the tools we can acquire, we are certain to experience positive change. You are promised new freedom and happiness and assured that a Higher Power can and will remove your negative characteristics.
The question is, are we ready to change? If we hang on tightly to self-will, resentments, fear, mistrust, and all the other weaknesses that get in our way, our Higher Power(located inside each of us) has a tough time prying us loose. We must be prepared to let go and open ourselves to new possibilities if the change we seek is to occur.
Along with taking a daily inventory, we can cultivate the readiness to abandon our counterproductive tendencies and try something new. In this way, we cooperate with the force for positive growth that lies within each of us. We cannot command or control this force, but we can learn to be responsive to it.
Today, I am ready for positive change. I will be responsive to inner nudges that move me in that direction.
Ready to take some action to change? Do you have the intestinal fortitude (guts)? Then let’s talk.
As one who has faced change, and is anonymous to most of you who read this, possibly I can be an agent of change for your life and in a short conversation, help you find your own road!
Thursday, November 12, 2009
HOW TO LET BYGONES BE BYGONES
How to Let Bygones
Be Bygones
In working with others, I coach clients and sponsees to find tools and answers to issues that prevent them from having the abundant life they want. Things that prevent us from living the life we want and can live are common.
Living in the past and collecting new garbage frequently is one of those issues.
Deep down you know that there is simply nothing you can do to change the past. No matter how many times you wish you'd done something differently, the past will always
remain the past.
You must find a way to, once and for all, be done with your regretful feelings. When you
continue to fret over the past, you allow negative feelings to consume more and more of
your life. Once you've put a stop to it, you can think positively again and your future will be brighter.
Getting Caught Up In The Past
It's easy to get caught up in the past. Nobody's perfect and, no matter how hard you try,
you'll still continue to make mistakes. It's how you handle the mistakes that will make the true difference in your life.
If you've made a mistake or suffered a tragedy in the recent past, don't allow the tragedy to replay in your head over and over. You'll continue to relive the negative feels as if you were continually going through the tragedy. No one deserves this! Instead, you have two choices, you can actively work on correcting your mistake, or you can let the feelings go because they're not helpful to you in that moment.
Learn From Your Mistakes
There are lessons to be learned in every mistake you make no matter how minor it might be. The goal is to work on discovering what these lessons are.
When negative feelings surround you regarding your past, focus on the lesson learned.
Maybe you would have never learned that lesson without the mistake. And now that you've gained this wisdom you can avoid making that mistake again in the future.
You can take everything one step further and do more with the lessons you've learned.
Perhaps you can raise awareness by telling others about your experience. If you can help others avoid the same mistakes, you'll be doing something great for the world. It'll also help you feel better about the situation.
Avoid Resentment
You need to do your best to avoid resentment and all negative emotions. Resentment is a poisonous emotion that can go out of control if you don't deal with it. You've
probably heard of people who have had a falling out with a family member and resentment keeps them apart for the better part of their lives. Think about all the good times they've missed out on because of this bitterness! Got any?
Let It Go
Depending on what you've gone through, there may be a mourning period associated with your situation, but you'll eventually need to let it go. Since you know that nothing can change the past, letting go can prove to be very liberating.
When you let it all go, you learn to forgive yourself and forgive others. Forgiveness is such an important thing to promote in your life. It allows you to grow as a person and
blossom forward to enjoy all that life has to offer. You weren't meant to sit around mourning the past no matter how tragic it's been for you. Forgiveness can be learned.
How Negative Thinking Hurts You
When it comes down to it, sometimes you keep telling yourself you're over it but the
negative thinking keeps creeping back into your life. You need to fully realize that the only person you're hurting is yourself.
Let's say you've hurt someone's feelings. You may think about this day and night until you can't take it anymore, and you have to seek this person out to apologize. The person might not even remember what happened, or they may just accept your apology. The point is you suffered with negative thoughts until you sought forgiveness.
There's no need to cause yourself severe suffering because you made a mistake, instead seek peace and resolution, then move forward with your head held high!
Is negative thinking hurting you today; sapping your energy?
You may find the tools learned through coaching and life recovery a help to living in the day.
Be Bygones
In working with others, I coach clients and sponsees to find tools and answers to issues that prevent them from having the abundant life they want. Things that prevent us from living the life we want and can live are common.
Living in the past and collecting new garbage frequently is one of those issues.
Deep down you know that there is simply nothing you can do to change the past. No matter how many times you wish you'd done something differently, the past will always
remain the past.
You must find a way to, once and for all, be done with your regretful feelings. When you
continue to fret over the past, you allow negative feelings to consume more and more of
your life. Once you've put a stop to it, you can think positively again and your future will be brighter.
Getting Caught Up In The Past
It's easy to get caught up in the past. Nobody's perfect and, no matter how hard you try,
you'll still continue to make mistakes. It's how you handle the mistakes that will make the true difference in your life.
If you've made a mistake or suffered a tragedy in the recent past, don't allow the tragedy to replay in your head over and over. You'll continue to relive the negative feels as if you were continually going through the tragedy. No one deserves this! Instead, you have two choices, you can actively work on correcting your mistake, or you can let the feelings go because they're not helpful to you in that moment.
Learn From Your Mistakes
There are lessons to be learned in every mistake you make no matter how minor it might be. The goal is to work on discovering what these lessons are.
When negative feelings surround you regarding your past, focus on the lesson learned.
Maybe you would have never learned that lesson without the mistake. And now that you've gained this wisdom you can avoid making that mistake again in the future.
You can take everything one step further and do more with the lessons you've learned.
Perhaps you can raise awareness by telling others about your experience. If you can help others avoid the same mistakes, you'll be doing something great for the world. It'll also help you feel better about the situation.
Avoid Resentment
You need to do your best to avoid resentment and all negative emotions. Resentment is a poisonous emotion that can go out of control if you don't deal with it. You've
probably heard of people who have had a falling out with a family member and resentment keeps them apart for the better part of their lives. Think about all the good times they've missed out on because of this bitterness! Got any?
Let It Go
Depending on what you've gone through, there may be a mourning period associated with your situation, but you'll eventually need to let it go. Since you know that nothing can change the past, letting go can prove to be very liberating.
When you let it all go, you learn to forgive yourself and forgive others. Forgiveness is such an important thing to promote in your life. It allows you to grow as a person and
blossom forward to enjoy all that life has to offer. You weren't meant to sit around mourning the past no matter how tragic it's been for you. Forgiveness can be learned.
How Negative Thinking Hurts You
When it comes down to it, sometimes you keep telling yourself you're over it but the
negative thinking keeps creeping back into your life. You need to fully realize that the only person you're hurting is yourself.
Let's say you've hurt someone's feelings. You may think about this day and night until you can't take it anymore, and you have to seek this person out to apologize. The person might not even remember what happened, or they may just accept your apology. The point is you suffered with negative thoughts until you sought forgiveness.
There's no need to cause yourself severe suffering because you made a mistake, instead seek peace and resolution, then move forward with your head held high!
Is negative thinking hurting you today; sapping your energy?
You may find the tools learned through coaching and life recovery a help to living in the day.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
+of+014_14.JPG)